Lost a friendship overnight......kinda like the Hangover's version, but in real life.

[DeShawn2]

I celebrated my 26th birthday this weekend with my friends.

One of my closest friends (we've known each other for four years) and I did some shots and walked home. I remember walking home, but I don't remember much else. Yes, it was a crazy night, but I can assure you that I don't drink like this very often at all. I can count on one deformed hand how many times I've "blacked out."

We had an argument on the way home, but I don't remember what anything was about. The next morning, I roll over to text him. No reply. I figure he's in church. Cool. I call him a few times after. No reply. I go on Facebook to see if he's on. He took me off his friends list! So, I go over to talk to him. He tells me that he doesn't want to talk to me.

I tell him that I don't remember the night and that I'm really worried. He refuses to give me any details. He only said that I was really drunk and that I said very hurtful things to him. I asked him what I said because I don't remember ANYTHING. I even got on my knees and begged and he refused to tell me anything. So, the night after my birthday, I wake up to a mysteriously severed friendship and I have no idea what happened. I try to reach out to him to no avail.

What would you do in my situation?

[DuckiesDarling]

Just back off for now, obviously something major occurred. You don't remember, he doesn't want to talk about it. Maybe in a few days the hurt will lessen and he will talk, but do not push him until he's ready. Sadly, you learned a hard lesson about the dangers of drinking. It could have been worse, you could have woken up to the news your friend was gone rather than just not talking to you. So back off and let him have his space, in time he will talk to you again. But there are times when the things we say drunk can hurt, but they hurt more because they are the truth we don't dare say sober.

Happy Belated Birthday and I hope you soon find out whatever it was you said or did that caused this rift.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

I had the same thing happen, and I know of how hurtful it is. To not know what it was you did, or said is maddening, and to have them drop you like a rock without proper explaination is just plain mean. If you said something wrong, you should be allowed to know what it is so you can make amends for it. But to be tossed aside like a worn out old shoe is just cruel. It leaves a person with a sense of heart-hurt, and it doesnt give a peace of mind. Losing a dear friend without any reason is painful to mind and heart, and some people just think the way to fix it is to just close you out and have their way like a selfish child...
You have guilt, confusion, no answers, and no closure. And you've lost something/someone important in you life..you've lost a piece of your very soul.
I deeply hope that in time your friend will come to realize that something said while drunk is no reason to cast out a dear friend. Give him time, then contact him again. If he then isnt man enough to talk to you and forgive or tell you what happened, then say so be it, and let it go.
Good luck Sweetie.
Cat, been there-done that. :(

[DeShawn2]

You're right. It's so surprising. I've never been "that guy" in terms of drinking, except for remarkably rare occasions. This is definitely a lesson learned the hard way. I'm not sure if he ever will talk to me again, but I hope so.

[DeShawn2]

To not know what it was you did, or said is maddening, and to have them drop you like a rock without proper explaination is just plain mean. If you said something wrong, you should be allowed to know what it is so you can make amends for it. But to be tossed aside like a worn out old shoe is just cruel. It leaves a person with a sense of heart-hurt, and it doesnt give a peace of mind.


That's exactly how I feel! I actually even use the words selfish and childish in this situation. I'm really trying to be strong/take the high road. But, I'm getting to a point where I'll survive either way. I'm hoping for the best, but I'm becoming more realistic about the situation, the more that I'm "shut out."

Thank you for your understanding.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Youre welcome Sweetie.
Good luck.
Cat

[_Joe_]

Years ago, I took some ambien due to really bad sleeping issues.

A friend coldturkeyed me one day, and I had no idea why. They said I was a real jackass at around 2am one night, which blew me away as I was asleep 8 hours straight for almost 2 weeks during this time period.

There was logs on my computer and phone that verified I was up at that time.

Nevermind the fact one of the side affects of ambien was total amnesia if you actually were active during the time period. Never mind the fact she knew I was on it before hand. Nevermind the fact it's also documented youll act like youre blistfully drunk.

She gave me the cold shoulder for months.

Its one of the reasons now every time I take a couple drinks, even just 2, I apologize in advance for anything I may say and then by the third even if my crohns allows me to have more, I'm petrified to have anymore. I'm still pretty much in the closet to a lot of people and don't want to fuck up something more than one friendship :/

[bizel]

shit happens. to me, if they were a real friend, someone you could count on when your chips were down, they wouldn't cut you off like that. they would hear you out, try to understand why you did what you did. it's obvious you hit a raw nerve with them, so their reaction is totally out of proportion and it seems the issue is more theirs, than yours.

if you really care about them, give them space and see if things settle. if they refuse to back down, then obviously, they are not the friend you thought they were. true lasting friendship involves forgiveness. you have tried to rectify this and been shut off. let it go. move on. if they come around, good. if they don't, they probably wouldn't be the support you need if you were in dire straits. oh yeah, and learn from this. never get so 'shitfaced' you can't remember the night before. hug, b.

[bicouplecanuk]

Give it time! Once they have had time to sit back and think things through, you may be able to approach them again. I am sure their other friends are telling them that you were drunk and didn't know what you were saying. My grandma used to always say, "Drink makes the truth come out" and sometimes that is an ugly thing......been there and done that a few times.....but another saying is "The truth hurts!". Maybe you told them a few home truths that they didn't realize before.....nobody likes to be told their faults. My final saying...."time heals all wounds!" so just give it some time, and a true friend will talk it thru with you once things have calmed down a bit. xxx:grouphug:

[DeShawn2]

I truly appreciate your words of insight so much. It's incredibly clear that I have to take responsibility for my drinking (I NEVER drink like this. I usually have about 5 or 6 drinks a week over one or 2 weekend nights.), birthday or not. It's also clear that drinking's no excuse for hurting anyone and I have to take FULL responsibility for that.

In all fairness, though, it's hard to take responsibility and give my friend time/space when I don't know what to give him time and space for. I don't know what to apologize and make amends for.

The only person that knows is him. I saw a few pictures today of us at the event and he doesn't look all that sober either. We even did shots together! Quite frankly, the longer it takes for him to come forward about this, the less credibility he will have and the less effect this information will have.

I think that some of you guys are definitely right in saying that true friends don't treat each other like this. This has been such a painful, heavy, and distracting few days for me because of what CherokeeMountainCat said. I don't have any closure, perspective, anything on this situation. The only person that does refuses to communicate.

I'm quickly reaching a point where either:
A. I AM that horrible of a person afterall and I don't deserve his friendship
or
B. He IS completely blowing this out of proportion and our conflict management philosophies are way too different for this friendship to work.

It's taking all of my strength to navigate through this, whatever this is. And whatever decision I make, I have to make sure that it's worth it.

[NEPHX]

I'd say that unless he lets you know why he is hurt and lets you answer to them, he's not worthy of your friendship. Plain and simple in my book. What will happen in the future with something REALLY important where you need him?

EVERYONE makes mistakes. Lets face it, not many 26-year-olds are very worldly nor very good at holding their liqueur and their tongues at the same time. If he were doing this to me, I would not trust HIM going forward.

Someone who is supposed to be your "closest friend" surely should love you in a way that is meaningful. Real Love is Unconditional love and it forgives all things. Maybe, you need to re-evaluate your friendship. Also, maybe you better not go drinking with him again. Maybe it was he who did/said something he shouldn't have. (Did you make a play for him and he's straight?).

I want my real friends to be there for me and realize that I am not a perfect person. Because, if they realize that, they will also realize that I don't expect them to be a perfect either not that would shouldn't try.

That doesn't mean we can use those we love as doormats but truly if you are feeling and doing all you say you are but he won't give you a chance to make amends, then he is not worthy.