Enlisting Your Help: Define "Attraction"

[RobTLG]

Hi. I'm Rob.

I'm digging into the big question of sexual identity 1) for a big non-fiction project I'm doing on sexual identity (called "The Label Game: Sexual Identity in the 21st Century") and 2) because I'm currently questioning my sexual identity.

As part of my project, I'm trying to come up with concrete definitions for certain label-related terms. Turns out that's not easy! The first term I'm having trouble with is attraction. That's where you come in.

Define "attraction" for me.

What do you feel physically? What specific physical responses do you get? Is there ever/always arousal? What do you feel emotionally? What emotional sensations are there? To what degree are emotional and physical tied together (an emotion that means sex or a physical response that means emotion)?

You can see some of my initial thoughts on the topic at my sexual identity project blog (http://www.thelabelgame.com/search/label/attraction). Thoughts on the blog itself are also welcome.

[goldenfinger]

Attraction for me is when my heart starts to pump.

[Jobelorocks]

yearning, wanting, fascination, allurement, a drawing to

[Long Duck Dong]

lol ok I am asexual natured, so I do not have a sex drive.... I do have a sexual and non sexual attraction to people tho......

being asexual means that I lack the chemical and hormonal responses that trigger in people that have a sexual reaction to attraction.... but I will share what its like for me, so it may help you define attraction....

I measure my attractions in emotional and mental ways, not physical

non sexual attraction to a female : eyes, smile, mannerism, voice, I feel it internally, a warm, soft feeling, a desire to talk, laugh and smile, curious about what is drawing me to her, what part of me is reacting to what.
it feels like a drug addiction, I need to contact with them, be close to them, settle the craving until I can work out what it is that I crave and desire.....

non sexual attraction to a male : emotions and personality, I feel content but strong, a feeling that I can stand beside this person and trust them, rely on them, talk with them... I feel settled and safe as there is no aggression, no male dominance.... I feel like I am back in the army, I have this persons back and they have mine.....

sexual attraction to a female: I look at the body, the body language, and I visualise what can be done, its about bringing out emotions and feelings sensations, how I can take the tame and make it feral and wild, a need to be quiet, sensitive yet controlling..... its about her, her feelings, her desires, her needs and her wants, breaking down the barriers, exploding the mind, its about making her lose all control.....a craving to make her become somebody she never dreamed about being or doing........

sexual attraction to a male: I am drawn to the powerful quiet strength, the ability to make a person submit emotionally and mentally without force, without aggression.... I feel a need to surrender to the person, to become theirs, submit and give up all control, to be possessed and owed and to know that they will enjoy that, but treasure it, not use and abuse it.......
its not about being their slave, but being enslaved to them, needing them to need me and my body......


the hard thing for people to understand and relate to, is that sex in most peoples minds is touching the genitalia, kissing, fucking etc, .... and thats generally purely physical......

that holds no interest for me, its like doing 1000 push ups.....

taking a persons emotional and mental states and changing them, opening their minds etc.... that is the turn on for me, that is the arousal, thats the desire, the want and the need.......

walking down the road with a person and they are looking around, we return home and they tell me about how they have seen somebody that they want to push against a wall and have wild, passionate, feral sex with them cos the need is so strong so primal....... that is what its about for me, bringing that out in people..... cos I enjoy seeing other people reach that point of emotional, mental and sexual insaneness

so yeah, sex has no interest for me, but the intense insane emotions and thoughts, do.... cos its like a drug, very addictive...... and I am attracted to people that can become that * drug *....

lol confused ????

[Gearbox]

Physically I feel the same way as I would when seeing food when hungry. Only it's not just my taste buds already tasting before touching, my body already responds to theirs before touching too. I mentally explore them before I get there physically.
My cock may get a little harder, my mouth may salivate a little more, my heart beat a little faster.

