Meeting a new me

[Monster34]

Hi there everyone. I've just recently acknowledged my bisexuality. In my mind I've been able to be OK with it. My heart however is having a harder time. I've been me for 43 years. Now theres this. I'm questioning whether I've ever really known myself at all. It's so hard to figure out what to do. I feel alternately thrilled and ashamed. I know what I know about myself and theres no un-knowing it. Very scary.

[Long Duck Dong]

do we ever really know ourselves ???

we have a understanding of ourselves because we stick to what we know we can handle and what is * safe * and often we do not challenge ourselves.....

being bisexual is not new to you, but the experiences will be, the new challenged, ideas and understandings can be very scary.... so do what you have done all your life, and move within your comfort zone, touching the edges of your limits from time to time until you are comfortable, and you will find that some times, they will shift, other times they will not.......

most people will see themselves as a * new person * where as its just a better understanding of the person we have always been, but from a new viewpoint.....

[Monster34]

Thats what I meant about being cool with it intellectually. I get that its always been me. I just feel so strange in my own skin now. Just trying to get my feet back under myself.

[bityme]

Hi there everyone. I've just recently acknowledged my bisexuality. In my mind I've been able to be OK with it. My heart however is having a harder time. I've been me for 43 years. Now theres this. I'm questioning whether I've ever really known myself at all. It's so hard to figure out what to do. I feel alternately thrilled and ashamed. I know what I know about myself and theres no un-knowing it. Very scary.

The human condition seem to be one of constant change. Sometimes almost imperceptible; often over long periods of time. Most of the time, when the change is recognized we just shrug it off with a "That's Life" attitude.

It does cause more consternation when the realization, like the one you are experiencing, involves something that our earlier programming was that such feelings were wrong, immoral, unnatural, etc. Even the recognition that modern society has a more liberal view than our earlier imprint is insufficient to eliminate our confusion; it requires more mental gymnastics to come to terms with the new aspect of our character and all of the possible influences and impacts that we might have to face.

Take heart in the fact the while this is not one of those universal experiences in which everyone has the same "rite of passage," it is neither uncommon nor unnatural.

While it may indeed be a little "scary" a the time of recognition, the apprehension of, and acting on it the first time may be an even greater hurdle. But you need not question whether or not you really knew yourself before. You probably did. Now it's just a matter of integrating the new discovery into the "present you."

Kind of like discovering that the nasty, foul tasting blue cheese you detested as a child is now, as an adult, very tasty and just increases the options available to you from the same old menu.

Enjoy your new found taste and all the spice you allow it to add to your life.

Pappy

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Welcome to the site, Hon. And welcome to You, too. Sometimes you hafta grow into yourself. Just take it one day at a time, and be you..:}
Cat

[Monster34]

Thank you all for the gracious thoughts. I've had nobody to talk to in the 6 months since I came to this understanding. I've kind of been in shock. It's one thing to have brief vague situational thoughts over the years. But when all of them kind of bunch together into a huge idea and to find that idea making more sense the more you think it? Overwhelming. It all came to me so fast.

[void()]

Apologies for not immediately responding to your post. Hopefully, this
reply can be of benefit despite perhaps seeming a bit abrasive.

Why is it frightening to have new knowledge?

Have been bisexual all this life, nearly forty years of it. I
continually learn new things. Make a habit to learn one new thing a day.
New knowledge does not seem to cause me to be afraid. It does the
opposite in fact and grants courage through understanding.

Also do not comprehend a need of feeling both thrilled and
ashamed. Human beings are animals, the same as most in nature. Nature
allows for bisexuality, homosexuality and even to some degree
butterflies whom traverse the gender barrier.

You say your intellect is alright with it, your heart isn't. What
emotional difficulties exist in accepting you love people? That isn't
meant as ridicule but an earnest query. Again, understand I have been
bisexual all of this life. You admit lacking people to talk to, we're
here. Talk.

[newbiguy09]

Monster34,

I have to say it's a really hard realization. I was raised in a Baptist home where you were gay or straight, and anything other than straight wasn't ok.

It took me almost two years to come to grips with it. Take it slow. If and when you decide to be with another guy make sure he's the right guy for you. Make sure it's someone who understands that your new to being with a guy, and will let things proceed on your comfort level.

I went through the same feelings of not know who I was. Now though, I understand I'm just now really getting to knowing who I am and have always been. After two years, I feel more comfortable in my own skin than I ever have.

This site is a great place to talk with other and find out how other people dealt with the same issues of coming out to themselves.

Best of luck.

[axlton]

When it comes to sexuality I firmly believe that you are what you are (be it gay straight or somewhere in the middle) and we can't really do much to change that.
If you find that you're attracted to both men and women, you've probably been that way you're whole life, just not willing/able to admit it to yourself.

It's nothing to be ashamed of, though there may be people who would tell you otherwise. Nature made you what you are, and it's nothing to be ashamed of. After all who are we to argue with mother nature. Neither is it something to be afraid of. You should revel in your bisexuality and all the new sexual possibilities that it will open up for you. As long as you have feelings of fear and shame you will never truly be happy with who you are, and that would be a shame.

I hope you find a way to reconcile your feelings on this. If you can just let go and accept what you are you will find that a hard road has suddenly become easy, and you will take your first steps into a whole new world of possibility.

[DuckiesDarling]

Welcome to the site, I hope you find the information here that will help make it less scary for you as you continue your journey.