Dealing with bisexuality in high school?

[SinCityGal]

I'm curious to hear other bi voices about how you dealt with your sexuality in high school (or your country's equivalent of American high school).

Did you know you were bi? (Or, did you know something was "up" but couldn't or wouldn't identify it?
Were you openly bi?
If so, were your peers accepting of your sexuality? If they weren't, what did they do? How did you cope?
Did you have same-sex relationships while in school? If yes, were they public or private?
Did your parents/guardians know? (Do they know now?)
Anything else?

I personally remember not recognizing what was going on with my sexuality for a very long time. I didn't think I was sexually attracted to women (I honestly am not sure I realized it was an option). I've always found the female body very pleasing to admire, though, and I regularly found myself sneaking glimpses of pretty female classmates (got myself in trouble a couple of times for that :rolleyes: but at the time, I felt I was being accused of being something that I honestly didn't believe I was-- I guess I was the last to know :bigrin:). I have always found women far more physically attractive than men, in spite of being mostly equally attracted to both sexes (the same holds true to this day).

In spite of (in retrospect) very obvious "games"/role-playing with my female best friend in middle school, which was truly a bedsheet away from fullblown sex with her, the word 'bisexual' just didn't click with me until around age 16-17. I hadn't been in denial; it just never clicked upstairs for me. It was such a relief to figure myself out! I did not physically pursue female relationships until college. If my high school had been accepting and any students had been openly gay/bi, maybe I would have. I don't know.

I find it ironic how any high school student would almost certainly be tortured and socially isolated for being openly gay or bi in the mid-to-late 1990's (at least where I went to school), yet 5-10 years later, high school girls across the U.S. were actively making out with one another in public for attention! I was born too soon :tong:

[mnTIMIDguy]

Gal, when I was in high school, I didn't even know what gay was, let alone bisexual.

Mostly I thought about girls, but over the years since grade school, there had always been a boy here or there that I enjoyed looking at, or picturing in my mind. I don't mean sexual acts. I just liked to look at these particular boys' faces. It was like it was delicious to look at their faces. It never occured to me what acts I might perform with one. I was content to enjoy their face, and in the later years, the form of their bodies.

If anyone had asked me if I had a sexual attraction to a guy, I could have passed a lie detector, saying no. In my mind, the attraction wasn't sexual.

[_someone_]

I think I viewed myself as a bit curious, but didn't have big urges. Actually, it never was a big deal in my teen years at all. I didn't fully acknowledge my sexuality until my 20s.

[NotLostJustWandering]

I've known I was bi from childhood, even before I had the words or concepts for sex. I remember writing a fantasy story with half a dozen characters who were in love with each other. These people could turn into horses so their partners could ride them. I was very specific about who chose who to be horses for each other. There were heterogender couples as well as a male couple. I remember a copy I had of the book Heidi, and gazing in admiration at the handsome boy in the story; the earliest instance I can recall of my lifelong fetish for blond, blue-eyed boys. I had a "girlfriend" for years in grade school and can remember one day where I couldn't keep my eyes off another boy and a girl who were palling around in the swimming pool at the YMCA. Adolescence just brought the flowering or articulation of the urges I'd always been aware of without having a name for them.

[Katja]

I have written about my experiences same sex relationships before, but for a quick resume, I went to a single sex private boarding school which is a quite different thing from a state funded high school.

There were a number of same sex relationships and a 'lesbian' scene where older girls in particular would get the pick of the crop. There was little coercion involved and no girl who refused would be forced to submit to any activity to which they objected. I say no girl, but coercion did occur but where it was uncovered senior girls would soon act to put a stop to it.

I was at different times both a younger and a senior girl and it was there I discovered my own sexuality. Most of these 'lesbian' relationships involved girls 15 and above, and it was considered bad form for an older 6th form girl to indulge herself with a younger girl below that age. Physical relationships between girls below the age of 15 did occur but these were very few and far between and not encouraged by the rest of the 'lesbian' school body.

While lesbian sexual relationships did exist, even among the older school population these were not by any means the norm. Most girls were unaffected and even although they were aware of it happening around them, it was accepted as part of school life. In a senior school population of several hundred students, there was probably at most 20 girls who were affected at any given moment in time.

Contrast that to the local publicly funded state high school where most of my primary school friends were educated. There existed the more usual victimisation and bullying of anyone who was different and that school's bullying policy seemed to consist of 'there is no bullying at this school'. One boy I know who is gay attempted to kill himself because of this 'non bullying'. Most boys and girls who were different kept it well hidden, something very common to state schools in this country 8 or 10 years ago and to a great extent even today.

