advice....

[honeyb881]

hey everyone
i am fairly new to this forum....i joined cos i am in a little emotional turmoil....would appriciate some much needed advice!
i've known i was bi for as long as i can remember and its been amazing. my boyfriend of 7 years also knows and we have an agreement.... i can be with other girs etc as long as he knows...and sometimes joins in!problem is i think i have fllen in love with my best friend. i still love my boyfriend but the grass always seems greener hey? me and my friend have openly admitted we really like each other but she is a bit younger and has said she is too worried about the rest of the world?! i am so confused. i love my boyfriend but i cant stop thinking about my frined. its been like this for 5 months now and i feel like a fraud!sorry for waffling on i really needed to get it off my chest! phew!
xxxxxx

[BI BOYTOY]

hey honey well here is my 2 cents worth :2cents: you know you cant help who you fall in love with.your not a fraud,talk to your freind about it and see what happens you never know.oh and what of the rest of the world?does it keep you guys warm at night?i do understand the concern though,and age doent mater much eather just as long as both are concenting adults. i wish you the best of luck. :flag4: :flag4:

[dmb_fan_always]

honeyb,

I feel for you. I'm not in the same situation, but have a friend that I obsess over. I wouldn't say I'm in love with her, but she's the only other woman I've been with and I think about her all the time. My husband knows about all of this and is supportive. I get to see her very often...maybe once every couple of months, but I obsess...and obsess...

My advice to you is that you should TALK to her. I know one of the biggest things is regret...and if you don't say something, you might regret it. Of course, you have to approach her as respectfully and rationally as you can..which is hard to do when emotions are involved. But do SOMETHING. It will at least help your turmoil to take action. You might be lucky enough to keep both the boyfriend and your friend. I dream of this senario....

Best of luck!!

[serenity]

Hello honey... first let me welcome you to this incredibly loving and supporting community! :grouphug: I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years. I have felt conflicted many times myself. Dave knew about my bisexuality when we first got together and has always been very supportive of me. I have choosen a monogomous relationship at this time and I know I want to be with him for the rest of my life. communication is key in all things. I agree that you should talk to her, as well as him. Be sensitive to her fears. Coming out can be quite a journey. I have heard of some successful threesome and foursome relationships. However, the more people involved the stronger the communication needs to be.

[Long Duck Dong]

the grass is always greener cos its not getting mowed lol

honey, you don't owe anything to your BF, and personally tho I do respect that he is asking for honestly and respect with knowing about your extra sexual activities... it doesn't mean that you can't be true to yourself

its possible that you are realising that you are finding a deeper kind of love with your female friend, and its possible that your heart may been with her... only you can truely know that and answer that for sure

now with ya friend, it sounds like she may be saying that shes a lil worried about a number of things, like how are her friends and family gonna take it, and what does it mean for you and your current relationship..... its very possible that she may not wanna be the * meat in the sandwich * but nor does she wanna be a * home wrecker *

[Mimi]

my boyfriend of 7 years also knows and we have an agreement.... i can be with other girs etc as long as he knows...and sometimes joins in. problem is i think i have fllen in love with my best friend. i still love my boyfriend but the grass always seems greener hey? me and my friend have openly admitted we really like each other but she is a bit younger and has said she is too worried about the rest of the world?!

you have 3 choices:

1) cheat on your boyfriend with your friend. this way you'll find out how far your feelings for your friend go. maybe you'll find out that you and your best friend were "meant to be." BUT, you would be risking your commitment to your boyfriend, hurting him, and being dishonest. AND what if you find out that she's not "the one" for you? and what if she's too closeted to be with you? personally, i'm never an advocate of cheating.

2) be with both of them openly. this means figure out if you want to have a threesome or 3-way poly relationship. this way you will be open and honest with your boyfriend and your friend, and you get to please everybody. BUT, all have to agree to the terms of the relationship. what if this puts a wedge between you and your boyfriend? would you be able to keep the relationship going with both people?

3) decide who you want to be with and be with one. this means either being faithful to your boyfriend and letting your feelings for your friend go, OR breaking up with your boyfriend and pursuing your friend. but first you have to figure out if maybe you're unhappy about something in your relationship with your boyfriend and your crush is maybe a distraction. there are many people who are bi and monogamous, like me! :)

i hope this helps. and of course the choice is yours.

mimi :flag1:

[Sparks]

Honeyb,
The best advice I can give you is to read and "listen" to the words of serenity and Mimi. They are right on the mark. Take good care of your "self" first, and the rest is easy stuff.