emotional baggage

[bizel]

was very interested in a recent comment about emotional 'baggage' and it got me wondering if we realise all of our actions today have been shaped by our past experiences (or baggage). hubby and i were just commenting on personal ads and how the men (it never seems to be women who make it a requirement) don't want partners with past baggage. hubby snorted, and said that it was a stupid comment to make, and said more about the person making it, than the comment itself (most of what comes out of our gobs reveals more about us than we realise). these guys in these ads just want everything sweet and easy. but people have depths and layers all built up from the past and who knows what triggers some reactions. hubby said plenty of guys have baggage. i had to laugh. when i try to get him to explain himself, he clams up. oh, does he have baggage! maybe we should stop calling it baggage and call it issues. people who's marriages have fallen apart - how many of them stop and figure out why and fix that so their next relationship works better? or how many just get into another relationship (taking the old issues along and waiting for the crash and burn??). it's a human trait, not a gender or sexual one. we're all guilty of it, but how many of us recognise it in ourselves?? to want a relationship without baggage is to want a relationship with a plastic blow-up - shallow, uncomplicated, and yet it still can burst - ironic huh!

[Realist]

I think we can all handle a certain amounts of baggage, drama, personal quirks, etc, etc....but there are limits, too. Love, understanding, and mutual interests can help overcome a lot of issues. But, when you realize the effort is fruitless, or the desire to stay is gone, I have opted to move on. When there's no foundation to support a fulfilling future, it's best to get your hat.

Those of us who entered into relationships, without fully knowing/understanding our mates, have done ourselves a huge disservice. Anyone can argue that people chance...I can't argue with that, but we all can do a better job of choosing mates, too.

For me, two marriages were doomed to fail, before they began....mostly because neither of us looked beyond the end of our noses. There were signs we failed to notice, but would have, if we'd just put a little more effort into research.

I know unforeseen difficulties may arise, after a union is made, that neither person expects. Sometimes, we can live with the new situations, sometimes not.

I, however, when I saw no happiness in the future, left and didn't look back.

My sister has been in an awful marriage for years, but she hangs on. Even though I can't understand why she and my brother in law are still together, I would never advise them to do differently...........because it's their business, not mine.

I just know that I cannot live in a relationship, like that.

[wrbi01]

baggage?? I dont have no stinkin' baggage.... now... just ignore that tombstone pokin' out of the closet there and we will be allllll good :)

We all have baggage... I think that most that post something like that are not intrested in anything but the sex. They feel that they need to let people know that they dont really want a partner for life.. just a partner for now. Sharing ones baggage means that they have to care for the person they are about to have fun with and that is not part of their game.

I am personally not looking for a one night stand.. I want my REAL first time with someone who has some caring factors with them... I want to sit and talk for a little while... get to know one another... while still having a physical attraction to them. Its not just about the sex for me. If I want that then I sit back.. find some porn and take care of it...

Just my :2cents: