threads that make me go hmm

[slipnslide]

When I have to ask "is it just me?" I usually know the answer, yes. But does anyone else find the overtly sexual questions, like the perennial "do you like eating cum?", to detract from the forum? One of my biggest problems with my bisexuality is the fear of being seen as a perverted member of some overly sexualized community and not being taken seriously - potentially affecting relationships both personal and professional.

There is so much life experience and sound advice handed out in this community, but it's sprinkled with the "cum" questions. It might be nice if we could separate the two. Am I alone in this thought? :2cents:

[Emunahd]

Well, I am new as can be to this site, and I have to say it is somewhat confusing to see some very serious problems / issues mixed in with "pineapple makes it taste better." :tongue:

[dbltrbl69]

We finally have a site for bisexuals... I say anything goes...wave your freak flag high!!!

[Long Duck Dong]

lol slipnslide....a friend of mine once said that if this was a g rated site, you would be lucky to see 5 threads a week cos nobody would have anything to talk about, lol

thinking about it now, I have been told that cos I am not having sex, that my opinion doesn't count.... and yeah... I get told that being bisexual is not all about sex.....

I am lucky in that my friends take me seriously, cos my advice is solid and honest, and I talk with my friends, I don't try and fuck them lol

[jem_is_bi]

Well, I am new as can be to this site, and I have to say it is somewhat confusing to see some very serious problems / issues mixed in with "pineapple makes it taste better." :tongue:

It may help with the serious issues too!

[_Joe_]

When I have to ask "is it just me?" I usually know the answer, yes. But does anyone else find the overtly sexual questions, like the perennial "do you like eating cum?", to detract from the forum? One of my biggest problems with my bisexuality is the fear of being seen as a perverted member of some overly sexualized community and not being taken seriously - potentially affecting relationships both personal and professional.

There is so much life experience and sound advice handed out in this community, but it's sprinkled with the "cum" questions. It might be nice if we could separate the two. Am I alone in this thought? :2cents:

What you don't understand is these threads are simply a small piece of the cycle of the forum life.

We just recently came out of the "I'm having a super serious problem and breakdown" stage, and went into the "I just found out my x is bisexual what do I do" right after the "serious world news discussion thing"...and here we are at "omg eating cum and sucking genetalia". Next we'll have another brief "my latest hobby/interest/etc" and shoot straight into "Threesomes, yay!" and "Should I tell my S.O. I'm bi?!".

Then it all starts over again.

So just wait, like the weather, the central topics change frequently.

[Emunahd]

It may help with the serious issues too!

Jem, it just might, at that, lol!

[elian]

I admit it's kind of jarring to read I like to spread it on like **PEANUT BUTTER** in large bold print the first time you read the forums but to be honest as long as people aren't expressing an illegal desire..

Maybe we ought to have another division of the Forums - sort of like a "bedroom" one.. I dunno.

Of course it does liven up the discussion a little to see jokes and innuendo mixed in with the more serious threads.

[Bisexual Explorer]

There are plenty of venues to discuss all the problems of the world. This is a biSEXUAL site. Discussing the taste of cum is SEXUAL; talking about feelings about being bi is SEXUAL. If some people think being bi means we are over sexed perverts, I really don't care. Nothing we say or do is going to change their minds. So there!
g

[sammie19]

It isnt the sometimes pretty crude and basic nature of many threads which get on my wick. This is an entertainment site for bisexuals and what is more entertaining than talking about what we do apart from doing it? The repetition gets on my nerves and the same questions asked time and again quite often. Some of the questions and comments give me a good laugh and I shake my head in disbelief.

To the outsider it can seem that we are quite irresponsible and perverted. This site shows up in some ways the worst of bisexuality. In others the best because it is often thoughtful and helpful. Some like Fran (darkeyes) hate what they see as too much of what she calls "shagging and sucking" threads and that we have a duty to show the world that we are more than just shaggers and suckers and change the impression that we are perverts is given out to those who hate us.

I disagree with this unless we wish to ban the site we have to accept what members want to discuss and sex is it in the main. Of the many sex forums and chat sites on the web, heterosexual and gay, are they perverted and any less crude? No. Many are a lot worse and far less responsible. It is something we do because we are human and we have human appetites.

