Heard a good one lately?

[bullhead69]

I was just wondering who has heard a good joke lately. I heard this one yesterday.

3 Nuns passed away and were headed to heaven when St. Peter stopped them at the Pearly Gates. He said that before he could let them pass they needed to answer one question each.
He asked the first one, " Who was the first man on Earth." The first nun said
" Adam ". Trumpets sound and the gate opens and the first Nun is admitted.
He asked the second Nun, " Who was the first woman on earth? " The second Nun says " Eve." The trumpets sound the gate swings open and into Heaven she goes. Finally he asked the third Nun, " What were Eves first words to Adam." The third Nun thinks and thinks and thinks but she can't seem to find the answer. She looks up at St. Peter and says "Boy.... Thats a hard one." And the trumpets sound and the gate swingd open and..............

[Bi_Druid]

Did you hear about what happened in Nottradam after the hunchback left?
Well, the church was left without a bell ringer, so the priest puts up a wanted ad on the door. It didn't start well, after the first day of interviews, just not one of them had what was needed. So th priest pepares to shut up church for the day when a man enters.
"I'd like to apply for the bell ringer position, Father"
The priest looks the man up and down, "well my son, I'm all for equal opportunities for the disabled, but you have no arms!"
But the man insists and the priest decides to let this man try.
So the arm-less man climbs the stairs, all the way up to the bell chember, where he procedes to run up to each one and smack them with his face.
The priest tries to protest, but the arm-less man carries on, and I tell you it was Beathoven's fifth across the town, it was beautiful.
The man is just about to strike the final note when suddenly he slips, falls from the tower and plumets to his death!
The priest runs down to the church yard and finds a gathering of people around the body.
"Father, do you know this man?"
"No, but his face rings a bell".

So, the following day, after the armless man's funeral, the priest is still without a bell ringer.
Then one of the men at the funeral turns to the priest and says "Father, I just want to thank you for such a lovely service you performed for my dear brother, and I wish to thank you by applying for the bell ringer position in his place"
The priest hardly feels he could refuse and so allows the man to try for the possition.
So in the tower, the man starts ringing, and it is just as gloryous. But this time, just as he is about to reach the creshendo, he let's go of the bell pull, clutches his chest, and dies of a heart attack.
A group of monks who were passing turn to the priest and ask "what was that man's name?"
"I couldn't tell you," says the priest, "but he's a dead ringer for his brother".

[bullhead69]

Good one Bi. LMAO!!

[Bi_Druid]

A horror story for you.

A woman was walking home from a late night in the office.
As she reached her neighbourhood, she suddenly heard a BANG! BANG! BANG!
She looks behind her, and in the middle of the road is a coffin, stood on its end.
Strange, must be kids getting ready for haloween early. She carries on.
BANG! BANG! BANG!
She looks behind her again, and the coffin, still on its end, is closer. There's no one else in sight. She hurrys on at a faster pace.
BANG! BANG! BANG!
She glances back, not stopping. Now she knows the coffin really is following her! She bolts, her home only just round the corner now.
BANG! BANG! BANG!
She enters her home and locks the door behind her.
Bang, Bang, BANG!
She backs away from the door...
BANG! BANG!!!
The door caves in, and stood there is the coffin!
She runs up the stairs, and locks herself in the bathroom.
Bang!
She bolts the door.
BANG!
She can hear it comming up the stairs after her.
BANG!
She backs away from the door, looking around desperately for something to defend herself with...
BANG!
Anything...
BANG!
The bathroom door shatters into splinters, and there the coffin stands stands.
She panics, starts throwing things at it, anything she can lay her hands on.
Toilet roll, bathroom bleach, towels...
BANG! BANG! BANG!
... a bottle of Benylin, and the coffin stopped.