can bisexuals hate themselves ?

[Long Duck Dong]

unfortunately the answer is yes.....

for most of my life, I have been aware that I am bisexual... a fuild and often changing state...... but I became blind to a aspect of myself, that can exist in all of us.... and that is when we become disheartened with who we are and what we are..... and how it can grow to be so destructive

I have posted about how I am a asexual and celibate bisexual and yes its a contradiction in times..... I am asexual as I lack a sexual drive.... I do not feel the urges to have sex...and that is where the celibacy has become a natural state for me.... its not something I recommend as a enforced state of being... you can either do it naturally or it will twist you into knots.....

and yes, I am bisexual .....

casual sex has never been a natural part of me.... and often in relationships I would find that my bisexuality would be triggered, bringing on a rush of cravings that would throw me wildly out of balance... and that would cause friction in the relationships......

one day, a partner comes into my life, a special and very dear lady.....and my partner understands that I am bisexual..and that being sexual with them, will create a breeding ground for the cravings again.... cravings that can not be sated with casual sex as that would only compound the issue

3 years on... things are bad, we are arguing and fighting, the simplest lil things turn into full force wars....... heated words are said and I end up on a rollercoaster of self hatred for being bisexual.... for having a part of me that desires things outside of the relationship..... for knowing that if I was to engage in casual sex with other people, would not fix the issue, it would make it worse........

then I was told to write something....

my partner and I are now talking again, as partners, and taking baby steps as we remember to talk about every aspect of how we feel and see things
as its the small things we did not say... that should have been said...

so yes, there is another aspect to being bisexual that is not all about sex and having sex with others.... its our own inability to resolve who we are with how we best live our lives........

having casual sex with strangers and random hook ups, is not going to fix the issue... for me... and other bisexuals that also face what I do......
but to them, I say this..... do not let your issues with yourself, grow to the point that you start to hurt the ones you love and who accept you as you.....

some things we can not change.... but how we deal with them, can be changed.....

can bisexuals hate themselves.... yes.... yes they can..... and thanks to those 2 very special and very blessed people in my life...... me and my partner can look forward to the future once again...... and yes.... picking up and dusting off the marriage plans.....

[tenni]

I think that if a person "hates" themself or has self loathing that there are more factors in play inside their mind than their sexuality.

I think that a person may have low self esteem issues to the point of self loathing and the reaction of others to their sexuality may play a part in that self loathing but probably not the only factor. The person may resent how others react to their sexuality and become confused to the point of blaming their sexuality for how others interact with them or say that they hate being a bisexual at one point or other.

[bizel]

once again ldd, you've brought up just the thing i need. though i have to say, i think hating yourself is a self-esteem issue. it's not just related to sexuality. i think we can pin it to stacks of other issues like body image etc (i'm no guru - i could be wrong). but yes, i think this is my hubby's main problem at the moment. he said the other day that he hasn't been proud of himself for ages. i suggested he was punishing himself and trying to get me to break up with him as a his punishment. he's so busy hurting himself, and me. but i think this is the root of why he's so confused at the moment. i am going to approach the subject with him asap. have to ask though, you say you asked 'a' question. did you mean, you asked 'this' question?? just want to get it really clear in my head before i broach the subject. thanks, ldd

[Long Duck Dong]

lol.... no... its not self esteem....

many of my actions could have been changed or done differently.... but bisexuality is one aspect of me that I can never change.... only the way it impacts on my life and partner, can be changed....

I would rather be in control of my sex life, than a slave to the bisexual urges.....

love is greater than sex, yet so many people are driven by sex, not love..... and my partner matters to me more than my dick.....

[DuckiesDarling]

Once upon a time there was a straight woman, to all appearances happy with her life. Then along came a man who connected to her like no other. Showing her that there is a lot more to this world than what she had settled for up til now. Gave her the courage when she finally ended a marriage full of infidelity and let her know that no matter what happens she would never walk alone.

A few weeks after the divorce announcement the friend turned into lover and the straight woman grew wings and flew higher than she'd ever flown before. Phone calls and msn convos could not prepare her for the thrill of being in his arms for real. Not even the thought of a 30 hour plane trip and another four on a bus could deter her from making the trip though. Once there in NZ she made a phone call. Letting him know she was in the country and they both breathed a sigh of a relief. Anything could have happened, the plane could have been delayed, she could have been turned back at customs for some reason or other. Finally this strong pull would be shown for what it was. Was it just fantasy or was it real. Could love really have grown that strong over the distance. Nervously, she got off the bus and looked around. There he was, in the shadows of the building. She ran to him and they hugged and kissed for the first time, his first comment "You are real".

