Help for my bi curious ex

[BluebellsSing]

A little bit of background - we have two children together and split up a few weeks ago after 7 years together but are still very close as we are best friends. I am bisexual, he has always known this. This is one of the reasons we have split up, so that i can explore and find myself because i have very strong suspicions that i am more than bisexual.

We were talking a few days ago and he admitted to me that he is bi curious. I've had my suspicions for a while but have never pressured him into telling me.

The problem is, he's so conflicted. He keeps saying 'but it's wrong'. His father is very homophobic so i think this is the reason he is having such a battle accepting his feelings.

He has said that he does want to explore his feelings which i think is great but i have no idea how to advise him in this? I've always had lesbian/bisexual friends so have never had problems exploring.
He is refusing to join a forum or dating site because he is terrified of someone he knows finding out, especially his parents..

How can i help him? Thankyou

[deiused]

he just needs to stsrt sucking cock,,, he will be fine

[BillyMax]

First of all, I'm sad you had to split up! I guess it was your choice, especially if you're much more interested in women than men, and/or if you didn't feel comfortable staying together while experimenting. But polyamory (exploring multiple sex and relationship partners) is an often-forgotten option. Best of luck to you both and your kids.

Second, he could try a bi support group. BiPhoria meets the first Tuesday of every month, I think, in Manchester - and they have a special spot for new members. Googling it will tell you more details, I've never been myself but my friends (who struggled with their sexuality at first) said they loved it.

Third, there'll be loads of guys out there willing to take him in hand, as it were! ;) just have to find a situation where there's no pressure and take your time.

[tenni]

In my opinion, it will be a slow process for him to experience and come to an acceptance. It is perfectly understandable based on his parental background that he is uncomfortable. He has you though as a model that bisexuality is not some horrible thing. Well, unless your break up makes him see bisexuality as a bad thing.

Encourage him to seek out in person groups as mentioned. He may be more comfortable lurking on a website before in person groups though. This website may help or as I suspect he may be more comfortable reading the thoughts of other men about their feelings about bisexuality. The website shybiguys.com is a good place to start. He doesn't even have to join inorder to read the thoughts of other men. The site is for men only and is a more gentle discussion group with no "pick up" angle at all. It is strongly monitored and so arguments and conflicts happen less frequently than on this site.

[morandi]

It feels like you want him to be bisexual. But you're saying about yourself you're more than bi. does this mean you're more into women? Because maybe that is the problem!

[softfruit]

From your profile it looks like you live in/around Leicester, which makes BiPhoria here in Manchester a bit of a trek (though the odds are pretty well stacked against bumping into a Leicester friend there!) Otherwise I'd be making the same suggestion as BillyMax.

Sadly there isn't an equivalent to BiPhoria in Leicester at the moment; I know going to that kind of space is scary, I remember only too well, but it may help to point out to him that anyone else who he knows and bumps in to at a bi or LGB(T) social/support group will be there for a good reason too!

While there's not a BiPhoria type group, at your age the LGBT youth groups might be an option. I know there's an LGBT centre in the middle of Leicester; chances are they or the local youth service have something like that?


(there's BiCon coming to Leicester in the summer, but it costs a bit and the idea might be a lot scarier, plus it's only one weekend and it sounds like he would benefit more from some queer male friends his age rather than specifically a bunch of bis?) :flag1:

[Bicurious1989]

Where do I start. Thanks to Bluebells I'm exploring my desires so to speak with being Bi. I'm speaking to someone at the moment that I met on here. We both need to do this as it is a big part of us. If anything me finally admitting my feelings to her after knowing for around two years has probably made things easier between us, as a big problem I feel wasn't because she needed/wanted to explore but because I did too.

My problem is after being in a relationship for so long I'n not the most confident again something I think doing this will improve.

As for telling people I'm far from doing that. I don't actually think my friends and family would be bothered. Two of my friends say to very convincingly that I'm gay. Maybe they've clicked lol. My Dad on the other hand will go one way or the other. He will either say 'get out my house' and go quite or he will smirk and jokingly say 'shut up' followed by 'eeewww you're gay, fucking pufter.'

The second statement would be the better one as it saves an argument or even fighting as we're both very hot headed. He is a very difficult man to understand. I feel that because people expect him to act a certain way he does. He will sit there and go on how it's sick to be gay. Yet he had a very very gay friend when he and my Mum lived in a flat many years ago. He used to speak to him and go round for a cup of tea blah blah. I secretly think he may like a bit of both too. I told him this a while back and said it where I wasn't joking just after I found out about his gay friend and called him a hypocrite. Back then I would say I was full on straight. He wasn't impressed by my statement lol.

Anyway thanks for your replies but I think I've got this covered for now. :bigrin::bigrin: