Bisexual MMF within a relationship to do? or not to do?

[OverAnalyzed]

Hi, I am new to the webpage and I am looking to solicit a few opinions on what everyone thinks I about bisexual three sums within a relationship. Possibly, hear some stories from people who have had first hand experience in open relationships.

I myself am a straight female who has participated in a MMF where there was no MM contact. It was fun but, I felt it was all about me. They both participated, because they both wanted to have sex with me. Sounds great right? Well it wasn't for me! I felt I was split between them and wasn't able to give both my full attention at once. My pleasure in sex comes from both giving and receiving. So, I began to think about how much more fun it would have been if they both were bisexual and we all were all playing with each other? I found myself VERY intrigued by the thought of watching two men interact sexually. So much so, I had a male friend who is bisexual and we began to discuss fulfilling this fantasy of mine. All aspects of the idea excited me, being able to no only witness two men interact sexually, but to be part everyone enjoying everyone in a MMF.

So, to get back to my point. That bi friend and I never actually had the 3some, instead we fell in love with each other. Now, we have been together for about a year and he has asked me to marry him. I would like to have the three some and recently we have put some action behind our thoughts and have put out an ad in attempts to find a biM to join us. Getting responses and making plans to meet with these guys has gotten me nervous. I am afraid, I have never had a threesome within a relationship and I fear this could be the end of it. Fear that watching him with another man and not enjoying it as much as I thought I would leaving me feeling like, should I marry a biM if I am not fully comfortable with his sexuality? Concerned that if I don't enjoy it, my only other choices would be to 1) allow him to have MM relationships on the side 2) live out the rest of his life either lying to himself or me? The first option, I think will be difficult for me to swallow and, the second is not acceptable.

He says he would be perfectly fine not having MM contact for the rest of his life, he enjoys it, yet it's only about sex, and he loves being with woman more. I feel that although, I trust that he is being honest in saying he is willing to not have sex with men if it makes me uncomfortable within the relationship. That it wouldn't be fair to him to not experience sex with men when I knew he was bi going into the relationship. I couldn't possibly spent the rest of my life with him feeling that I am depriving him of that.

So, I have read/heard that if either parties have any doubt then we shouldn't proceed. I don't want this to end our relationship, but also know and respect that it could strengthen it and be a lot of fun! Opinions? Comments? Questions? HELP

[want2havefun]

Personally I dont think there is an absolute answer for you.

Threesomes, swinging, swapping etc are all similar in that there is an element of risk. There is always a chance your partner may like someone or something else.

Furthermore, the fluid nature of human sexuality means that what your partner 'prefers' now may or may not be what they prefer later. So any claims of "I will always be XYZ" would be impossible to determine. Such remarks are made with the best of intentions but its unwise to expect such to be 100% true in the long run.

My advice is to consider carefully that which would work best for you, your happiness, your sexual fulfillment, and your relationship....dependent on your goals of course. Having serious doubts would indeed be a caution flag.

[tenni]

Hi Overanalyzed

I think that you may get a lot of opinions from people who are living your situation. You are very sensitive to some of the major issues and seem open minded. I would suggest that you to keep in your mind that your lover may actually live his life without further contact with men as he states he thinks that he can. The key as many say here is to keep the communication open. Sexuality and in particular bisexuality ebbs and flows at times. At this moment, he may honestly believe that he will need no one else than you. Years from now that may change. It won't mean that his love for you has changed. As he stated for some bisexuals (men often) it is a purely physical sexual need. His emotions and love will be with you.

You may make your own "rules" as you progress and certainly some should be arranged before continuing. Just keep an open mind as there may be a need to revise the rules.

Don't feel that you need to enter into a threesome with your partner or if it doesn't work for you that you should leave the relationship either. Try it and explore it carefully. Three is more difficulty in finding a really good connection to than two.(that can be enough of a challenge :bigrin:) As a very temporary arrangement, it may be worth exploring to see your comfort level with your lover with someone of his own gender and you present too.

You may decide for now that you would rather that he get involved with men on his own but set up some rules or expectations of engagement. You may change your mind later as well and the rules may change.

Keep the door open to future options and keep the communication open may be the common message from many.

[Moonlight_BHI]

Well from what I can see, he is telling you hes fine with it to please you and possibly/prolly is truly fine with it.

Marry him if you love him. Here's an idea, put your fantasies away but not forgotten and after becoming more comfortable, come back to it. Talk about it, if you really wanna. Talk more about it now.

