need advice

[coexistforme]

I am a straight female, I started chatting with a former coworker that I knew as gay. He is in a long term relationship with a man and is open about is lifestyle. He started flirting with me and told me that he is bi. And wanted to open up his relationship and have a sexual relationship with me. His partner is aware. After a lot of thought and communication with this person I agreed. It has been a good expereince I have since had to move to another part of the state a few hours away and dont see him often. but still return to our home area. He is seeing other girls now also but at the same time misses me and I am not sure what he is looking for I am not sure that he knows. I have seen a lot of articles about bi guys coming out and girlfriends dealing with it but this is different. He is not hiding from being gay because he is fine with his status and fine with people thinking he is gay. his family knows and loves his partner. I am looking for thoughts and more informaiton about this type of situation I want to be supportive and understand where he may be coming from.

[Long Duck Dong]

lol oh the inner workings of a bi sexuals mind...lol


basically I come to the opinion that he is content with his lifestyle, but you add a lil extra to the mixture, and it could be purely sexual, it may well be more... and it is possible that he likes a loose relationship with you... a polite way of saying Friends With Benefits....

it sounds like your friend is a mostly gay bisexual.... a weird way of saying that he is fine in a long term male/male relationship and having the occasional sexual encounter with a lady.... however it can often be more than just sexual... as a intelligent conversation, emotional connection etc all can be a part of the mixture as well......and honestly, if he misses you, I would be inclined to say that its more than sexual on his behalf and you sound like you have more than a sexual interest in the guy....

with most bisexuals, there is always the possibility that their sexuality can shift from mostly gay, to equally bisexual, to most hetero and vice versa.... so it is possible that he is slowly shifting his sexuality, its very hard to say......

one concern I have, is how open is he about his connection with you and the other females... as being open with his partner is one thing , being openly gay, while seeing females, would raise questions with people.....
so do you feel like you are a discreet and hidden aspect of his lifestyle ? cos that can be hard on you if you feel that you can not be open with other people about your liaisons with him

[tenni]

The question in my mind is what are you looking for?

This seems to have elements that go beyond the physical but primarily a sexual agreement. You are a fuck buddy with a friendship element. Do you socialize with him or has this been a primarily sexual get together? He has needs for both men and women in his life. At this point it seems like his needs with women are sexually physical. It is likely that his emotional needs are being met from his gay partner. Bisexual men in particular sometimes have emotional needs met by one gender (this case his male partner) while needing physical sexual needs from the other gender. Some bisexual men need both physical and emotional needs met by both genders at the same time.

A common suggestion on this site is to keep communication open with him.

It is unlikely that this will develop into a traditional heterosexual relationship. However, the fact that he states that he misses you ..never know. (don't bet on it though) If you enjoy his company then continue the sexual friendship. He is getting what he presently wants and needs. He is probably quite happy. Lucky bugger! :bigrin:

[DuckiesDarling]

I am a straight female, I started chatting with a former coworker that I knew as gay. He is in a long term relationship with a man and is open about is lifestyle. He started flirting with me and told me that he is bi. And wanted to open up his relationship and have a sexual relationship with me. His partner is aware. After a lot of thought and communication with this person I agreed. It has been a good expereince I have since had to move to another part of the state a few hours away and dont see him often. but still return to our home area. He is seeing other girls now also but at the same time misses me and I am not sure what he is looking for I am not sure that he knows. I have seen a lot of articles about bi guys coming out and girlfriends dealing with it but this is different. He is not hiding from being gay because he is fine with his status and fine with people thinking he is gay. his family knows and loves his partner. I am looking for thoughts and more informaiton about this type of situation I want to be supportive and understand where he may be coming from.

I think this is exactly the opposite of most of the threads on here where a male is married to a female and then seeks same sex relief. The same can be said for females married to males who seek same sex relief. So we can dispense with the genders and just go with what's happening.

Your friend and former coworker had a lifestyle that suited him, that he was open about. You are in a situation that some couldn't handle but as long as you can, good on ya. The fact he misses you when you are apart does speak volumes, the others around may be his "replacement" for you when you are unavailable. Just continue to be open and honest with all involved and enjoy while you can. Nothing lasts forever though and it may very well come a time when one or the other of you wants more and is unable to commit because of another person involved. Remember the rights of all involved in this come into play. Be safe and good luck.

[Realist]

Sounds like he has become a friend and lover and is the same with others, too.

He is definitely bisexual and seems to be honest and up-front with you (and others) so you may be able to continue to see him and have a good time, but I doubt if he'd ever be committed to one person, ever.

You didn't state that you had any expectations of a future with him, so enjoy what you will, but I'd think it'd be a mistake to think more would be possible.

[Gearbox]

I agree with the lovely Realist.:)

I miss my fuckbuds too, because I like them and their company. But I'm NOT madly in love with them or want a different relationship with them.:eek:
He probably tells the other women that he misses them too, which is no lie, but no 'next level' proposal either.

He does know what he wants. He's not in an emotional nor sexual crisis, and his 'missing you' chats are not a cry for help.
Well that's what is healthy to assume until you don't need to assume IMO.
Just tell him your confused about him and ask for clarity. Then decide what is best to do for YOU!:)

[coexistforme]

lol oh the inner workings of a bi sexuals mind...lol


basically I come to the opinion that he is content with his lifestyle, but you add a lil extra to the mixture, and it could be purely sexual, it may well be more... and it is possible that he likes a loose relationship with you... a polite way of saying Friends With Benefits....

it sounds like your friend is a mostly gay bisexual.... a weird way of saying that he is fine in a long term male/male relationship and having the occasional sexual encounter with a lady.... however it can often be more than just sexual... as a intelligent conversation, emotional connection etc all can be a part of the mixture as well......and honestly, if he misses you, I would be inclined to say that its more than sexual on his behalf and you sound like you have more than a sexual interest in the guy....

with most bisexuals, there is always the possibility that their sexuality can shift from mostly gay, to equally bisexual, to most hetero and vice versa.... so it is possible that he is slowly shifting his sexuality, its very hard to say......

one concern I have, is how open is he about his connection with you and the other females... as being open with his partner is one thing , being openly gay, while seeing females, would raise questions with people.....
so do you feel like you are a discreet and hidden aspect of his lifestyle ? cos that can be hard on you if you feel that you can not be open with other people about your liaisons with him



Having more than a sexual interest in him.....well yes and no If it happens it happens but I knew from the beginning he was not available. I am good. My best friend since high school is gay I understand gay just trying to understand bi better. and Be supportive of this special friend. I could press him for answers but if he does not know them or not ready to share them i think that would make matters worse. Thanks for your thoughts and the thoughts of all that have posted.

[The Bisexual Virgin]

That man sounds gay to the extreme, honey. That man could be just yanking your chain because he have nothing else to do, but fuck with people. If I was in that situation I would have never let them fuck me in the first place, secondly I would just leave that man alone, and get you somebody else that you deserve. But this is just my:2cents:

[BiDaveDtown]

He's a fuck buddy don't read too much into what he's saying.

If you want an actual relationship with someone or want to date someone, find someone else since this guy already has a partner.