Has anyone come out in their work place?

[rayvader39]

I was wondering if anyone has come out at their work place and how did that go? I haven't yet and don't know if i will.

[forthwith]

Yes. Best decision ever. You can't get offended if they don't know.

[Bi-ten]

Only if;

1.Its fun for you
2.You want to date co-workers
3.You want to bring your same sex lover to your Christmas party

Otherwise what's the point?

[drugstore cowboy]

My bisexual husband and I both have at our jobs and it's worked out fine.

[Jobelorocks]

I would say it is in general a bad idea. In a bunch of states there is no protection from discriminating based on sexual identity, so in many states you can get fired for your sexuality. Also the last thing you need is to have to deal with a biphobic boss who knows you are bi.

[tenni]

I would say ask yourself why is that important to you?

My sister works in a male dominated career. Even after many years of being a barrier breaker she can still end up with a boss who treats her badly and differently than the guys who are lower down on the job scale than she is. Most of her bossses have admired her skills etc and not been difficult but some have.

Even with legislation for equality, it might be wise to ask yourself seriously if this is needed. It shouldn't matter either way but for some it does.

[DuckiesDarling]

Unless your work is directly related to work in LGBT, I don't think anyone needs to know what you would prefer to do in bed in order for you to do your job. There are so many places still that, while not openly promoting discrimination, still don't fight it as much as I feel they should. Recently a legislation was on the table to end workplace discrimination on basis of sexuality as well as gender, ethnicity and religion. I made my feelings known to Senator Mitch McConnell that I wanted him to support the legislation. He hedged and I reminded him that I am a registered voter and will be voting when he comes up for re-election. I received a nice reply back indicating that I had made him see the bill in a different light.

So come out when you need to at work, not because a bunch of people think you should. After all it's not their job on the line, is it?

[slipnslide]

Definitely not. It would be a career-ending move.

[Reprob8]

I have come out to certain people, but I have more than just work in common with them. I work on a military bast (civilian), there is a billboard coming on base that reads that DADT will be repealed on Sept 20th so that all may serve with dignity. I am curious to see if there is any tangible difference after the 20th or if the military members who are LGBT will just remain quiet.

[Emunahd]

If you count getting drunk and making out in the pool with another woman at your 40th birthday party in front of a few coworkers, then...yes (ahem).

[Jobelorocks]

I have come out to certain people, but I have more than just work in common with them. I work on a military bast (civilian), there is a billboard coming on base that reads that DADT will be repealed on Sept 20th so that all may serve with dignity. I am curious to see if there is any tangible difference after the 20th or if the military members who are LGBT will just remain quiet.

See the problem with lifting the don't ask don't tell policy is that military law on sex has not changed. It is still illegal to have homosexual sex, extra-marital sex, or even sex that is not missionary position. So even if they are gay or bi, they can be court marshaled for practicing sex outside of UCMJ regulations. It is useless to just change don't ask don't tell policy if they don't change military law to allow same gender sex and other forms of sex.

[innaminka]

I own/manage a small tourism business.
My whole staff (8) know my status.
Admittedly we're all women, but it just seemed practical and upfront to come out as I'm now in a committed relationship with another woman.

And in a smal, friendly workplace like mine, big secrets are hard to keep

[Realist]

Over the years, I have seen some attitudes and regulations change, particularly in the military. But, there are ways to circumvent any rule, to punish, or make an example of, someone............even if it's done underhandedly, through the "back door".

I was in the military for 7 years and then worked for the Army another 23 years and I can tell you........if they want to get rid of you, they can! As they say, "There are many roads to Rome."

At no place I was assigned, did I feel comfortable being out. It was especially career-ruining back in the late '50s and '60s, to be out, or caught........actually, it was not uncommon for soldiers to be sentenced to prison, if caught in a homosexual act.

I retired in '93, so I can't say how attitudes are now, but I doubt if human nature has changed that much since then. I'd think that if your livelihood was at stake, being discreet and cautious makes common sense, still.

[lizard-lix]

With the exception of here, and other online places like this, I've never come out to a 'group,' I do come out to individuals if it is appropriate.

So far, there have been some hints to a cute coworker who I think is also bi, but nothing overt (I am not in a position to follow through, so it is not pressing, if it ever looks like good moment, I may risk it as I am pretty certain that even if he isn't bi he's fine with non-straight orientations).

The funny thing is that there are at least four people who are into BDSM out of about 22 in our office (the guy above included), and we are all pretty much out to each other. I would never have guessed that there were so many. And we all managed to hint around the edges of that one till we all let it slip out.

