Coming out at 20...but bi for years

[NCMunchkin]

Has anyone ever come out to their family at 20 but been bi for years? How did it go? I am 20 but have known I like both sexes since I was in middle school. I was just wondering how it went when you came out. I don't plan on telling my parents until I do get serious with someone. I know what they think of bi's and gays.

[Realist]

Munchkin,

I've always admired folks who accepted family members who came out to them, but I was never able to do come out to anyone I was not intimately involved with.

I saw the consequences when a gay cousin decided to reveal himself and it was not pretty!

I'm sure it's great, if you know your family can accept such things, but being in a conservative area and in a dogmatically religious family, I chose to keep my sexuality to myself.

I'm 70 years old and only my GF and the few lovers I've had, have ever been told that I'm bi. We each must do what we feel is best, but I knew a firestorm would be created if I'd revealed myself to my family. I certainly have no interest in knowing any of their sexual practices, either! I've never regretted the secrecy.

This is in no way a judgment, or recommendation, for you to do the same. I'm an advocate of free will and I hope you do what is the best choice for you.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

[NCMunchkin]

Thank you. I have a gay Aunt and the family accepted her but my parents make jokes sometimes and they frown upon her lifestyle of living with women. You can just tell sometimes they think "Why the hell did she do that." So that is why I am torn. I know some of my family will accept it but I am still reserved. I want to tell them once I am able to move out on my own which I hope is soon, so that way I can stop feeling like I am keeping a big secret from them.

[Bicuriousity]

Thank you. I have a gay Aunt and the family accepted her but my parents make jokes sometimes and they frown upon her lifestyle of living with women. You can just tell sometimes they think "Why the hell did she do that." So that is why I am torn. I know some of my family will accept it but I am still reserved. I want to tell them once I am able to move out on my own which I hope is soon, so that way I can stop feeling like I am keeping a big secret from them.

I would wait a while. You might want to wait until you are dating someone seriously to do it. College can be stressful enough, so losing he support of family is something you might not want to deal with. Hopefully that wouldnt happen, but just in case.

Then again i come from a family where ill never feel comfortable enough to come out with so i might not give the best advice.

[sammie19]

I was outed. Luckily I had loving parents who were both very protective and helpful in getting me through. They knew the rural area in which I lived and had been brought up would make life difficult so they sorted out somewhere to live in Edinburgh where I have relations and helped me find a job.

[Katja]

I was a little short of my 20th birthday when my boy friend asked me to marry him. Not wanting a great secret hanging over us, I asked him to think it over a little longer. I informed him that I had several encounters and one relationship with other girls going back to my boarding schooldays and he looked a little hurt. But he did as I asked and came back some days later when we talked through my feelings and attraction to others of my own gender and we convinced each other for good or ill that I should accept his proposal.

We went ahead and married a year later, and he never displayed any possessiveness, envy or jealousy to my friendships with any woman or man. For 5 years we happily lived our lives and built a business together, but as is often the way with these things, old loves we believe to have been unfinished re-enter our lives and mess with our equilibrium. It did not take long for everything to collapse under a weight of recrimination and rancour. As is also the way of these things, the reignition of an old relationship was but a temporary and unhappy interlude which destroyed everything and within months of my husband and I separating it fizzled, again with considerable recrimination.

[taz321]

When you said you know what they think about bi and gay people you did'nt say if it was good or bad. I realized I was bi in my twenties and I kept it a secret until I was married to my wife for eight years. After a very bad fight with her she outed me to my mom, who bye the way is very religious and is completely against any sort of bi or gay activity. I lied to my mom and told her I just experimented with guy's a couple of times and that it was over. The rest of my family is 50/50 on bi and gay stuff and I decided just to keep it to myself unless asked about my sexual orientation. I told my gf right from the beginning about my liking to be with men to avoid any problems later and as it turned out she was wanting to experiment with being bi also which was great with me. So I guess you just have to decide how you think your family will react and decide if it is worth the trouble telling them or not. Of course if you decide to be gay and not bi and you want them to know your partner then you will have to tell them, but to me if you are bi and your primary partner is of the oppisite sex then I think it is really not all that important for them to know you are bi as I am tottally fine with my family being in the dark about my bi side. Good luck on what ever decision you make! Taz :)