Emotionally I'm a buzz with sexual energy. I need to connect with the one I have sex with to share theirs. I do actually view it as 'Love'. For that time I love them physically&emotionally without inhibition even when we are strangers.
It feels like waves of energy rushing through my body. I mentally orgasm throughout when I feel theirs combining with mine. It makes me kind of breathlessly laugh a little (embarrassing!:rolleyes:).

Sex without the mutual uninhibited release of emotional charge has no pleasure for me. I've tried it and it feels like 'empty sex'.:(
I can tell how it will go from the first kiss. If there is no kiss, it's worse.
(Same goes for both M&F).

[darkeyes]

Summat wich brings a smile 2 me lil face an makes me lil mind work overtime...

[tenni]

When I find myself attracted to someone there may be a wide range and depths of attraction. I may find a certain body part of interest whether it be breasts, eyes, voice or butt are areas that I can find of interest. These body parts are the same for men and women except for breasts. I think that in a man it may be physique or toned body may replace breasts or how his package in his pants appears...never obvious but subtly appears. Mostly, I'm an ass man whether it is male of female. It may be how the person moves whether it is walking, hand movement. Beyond visual cues it may be how the person behaves or treats others but mostly it is a visual cue. I find that even though I don't react too obviously (sneaky devil check'n out people) I may at times make a sudden physical movement such as turning my head to look at them again after passing them. If they are in front of me, I can hardly wait to see what they may look like from the front. I'm usually curious to see if the face matches the butt or less frequently a woman's foot in a sexy shoe or dress that moves in a certain way around the butt. I may subtly raise an eyebrow,open my eyes just a little wider or smile.

It is when my attraction to the person is deeper that emotions begin to enter in to the level of attraction. I start to feel something in my lungs and throat. The emotions are not there at the beginning and how long it takes for my emotions to come into play may vary. I can be sexual with the person before my emotions come in to play and that time period can vary. I find that logic and rationality begin to be ignored. If my attraction to the person is deep enough, I crave time with them, wonder about them when not in their presence. I've usually had sex with them by the time emotions come into play and wonder about certain physical interactions replay in my mind when not with them physically. At this point, I think that attraction has moved on to deeper emotions like love.

[Katja]

I do not intellectualise why I am attracted to someone or something. Such intellectualising I do is more to do with why others are attracted to people and things which seem to me wrong for them, or why they seem especially right.

While I see there are advantages to knowing why we have particular attractions to me personally they happen just as dislike or repulsion happens.

I can and do intellectualise on why people are as they are, and why they may be racist, gay or anti gay, or why they vote in a certain way, but gut attraction is something which which I leave to those far better qualified than I to explain. I am interested as I am interested in why my eyes are green and hair red. But I have no great angst about it and it have no burning desire to explain it.

To define it; I like something. I need no more definition than that.

[Maggot]

Attraction on a physical level whether to male or female, begins for me with a string of physical responses (increased heartrate, slower deeper breathing, increased body temperature - I don't know why, dilation of pupils, increased blood supply to various body parts in preparation for sex) to specific triggers - a check list if you will that my sub-conscious is constantly referring to as I encounter people. For example.

Really hairy arms, male - check.
Well shaped mouth and lips - check.
Angle between jaw and neck - check.
Nice bum - check.
Voice - whiny and irritating - scratch.

A person could be the most beautiful creature on the planet, if they have a whiny irritating voice it short circuits physical attraction immediately for me.

Attraction on an emotional level is an odd one, and operates on a whole series of different levels from liking someone a general feel good factor around a person without any need for further interaction, deep friendship the feel good factor with added feelings of loyalty and responsibility toward the friend, love for parents, siblings etc, an increased level on deep friendship and, being In Love with another person or persons, a the deepest sense of wellbeing and completeness whenever they are present, a sense of yearning and missing something when they are not around, loyalty beyond even that borne to family members.

Emotional and physical attraction can be entirely separate, I have never truely understood people who say they could only have a physical relationship with someone they had an emotional bond with.