how do you pick up and avoid a thumping?

[bizel]

just spoke with hubby who's working in a remote country town. he said he'd heard that last night a male tourist came to town and kept placing his hand on several male legs that night at the pub. needless to say, bad move in a country town as they are usually quite old-fashioned in outlook. hubby said the guy 'got a flogging' (beat up). made me realise how tricky it must be for people lusting after the same gender. from my point of view, i don't enjoy wandering hands at the pub from guys (never imagined it from a woman with a wandering hand), so can understand how homophobic guys would react in a less-than understanding manner. how do you go about it? it's hard enough for guys in 'accepted straight' pick-ups. it must be a nightmare of indecisions for 'same sex' pick-ups unless you're at a same sex club. it would probably be dicey in the city, but in the bush? and is it easier for women than men, as women on women is not so frowned on by guys, though as a woman i don't know how i'd react if a woman tried to pick me up. i'd like to think i'd politely turn them down. who knows, with dutch courage, if i was attracted, i might even explore. does that ever happen, i wonder? this site has made me realise everything i thought was always black and white, is not necessarily so.

[fredtyg]

I can't imagine ever touching another guy in the process of making a move on him unless he gave me the impression verbally or physically (preferably both) that he wanted me to. It would seem to me that guy was waaay too forward.

Unless maybe he wasn't queer and was just one of those guys that is real "touchy". There are guys that just tend to touch others a lot and usually get accused of being queer, whether they are, or not.

[chook]

Who in their right mind would go to any Australian country town and go around touching up blokes either he was a simpleton or a very....and I mean VERY STUPID person, I mean I wouldnt do it in any pub let alone a country one. It's a recipe for disaster, and I cant say that I'm at all surprised at the outcome.

Either that or the story is a you beaut piece of Aussie bullshit, and BTW I've been to heaps of country and outback pubs and never got into any sort of strife.

Cheers Chook :bigrin:

[altbinary]

Don't lay your hand on me unless I ask you to.

[Gttuner17]

I can't imagine ever touching another guy in the process of making a move on him unless he gave me the impression verbally or physically (preferably both) that he wanted me to. It would seem to me that guy was waaay too forward.

Unless maybe he wasn't queer and was just one of those guys that is real "touchy". There are guys that just tend to touch others a lot and usually get accused of being queer, whether they are, or not.

So How do u go about picking up on other guyz? Im new to this bi thing and being discreet. I am very confident in my boxing/martial arts skillz, but i'd like to avoid this?

[maxtor]

was he fucking drunk as an idiot?? he must have been or gets into people beating on him..sheech....what a nut..i would have told him that i am not intrested and see if he took the hint then if he didnt, he would understand the second time. even if i was up to a bi encounter i wouldnt do it in front of other that are homophobic...

[bizel]

have it on good authority, chook. really happened. i look at it as maybe a tourist abroad. for some reason, usual convention seems to fly out the window when folks travel. i don't think you should ever climb into a car with people you don't know (even taxis are becoming sus), and would never leave a drink unguarded when out in case of spiking - and that's at home. abroad i have been constantly on guard.

[sammie19]

Out last night and bumped into an gorgeous Australian barman of our aquainatance in Milne's with hunky very sexy guy. No mistaking the the nature of the smiles eye contact and subtle touching. No mistaking the huge snogging session and body contact we saw them get on in the club later. Was nice. If Australia doesnt want gorgeous then we'll have him!:bigrin:

[fredtyg]

So How do u go about picking up on other guyz? Im new to this bi thing and being discreet. I am very confident in my boxing/martial arts skillz, but i'd like to avoid this?

That's actually the original question here that most of us seemed to have missed. I'm unsure of the answer myself but I'd certainly keep my hands to myself for starters, unless my target indicated touching is acceptable.

About the only thing I can think of is, first, to try and be alone with your target guy. Making an open attempt on a guy in a group is likely doomed to failure as- even if the guy would normally be interested- he'd likely get evasive, if not downright hostile, around friends he doesn't want to know he's queer.

