When the lights went out.

[innaminka]

I've cogitated for a day over posting about this, but decided to, even though its intensely personal.
Two nights ago (Wed) melbourne was hammered by severe thunderstorms/winds with the result being we lost power.
Strange, that even though it was daylight saving and still light, we (my younger daughter and I) got out the candles and Prosecco and settled down for a good chat. About all we could do.
It turned into quite an intense 2 and a bit hours. Things have changed for us so much over the last 3 years - especially for my daughter who's now 19 and for all intents an adult.
Her parents separating and subsequently divorcing. her father moving to Perth (2000 miles away) and her sister moving away from home into her own little apartment.
Her parent's subsequent re-partnering and all that is associated with it. And added to that her own social inadequacies, where in her own mind she is very much the smart nerd.
The elephant in the room of course was my sexuality. It doesn't worry her that her mother has partnered with another woman - she acually adores Christine (my partner) it's the problem of us becoming a family.
She just does not want to play "Happy families" with another two girls (Christine's children, both of whom share the same feeklings as my daughter)) but I know we both (Chris and I) want to live full-time together: it's so artificial the way we "sleep-over" at each other's places maybe 2-3 times a week.
My daughter has no animosity about anything that has occurred over the past years, she is happily attending her father's remarriage next March - and will carry my blessing to him and his new wife.
But my partner's and my living arrangement is a huge cloud on the horizon; manageable now, but .....

Funny thing, the power returned and like a bubble popped, we went back to our previous activity.
Two empty Prosecco bottles and some home truths, but what a wonderfully valuable couple of hours.

[DuckiesDarling]

Hugs ya, Inna. Bottom line is your daughter is an adult. Are Chris's kids adults as well? If all the kids are adults then who needs the "Happy Family" dynamic and just move in together. If the kids want to participate in dinners and holidays they can and not have to be all huggy kissy your my sis, they can be there enjoying spending time with people who matter to their moms. In every familiy there are holiday get togethers and family reunions with people you just out and out dislike and do your best to avoid.

I wish you lots of luck and am glad you got spend those precious hours talking about the elephant in the room and the repercussions.

[Long Duck Dong]

such a simple thing, but it can make so much difference for a short time.....

it sounds like you have a very loving and understanding family, innaminka and thats something that is fantastic.....

the issue with your daughter kinda takes me back to the days when my mother and step father married and I ended up sharing a room with my step brother.... lol needless to say that we did not go on.....

looking back I know that the issues between me and my step brother were ones of teen issues and dysfunctional family, and at the time I thought my step father was a wanker ( that has changed a lot over the years )

they divorced, and later remarried against ( I was the best man this time ) and my mother did talk to me about her remarrying my step father, and I told her honestly, even if I disagreed, I do not have the right to stand in the way of their happiness.

in a sense the same applies to your daughter, she doesn't have to accept her * new sisters * but there is not just her feelings for them all to consider, there is also the rights of their parents to love and be loved by their partners and not feel like they can not be together cos the daughters have a issue.....

in a sense, one day, your daughter may find that she wants your blessing with a partner of her own or have children of her own and have them have issues with her partner........and thats often when people realise that its a compromise and balancing act.....

from what i can see, looking at things from the outside, shes happy with her fathers marriage as its not affecting her life to any great extent, but you and your partners desire to live as a couple together, is going to impact on her.....
and unfortunately, my advice to you and your daughter is to come to a understanding.....

your relationship with your daughter is important and so is your relationship with your partner... and its not about playing happy families but learning not to beat the shit outta each other like me and my stepbrother did......

its not that we could not get along, its a case of we chose not to..... and in a way, my mother and stepfathers marriage suffered cos of it.....