Advice on the next step

[PeaceFrog420]

Hello,
:rotate:I have recently admitted to my boyfriend, and in a way to myself that I may be a bisexual. I have had several dreams and fantasies about being with a girl over the past year. It’s something I think about almost everyday. However since I came out to my boyfriend he is completely and utterly infatuated by the idea. The thought turns him on so much he has been more sexual than ever before since I shared this with him. I’m pretty sure he wants a threesome but I’ve already told him I would like to have the experience without him. He is pretty insistent on being involved though, and I cant and would not want to do it behind his back. I am still confused myself at how I would work up the courage to even try anything with another girl. Has anyone out there been in this situation? I’m not sure where to go from here.

[ChicagoNormalGuy]

Yeah, I don't blame him. Threesomes are hot. But it isn't about him. This is about you finding something you need. Tell him you aren't going to go behind his back but that you aren't interested in a threesome. At least, not yet. That day (night, weekend) may come in the future, but it isn't going to be your first experience. Having him involved might distract you from what you are trying to discover about yourself.

If he can accept that you are going to pursue this and that you might not tell him every detail as you go, then you should be okay. And if he's a particularly good boy, giving you the room you need, encouraging you in the right way, giving you space that you need, then you should probably find something that he'd enjoy and be just as giving and understanding as him.

[love1234]

Find a girl and kiss her.

[Okie1970]

I think CNG said the most important piece..."this isn't about him. This is about you finding something you need".
My dh is facinated by the idea of getting together with me and another woman and watching us sexually interact. While I like being with a woman, I don't really want a threesome(at this point anyway). I have been there, done that in my younger years and it IS fun but can be hell on a relationship if all involved are not on the same page and honest about it. The first explorations can be intense and confusing and having multiple bodies and sets of expectations and emotions is probably not a good thing for someone just checking out their own sexualiity. Each to their own, the old lady, the cow... you know the saying.
You might also consider that your boyfriend feels insecure and subconciously feels like he'll have some control if he is involved in the action. I am new to actually posting here and might be inviting some really hateful flames but at 41-years, I feel pretty confident in saying that men are at least, maybe more insecure than we women... the culture just doesn't leave them feeling ok about talking about it... unless we start the convo first. At the least, you two have a lot of heart to hearts ahead. Best of luck and love to you.

[Long Duck Dong]

peacefrog....have a coffee ( and a cig if you smoke ) and relax.....

while your partner is hot about the idea, its about you learning who you are.... and hun, lets be honest, you are who you are for life, but partners come and go....

right from the start, your partners reaction is not a good one, cos its about his desires, not about his partners learning curve, and it indicates a lack of understanding and support for his partner.... it may be different in the rest of the relationship.... but in a area of personal intimacy, its rather unnerving to hear his reaction and raises questions about why he would want to be there for your first time....

your loyalty to your partner and respect for them is admirable, its a shame that he is not respecting your wishes on the same level.... and there is the issue that your first time, may not be your best time, and if there is going to be ongoing pressure for you to * conform and perform * for your partner.... then I can see issues arising very quickly....

take your time and go at your own pace, its better to find somebody that you enjoy the company of and go from there, than to be with a person with whom, you are not relaxed and at ease,... cos you can end up very uptight and nervous......

like losing your virginity, it can be done with some random person, or with a person that have a interest in sharing a experience with you... and the latter is the better option.....

you can use alcohol as a * lube * ... a couple of drinks to relax, rather than a couple of bottles to help you * do it *

the hard part is finding that person ..... and hun... lol... I could give you a list of places to look.... and the first two are in your heart and under your nose.... cos you will know the right person and often they are somebody you already know ......
further down the list are LGBT bars, groups and support groups.... but people can get edgy if they feel that they are being used for your first experience and your bf's enjoyment.... as they are people too.... not sex objects and nor are you......

there is no rush, you do not have to have a sexual experience by the end of the week... lol its your life, your choices and your body... and your future.... so just relax and take things a step at a time.....

[Gearbox]

Explain as politely as possible that exploring your bisexuality isn't a sex gimmick for him. It's not like putting on a sexy nurse costume for his pleasure.;)

You want to know if YOU will enjoy sex with a woman as much as you do with a man. (don't forget the underlined bit for f**k sake!lol).
If you want to do that alone, then that's what you should do. If he has a problem with that, then you have choices to make.



men are at least, maybe more insecure than we women..
How dare you madame! This is an outrage!!!:eek:
:rolleyes: I can't really argue with that.;)