So, assuming you're relatively alone with the guy, I guess all you could do is start with small talk and try to lead the talk towards the issue of being queer. Maybe bring up gay marriage and see how the guy reacts. If he seems cool with gay marriage, hopefully he won't be violent if you later let him know you're queer and- even later- are interested in him.

Or maybe just lead the conversation towards sex in general and if the guy mentions being horny, casually suggest there's all kinds of ways to get off sexually and see if he's willing to take the conversation further. You could always throw in something later, if the guy seems comfortable with the way the conversation is going, like "A blow job is a blow job as far as I'm concerned...". If he says he agrees with you, then maybe you could solicit him.

That's just an idea. I can only think of one time I actually went to a bar hoping to pick up a guy and it was pretty much a flop. I went to a bar known for being gay friendly in the middle of the day one summer. Took a seat at the bar next to a not bad looking guy that I'd actually seen walking in my neighborhood a number of times.

He actually struck up the conversation with me. I guess that was a good start but I just couldn't figure out how to go further than just small talk about him doing a lot of walking. Thinking about it now, I still don't know how I might have moved the conversation to where I could have indicated a sexual interest in him, but maybe that was just because it was the middle of the day. Maybe if it was night it I could have moved the conversation in the right direction?

[tenni]

Ok...from my perspective-experience Sammie and Fred have it closest as to a few times that I've been picked up. Eye contact, conversation and some subtle touching works whether it is a woman or a man imo.

I was in a bar restaurant way back when. The guy sitting next to me started a conversation with me. We had some common background that let us continue the chat. I don't know how long but it was some time passing and all of a sudden I felt his knee touching my leg. First was a brush up against me and he moved it back. If I had objected, he probably would have appologized and moved on ...dunno. No one could really see what was going on as we were facing the bar on stools at the bar. The room was a bit dark. One time he left his knee up against my calf or something. I was pretty much getting the clue. Again, I could have backed away if I had wanted to. The conversation continued with his knee touching me. Note..not his hand on my thigh. Eventually, we did hook up but it wasn't that night as a recall. I think that we exchanged phone numbers or something.

Other times in more gay bar situations, it has been rather aggressive at times. I recall one time a guy putting his hand on my forearm. I looked at him. I put my hand on his hand and pressed hard as I removed his hand from my own. No conversation passed between us. I non verbally had told him to "f off". I'm sure that others may have had similar experiences in more gay positive situations.

What that tourist did definitely violated the guy rules...:eek:

[fredtyg]

That's a good hint: a subtle touch with your knee to a guy's leg that could be construed as accidental. If the guy acts like he doesn't care, that could be a good sign.

[Bisexual Explorer]

The few men I have met at hotel and restaurant bars have always picked me up (my femme side coming through). This is what has worked on me. It starts with typical bar conversation - sports, news, weather, etc. -then a few casual questions - married? here on business?,etc. If I am not interested, I give short answers and move to another seat. If he is just there to chat, which is most of the time, the conversation stays pretty impersonal. When he's there because he's interested in me, he'll say something about a good looking man or about what I am wearing and make eye contact. If I respond with a smile or looking back at him, then there's some casual, almost accidental, touching. If a don't push his hand away, then the touching gets more sexual, usually puts his hand on my knee, etc. When I really like the guy, I'll put my hand on his and move it. That usually does it. He asks for the check and then if I would like to join him.

g

[Bisexual Explorer]

The few men I have met at hotel and restaurant bars have always picked me up (my femme side coming through). This is what has worked on me. It starts with typical bar conversation - sports, news, weather, etc. -then a few casual questions - married? here on business?,etc. If I am not interested, I give short answers and move to another seat. If he is just there to chat, which is most of the time, the conversation stays pretty impersonal. When he's there because he's interested in me, he'll say something about a good looking man or about what I am wearing and make eye contact. If I respond with a smile or looking back at him, then there's some casual, almost accidental, touching. If a don't push his hand away, then the touching gets more sexual, usually puts his hand on my knee, etc. When I really like the guy, I'll put my hand on his and move it. That usually does it. He asks for the check and then if I would like to join him. By then, I am so hot that it's always yes!

