Bi & married

[RedRiver]

I am married and bi. My wife knows that I have previous bi sex and she said she is ok, but I can tell it bothers her and she has questions. I love gay sites and looking at other men and chatting. She thinks it is cheating and I don't love her. I need other married bi men opinions and how do you handle this

[Realist]

My first wife thought masturbating was cheating! I never cheated on her, ever.

I don't know what my 2nd wife thought; I lived with her for 23 years and we ever understood each other. Everything I did was wrong, everything she did was perfect! To cope, I did what I should have never considered...I lied and cheated with both genders! It would have been best if I'd just left. Hated myself and disliked what I was doing, but once it began I was incapable of stopping...I thought so, anyway. Finally got the balls to divorce her, but married again, too soon.

My 3rd and last wife was told that I had intimate experiences with other males before we married.......she accepted it, at the time. I told her I would not cheat and I didn't. One half of our marriage was great, part was rough, the rest was miserable. After she went through menopause, she began to dwell on my past history and it became an obsession with her. Finally, we agreed to go our own ways.

Finally, I met and fell in love with a bisexual girl. Then, it dawned on me, that's what I should have done in the first place...a little late, but finally peace and satisfaction is with us both!

[ErosUrge]

Finally, I met and fell in love with a bisexual girl. Then, it dawned on me, that's what I should have done in the first place...a little late, but finally peace and satisfaction is with us both!

How well I can relate to RedRiver and Realist's situations....
My first marriage, my wife knew accepting and allowing me to play with males...we had an open marriage. It was for other reasons we parted but remain friends.

My next girlfriend had absolutely no problem with it...she would even drive me to be with the men I was active with and then pick me up after asking me, "how was it?"...she knew it was only for sex. As long as I didn't indulge with other women which I did not do because I knew that would be dangerous for the relationship since it's with women I get attached. She wasn't bi nor had any interest in joining in with these men. She knew the importance of allowing this, but after I would feel guilt and tell her. She would assure me there was nothing to feel guilt over. She understood it was only a physical thing. And again, for other reasons completey unrelated we parted. We are still great friends today.

My second wife I told that I'd had experiences with males before marrying her and I thought with that marriage my appetite and interest would no longer exist. I was terribly wrong and in fact it increased dramatically finally leading to me having sex with men without her knowing. I hated it at the time because I hated the secrecy of it all. When the urge would hit, I'd find a situation and though struggling with it to some degree, I couldn't resist having sex with guys. After 3 years, we separated but for other reasons that I would have to say were a result of my excursions. Because of the fact that I was playing, it would interfere with our time. She never questioned me directly as to what was going on, but it was obvious she didn't like it. And who could blame her?

After this, I had one girlfriend who was bi and of course knew about me. But the problem there was that she insisted on picking the men and the situations out for me. I didn't like it simply because she had the freedom to choose whatever woman interested her and not allowing me the same I felt was not fair. We still have remained friends too through the years.

After that relationship ended, I decided it was time to deal with it once and for all. Instead of trying to subdue my urge for male sex and continue to try to deny it all that I was indeed bi, I decided to look into it. I learned that so much of how I'd been brought up and the attitude of society towards any other sexuality except hetero was mainly why I was afraid to be honest and open. And on top of that, men being sexual with one another is frowned upon much more than women with women. I had wanted so badly to be straight and not have to deal wtih my desire for male sex.

So, when I did finally come to terms with it-it was as if a major burden had been lifted. I found I could be honest with who I am and with my closest friends (though not with everyone). And I found that because of this honesty it would mean that many women I was interested in and who were interested in me would have a change of heart when they learned about it as has been the case. And I always let them know right from the start. But at least it no longer involves me having to hide and be indulging behind their backs. This was very freeing for me.

Ideally, it would be great to find such a woman as you have Realist. It's just a matter of time for me....

[lizard-lix]

I'm the in between the two gents above...

I am 54, bi all my life, married & monogamous for 32 years to a straight woman who I told I was bi before we married..

She is OK with it, but we have always been monogamous. I love porn and got my fix by watching, being places like here, a bit of cyber and a lot of fantasy.