Three months of finding out about each other and what we could do to and for each other were awesome but not as awesome as they could have been if we had been braver with each other.

Now three years later from the first greeting in a chat room they are on the verge of discovering more than they ever dreamed of.

Through a third party with nothing to gain we found what was missing. The little things. I had fears, he had fears, I had dreams, he had dreams, but they were kept locked inside, safe from dissection.

In bringing these things to light we have both discovered things about ourselves and look forward to growing stronger as a couple.

It's his bisexuality he hates. Both of us have hurts and we are healing each other as we go along.

I wrote him something a while back that he found when he was doing a cleanup on his computer.

This day I am honored to become your anam cara
I am proud to be the one who can say “welcome home”
Parts of me were dead before I met you that I didn’t know existed
You bring me to life and sort emotions long twisted
I wish I was a poet to tell the world of our deep love
To explain what we have found and grasped
To turn a phrase that makes everyone understand
But I am just a simple woman who loves
Just look into my heart, love, and see
The ties that bind are deep and strong
And I pledge you my heart forever and beyond

All in all this straight woman is not sure she's purely straight anymore.

[bizel]

Once upon a time there was a straight woman, to all appearances happy with her life. Then along came a man who connected to her like no other. Showing her that there is a lot more to this world than what she had settled for up til now. Gave her the courage when she finally ended a marriage full of infidelity and let her know that no matter what happens she would never walk alone.

A few weeks after the divorce announcement the friend turned into lover and the straight woman grew wings and flew higher than she'd ever flown before. Phone calls and msn convos could not prepare her for the thrill of being in his arms for real. Not even the thought of a 30 hour plane trip and another four on a bus could deter her from making the trip though. Once there in NZ she made a phone call. Letting him know she was in the country and they both breathed a sigh of a relief. Anything could have happened, the plane could have been delayed, she could have been turned back at customs for some reason or other. Finally this strong pull would be shown for what it was. Was it just fantasy or was it real. Could love really have grown that strong over the distance. Nervously, she got off the bus and looked around. There he was, in the shadows of the building. She ran to him and they hugged and kissed for the first time, his first comment "You are real".

Three months of finding out about each other and what we could do to and for each other were awesome but not as awesome as they could have been if we had been braver with each other.

Now three years later from the first greeting in a chat room they are on the verge of discovering more than they ever dreamed of.

Through a third party with nothing to gain we found what was missing. The little things. I had fears, he had fears, I had dreams, he had dreams, but they were kept locked inside, safe from dissection.

In bringing these things to light we have both discovered things about ourselves and look forward to growing stronger as a couple.

It's his bisexuality he hates. Both of us have hurts and we are healing each other as we go along.

I wrote him something a while back that he found when he was doing a cleanup on his computer.

This day I am honored to become your anam cara
I am proud to be the one who can say “welcome home”
Parts of me were dead before I met you that I didn’t know existed
You bring me to life and sort emotions long twisted
I wish I was a poet to tell the world of our deep love
To explain what we have found and grasped
To turn a phrase that makes everyone understand
But I am just a simple woman who loves
Just look into my heart, love, and see
The ties that bind are deep and strong
And I pledge you my heart forever and beyond

All in all this straight woman is not sure she's purely straight anymore.

that is so beautiful. sitting here with something in my eye (sniff). mean this most sincerely.

[tenni]

Is this a more general question about bisexuality's impact on self loathing and self esteem issues or is this a more personal question about one person and their own personal psychological issues?

[Riclv1]

I will suggest a book call RETURN TO LOVE, by Marianne Williamson. We are
either living and reacting in life from Love or Fear. It's that simple and yet that complex to the human condition to break through. She's a beautiful writer with much share. All the best!!

[darkeyes]

Easily.. as can gay or str8 people and the reasons are often indeterminable.. but in respect of gay and bisexual people, often easily determined because of the traditional hostility of the "normal" world toward their kind.. in some ways this is becoming less so, yet many still feel self loathing either for religious or cultural reasons and this often blocks them from announcing to the world what they are.. there are many other reasons why bisexuals hate themselves, and being told quite often by some in their world by those who should be their allies and are often their lovers that either there is no such thing as bisexuality or that bisexuals are fence sitting and the like adds to that feelinng of self loathing.. it is a complex matter, but to all I say only this.. you are who you are.. its nothing to feel shame for.. none of us can help our sexuality. We didnt choose to be gay, str8 or bi, or transgendered for that matter.. we just are. We should never feel shame or h8 ourselves for that!:)

[lokione]

Hate? That wouldn't describe my feelings at all.