[binjlooking]

Whoa Nelie !! I would avoid doing that. People don't need to know your Life outside of Work. You'd be shooting yourself in the foot.....

[Katja]

I own/manage a small tourism business.
My whole staff (8) know my status.
Admittedly we're all women, but it just seemed practical and upfront to come out as I'm now in a committed relationship with another woman.

And in a smal, friendly workplace like mine, big secrets are hard to keep

Like you I own and manage a small business, not specifically to do with tourism, but the business, in arts and crafts, relies on much of its income on the tourist trade. All the staff know of my sexuality and it creates no problems for me or them.

It was not always so, for I began the business in partnership with my then husband, but such was the rancour at the break up of the marriage because of my relationship with an old school friend, that the reason for it was soon pretty well known around our circle of friends and in the local community.

The business did not suffer as such because of the revelation of my sexuality, but a couple of women who worked for me thought long and hard about whether to stay. The other half dozen who worked for me were fine with it, but it took several days and a great deal of discussion before these two finally agreed to stay. I am glad they did so because one was and is my right arm and the other the best salesperson I have, if also the most talkative.

Uneasiness among my employees was expressed by most, but more about the entanglement which caused the marriage break up rather than the gender of the person concerned.

[tenni]

Katja & innaminka

You raise interesting factors as to whether a person should come out at work. In both of your cases, you are the owner/boss. That probably has its own set of factors and differs from someone working for another person or company.

Katja, in your case, it may be similar to some degree than a person working in the arts in my country. It is a positive or no negative factor in Canadian arts to be gay/lesbian. I'm not saying that there are more gay/lesbians in the arts in my country but there is a significant enough numbers and it has been of significant importance that it can be seen as a bonus if you are gay /lesbian. (at different eras a better chance to get an exhibition etc. in the artist run community etc.) That doesn't seem to cross over to bisexuals though. I'm sure that there are bisexuals in Canadians arts but just not visible.

[jamieknyc]

In some businesses there are a lot of gay and bi people, and it isn't a big deal. In others there are individuals who may or may not be out. It is usually more of an issue with coworkers more than employers.

Over the years, I have worked with guys who were gay, and while they weren't exactly recruiting for Pride in the office, it was open knowledge.

[NeonSwing]

No, I prefer to keep my professional and social life separate.

[darkeyes]

I'm out at work but get no real hassle about my sexuality. One squabble with another teacher about my fitness to be a mother was as bad as it got. The fact that I am a lesbian and not bisexual or a gay man probably makes it easier with colleagues and the kids at school are mostly a pretty accepting lot.... I get a few name calls and the odd call of "Frannie's an old dyke" and other such things echo down the corridors and across the school grounds occasionally. I get more irked about the word "old" than I ever do about any of the rest of it... and I LOATHE being called Frannie.. not that that stops them and not that it has ever stopped anyone on this site doing it either... I haven't even had any nasties from parents so I cant complain too much.

Some profession are less unfriendly to gays and bisexuals than others. Tenni mentioned the Arts and he is right.. as is Jamie.. there are professions and businesses where being gay, lesbian or bisexual no one gives a bugger a bout... one such is apparently IT.. I spotted this tonight while doing my usual scouring of the web before wading into tonight's "little" lot preparing for tomorrows fun at work....

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2011/aug/29/tim-cook-gay-it

[LastGent]

Etiquette forbids discussions of sex and sexuality at work. So do not do it. The only person who has the right to know what your sex life is like is the person you are having sex with.

[darkeyes]

Etiquette forbids discussions of sex and sexuality at work. So do not do it. The only person who has the right to know what your sex life is like is the person you are having sex with.

Aaaah... 2 nations seperated by a common language.. o.. an' ettiquette at work...

[darkeyes]

No, I prefer to keep my professional and social life separate.

Me an all.. but have had some rite gud fun at work bashes... really tho, dontcha mean ya personal life?:)

[bisocialnudist]

I am somewhat of an activist, trying to change the world view of what it means to be a bisexual. I can't do that hiding in the closet I need to be visible. I am out at work so that I can be a role model and a resource. I work at a school and my fellow educators need to know exactly how harmful bullying is. Bisexuality is about way more then sex, sex does not belong in the work place and certainly not in a school but acceptance and understanding of human differences certainly does belong if we are in the business of creating a kinder gentler better educated world.

I am the only apparently GLBT adult in the entire school, someone has to speak out for justice, When I was struggling with who i was as a teenager I looked around didnt see a single adult like me and so I assumed that being a bisexual was not all right and that being a bisexual was not an option. That was sooo wrong and I am doing everything I can to change that.

