Pros & Cons of Open Relationships

[ButterflyBeauty]

I'm a bisexual female, currently in a closed relationship with a lesbian woman. I've expressed interest in an open relationship, yet she's not interested at all. In my ideal world, I'd have a sexual and emotional relationship with both a male and a female. (at least I think so--I've never experienced it!).

Before I resign to never having this piece of me fulfilled or up and leaving my partner.... what are some of the pros and cons of open relationships? For someone who craves being with both a male and female, does it really feel more satisfying to have both in your life?

I fear I couldn't handle my own insecurity if my partner also wanted to be with someone else. Although that would only be fair!!

I truly believe love multiples, not divides. There is plenty of love to go around for all of us. Yet how does living a polyamorous life feel, in the midst of a monogamous society?

Oh, so many questions. Please share any thoughts. thanks so much! :bibounce:

[Realist]

BB, first of all welcome to the site. You may find some answers here, but they may not be exactly what you hoped for. I hope that whatever you learn will, at least, help you decide which path you can take......and that the results will bring your fulfillment. Ultimately, only you will be able to determine what is the best for you and your lover(s).

I will not advise you, but I can reveal my experiences:

I have detailed these relationships in previous posts, so I won't delve too deeply into them, here. One was very similar to your situation.

I have been in two poly relationships, that were successful, and one that failed.

The two that were successful, began with a meeting of the minds and much soul-searching, before intimacy began. One took several months to cultivate, the other took only about 2 weeks of planning and almost business-like "roundtables". Rules and limits were agreed upon, first. Realizing that jealousy is a killer, we had to address that subject in depth.

The one that failed, did so because we rushed into it without thinking, or planning. Our youthful ineptness was evident on several levels. There were no rules, as our goals was unlimited sex, not a caring, loving, or a mutually compatible, connection. The biggest and most damning reason for failure was jealousy. Even though the relationship was begun on the husband's initiative, he was the first to become jealous and want to end it.

You will surely have differing ideas, desires, and goals, than I, or anyone else may have. Hopefully, enough people with happy, successful, experiences will answer your query, so you will be inspired to do what is best for you and your particular situation.

Good luck, and I hope you find the joy and happiness I did.....while not making the same mistakes I did!

[sammie19]

I too am a bisexual woman living with a lesbian in a closed and close loving relationship. I too didn't think it was enough for me and after much thought, felt I had to leave and begin to enjoy the heterosexual side of me. After 5 months, a few sex partners later, I was thoroughly miserable because however much I wanted a man in my bed, I missed more and more what my partner gave to me. As weeks grew into months I found myself more reluctant to take the opportunities offered to me.

In the end it was too much. I discovered that for me there is something worth more than fun and shagging. I didn't make the first move to get back together, and that move was a disaster. But from that disaster eventually came reconciliation, and it was my turn to make the move. We now live together happier than ever, men are on the back burner and if deep down I hope that some day we may yet open up the relationship, I think I have grown up at last to realise that some things are more important to me than fucking around.

[Darkside2009]

Something worth more than fun and shagging? Say it aint so. :eek:

Answers on a postcard please. :rolleyes:

[darkeyes]

Something worth more than fun and shagging? Say it aint so. :eek:

Answers on a postcard please. :rolleyes:

:bigrin:I wonder if she just missed out the word "around"? Lil bloody tart!!!

[ButterflyBeauty]

Thank you so much everyone who replied! I appreciate it greatly. I agree that this is something I need to discover within myself, and yet it really helps to hear what others have figured out for themselves. I love my partner so much, and at this point I'm not willing to give her up.

However, I wonder if exploring a world of more openness (i.e. polyamory) is something my soul is aching for. It certainly must bring spiritual growth to allow love to be abundant. To trust, be open, rather than "possess" another person.

Or....anyone find they need to be in relationships cyclically? Like a relationship with a woman, then if that relationship fails the next with a man? Then back to a woman? I know of some bisexual people who find themselves doing this (not necessarily purposely, just kind of happens that way).

Anyhow, many blessings!

[Katja]

My advice? I wouldnt be so presumptious as to offer any. I will offer a word of caution however. Make sure you are sure because not everyone is mentally attuned and suited to it.