However I've always been somewhat disappointed with my feelings of "wanting more".

My ex wife described me as a "serial monogamous". Which is probably the most accurate way I see myself. I'm not good with "random sexual" encounters. Having a few close partners seems to work well for me though.

But those feelings I have seem to stem from my feelings that I'm disappointing to others. Which in my present relationship couldn't be further from the truth. She is an amazing partner, yet I still have doubts about my character.

So I don't hate myself but I do doubt that others have the ability to accept and love me. Even when it isn't true at all.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

DD...anytime you decide you're not entirely straight, you let me know. (Wink, wink, nudge nudge, wigging of eyebrows) LOL Hugs Honey ;):bigrin::tong:

And Duckie, you cant help being who you are anymore than a duck can help being a duck. You Are who you are, Baby. Be Proud of that. It has nothing to do with your sexuality. Its You, the whole person that you are. You have a loving, caring, lady who will be by your side one day to help you and love you, so worry not. Just Be You.
Hugs Sweetie
Cat

[Diva667]

Hating oneself is easy, learning to forgive oneself and move to a place of acceptance is the hard work of daily life.

We all do things that we would rather not have, which seemed reasonable in the moment, that we later regret.

Kindness must begin with ourselves to be true kindness.

[toto001]

why should i hate mayselft to be bi?
hell no the day i feel want to take a cock in the ass like a man il take it.the next day i put my dick in a pussy,cant get better then that.

:eek:

[mikey3000]

Absolutely. Especially for the guilt I feel towards my wife and what I must be doing to her world. Though she says she is ok with it, sometimes I still have my doubts. Time will tell I guess.

[Long Duck Dong]

Is this a more general question about bisexuality's impact on self loathing and self esteem issues or is this a more personal question about one person and their own personal psychological issues?

its a statement about me,..... a * facing myself in the mirror * if you live..... and holding that up so other people can look at me and then at themselves and say,... shit.... I feel like that at times too... I am not a freak or fucked in the head.... I am normal.... and now I feel better about that.....

am I normal ??? fucked if I know or care... all i know is I have issues with my bisexuality.... and * boosting my self esteem and dealing with self loathing issues * is not gonna change the fact I am bisexual and have urges and cravings I do not want in my life... I would be fine with being bisexual if the cravings and urges had a off switch....
and please do not try and tell me its cos I have dysthimia and PTSD, cos last I knew, they never made people be bisexual and have urges and cravings

there will be people that will be about to relate to aspects of what I say.... the ones that find miss or mr right and realise that they are happy with them, they want to settle down with them.... but they are bisexual..and they have urges and cravings.... and its gonna cause issues..... so they get frustrated, moody, etc.... and without realising it.. they can start to dislike their bisexuality...and that is a slippery slope......

reverse that tenni, and we end up with your anti straights in the site, pro bisexuals rights in the relationship, straights are selfish and ignorant, bisexuals should have more freedoms, marriage is wrong unless its poly marriage etc opinions.......

now.... do you have low self esteem, psych issues, etc cos you have so many issues with straight people or are you a * normal * person ... cos if you are a example of normal.... then I am fucking glad that I am a * nutcase *... cos I am a dammed sight more tolerant of people..... and its my own sexuality I have a issue with.... not other peoples.....

[AidanS57]

Just offers hugs and friendships to two special people, you'll be fine. A very special lady told me so :)

[Long Duck Dong]

Just offers hugs and friendships to two special people, you'll be fine. A very special lady told me so :)

grins..... lol.....

yeah... intuitive counsellor this time... need somebody that sees what needs to be seen and shares what needs to be shared..and says what needs to be said....

keep hearing a voice saying " medicine man removes the arrow before healing the wound " and yeah... thats advice I am following....

make that 2 bottles of scotch :tong:

[DuckiesDarling]

two bottles??? oh boy

[AidanS57]

grins..... lol.....

yeah... intuitive counsellor this time... need somebody that sees what needs to be seen and shares what needs to be shared..and says what needs to be said....

keep hearing a voice saying " medicine man removes the arrow before healing the wound " and yeah... thats advice I am following....

make that 2 bottles of scotch :tong:

2 you say? Just grins and says "Thanks" tells someone to call a friend.........