do you fantasize when you have sex?

[bizel]

was driving along this morning, fully concentrating on the road (almost), when my mind wandered to a photo received from my hubby this morning, of his thick hard dick (well, i did say almost fully concentrating, people). when this evil little voice on my shoulder said to me, ok, was he thinking of you when he got his hard-on, or was he thinking of some guy? did he send the photo to you - and a male 'friend'? he's always said he's completely with me when we're having sex and both of us can't understand why people say they fantasize about others when having sex with their partner. i mean, it kinda makes your partner just a vessel, and is very unflattering if you're somewhere else in mind. this was before he discovered his male side. just been feeling a little insecure and unsure of his new bi side. bear in mind, i'm a person who expects honesty so it makes me wary of putting some questions to him when i'm not sure i can handle the answer. it would be very hurtful to find he not only sent the photo to me, but also to a male 'friend'. do other wives have this doubt? do other people fantasize about someone other than their sexual partner when indulging? and if you do, does it mean anything? or is it like guys who just have physical sex - no emotional involvement - that's a whole other subject, something thing i find hard to understand.

originally it was him having problems coming to terms with his bi side. now it seems it's me that's having problems. and whenever i bring up an issue, he calms me right down and explains it so that it makes me feel like i should have trusted him completely, and what kind of a suspicious person am i. so i'm fairly sure i'm reading too much into it. so maybe my question is, how do you shut that evil little voice on your shoulder?

[BicuriousIndy2]

Fantasy is fantasy just like roll play. You could say the same about watching porn or reading stories before you and your mate get together. It starts laying the ground work for a good time and does not involve the other person. You are still touching, kissing, holding and for some loving the person that is there with you.

If I think to much about something else it distracts from that moment or gets me over excited. Sometimes to really get me going my wife will talk to me about me being with a man while we are together.

D

[tvoyemat]

My girlfriend (until a few weeks ago, but we're still wonderful friends) can't have orgasms from penetration, but loved to come from masturbation, with me caressing her and kissing her. I asked a few times what the content of her fantasies was, just to satisfy my inquisitive lust, but she'd never tell me, other than to say that I was always a part of the scenario. Whether I was or not, it gave her pleasure and didn't seem to detract from our intimacy- sexual or otherwise.

A different situation, I know, but maybe you just have to take what he says and does at face value. You can always fill in the blanks with doubt and suspicion, but it's likely to be baseless and can erode your trust in him and your relationship. Unless you have reason to believe otherwise, just accept that he took that photo of his big, beautiful cock for you and you only.

[bizel]

My girlfriend (until a few weeks ago, but we're still wonderful friends) can't have orgasms from penetration, but loved to come from masturbation, with me caressing her and kissing her. I asked a few times what the content of her fantasies was, just to satisfy my inquisitive lust, but she'd never tell me, other than to say that I was always a part of the scenario. Whether I was or not, it gave her pleasure and didn't seem to detract from our intimacy- sexual or otherwise.

A different situation, I know, but maybe you just have to take what he says and does at face value. You can always fill in the blanks with doubt and suspicion, but it's likely to be baseless and can erode your trust in him and your relationship. Unless you have reason to believe otherwise, just accept that he took that photo of his big, beautiful cock for you and you only.

thanks tvoyemat, what you said speaks to me. i am struggling to keep suspicion at bay- i feel it's like jealousy, and can easily erode the relationship. when hubby and i started out, it was on a basis of being exclusive. both of us having been cheated on before. since him coming out, he's talking about threesomes, me with a girl, him with two men, etc. i'm still coming to terms with him having sex with anyone other than me. i guess i've been grieving the loss of our old relationship, and having to cope with one i don't really understand. only good thing to come out of this is, he's a lot happier. but having you put it like that helps a lot. long duck dong used to come out with wise words like that, but he seems to be on a sabbatical - understandably. thank you so much.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

I think all of us might fantasize about someone now and then, and its ok to do so. For instance: I used to have a favorite lover who seemed to know where all the right buttons were to turn me on, and to make me cum in a heartbeat, and could almost make me cum just by kissing me the right way while fingering me...(Damn his pretty hazel eyes!) lol
I've had my mind turn to him a few times during play, especially if the lover isnt as skilled as the Fave was. I can think of that damn man biting on the insides of my thighs, and BOOM! Whoops there it is...lol
Its fun sometimes, and doesnt cheapen the person you are with one bit. It all in the mind of the individual, Sweetie. And dont worry about the pics...if he sent it to someone else too, oh well. Bet he sent it to You first..:bigrin:
Hugzzz
Cat

[jem_is_bi]

I love fantasy about totally crazy, lustful, multipartner stuff as well as one-to-one wonderful bonding with my partner during sex. I have no problem with him lusting after others during sex with me and hope he does. Why? Because, it makes sex so much more fun and it is totally within the context of how I hope that I will always have him to care so much about.

[void()]

I do but only very seldom, an not of other lovers with involvement, other people. For example, I don't fantasize about my boyfriend when making love to my wife, nor vise versa. I might recall a porn pic, to just get over right at the crucial moment. Otherwise, I'm fully with the lover of the moment. And the getting over isn't the result of the pic, but the lover's attention, the pic merely aids stimulating me.

[darkeyes]

No, not for a long time. I am much to wound up and involved in the moment to have anthing else in my head except the moment..

I say not for a long time cos I have seen the day.. when a partner was no great shakes and so a great disappointment.. at such times I did drift off into fantasy just to get me through.. :tong:

.. however I qualify this further by saying when I have sex with myself...:bigrin:

[Realist]

Tvoyemat gave some pretty good advice, Bizel.

Jealousy based on conjecture leads to more of the same....turmoil and pain, but no proof that there really is a problem; the uncertainty and imagination will snowball. I tend to trust, unless I have concrete proof that I shouldn't.

Fantasizing: My GF and I both have vivid imaginations and often get aroused while discussing them. But once we begin to make love, I concentrate on us. She seems to follow suit, as Ive never seen any indication that she was distracted.

When I was in my teens, I had a male lover who loved role-playing. It was exciting, then, but I lost interest in that years ago. I rarely am with anyone who would inspire me to think of anyone else, while we're being intimate.