Elian mentions unhappiness with expressing illegal desires. A few years ago I could get really hot under the collar about some of the discussions and felt just the same.

One night when I was in a bit of a tizzy about a debate doing just that, Fran stopped me in mid rant and reminded me that once upon a time homosexuality was illegal, marriage or civil unions of same sex couples, lesbianism in many countries, freedom of speech was illegal, freedom of assembly and these still are in many places.

How else do we change what is wrong unless we discuss our desires for something which is illegal? What upsets us is our own sensitivities to a subject and how we feel about those subjects. The point wasn't lost on me.

[slipnslide]

lol slipnslide....a friend of mine once said that if this was a g rated site, you would be lucky to see 5 threads a week cos nobody would have anything to talk about, lol

thinking about it now, I have been told that cos I am not having sex, that my opinion doesn't count.... and yeah... I get told that being bisexual is not all about sex.....

I am lucky in that my friends take me seriously, cos my advice is solid and honest, and I talk with my friends, I don't try and fuck them lol

Would that be bad though? 5 solid threads a week?

I don't have sex either. Maybe we need our own forum! :)

Even if there were more mods to say 'this topic has been discussed to death over here, don't start a new thread'.

[Dead Account]

When I have to ask "is it just me?" I usually know the answer, yes. But does anyone else find the overtly sexual questions, like the perennial "do you like eating cum?", to detract from the forum? One of my biggest problems with my bisexuality is the fear of being seen as a perverted member of some overly sexualized community and not being taken seriously - potentially affecting relationships both personal and professional.

There is so much life experience and sound advice handed out in this community, but it's sprinkled with the "cum" questions. It might be nice if we could separate the two. Am I alone in this thought? :2cents:
Exactly what I've always thought all along. This strange trip were all on called life is complicated enough, without turning something beautiful into filth and making the curious (like me) a little less than curious when your motives become more than obvious- hit it and forget it. I'm sure not going to partake in anyone with those ideals, that's for sure. I'm not in this to get hurt and ruin the experience which should be memorable and desirable. That's my .02 on the subject.

[Briar Rose]

I lurked forever before joining here! Yes, part of the reason I lurked so long were the very graphic sex threads because I'm not looking for a hook-up. I was looking for a community and I think that this site is one--even with the cum threads, personal disagreements, occasional flame wars etc. (Maybe because of them in some ways!) At the same time, new people dealing with the confusion that always arises around fluid sexuality come looking for help and advice--and they get it to the best of people's ability to give it.

There are other sites that are clearly mostly hook-up sites; and there are activist sites, and at least one new US bi-based news/entertainment site, and blogs galore on all ends of the spectrum of bisexuality, but here people squabble and support each other, post activist stuff and sex threads (which are often an education, I must say) and generally just seem to act like a community.

You get a big community; you get the resulting divergences of opinion and a broad array of interests. I love this site in all it's messy, wonderful glory. I come by about every day and I read nearly all the threads whether they are personally relevant or not. There is something very real about this site that I appreciate.

But you know, I wouldn't object to a hangout but no sex discussion area.

[ChicagoNormalGuy]

Why not two forums? One for sex and one for the non-sex? I said "non-sex" instead of "serious subjects" because it's nice to have a non-sex, non-serious thread every once in a while. Frankly, I'm surprised it wasn't set up that way to begin with.

[tenni]

I am inclined to agree with Sammie and GSP that this is a bisexual site and all things related to our sexuality are valid for discussion. That includes discussions about specific sexual acts. As far as the issue about being perverted and not wanting "people to think that we are perverted", bisexuality is about more than sex etc. No, it is about sex. It isn't about how bisexuals invest their money etc. It is also about how we chose to live our lives as bisexuals. How we interpret our sexuality and that includes our issues and problems living in a mainstream hetero society with more vocals coming from other sexualities as well. If you are uncomfortable, then that may be saying more about you and coming to terms with your own sexuality than others who post sexually explicit threads. This is understandable but try to get over it and accepting of bisexuality. Bisexuality is a very wide category that may be more than one sexuality...it has not been determined. Asexuality and thinking that bisexuality isn't about sex...is well... something else.


There are new people joining and they may not have read all the older threads. Awhile back some long time very frequent posters would attempt to stifle discussion by labelling it "we have discussed that many times. Look up the old threads etc.". Well, it is unrealistic to expect a new poster to do that. In fact, the idea about creating categories has come up before and the appearance of appearing as perverts with the thread topics ..as I recall. Someone pointed out at that time that if a thread is repeated that it shows that the topic is important to bisexuals....whether it be emotional, relationships, or raw sex etc.

Some threads such as the cum threads are not what I'm interested in...so I think. When/if I open some sometimes (not always) I go..oh..really. (learn something). You do not have to open a thread.

As far as separate categories. That isn't going to happen (I suspect). Sites that do that, sometimes, get into difficulty about whether someone has posted in the proper category. Some sites get a bit "controlling" about whether a thread is placed appropriately. I don't see Drew showing that type of approach. Who knows though? Pigs may fly and the site may change.

[BiBedBud]

Folks, none of us are under any obligation to read every thread. If the title of a thread turns you off, then don't read it. That's what I do.

Also, it should be fairly obvious that our friendly proprietor 'Drew' is not keen to do a whole bunch of moderating. In fact, I don't think he does hardly any moderating. Therefore, suggestions that he or someone he authorizes should moderate thread titles and topics, which threads get posted to which areas, etc., are likely to be non-starters.

I suggest that everyone just enjoy this forum as best they can; and refrain from reading anything they find disagreeable.

Life is too short for that.

[Annika L]

I don't *think* the OP is asking if we can stop having the "cum threads". He asks if we can separate the kinds of threads. I've heard that question before, and have mixed feelings about it.

I could see effective ways to do this. Many forum sites are separated by category/topic. Our threads could fall into as many or as few broad categories as you like. To keep it simple, one could separate them into:

Community (introductions, whatever happened to so-and-so, I just had a baby, etc.)
Information/Education
Advice
X-rated
Current Events
Fits No Other Category

...with a rule that any thread that mentions X-rated material, or is likely/intended to provoke x-rated responses, should be posted in the X-rated category.

But this is tricky, because a lot of legitimate advice or education here is on x-rated topics. Still, instead of one X-rated category, we could have x-rated and non x-rated versions of each of the others. Lots of ways to break things into categories.

But I can understand why Drew would not want to take on the additional work of (a) dividing everything into these categories to begin with; and (b) monitoring all the categories to be sure people weren't posting in the wrong places. Sheesh, how much do we think he gets paid for this, anyway? Ultimately, if course, it's his site, and he can run it however he likes. Personally, I'm just glad it's here.

Much as I like categories myself, though, I'm not sure I'd really like it if Drew did decide to install and maintain them (say, if a wealthy benefactor made it worth his while to focus his life on nothing but this site). I like the community feel of seeing *everything* as it comes up. I know myself well enough that if I had to look under a particular category folder to see, oh, say introductions and baby announcements, I would never look in that folder. Probably true for current events as well (I have plenty of other venues in which I receive news of current events). But it's *good* for me to see the baby threads and the introduction threads and the current event threads. Every once in a while I see something that *did* slip by my other newsfeeds, or I see one that is so intriguing that I'll open it up, and find that bisexuals really do think about a particular issue differently from the mainstream in an interesting way.

And while I'm not personally a huge fan of the "cum threads", I know that many, many people are (or they wouldn't be so dominant here). And sometimes the people who post most to those also make really thoughtful posts on the other threads. Just as I don't want to separate myself from thead categories *I'm* less interested in, I also wouldn't want to separate the people who like the "cum threads" from the categories they may be less interested in, but still add value to occasionally.

So I tend to be glad that for whatever reason, Drew continues to leave the whole thing in a general sort of mish-mash. At the very least you do see what is on the minds of bisexuals (even if you don't always like what you see). It is sad if this stops people from posting, though...my best advice is if you don't like what you see, post your own threads, and then the minds of bisexuals will look fairly different.

[ErosUrge]

I don't *think* the OP is asking if we can stop having the "cum threads". He asks if we can separate the kinds of threads. I've heard that question before, and have mixed feelings about it.

I could see effective ways to do this. Many forum sites are separated by category/topic. Our threads could fall into as many or as few broad categories as you like. To keep it simple, one could separate them into:

Community (introductions, whatever happened to so-and-so, I just had a baby, etc.)
Information/Education
Advice
X-rated
Current Events
Fits No Other Category

...with a rule that any thread that mentions X-rated material, or is likely/intended to provoke x-rated responses, should be posted in the X-rated category.

But this is tricky, because a lot of legitimate advice or education here is on x-rated topics. Still, instead of one X-rated category, we could have x-rated and non x-rated versions of each of the others. Lots of ways to break things into categories.

But I can understand why Drew would not want to take on the additional work of (a) dividing everything into these categories to begin with; and (b) monitoring all the categories to be sure people weren't posting in the wrong places. Sheesh, how much do we think he gets paid for this, anyway? Ultimately, if course, it's his site, and he can run it however he likes. Personally, I'm just glad it's here.

Much as I like categories myself, though, I'm not sure I'd really like it if Drew did decide to install and maintain them (say, if a wealthy benefactor made it worth his while to focus his life on nothing but this site). I like the community feel of seeing *everything* as it comes up. I know myself well enough that if I had to look under a particular category folder to see, oh, say introductions and baby announcements, I would never look in that folder. Probably true for current events as well (I have plenty of other venues in which I receive news of current events). But it's *good* for me to see the baby threads and the introduction threads and the current event threads. Every once in a while I see something that *did* slip by my other newsfeeds, or I see one that is so intriguing that I'll open it up, and find that bisexuals really do think about a particular issue differently from the mainstream in an interesting way.

And while I'm not personally a huge fan of the "cum threads", I know that many, many people are (or they wouldn't be so dominant here). And sometimes the people who post most to those also make really thoughtful posts on the other threads. Just as I don't want to separate myself from thead categories *I'm* less interested in, I also wouldn't want to separate the people who like the "cum threads" from the categories they may be less interested in, but still add value to occasionally.

So I tend to be glad that for whatever reason, Drew continues to leave the whole thing in a general sort of mish-mash. At the very least you do see what is on the minds of bisexuals (even if you don't always like what you see). It is sad if this stops people from posting, though...my best advice is if you don't like what you see, post your own threads, and then the minds of bisexuals will look fairly different.

I think this is the best response to this I have seen so far. There's no denying that I often if not always go to the "cum threads" and post my experiences or thoughts. But as Annika L has pointed out, there can be and sometimes is valuable information even in the "cum threads". And also, having a variety of topics listed allows me to see them all together in one place. Even if I have a tendency to gravitate to certain topics, I do on occasion look in on topics that aren't of my general interest and find out quite often that there is valuable input there....
So, my feelings are that if one isn't interested in the more sexual threads, simply don't go there....I think all in all, there is a very good balance here.

[Gearbox]

:bigrin: It gives me a giggle, and that can't be a bad thing.:bigrin:

When some people make, "I like swallowing cum. Do you?", threads, I think it's great. Mainly because they feel comfortable writing that here. They probably can't say that out loud where they are.:(
Also it's good to know that your not a freak and can ask pretty much anything without much scorn.

I remember how liberating it was to type "I love cock!", for the first time.:tongue:

[_someone_]

If the thread discussion (and sometimes the title) doesn't interest me, then usually I step away from the topic and let them go about whatever they want. I'll usually try to contribute if it feels relevant enough for me to discuss it.

Re: thread title: a bit underwhelming for inside contents, though. :bigrin:

[slipnslide]

There definitely seems to be interest in a "non-gutter-talk" forum. So if not here, maybe we can do it elsewhere. . .

[elian]

In the end those "naughty" threads are just as much a part of human expression as anything else, I just hope that newbies know that there is a good mix of topics on the forum.

[slipnslide]

In the end those "naughty" threads are just as much a part of human expression as anything else, I just hope that newbies know that there is a good mix of topics on the forum.

Do you genuinely fine redeeming value in any of these that I sampled from page 1?

(1) What do you like most about sucking cock?
(2) Hard or Soft ?
(3) Do you get excited when your nipples played with? I do
(4) What's it's like to swallow?
(5) Curious to know if others enjoy their own cum
(6) Do you crave your man's cum like I do?

They don't really come across as mature adult threads - more like high school kids joking around. So if not here, does anyone else know of a site that I might be more interested in? I'm really getting the impression that there's a void in the internet.

[lizard-lix]

I guess I just don't see the need for 'purity'. I love this place because it is so varied.

There are a lot of serious discussions about important things, and many folks come her for advice, which is usually given in the true spirit of helping.

There are also plenty of just happy hour bar BS threads and some are just totally raunchy. And some of those are just as good, and just as important as they help isolated people, those trying to understand their nature, and those just curious about what others do sexually.

It all belongs IMNSHO..

I guess we could ask Drew to split the main forum into threads that remain 'clothes on' and those that are 'clothes off' or some such distinction; but mostly just reading the title tells you, and some threads do go back and forth (like cum swallowing morphing to safe sex).

Life is a messy place, so is bisexual.com, fine bi me

Just my $0.02...

Liz

[welickit]

The threads that make me go hmm are the ones from people who join the site and then decide it needs to be changed to suit them. If the dislike is that strong then moving on to another site is quicker and easier. If the smut is that bad, make sure you wipe your feet when you leave. You wouldn't want to leave tracks.

[niftyshellshock]

I like the layout as it is. I'm not a big fan of the 'HEY U LIKE SUCK COCK?!?!?!?!' threads, either, but they're part of the site. The reason I like this site is because it's one category, easily perusable. I don't like the idea of following the other site formats where I'll be posting in one division, and then having to do a bunch of back-and-forth clicks just to get to the other one. If one person doesn't like the site as it is and 20 do, it would be sort of unfair for 20 people to get screwed over because someone said poop or dick and someone else got offended.

Some people here are talking about 'redeeming value' in the "raunchy" threads, all I have to ask is SERIOUSLY? Does everything have to have redeeming value? Should every single thread lead to a user's introspection on the finer philosophies of why we like men and women, or how society is (insert failure of society, imagined or actual) against us?

I say no. Sometimes, I just want to goof off.

/rant off

http://xkcd.com/200/ <-- fitting

[softfruit]

This one comes up every so often, including back when drew was a much more actively involved host, and it's clear that the structure of this website is not going to change now: it's been like this for six years or more and has remained this shape despite such discussions.

There are bi places on the net that tackle this one by having very limited commenting, like bimedia or ljbicon. There are those with discussions that simply steer clear of allowing 'pineapple' threads, like bisocialnetwork. And there are places that divide a basic forum up into sections, like the biorg fora.

So if the endless discussions of length, girth, bodily fluids etc annoy you, there are other places to go.

The person (drew) who runs this site chooses to have it all one big melee of stuff in one place. Frankly, he's paying the no-doubt-substantial hosting costs of running it - it's his call, and he's called it.

[bigdaddyden59]

I happen to like the sexual threads. It gives me a chance to live vicariously through others experience. I also enjoy many of the non-sexual threads. I believe this forum should stay the way it is.

[elian]

Do you genuinely fine redeeming value in any of these that I sampled from page 1?

(6) Do you crave your man's cum like I do?



I especially "like" # 6 because if you read it right then it sounds as though the OP is comparing their desire for your man's cum to your own.

Sometimes the thread titles do come across as a bit strong or immature but if you look carefully there are also some very thoughtful discussions that are spurred by people's candid responses. There are also some genuine cries for help, genuine love and affection.

If you consider that for many years most of the folks here in the US treated sex as a grade school topic to be hushed about anyway then maybe it DOES seem immature when people talk about it, at least at first but at least they ARE talking about it and hopefully learning something about themselves and their peers. As foolish as "Mr. Weiner" was for lying about his midsection I have to give him credit for bringing discussion about sex into the public space.

Yes I do get tired of seeing endless threads about the taste of cum but I actually like when people can talk frankly about sex because the less mysterious and the more natural we can make it the better as far as I am concerned.

I hate to say it but the hushed way people sometimes talk about sex IRL sort of reminds me of the same way that people used to think about mental illness..

When you hush things up about sex then you can also make it easier to cover up things such as human trafficking, sex abuse, domestic abuse, child abuse, addiction.. We ought to all strive to know what makes a healthy relationship and the right and wrong way to deal with these issues which can cause great pain to ourselves and others. These issues are not usually talked about openly because they have a social stigma around them.

I'm not saying that you MUST read the gross threads but it is a fact that in a lot of cases "silence kills" so I'm more inclined to let people say that they enjoy sex or what they enjoy, knowing that sometimes we also talk about the serious stuff too - rather than try to squelch discussion.

I don't ever think you are going to have the "perfect" site, but I sort of like the idea that this one mixes serious discussion in with some wacky stuff. I just hope it doesn't scare off the newbies.

This site more than any other I've participated on is more like "family" - if you hang out here long enough you get to know where people are coming from and none of us are perfect angels but we all seem to tolerate each other for the most part. It IS a little bit different, for what it's worth.

[Annika L]

This site more than any other I've participated on is more like "family" - if you hang out here long enough you get to know where people are coming from and none of us are perfect angels but we all seem to tolerate each other for the most part. It IS a little bit different, for what it's worth.

Except me, of course. :tong:


Do you genuinely fine redeeming value in any of these that I sampled from page 1?

Yes, slippy, I do find redeeming value to some of those threads. Some are posted due to insecurity or self-critical curiosity, and the responses do a great deal to reassure the poster that they are normal, or at least are not alone in the world. Even when the OP is posting simply to titillate him/herself, the responses often act to reassure and educate many of our silent members. Again, if there was no redeeming value, the threads would fall of the main board quickly because nobody would reply to them.

And at the same time, I agree with niftyshellshock that not every thread requires redeeming value, and that it's asking too much to expect them to have it...on any site run in any way.

[slipnslide]

...If you consider that for many years most of the folks here in the US treated sex as a grade school topic to be hushed about anyway then maybe it DOES seem immature when people talk about it, at least at first but at least they ARE talking about it and hopefully learning something about themselves and their peers...

Maybe you're onto something here. I think sex is more openly discussed in Canada from what I can tell. So the sillier and more "immature" topics we got out of our system during junior high sex classes. I hadn't considered cultural divides as an explanation. Interesting.

[BiBedBud]

^^^ Yeah, you might be right: Here in Canada, the "Bible Belt" is an item that some people use to affix their strap-on dildoes more securely.:rolleyes:

Down in the United States, the "Bible Belt" is something else entirely different.;)

[berryhard]

wow, seems like just because some menbers have been here they decide how things "must be" on this site and close their mind to anything but what they want and believe and work hard to censor and crush free expression.

sounds a lot like government to me.

what give u the right to decide how others think feel or wonder ?

how about a civil war here where the new member or members that dont like what the narrow minded "government" wants, overthrows the goverment and takes over ?

lighten up and remember you don't have to read what bothers you.

Internet forum, discussion board on the Internet-the definition dosent spell out rules, just says discussion.

[kitten]

It's all about choice. We choose to join, read, participate in and/or ignore. We, however, did not choose our sexuality and that is why I am here. I joined to better understand myself and to be a part of a community. To feel safe discussing anything and so that I am not isolated.

The only constant in life is change. Stick around and watch the movement and flow of this valuable community over time whether we are discussing flavors or fair weather and best wishes if you find another community that works better for you.

I like it here just like it is.

[slipnslide]

wow, seems like just because some menbers have been here they decide how things "must be" on this site and close their mind to anything but what they want and believe and work hard to censor and crush free expression.

sounds a lot like government to me.

what give u the right to decide how others think feel or wonder ?

how about a civil war here where the new member or members that dont like what the narrow minded "government" wants, overthrows the goverment and takes over ?

lighten up and remember you don't have to read what bothers you.

Internet forum, discussion board on the Internet-the definition dosent spell out rules, just says discussion.

Lol. Wanting to raise ourselves above cum threads makes us censors about to trigger social upheaval! Who knew we were so powerful?