Advise Please

[Amadeo_4u]

Hi i'm a straight acting woman I have just recently found out that my partner of 18 years is bisexual, we have 4 children and they have taken it pretty hard, also saying this we have found out that he had been in several relationships spent thousands on female and male prostitutes has lied about everything concerning our life together and even to admitting that he never accepted our children to they were alot older, and of course alot of other issues that will take forever to write down. Please help what am I suppose to feel besides the usual, what do I say to my kids, I can't talk to anyone really because my kids are so upset and they don't want anyone to know, how do I start healing them as well as myself, is this the usual actions of a bisexual I don't know????? I've even has to ask him What is a bisexual because I didn't know any better or any thing about it. So any information from anyone please.

[Mimi]

I'm so very sorry to hear about your situation. You must be in a great deal of shock and confusion, having just found out some things that your husband had been hiding from you. It will take much time to heal from this, for you, your husband, and your children. I think that joining this site is a great first step to reaching out, gaining support, and learning more about bisexuality. There are a number of members here that are straight wives of bisexual men that might be able to share their story with you.

There is so much that could be said, but it's important I think say that homophobia and biphobia hurts so many lives. Note that I didn't say that homosexuality or bisexuality are the problems -- it's the ignorance, prejudice, and fear around them that are the problem. If we lived in a more accepting world, your husband may not have hidden so much from you. Not that I am removing blame from your husband -- he also made the choice to deceive you rather than be upfront and honest. Cheating is cheating, whether or not you're gay, straight, or bi. Also, I would not blame yourself for his behavior -- him having relationships with men doesn't mean that you were a "bad" lover to him.

Hopefully you can continue talking to your husband about your relationship and what this means for you both and your children now. Does he want to be with you only? Or men only? Or to stay in the marriage and be with other men? Some bisexual people want monogamy and some want poly-relationships. Believe it or not, there are many monogamous bi folks out there (including myself).

If things get very tough I would also recommend counseling (individual and/or couples) to get things worked out.

Hang in there,
Mimi :flag1:

[BI BOYTOY]

hello i am also truely sorry for your situaution, i want say first thats this is not the usual actions of a bisexual, its a act of a cheating spouse.im also sorry he did not axept your kids till they were older this in it self has nothing to do with his sexuality. and for advise i agree with mimi. she is a smart woman. [your husband sure does have alot to explaine] i want to wish you and your kids the best of luck. :bigrin: :( :eek:

[rupertbare]

(((((((((((((((((((Amadeo........WELCOME!!!!!!!!)) ))))))))))))))

Well thankyou for coming here.....it is the VERY best place to have some of your questions answered.

There is a straight women with bi-husbands support network on this site......start with Mrs.F and 2Fer'swife.....they will then direct you to others. They REALLY will be in a much better position than I to help you. I was actually "outed" to my children by my wife (without my consent) on the 6th December 2005 and am still reeling in the shock of both that and the subsequent breakdown of my marriage.

But a big welcome to you. It's a very freindly, supportive and loving community that Drew has created and allowed to flourish. I haope you find many answers and friends here.

With love and peace to you and yours

Rupe, London, UK. :)

[jedinudist]

hello i am also truely sorry for your situaution, i want say first thats this is not the usual actions of a bisexual, its a act of a cheating spouse.im also sorry he did not axept your kids till they were older this in it self has nothing to do with his sexuality. and for advise i agree with mimi. she is a smart woman. [your husband sure does have alot to explaine] i want to wish you and your kids the best of luck. :bigrin: :( :eek:

I have to agree too. His sexuality isn't the issue. Cheating, frequenting prostitutes, not accepting your own children - these are pretty big things and really aren't related to simply being Bisexual.

There is a whole lot of stuff to be addressed. I would honestly reccomend a marriage counselor for both of you. I wouldn't make the issue his sexual orientation, but instead I would definately make an issue out of his BEHAVIOR or lack therof! If you feel the need to address his sexual preference, I would do that last, as it honestly isn't a cause of any of the serious issues you describe.

I hope the best for you and your children.

And as far as the sexual orientation issue goes, there are good people on this site who are the heterosexual spouses of bisexual people- they are a great resource and are willing to chat.

Good Luck!