Of course it depends where you work and what field but its not an issue for me. I like to think it has been helpful. I have changed discrimination policies, promoted more GLBT friendly curriculum and in general increased awareness of the importance of promoting acceptance.

Mark

[sammie19]

I have never actually come out in any job. One even now I think most people think I was a nice heterosexual girl who wouldnt say boo to a goose, but in the others in one way or other it became open knowledge. It isn't that I deliberately hid it, but whose business was it but my own?

Ramming my sexuality down the throats of others isn't my way but on the occasions my sexuality was revealed it did surprise people although I rarely ever met outright hostility.

At present I have no job but things are in the pipeline which will change this. I have no intention of saying to anyone I might work with "Hi I'm Sam, I'm bi", but being married to a woman think it a good bet they will twig that I am not straight. Explaining that I am not lesbian either may confuse some.

Work is work. We go to work to earn our bread and keep a roof over our head and with luck even out of vocation. We don't go to change the world, but neither should we cower from doing what we can to change the worst aspects of work and that incudes trying to soften and change discriminatory practices which still exist in the workplace by not being afraid of what we are or people's sometimes prejudiced attitudes to us. I was never afraid of what people thought of me and my sexuality but lacked the self confidence to really stick up for myself.

Once I was a timid little thing, nervous of the big wide world of the workplace and overawed by older and wiser people. I was that little girl who wouldn't say boo, but I'm older now, have more confidence and self belief. I still have to prove myself and still lack total belief but no longer am I that little bimbo people could walk over with impunity.

It's a matter of self respect and couldn't have any if I sat in the corner hiding from the world, denying what I am and accepting prejudice.

[Hephaestion]

Now retired. While at work it was known that I was bisexual.

Others on staff were open about their sexuality and a merry place it was. It was a little embarrassing at times catching people in sexual antics; perhaps intentional?

Only one episode of disappointment comes to mind. Someone declared an intentional change in gender from date x onwards and the arsehole he( to she) worked with threw a wobbly. The arsehole was sent to Coventry by everyone else which was most reassuring but the TS left for a more anonymous life.

.

[Katja]

Now retired. While at work it was known that I was bisexual.

Others on staff were open about their sexuality and a merry place it was. It was a little embarrassing at times catching people in sexual antics; perhaps intentional?

Only one episode of disappointment comes to mind. Someone declared an intentional change in gender from date x onwards and the arsehole he( to she) worked with threw a wobbly. The arsehole was sent to Coventry by everyone else which was most reassuring but the TS left for a more anonymous life.

.

At Christmas party time, New Year, leaving parties and at other such times sexual antics is one thing. I very often close early at such times and think it is good for people to let their hair down and as a thank you for all their hard work. During a normal working day however, quite another.

There is a quite a lot of sex talk during a normal working day, but God help them if they get down to anything more than that. If the boss can't, then I am quite sure the plebs had better restrain themselves.;)

What I want to know is how come everyone else gets sexual antics but the boss struggles? Being bisexual in a business predominantly full of straight women and the being the boss can have its downside.:( Being responsible and giving a good example is an awful downside. But I do get sloshed with the rest of them, so not too good an example.:)

[jamieknyc]

where being gay, lesbian or bisexual no one gives a bugger a bout... ....

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2011/aug/29/tim-cook-gay-it

Less than ideal choice of words....

[jamieknyc]

At Christmas party time, New Year, leaving parties and at other such times sexual antics is one thing. I very often close early at such times and think it is good for people to let their hair down and as a thank you for all their hard work. During a normal working day however, quite another.

There is a quite a lot of sex talk during a normal working day, but God help them if they get down to anything more than that. If the boss can't, then I am quite sure the plebs had better restrain themselves.;)

What I want to know is how come everyone else gets sexual antics but the boss struggles? Being bisexual in a business predominantly full of straight women and the being the boss can have its downside.:( Being responsible and giving a good example is an awful downside. But I do get sloshed with the rest of them, so not too good an example.:)

In the United States, employers try to put limits on holiday-party antics for fear of costly sexual harassment lawsuits. Even so, some businesses have the atmosphere of a locker room.

[Lisa (va)]

I don't have this dire need to 'come out' to anyone in particular: but it is common knowledge I have dated both men and women. It's pretty obvious when you openly date either sex. So even though it was understood I dated both at work, it was nothing we discussed, just a little fact, nothing else.

Lisa

hugs n kisses

[Katja]

In the United States, employers try to put limits on holiday-party antics for fear of costly sexual harassment lawsuits. Even so, some businesses have the atmosphere of a locker room.

The United Kingdom is not yet quite the sue for any reason litigation culture which is the United States, but it is heading that way. It would be a pity to go as far down that road as the US has but this country has in some ways been lacking and allowed irresponsible and abusive parties get off much too freely without redress.

I wouldn't say that parties my little business hold have quite the atmosphere of the locker room, but there have been some fairly amorous goings on between my employees and suppliers, customers and friends who attend. I am not a killjoy, but do accept I have a responsibilty to those I employ and others who attend to keep them safe and have occasionally had to step in and prevent anything which could be described as harrassment. Sometimes to even protect them from themselves.

[sapper]

Not in my line of work. The whole alpha tough guy image thing. At least my wife knows.

[wetnude]

I was wondering if anyone has come out at their work place and how did that go? I haven't yet and don't know if i will.our lives are private,and there is a partition between work and non work.in one feel there is the need to come out at the workplace. I am a nudist and I sure wont share that at work either.call me selfish.I prefer to be private.

[lizard-lix]

I've come out to individuals about being into BDSM (strangely enough, there are 4 of us who are in an office of 24, seems a lot), but it was a long slow, inch by inch processes.

I flirt with one of the guys in that group, but I've not come out as BI to any of them. I will if it works out

[Multi_Nerdgasmic]

I haven't made a big deal out of my being bi, but I've not really gone out of the way to hide it, either. I think it's come up once or twice in regular conversation, and only one co-worker right now knows, the rest have moved on.

I work for a pretty friendly small business, and I think the owners would be ok with it and not care, but I don't see any reason to go around advertising it, y'know? I mean, I make it a policy of mine not to get involved with co-workers anyway, because that way lies tears and the blanket of eternal sorrow. :)

I'd imagine if I ever actually got a boyfriend, it would come up at some point; we all talk about our SOs every now and then, anyway.

[12voltman59]

See the problem with lifting the don't ask don't tell policy is that military law on sex has not changed. It is still illegal to have homosexual sex, extra-marital sex, or even sex that is not missionary position. So even if they are gay or bi, they can be court marshaled for practicing sex outside of UCMJ regulations. It is useless to just change don't ask don't tell policy if they don't change military law to allow same gender sex and other forms of sex.

When it comes to those who are gay/bi in the service---I can bet you that it won;t change the way that people operate---they have always operated on the basis of keeping that they are gay/bi hidden-----it has been something that people have been doing for years----and is nothing new that gays/bis have served in the military---I saw a news story a year or so ago someplace about two men---now into their 80s or so who met back in WWII becoming lovers then and remaining together all these years since---and I have had a relationship with an older guy who served as an artillery officer back in the late 60s in Vietnam--he had all kinds of relationships in his over 20 years of active duty service with guys at all levels from lowly enlisted to top brass officers from not only the Army, but nearly every other branch as well. He even had a thing for a time with a man who would later go on to become THE CHAIRMAN of the Joint Chief of Staff, which no matter from which service they come---is the more or less the top officer in all of the military while serving in that function being selected by the president and confirmed by the US Senate to serve in that role. You can be sure---that if it were known he was gay (I guess more that this man was bi since he was married)--he would never have gotten to that point--my friend did not disclose the name of that officer but my friend is a very trustworthy man and would not make up something of that sort.

I have also talked to many guys in recent years who served a full career in the military in many branches who were gay or bi and as they all said--"I got plenty of dick"--they all also say that one has to be wise in how you operate----that you basically compartmentalize that part of your life from your military service and they handled it---they also said that even with DADT gone--one would be an idiot to actually be totally open about being gay or bi.

The only real thing the end of DADT does--someone won't automatically get booted from service just because it was learned they are gay or bi and engaging in sex with those of the same gender.

Jobel--as has been pointed out in many articles and stories about the end of DADT but that the UCMJ still prohibits homosexual sex acts--the Judge Advocate Generals of each branch---have basically said they won't pursue charges against those who do have such sex just for that alone---the only way they would do so--is like in charging the other sexual acts that are prohibited---it would only be done if the activity in some way had a direct bearing on some other act of wrongdoing, etc on the part of a service member the service member is being charged on. It is not likely we are going to see any full on court martials taking place against someone for having had "gay sex." I even doubt if there would be any non-judicial hearings held for such activity---unless once again---the person was not otherwise doing their duty--as long as a person keeps their cool and does keep their sex life separate from their service duties--they will be OK.

If two guys are dumb enough to get caught blowing each other on board ship or deployed in the field--just like if a male and a female member do the same sort of thing--then they all so stupid they deserve everything that comes to them for that!!