[keefer201]

You certaintly are one who puts mind to emotion, and that is why the caution lights are flashing. I would ask you, what qualities did you find in the man you now love that got you to the point of loving him? It doesn't appear that him being bi was part of that reason, but knowing that and wanting to please him (very understandable) has brought you to this dilemma. If he truly loves you, then his yearnings should be for you and you alone. This may fly in the face of some here, but it is you that he should be desiring, not access to a certain lifestyle of fantasies. I myself and my fiance got involved with the swinging lifestyle but it was done with the knowledge that everything that went on was done with her approval and when she said she had enough, well then, it was enough. We had a lot of fun and met some very nice people. It ended without me pining for the old days or me even thinking about going outside our lives to be with a man. This stuff can be like playing with a live wire, honey......and to treat it lightly will take a huge bite out of not only your ass, but also your heart. Talk to him until you run out of voice about your concerns as to where his head is at. My first worry for a woman who is asking for advice of this sort is this; women on the whole don't trust men when it comes to sex to begin with, and with good cause. Why then, when you are really not sure of this lifestyle, would you grant him access to pandora's box to begin with? I'd get this all out on the table well before any act of a life with him is made solid.

[Spaka69]

He says he would be perfectly fine not having MM contact for the rest of his life, he enjoys it, yet it's only about sex, and he loves being with woman more. I feel that although, I trust that he is being honest in saying he is willing to not have sex with men if it makes me uncomfortable within the relationship. That it wouldn't be fair to him to not experience sex with men when I knew he was bi going into the relationship. I couldn't possibly spent the rest of my life with him feeling that I am depriving him of that.

With bi men it's not about loving another man, they love their girls, they just like cock, plain and simple. Will he never again be with another man? NO. In the first five years I was with my wife I was sexually active with men, but the last ten years I have not. I am currently looking for a guy for sex and friendship, not love, and my wife knows I'm looking and like you she enjoys watching me and another guy fuck.
Seems you kind of want a MMF to satisfy your fantasy but you are afraid of the consequences. Just because your man is bi doesn't mean he wants to share you with another man, ever think of that?

[void()]

With bi men it's not about loving another man, they love their girls, they just like cock, plain and simple.

Not all bi men share this perspective. Some do, while others do not. Thank you for being clear.

[Realist]

Yes, Void...I agree!

Each of us are different and, although many......or even most, may feel the way the OP stated, but the blanket statement he wrote, does not identify my, or all others', interests.

It's never been about a person's gentiles for me. Oh, I have my preferences, but superficial attractions, don't guide my actions. I am and have always been desirous of relationships, friendship, camaraderie, then...if sexuality enters into that relationship, that's the icing on the cake.

It's common for a person to feel a certain way, then make a comment that everyone feels the same way, but that's just not the way human nature is. Sure, we may have some similarities, but we have differences, too.

In reality, for most of my life, I've felt like I was rarely like anyone else I've ever known.

So, that's my opinion on this subject!

As far as what we should do in a situation with multiple partners ( or not do ) it'll be different for each relationship.

I've been in two poly LTRs and attempted another one that failed, but each one was about as different as they could be.

The only rules were, each one had their own rules.

[bityme]

I found myself VERY intrigued by the thought of watching two men interact sexually. So much so, I had a male friend who is bisexual and we began to discuss fulfilling this fantasy of mine. All aspects of the idea excited me, being able to no only witness two men interact sexually, but to be part everyone enjoying everyone in a MMF.

Getting responses and making plans to meet with these guys has gotten me nervous. I am afraid, I have never had a threesome within a relationship and I fear this could be the end of it. Fear that watching him with another man and not enjoying it as much as I thought I would leaving me feeling like, should I marry a biM if I am not fully comfortable with his sexuality? Concerned that if I don't enjoy it, my only other choices would be to 1) allow him to have MM relationships on the side 2) live out the rest of his life either lying to himself or me? The first option, I think will be difficult for me to swallow and, the second is not acceptable.

He says he would be perfectly fine not having MM contact for the rest of his life, he enjoys it, yet it's only about sex, and he loves being with woman more. I feel that although, I trust that he is being honest in saying he is willing to not have sex with men if it makes me uncomfortable within the relationship. That it wouldn't be fair to him to not experience sex with men when I knew he was bi going into the relationship. I couldn't possibly spent the rest of my life with him feeling that I am depriving him of that.

So, I have read/heard that if either parties have any doubt then we shouldn't proceed. I don't want this to end our relationship, but also know and respect that it could strengthen it and be a lot of fun! Opinions? Comments? Questions? HELP

You knew he was bi to begin with. You approached him because you got turned on by the idea of seeing two men together and joining in on the action. Your desire was all about sex. It didn't have anything to do with love.

Then you fell in love and you are now experiencing misgivings about going forward with the experimentation. No doubt, those misgivings are because you either hold or are greatly influenced by the belief that "love" has to mean monogamy and fidelity has to mean one can only have sex with their mate. It's probably the later, since you seem fine with the idea of the threesome if it turns out you enjoy it. Presumably, you would then be comfortable with having more after you are married.

If the experience doesn't live up to your fantasy, you list the two options of him having MM sex on the side or the two of you being monogamous. You are not quite comfortable with either of those options.

Keefer201, who i quote in part below, has expressed support for that third option of monogamy. Take another look at what he posted.


If he truly loves you, then his yearnings should be for you and you alone. This may fly in the face of some here, but it is you that he should be desiring, not access to a certain lifestyle of fantasies. I myself and my fiance got involved with the swinging lifestyle but it was done with the knowledge that everything that went on was done with her approval and when she said she had enough, well then, it was enough. We had a lot of fun and met some very nice people. It ended without me pining for the old days or me even thinking about going outside our lives to be with a man. This stuff can be like playing with a live wire, honey......and to treat it lightly will take a huge bite out of not only your ass, but also your heart. Talk to him until you run out of voice about your concerns as to where his head is at. My first worry for a woman who is asking for advice of this sort is this; women on the whole don't trust men when it comes to sex to begin with, and with good cause. Why then, when you are really not sure of this lifestyle, would you grant him access to pandora's box to begin with? I'd get this all out on the table well before any act of a life with him is made solid.

I am one of those that his comments fly in the face of. The post gives the impression that he and his lady tried it, gave it up, and now he is enjoying a monogamous lifestyle with the woman of his dreams and no regrets that he has given up his former desires. This is certainly a possibility for some people, however, I am not so sure that Keefer 201 is one of those people or that he actually believes what he wrote.

My misgivings about Keefer201 arise from his profile that states, in part, "Oh, lest I forget; no profile means no chat....and oh, LOL, if you are married...I am not a whore you can cheat with behind her back. She is always welcome to come and join in." That makes me believe that he is one who falls into a group that is similar to your second option, MM sex on the side. His profile gives the impression that he does it with his wife's knowledge and that he is welcome to join in, a little closer to your enjoying being a part of things and letting them continue.

Whet the whole thing boils down to is "How did falling in love change your outlook?"

Your man is bi, you knew it when the whole thing started and were comfortable enough with his bisexuality that you sought him out because of it. You will never change his orientation. You may get him to change his practices, but you know that would be unfair and you say that option is not acceptable. You are right, it would be unfair and it should be unacceptable.

That means you have only two options if you want to maintain your relationship and marry him. Either you participate with him in his MM activities or you allow him sex on the side which is an option that seems to raise issues about trust, etc.

Now you are down to one option finding enjoyment and participating with him. And, you are wondering if that can work and how?

If you cannot be comfortable with participating with him or his having his encounters with other men on the side, DO MOT MARRY HIM. No matter how much he says you are his one and only and he will be perfectly content with you for the rest of his life, it doesn't work that way. Lizard-Lix, one of the members here has lovingly remained monogamous with his wife for 32 years and now struggles with his desires. "Love" may change your actions, but it doesn't change your longings.

What you need to do is separate "love" from "sex." I believe that while the two are related, that they are not inseparable. I have been a swinger for 43 years. I have been a practicing bisexual for a little over 40 years. I have been married twice to marvelous bisexual women and before the end of this year, I will marry again. This time also to a marvelous bisexual women.

There is no guarantee that you will enjoy your first involvement with 2 bisexual men. Were it not for the "love" factor, I am sure you would have, because it was just about sex. With the "love" factor included, it actually can be better than your wildest fantasy.

Your fantasy was kind of like watching a gay porn film in person and being turned on. Then, even more exciting, you step into the action. "Loving" your man shouldn't change that, you are still going forward with your plans.

Yet, in addition to being turned on by watching and the excitement of joining in, the "love" factor can make a huge difference.

I am going to assume, that as your affection for your man blossomed you became more desirous of pleasing him. That you enjoy his experiencing pleasurable things. From what you said, the same is true of him. He wouldn't offer to give up his bisexuality if it wasn't something he felt would please you.

I'll make another assumption. You can look into each other's eyes and feel the emotion between yourselves. We often identify that a "love." I will also assume that you orally pleasure him because you want to give him a gift of pleasure as well as it being fun because of the physical enjoyment he, and you, get from it.

I will also assume that as a bisexual, your man enjoys the physical aspects of MM sex. That he enjoys giving another man the proverbial blow job.

Imagine this, your man is doing something he enjoys, he is sucking another man's cock. You join in and start doing it with him, he on one side, you on the other. You each lick upward on the other man's shaft and upon reaching its top you join your man in a kiss. Or, you alternate between you the act of sucking and stimulating the other man's balls. Physically exciting? Sure.

Now add the "love" factor. While you are doing this you are gazing into each other's eyes and that emotional link between you gets even better. The act of giving this third person pleasure becomes an act of love between you, a shared experience. But as between each of you and the third party it is only physical, it is not "love" it's recreational sex. Therein lies the difference.

"Love" and sexual arousal and sexual activity exist completely independently of each other. Yet at times, they go hand-in-hand. Having sex with someone pales by comparison to "making love" to or with the object of that love.

I can't think of any activity you can participate in that is not made better when we "love" the other person involved.

Last night my fiancée and I had our last fling as singles. We had a combination Bachelor/Bachelorette party. Ours differed from the norm because it was a party of bisexuals getting together to enjoy themselves while enjoying each other. A party of over 20 people who got together to have sex without regard to gender. It was pure, wild, unadulterated sex. Except, as between my fiancée and I.

At one point we were laying naked on a bed, cuddling, enjoying the closeness as all couples do. While cuddling, another lady began sucking me, our cuddling became mutual kisses and stroking in time with the other lady's actions. Gazing into my fiancée's eyes and caressing her, with her impish smile that she has when she knows I enjoy something she is doing, the ministrations of the other lady felt like my fiancée was giving me the pleasure and at the same time we were exchanging deep loving kisses.

Then the other lady turned her attention to my fiancée and began giving her similar oral pleasure while we continued to cuddle, stroke, and kiss in time with the sensations she experienced for the action. It was my gift to her, my support of her bisexuality and the pleasure she derived from it while at the same time being able to giver her additional pleasure myself.

Over the course of five hours, there were similar instances where we were involved with persons of both gender, sometimes separately, sometimes together, but always knowing that the one we loved was enjoying the activity. As between us, a deep abiding "love." As between us and the other people at the party, just a wild time indulging in recreational sex. And, I have some great pictures to prove it!

BOTTOM LINE, MY ANSWER TO YOUR QUESTION: While my situation is a little different from yours in that both my fiancée and I a both bisexual, we believe that our support, encouragement and participation in the bisexual activities of each other does, in fact, strengthen our relationship. We both love who we are as individuals and we love each other as they are. Our joint activities are a celebration of that "love." There is no reason for us to be jealous because the other experiences physical pleasure from someone other than than us. Just as there would be no reason to be jealous about the other having pleasure in eating our favorite food or participating in our favorite sport or other activity.

We maintain the philosophy that we are complete individuals in and of ourselves. We do not need the other to complete us. Yet combined, we are greater than our separate parts. We have open, honest communication; no need to be secretive about anything. We have no hesitancy in disclosing our desires or fantasies and, whenever possible, helping each other to achieve them. Ask some straight couples you know if they can say the same about their relationships.

You stated that you like to both give and receive. You expressed the fact that you weren't quite satisfied with the straight MFM threesomes you participated in because you felt it was all about you and your attention was split between the two men with you not being able to give everything you wanted to to both. It is not a contest. Sometimes you should just let go and let it be all about you. Everyone is entitled to special times, just for them.

Enjoying both giving a receiving pleasure if great. That makes you a balanced individual. But that doesn't mean that each individual outing must be balanced. You can give more one time and receive more another. Would you be upset if, on the occasion of your man's birthday, no one gave you a cake? Of course not! Sex is the same way. Ideally, over time, you will have a balance, but sometimes it is better to have the attention focused on just one person.

With us, sometimes our threesomes will be MMF, other times MFF. Sometimes our fun will be focused on her, sometimes on me, other times, the focus will be on the additional person, and sometimes everyone gets equal attention. If you are the center of attention, relax, enjoy it, let yourself have an overload of pleasure. if it's someone else that is the center of attention, become a conspirator with the the others to give the center of attention a mind-blowing experience.

GO AND EXPLORE WITH YOUR MAN but don't make a decision based on only one threesome with another bisexual man. Have a number of threesomes with a number of different men. My suggestion would be at least 5 different bisexual guys and least 3 different times each. Even with 2 bi men, it doesn't mean that one of them has to be the center of attention.

Let us know how things work out for you,

Pappy

[keefer201]

Bityme; no offense, but I've been unattached for two years now. The fun we had was always dependant on how she felt, not on my brazen desires. As for what I put on my profile, it is simply that I will not suffer a cheating husband.

[Trinity-Fl]

Interesting discussion. Thanks to all who contribute...

Personally,m the MFM bi 3sum is the most intimate situation I've ever had. The MFF has not been all that good for us. And we find that couples don't work out either. :)

We try to make it a satisfying experience for all three. With a long term MFM there's always the "next" time to include an activity or experience. When you're having a one time affair that may not be true.

Not being in our teens anymore, it may be just depend on who cums when and with whom. :)

Without being graphic, the things that three people can do together are erotic and exciting. I hope you experience them too.

CC

[bityme]

Bityme; no offense, but I've been unattached for two years now. The fun we had was always dependant on how she felt, not on my brazen desires. As for what I put on my profile, it is simply that I will not suffer a cheating husband.

Keefer201,

I am not offended. In fact, I must apologize for having misread or misinterpreted the comment in your profile. In conjunction with your post I, erroneously, viewed it as conveying that your lady was free to join in. I appreciate your clarification. I am sorry I did not spend more time analyzing what you wrote and, as a result, mischaracterized it.

Now, however, I am even more confused by your post.

It appears to me that you are telling Overanalyzed that her gentleman, if he truly loved her, should give up any desires for men and have desire only for her. Put another way, if he loved her he should be able to transform himself from being a bisexual into being a heterosexual. Is that correct?

I'm sorry that your relationship with your fiancée ended. It sounds like you are saying that if you had it to do over again, you would give up being a bisexual, become heterosexual and be monogamous in your relationship. Do you believe that can be done, or am I misinterpreting things again?

Pappy

[keefer201]

I can only speak for myself on this issue. Let me put it this way. I am looking to get into a very long relationship with a woman right now and when I think of the woman I would want, her being bisexual or accepting that I am does not come into my mind. First and formost comes me being happy and making her happy as a couple. I could easily spend the rest of my life being with just my wife for the rest of my days without problem.

[bityme]

Keefer201,

I now have what I hope is a better understanding of your position. I took the time to read through the other threads you have started or contributed to.

My understanding is that 1) you believe bisexuality to be a choice, and, 2) you can turn off any of your desires at any time you wish to. You are able, therefore, to contemplate entering into a new, committed, monogamous, heterosexual relationship for the rest of your life without the necessity of considering or providing for any bisexual tendencies either you or you prospective mate might have had in the past.

While I personally hold a different opinion about whether bisexuality is a choice or not, I respect you right to you opinion. I do not have, nor do i have the right to form, an opinion about your own abilities with regard to control of your desires or establishment of a new relationship.

Having had two prior marriages to wonderful Bi women (18 and 20 years) whom I lost to cancer, I lack the experience of being secretive about or having to suppress my own bisexual desires. I was fortunate to have mates that understood and supported my explorations and I did theirs. I am not on the verge of solemnizing a third marriage which provides the same circumstances as my prior relationships. While never having been placed in a situation which prompted me to "cheat" in order to satisfy sexual desires for either male or female contact, my experience in observing, counseling, and representing others who have provides me with what I believe to be an adequate understanding of the dynamics involved based on a broad number and range of circumstances as opposed to a single occurrence.

I do not believe bisexuality is any more a choice than homosexuality, heterosexuality, or being transgendered is. While the level or strength of a person's orientation varies across the wide spectrum of humanity, it is certainly possible that some individuals may experience levels of desire in one category or another that are certainly capable of suppression without adverse effects on their relationships or their own psyche. However, it is my opinion that, under such circumstances, the individual has no control over the existence of the desire but may have control over undertaking action on the desire. In the case of bisexuality, it is quite possible that the control over whether or not to take action bears a direct relationship their placement along the Kinsey scale.

History is replete with examples of the exercise of such control, or lack of it. Many religious people easily practice celibacy, while some must utilize extreme measures such a flagellation or other self-punishment to maintain control and still other are compelled to leave their religious orders in pursuit of their desires. Many face similar choices based on economic or familial circumstances. So I can understand someone such as yourself who claims the ability to "turn off" their desire, yet I always wonder whether it is control over whether or not one experiences the desire or the exercise of control over taking action on the desire.

The major difference of opinion I seem to have with you is your adamancy in informing Overanalyzed that her gentleman should conform to your particular standard which requires him to reject any further desire for bisexual activities. While it certainly is an option, I find it unreasonable to present it as the only solution.

Your own experience seems to run counter to your advice. While you have indicated you successfully avoided having gone outside your two marriages to satisfy and desires for sexual interaction with other men, you also freely admit that the downfall of your second marriage was an affair with another woman. Is it reasonable to advise someone that same-sex desires can always be controlled while providing an example that the same person capable of controlling same-sex urges, is not always capable of controlling opposite-sex urges.

I submit that your success or failure in controlling such urges is not, an ability to "turn-off" your desires, but to exercise control over actions which may or may not be contemplated given the existence of the desire. I further submit that the ability to control the action my very well be relative to the strength of the desire itself. Given your commitment to having a wife to be content with for the rest of your days, it would certainly appear that your desire to interact with ladies is much greater than the desire for interaction with other men.

Just my :2cents:

Pappy

[ErosUrge]

I have read through all the posts here concerning your matter and there's so much good and thorough analysis and advice. I'll attempt to offer some more and some of what I say might repeat what has already been offered. In particular I agree with BITYME and TENNI...they both have covered very well most of what I feel. I've decided to give you a couple of examples from my own experiences and perspective.

How well I understand when someone falls in love how the feelings and thoughts of being able to turn off the yearnings and desire for the same sex experience seem like an easy task. I use to think that too years ago but over and over again, from one relationship to the next, it was not the case. It in effect was the real reason why my second marriage ended though my ex-wife was unaware that I was acting out on my urges. I've explained this before in other topics pertaining to similar matters. And because of the fact that I was acting out and hiding it, I couldn't stand it. It was a very miserable time. I'd always tell myself that I wasn't going to do it again but a few days later, I'd be at it again. Because of the secrecy it affected the well being of our marriage and in time she opted out which at that time made me feel more miserable than anything else I'd ever felt. So instead of being honest with myself at that time I blamed being bisexual and wanted to rid myself of it. Through the years following that period, I gradually realized and accepted that it was okay to be bi which was a real life changing moment for me. I decided to never be secretive about it again and always inform any woman that I was developing a relationship with that I was bi from the beginning. And I have.

I understand how your man has told you he is bi but I'm just not so sure he can hold onto letting go of it once and for all should you express to him that it is something you don't feel comfortable with. He might for a while and maybe even years, but my understanding is that anyone who really is bi is always in need of the exchange sexually with the same sex...and again, only for the sex. Unless they're the sort that are emotionally inclined with men and have the need for women sexually only, but I've never met such a man. It doesn't mean they don't exist however.

What I am getting at with all this detailed information is that as BITYME is saying, I don't think it's possible for most people who are bi to let go of their yearnings and desires for the same sex. There might be some, but my guess would be that they are truly in the minority. Also there is and can be a true distinction between love and sex. Though both are inter-related, there is a way to to separate the two; it happens all the time.

I have absolutely no interest in anything emotional and sexual with a man. It simply doesn't work for me and I know this to be the case with many men also. When I have sex with men it is purely for the joy of sex. I also have two women in my life right now where that is what we have established in our time together. With them there is more involved with friendship too, but we're not committed in a binding relationship and have the freedom to be sexual with whoever we want.

Ultimately I would love to have the situation that BITYME has and is enjoying. I trust that in time I will find such a woman. My feeling is that it is very possible to have love with another person where the commitment is to that person emotionally while being able to enjoy others sexually. And as I have also stated several times, I know of several couples who have been together 20 and 30 plus years living this way and still together going strong.

What has been explained/expressed by many others here at this site is how they have had experiences where as you are now, they decided to give it a go with others in their sexual play. And there are tons of accounts where things went awry and didn't work out causing a break up, etc etc etc....Obviously this kind of situation is NOT for everyone. I find fault however in those who because of having a negative expereince suggest that it isn't possible for it to work for anyone else. This is a very difficult leap for most people and the reasons for it are multi-faceted. But it has so much to do with what we have always been told is the way we must be; monogamous and with only one person. Let me clarify as I have many times in past posts that I am NOT opposed to monogamous relationships. I do not like it when those who are that way judge and condemn others for not following in the same footsteps and believe that their way is superior to any other. They can certainly define it as such and for them that might be the case, but it doesn't nor cannot apply to everyone.

These matters can be complicated and often are, but they don't have to be. I understand how you feel and the fears associated with all you're experiencing....I wish you both the very best....