In the past few yeas I realized that I missed men and monogamy has started to bind..

So, I brought it up to her and we have been working on it, sometimes very slowly, since.. We have made progress, so I am hopeful.

Keep talking and with love and patience it can work!

[tastelessface]

I must be the luckiest man alive. I told my wife before we were married about my high school buddy. When I mentioned a fantasy to her of sucking a guy's cock while he ate her, she thought it was hot (although she has no interest in acting it out with me). We had many long talks and she's ok with me being binogamous, one man and one woman. Her comment, "I don't have that part for you to enjoy". Now if I could just find the perfect man for me!

[val.entine]

We had many long talks and she's ok with me being binogamous, one man and one woman. Her comment, "I don't have that part for you to enjoy". Now if I could just find the perfect man for me!

reverse the sexes and that's where i'm at buddy. :)

[gypsy2522]

Binogamous, i've never heard that term before. That's really interesting.

I always want to be married, so this is really interesting. I think a binogamous relationships for bi people are the way to go. Makes alot of sense.

[lizard-lix]

Binogamous, i've never heard that term before. That's really interesting.

I always want to be married, so this is really interesting. I think a binogamous relationships for bi people are the way to go. Makes alot of sense.

I've always thought the best combo would be an MMFF quad.. That way, assuming everyone is bi, each can get some of everything..

It's one of my oldest fantasies...

[bi42guy1958]

Ive posted on this subject before but its been awhile so I thought Id pipe up once again.
My first wife knew nothing about my bi side although I have been bi since I was 13 or 14. Second wife knew and she too was passive bi, she didnt mind touching a womans tits but wouldnt eat at the Y. Third wife was a stripper and bi, and we even had 3somes with both men and women, and a couple of couples orgy. She left me for being bi, go figure! Number 4 knew from the get go,"Im Ok with it" she says. But after the fact she was blabbing all over town! I do try and keep a low profile with being bi. Number 5, well she knew nothing of it due to number 4.
Now I got to say, Im seeing a BBBW(big beautiful black woman) and she knew from the start, She says its a big turn on for her to watch, but has of yet to agree to it. So we will see!

[jackbirdjay]

Was married at 19 to young all we did was fight. I was curious for a long time so at 20 when we split up I acted on it and went nuts doing sex with guys only. Then I started dating women again. Met my wife we married in 1990 am still married. Had 3 kids all in there teens. Before we were married I told her about being with guys, at first she was shooked but then was ok with it. I never strayed on her, she is the only one i been with since we got married. I am now trying to get her in a 3 way. She likes the idea but tells me it's not safe to do because might catch something. I tell her I have the itch to play with guys again. We play it out in the bedroom and she gets all excited about it but tells me she has to think about it, it's been 5 years now. With the kids being older now we started having some hot sex so I am hoping we could do a 3 way. Have to wait and see

[bisocialnudist]

It didnt happen overnight but my wife now sees that my being bisexual takes absolutely nothing away from what we have together. In fact since I have started living my life as the bisexual I am I have become a much better husband, I am happier, I am more helpful around the house, I am more fun to have as a husband. Like I said it took time . We don't look at it as cheating as we have discussed every aspect openly and honesty.

Lots of communication, lots of baby steps, we moved forward as partners not adversaries, it was basically Dear we have a problem how are we together going to work out a solution that keeps us both happy.

Good luck

Mark


I am married and bi. My wife knows that I have previous bi sex and she said she is ok, but I can tell it bothers her and she has questions. I love gay sites and looking at other men and chatting. She thinks it is cheating and I don't love her. I need other married bi men opinions and how do you handle this

[gypsy2522]

Mark

Your wife and you sound excactly like my boyfriend and me, whatever problem we have had, we're always open and honest with each other and come up with ways to get through them in a team type of way.

And since i've been open and honest about some issues i've been having with being bi and in a long term commited relationship, we've gotten better and stronger. And i've been happier in myself too.

[GuyN20109]

Been married 25 years and I was on active duty when we meet. I could not tell her about my bi side. I regret that decision now but I could not ruin mt military career to tell her. I enjoy gay porn and know she would freak out if I told her. : (