Now while things are much more free, and people have far more liberal attitudes to same sex relationships, very few boys openly reveal how they feel. Girls seem to be more prepared to display and pursue their interest in same sex relationships, and those who are not themselves gay or bisexual far more tolerant of those who are. Witness the girl I interviewed not very long ago who is a pupil at that school, and about whom I wrote about in another thread.

To return to my own schooling, few girls ended up being lesbian even if the scene was called a lesbian scene. Once leaving school most shied away from same sex encounters and settled down to very heterosexual lives. Some like myself returned to who we are in time, and several do now consider themselves and live as lesbian. The more ready acceptance of same sex relationships by the school body broke down most of the prejudice of those who are not lesbian or bisexual. Some left school and themselves became actively lesbian or bisexual even although they never showed signs of it at school much more easily and without the trauma which so many educated people in state schools appear to do. There doesn't appear to be quite the same peer pressure which forces private school students to disguise or hide their true selves.

My knowledge of the state sector is limited, based on hearsay from people I know and what I read, and can only really tell of my own private schooling experience, but from people I know who were also privately educated, especially women, my experience is not that uncommon.

What lessons can be drawn for my experience and from those educated in different institutions can be argued, but that lessons are there for all to see cannot if only eyes could be opened.

[jackbirdjay]

Well all my friends talked about girls and how they want to fuck them. I was 14 when I seen lots of cocks in the high school gym showers. It did turn me on but was scared to act on it. It was 1970's not as open like now. U were either gay or str 8, no in between back then. Me and my friends started looking at naked pics of girls. I had a few mags that I use to jerk to of women. One of my friends found a box of very hardcore mags. He lets us borrow them. They showed everything. I was getting very turned on with cum shots and hard thick cocks shooting cum on a women's face. I hide the fact I wanted to play with cocks as well as pussy. I had sex with my first girl at 17 she was 16 and already had 4 other guys I was a virgin. I had sex with about 5 others to the age of 20. I still hide it that I wanted cock. After my first time sucking, I thought why didn't I do it sooner. I hide it in high school well but in secret I wanted a cock to.

[Falke]

Did you know you were bi? (Or, did you know something was "up" but couldn't or wouldn't identify it?
Were you openly bi?
If so, were your peers accepting of your sexuality? If they weren't, what did they do? How did you cope?
Did you have same-sex relationships while in school? If yes, were they public or private?
Did your parents/guardians know? (Do they know now?)
Anything else?

I knew something was up, but wouldn't identify as such

Unknown, yes, and no. In middle school I was the "gay fat kid" and was treated accordingly. That pushed anything deep underground for fear of being treated the same way again. Looking back, all the friends I had then know and accepted me as I am today.

No. Though the thought had crossed my mind during this time. However it was never acted on due to what was written above.

Then, no. Now, yes. I have been out to them for about 8-9ish months. No real we accept you statement, but no negative ones either.

Nothing really. Looking back there were things I should have and could have done but was prevented out of fear.

[sammie19]

No one had the slightest idea about me at high school. I did have a crush on my art teacher which everyone knew about but so did half the other girls and just about every boy. No one took it as being bi or gay, they just accepted as a schoolgirl thing.

Some kids had a really bad time of it even although they werent gay or bi. If you didnt have a gf or were a bit drippy boys especially were slagged off for being gay without the slightest evidence to substantiate it. A couple of girls too but never as bad as boys. It just seemed if u were a bit of a loner automatically people had a go at you for being gay. No one ever mentioned bisexuality. You were just a poofy queer or a raging dyke.

I never involved myself with the name calling but like some of the older girls and a few older boys did stick up for them and defend the kids who were given a bad time.

[piercedcurious]

As a boy in middle school my best friend and I use to fool around and say that it was what we were going to do with our girlfriends. At the time I knew I was different because I wanted to do more with him. (all we did was grind and neck) but as I got older I told my self it was silly kid stuff because I saw how homophobic the general population was. Hell, you were considered queer if you took shower after gym class! I remember when I was a sophomore I heard one of the seniors that I had been friends with the previous year had come out after he graduated. We were all just shocked and weirded out by it. I wish now that I had known my own feelings and been brave enough to be myself at the same time. I'm out to my wife but no one else. I hope that soon I can just be my self and let the chips fall where they may.

[lizard-lix]

6th grade through first year college was the best bi time of my life..

I have been sexual and bi from my earliest attractions. My best buddy and I started trading hand jobs and blowjobs at 11 and kept it up till we headed for different places after freshman year a local colleges.