g

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Guy must have been a little more drunk than he intended. Ya gotta watch what ya do! Especially in smaller bars and in some small towns. Doesnt matter what country you're in..the outcome is all the same. If the townies ect dont want your contact, then you going to get yer ass kicked. Sad but true..
Cat

[MARDOM]

As I mentioned in my introduction - and now I've lost the replies that I was making to the people who had posted there - I am autistic. I do not read body language - and, yes, I have studied the "rules" and the "techniques" - but - well, I don't read body language - which means that I can never rely on the "subtle cues" that other people seem to understand better than a billboard that is 25 feet high. I suppose if someone were to punch me in the mouth I would get that body language hint - but winks, and leers, and nods, and sighs, and elbows akimbo and footsies turned in or out or placed one on top of the other or whatever - nothing! So - I'd not go to a bar with a sign that said "Gay Bar" in neon letters 25 feet high and come on to anybody - so, perhaps I can't help you ... I simply do not hide my sexuality, make no bones about it, and either someone wants to say "Hello" - or - well, nothing ... But then I live in New Jersey, which is remarkably civilized for a place so close to New York City (I was born there and lived there for too much of my life - I hated Rudi and was glad to see the back of him - but there's always somebody worse - and Airbag - I mean, Bloombag - I mean, Bloomberg, well, he makes Rudi look good, and that's not easy ...) Point is, something told me when I was down South that being anything other than a hetero red-meat carnivore w/testosterone levels so high that you can smell the stuff is just not a good idea ... Bad move in the Out Back, I'm sure. There's nothing more sensitive than an insensitive he-man! - It's all so full of shit! When you are out of the closet, you find out just how full of shit it is ... Well, good luck ...
-MARK

[Lisa (va)]

Same or different sex, it is hazardous for a amn to be putting his hand(s) on another without their consent, though a simple 'please stop that' might avoid a physical confrontation: but then there are those that would hit or slap the offender. It's just plain rude for them to do that.

As for the other part, "is it easier for women?"
For the most part I would say yes, but you do have to be attentinve to a 'prospective partner' as it is really not uncommon for women (or any sexual orientation) to comment on 'that girl dances really well', 'isn't that outfit gorgeous', so what might seem possible may or may not be, but obviously the easiest way I have found is to simply talk and just see where it goes.

Lisa

hugs n kisses

[clyde terwilliger]

Lisa--I trust Jeff was not a "thumper" in the unpleasantries-- As you have observed, most agree the offender was out of line.--A personal ad that suggests a meeting is quite a different environment than a physical move without a pre-arrangement --unless it is late at night at a business hotel and pleasantries become intimacies by verbal or body messages. Since you are happily balanced away from the fringes of male/female attraction--I suspect your self analysis of your own reaction would be right on--thanks for an interesting current question--I enjoy your comments--much love.

[myschyfnmayhem]

Despite my willingness to get laid I wouldn't like being touched without some kind of invitation

[elian]

I agree with the idea of touching someone in an intimate place without their consent is a bad idea, why not try the shoulder or some other area first and see if they are warm to that? I'd have to think that it also depends on who else is in the room watching as well.

I don't know that I'm autistic but I also have trouble picking up on queues as well, it might just TAKE someone sitting on my lap for me to realize they are interested.

[Realist]

In a small town, where everyone knows everyone else.........even if the guy at the bar was interested in being with the tourist, he'd probably react the same way.

Word would travel fast and, if the little berg was predominately heterosexual, a local resident who encouraged the outsider, would probably be on the shit-list, then!

If the tourist had followed some of the advice, like in the posts above, he might have achieved his goals!

Many will do things in private that they'd never do in public.