Bisexual girl considering an open relationship.. advice please?

[foxxjane]

Hey guys,

Here's my issue - I'm 24 and have known since my early teens that I am bisexual and have been very open about this since. I've only ever had relationships with men; however have had many sexual encounters with girls and have thoroughly enjoyed it.

I'm currently in a serious relationship with an amazing guy, we have been together for a year and up until this point the relationship has been completely monogomous. When we first started dating he expressed concerns regarding my ability to be monogomous because I am a bisexual, and to put his mind at ease I told him that while I could go either way, I would be comfortable being with only one person once I found the one.

However; a few nights ago after a few drinks I ended up confessing that the thought of never being with another woman again terrified me completely and I wasn't sure if I could have a monogomous relationship anymore. We both had a few days to think about it all and being the wonderfully understanding guy that he is, he has told me that he would be willing to let me continue to have (strictly only sexual, not emotional) encounters with women, under certain conditions.

My question is this - has anyone else been in a situation like this, and how difficult was it to find out what worked for you and your partner? Did you find a system that worked at all? I don't want to 'cheat' on my boyfriend at all as I love him dearly and don't want to do anything to hurt him, however I know that I can't deny my sexual urges forever. Does introducing practices such as threesomes etc put a strain on a relationship? What do I need to do to make sure that he is really ok with all of this, and get what I want without pushing him into anything?

Any adviced would be appreciated, I'm so lost.. Please help!

[Long Duck Dong]

ok... for a start... neither you or your partner can control whom you feel emotional with....... you can set sexual rules and guidelines,.... but hun.... any person will know that you can not control whom you are attracted to and whom you feel emotional about.....

lol... so the term of * baby steps * comes to mind.... take it one day at a time... or one encounter at a time.... as each encounter, sexual or otherwise, can change us as people, we become more aware, more understanding and more in tune with who we are..........

the trouble is that it can affect the way we feel about our own partners and the * gift from god * that is our partner, can suddenly become the over bearing, controlling, annoying overly sensitive person.... yet they have no changed at all, its our perceptions that changed....

if I was in your shoes ( I am a bi male with a straight partner, with permission to have other males, tho we both want to be monogamous )....I would talk more with my partner about my own feelings, concerns and issues with being bisexual and what I would seek when meeting others......
I currently do it now with my partner, and it came down to the point that I chose one male and one female that I would be ok with, cos they would respect my partner and never seek to shit on either of us.......
both are long term friends of mine and think the world of my partner....

the reason for choosing those two people, would be cos if any sexual stuff did happen and issues appeared in the relationship... that we all could sit down and talk about the issues and all learn from them......and ease fears and concerns

however, like I have said,.... I have no intention of sleeping with them....as my partner and I are monogamous...... but that is the level we talk at about things.... just in case

[sammie19]

My only piece of advice is just make sure it is that you are both ready for it and be prepared for things blowing up in your face.

Some think they can live with being in an open relationship. Reality doesn't always bear it out.

[void()]

See link in sig.

[Realist]

1st of all welcome to the site! There's archival posts about this subject and maybe better information than I can present, but I'll reiterate some of my experience.

Your being open and honest is certainly a step in the right direction. I have attempted to quell my bisexual desires, during relationships, but failed miserably during my 2nd marriage. I would never recommend that anyone live as I did and I will never live that way again.

Although I have gone long periods without cheating, the desire was often difficult to subdue.

Two of the best relationships I've ever had were poly amorous. For me, being in a loving and sensual relationship with a married couple was the best of the two.

I did attempt a couple of other types of relationships, involving a couple, and as a foursome, that didn't work out, though. Jealousy is one of the biggest barriers to a successful connection. I'm not jealous at all, but it's a part of some people and they can't prevent it.

Each of us have different interests, desires, and needs, so I would think there's as many different variations of bisexual relationships that either work, or not.

It seems that you're very honest, open-minded and that your BF may be softening up to your interests. I think you are going the right direction and it's probably something you'll just have to design for your own particular situation.

Luckily, I am in a relationship with a bisexual lady, who is devoid of any jealousy. We've been together for over 2 years and she has not been with another lady, but I've had one relationship with an old friend. We both allow the other to be who they need to be and there is no pressure to conform to anyone's set of rules. Our only rule is to be safe, careful, and considerate.

Good luck!