We had other guys join in and had 5 guy circle suck parties several times.

Neither of us were out.. But if anyone left a hanging opportunity we took it..

We both chased girls too, but until we were 14 or so there were no takers (we WERE dumb boys :-)

bi high school we were getting it both ways and very happy about it, unfortunately we never got to have any parties with both boys and girls, we never found any girls who were curious about or into guys together.. I did get to do a bunch of MMF in college, but the guy was straight, so I never got to touch him.. I am still close to the girl we did it with, she is bi and I am out to her, we both lament the lost opportunities back then.

[ErosUrge]

I'm curious to hear other bi voices about how you dealt with your sexuality in high school (or your country's equivalent of American high school).

Did you know you were bi? (Or, did you know something was "up" but couldn't or wouldn't identify it?
Were you openly bi?
If so, were your peers accepting of your sexuality? If they weren't, what did they do? How did you cope?
Did you have same-sex relationships while in school? If yes, were they public or private?
Did your parents/guardians know? (Do they know now?)
Anything else?

No, I didn't know I was bi. I knew I liked sex with guys and always wanted the girls. I knew from all I'd heard that having sex with guys was considered a negative thing and that one should not indulge in it. But I could not help the interest and desire in sex with the guys that I was sexual with. It was dangerous to be openly bi as one could encounter violence because of it at my school. My peers for the most part were accepting and especially those indulging in same sex-sex. But it was always kept under cover and talk around school was always negative about same sex-sex. Yes, I had same sex-sex while going to school and they were most definitely private. Absolutely my parents and siblings did not know. During school, I had never heard of the word bisexual nor do I think anyone at my school did either. You were either a "fag" or straight....there wasn't any other way to be sexually as far as people at school were concerned. During those years, I thought it normal that I enjoyed sex with both and didn't really think about it being different until I got into my twenties.

[Realist]

In the strictly religious, conservative, '50s, (where I lived) it was prudent to be very secretive about aspirations one might have, regarding same-gender relationships. Even a false rumor could destroy a person's reputation and, in some instances, physical harm came to suspected "Queers" and "Fags". I didn't think much about liking both genders, but felt that I fit a niche where there were very few like me.

Public schools were places where the conservative morals and attitudes of our families were reinforced. If anything, many young people were even more volatile and impassioned in their prejudices. I was never aware of any other kids having the same sexual interests I had.

Although I wanted badly to explore my sexuality with a girl, or guy my age, I was too cautious and afraid to chance being outed.

My first sexual encounter was with an older neighbor, who I felt I could trust. As it turned out, that was probably my best and safest opportunity. Luckily, that turned out well.

During my 9th and 10th years of high school, my parents sent me to a private military school. There, as Katja indicated, sexuality between students was a known, but not an openly discussed event. There was an unofficial honor system in place, of being discrete and minding your own business. It was an early form of "Don't ask, don't tell". I was delighted with the possibilities!

Briefly, I had sex with an aloof, self-centered, roommate. It was the first time I was able to act impulsively and sexually with anyone my own age. I quickly tired of him, though. I wanted a romantic relationship; he was all about "cuming and running".

Soon afterwards, I fell deeply in love with a boy from Switzerland and he shared the same feelings with me. We spent the rest of that year together. In public, we kept our distance, never made obvious overtures toward each other, but we found places to be and do as we wished. It was heaven!

I returned to public schools for my last two years of school and things went back to as before, but I had set the pace for the rest of my life.

After being gone for about 50 years, I returned to my home, where some things are still as conservative as ever, but one can explore .....as long as discretion and prudence are maintained.

In some places, things change slowly.

[schecter]

in highs cool i knew i was bisexual and to everyone relatively close to me i was open about it. i came out to my ex girlfriend after sleeping with a guy for the first time and she was more of a bitch than expected and she basically told everyone that knew me.

i live in California and went to a small school with about 250 people total so it was like a giant family so i didn't get to much shit. i wasn't a flamboyant guy though and i didn't flaunt my sexuality so i think most people forgot.

there was this one time though, that i got called out by my ex's new boyfriend. he was talking shit about how "dated a fag". he was intentionally talking loud so i couldnt help but hear we ended up in a fight i got suspended and he got taken away in an ambulance but after that no one mentioned my sexuality in a negative way around me or my friends.

[Prince of Thieves]

Honestly, I was more concerned with sports in high school than sexuality. I admired girls from afar and occasionally dated. As far as the boys, if I ever snuck a look it was to gauge my own development into a man. It wasn't until college when I began to realize I had an attraction to both men and women and acted on it. I suppose I was a late bloomer.