New to Forum and Rediscovering Myself

[Daniegirl]

Hello! I am happy to be here. :) I have already found so many articles and comments that have helped me. So, thank you for this site!

I am just taking some first steps onto this path that I have ignored for so long that I thought I would ask you for some specific advice. I don't know anyone else that is bi that I can talk to about this. And my gay friends seem to not even be sure that bi people really exist (which really bothers me!) so it's hard to talk to them.

I have always I known I was bi, even before I knew what to call it. As a child I was attracted to both boys and girls equally. As a teenager I began to experiment and I was in a poly/bi relationship. One of the boys I dated for three years cheated on me and the girl I was very much in love with left me saying she needed a relationship society would accept and a family society would accept. I was hurt very deeply by both of them. I think after pain this caused I blamed myself for being "deviant" in the first place and pushed my bi-ness down deep (as well as my desire for polyamorous relationships). I always told the people I was closest to that I was bi but I never really tried to explore it further and have only been in relationships with men.

I have been married to my best friend for six years and he just recently told me that he would be supportive of me venturing outside of our relationship to explore relationships with women (he has always known I am bi but recently came to a new understanding of it). He feels like I should do this both to accept this part of myself but also to help heal from the past. At frist him saying this scared me but then it excited me because honestly he is right. Sometimes I think he knows me better than I know myself. So here I am, married and very much in love, but also very much wanting to embrace this part of me I have ignored for so long.

I am excited but also scared and not really sure what to do because as I said I don't really know anyone else who is bi. I looked up support groups in my area but the women's ones aren't meeting anymore. I feel kind of out of place even around my gay friends so I'm not sure that they will be able to help me. Looking at ads online kind of freaks me out because I don't really want to hook up with people just for sex and that seems like what many of the ads are looking for? I want a friendship with a woman and love...and maybe more.

I also am also wondering if I should come out to more people or not. I mean if I don't start telling people I am bi how will I ever meet a girl, right? Because by default people will assume I am straight because I am married to a man? On the other hand, because of my profession I worry how coming out might affect my job. I am a teacher...

Any stories or advice would be greatly appreciated because as you can see I am not quite sure how to navigate this situation. I hope you all are having a Happy New Year. :)

[Long Duck Dong]

welcome to bisexual.com

your post speaks of a person that understands herself well, is at peace with who and what she is, but a longing to run free across the plains with the other horses but is struggling to find the herd.....

something about the way your partner talked with you, leads me to believe that he is intuitive and understanding, possibly cos he has had to deal with his own past issues and problems and found a way to resolve them in himself....

they are both very good positives in your life and yeah that brings us to the " do you come out to other people or remain hidden " aspect of your life....
there are many pros and cons to coming out and being seen and visible, but they all have the one same thing in common, its your life, not anybody elses....so its you that has to make the final judgement call on that.... and if it goes belly up, its you that has to deal with the mess that can result from coming out.....

bisexual.com is a great site in that you can chat or yak on the forums and make friends that can become future lovers / poly partners, and also remain under the radar for the most part....... tho one word of advice, just cos a person doesn't come out, doesn't mean that others are not aware of your sexuality.... IE your partner is a good example of intuitive people that can * read * your sexuality.....

by default we assume that others will think we are straight, but the world is changing, I, myself, watch the body language and eyes of couples and it can reveal a lot about a couple, even the way they move their hands, eyes and body can reveal more about people that they realise...... some people refer to it as a form of gaydar or bidar...

yeah, personal ads can be about sex only, but the advantage of this site is that you can make a connection with different people and that can lead to a more solid connection and maybe what you are looking for.... there are a number of male and female members that have found somebody that has become their mr / miss right.......

the other advantage is that you can be out and make friends within the safety of the site and not be out and visible in the public eye..... we have other teachers in the site that are out and visible, so they may be able to talk with you about the teaching profession and the possible effects on your employment, better than me......

I wish more people found themselves in situations as positive as yours with supportive and understanding partners..... it would make things a lot easier on so many people lol

[bisocialnudist]

Welcome, mixed orientation marriages where one is bisexual and the other is straight can be fabulous relationships . I am married to my best friend and she sees all the benefits that have come to our marriage because I am living my life authentically as a bisexual. People ask me all the time why I have to be out of the closet as a bisexual. It is because the invisibility and erasure is part of the problem we all face. People are afraid of what they do not know. There are thousands if not millions of mixed orientation marriages just like ours yet we have to struggle feeling like we are all alone because it has been kept so hidden. If people would just start talking openly and accepting their bisexuality and the many ways we lead our lives the mystery would lift and it would become so much easier for the next person.

We need more role models so that as relationships develop instead of woe is me my wife/husband is bisexual the response becomes I know lots of people like me, yes its is different and it has challenges but there is no reason why it can not be wonderful.

Your husband sounds like a wonderful caring husband, if you approach this journey as friends and partners and take it nice and slow you should be able to find that magical place of both of you being very happy with what your lives become. It can be hard to find that special bisexual friend that understands and accepts the boundaries of your marriage but they are out there.

Not everyone is in a position to come out I was fortunate to live in an area of the country that is more accepting. I have found that by having a positive attitude it is contagious, my being bisexual is a good thing and there is no shame in who I am, by spreading the good news by showing that we are happy well adjusted normal people just like everyone else attitudes are slowly changing. Our straight friends don't see anything wrong with our mixed orientation marriage because we are very happy just the way we are and they see it for themselves.

Good luck, Mark

[Gutsy]

Hi there,
I'm too new on my own journey to give much advice. Have also only just discovered that I'm bisexual, and my hubby is very accepting of it, but because we are committed to each other we will not take it any further, it's more issues about myself that I'm working on understanding. I sense that you and I are at similar stages in our journeys. So I just wanted to say your hubby sounds understanding and supportive and that is somethng to be highly valued. Maybe ask him what his own true preferences in it all are? Many blessings for the new year.

[Daniegirl]

"your post speaks of a person that understands herself well, is at peace with who and what she is, but a longing to run free across the plains with the other horses but is struggling to find the herd....."

Long Duck Dong, thank you for mirroring this back to me. This IS exactly what I was struggling with although I was having trouble expressing it. I finally feel really free to be who I am and am longing to find the herd. Thank you for the advice on coming out as well. I do hope the teachers you spoke of will share their experiences with me at some point. :)

creativebi, reading your post made me feel so much better. It is really reassuring to know that there are other couples out there that are mixed orientation and it is working out for them. :D It gives me hope and makes me look forward to the future even more than I already was.

Gutsy, it is nice to know you. Hopefully we can be of help each other along the way!

[dafydd]

Halo! welcome to the site.

d:bipride:

[ErosUrge]

Hello and welcome to the site.

For some of us, it is a journey of self-discovery. It can take time to find your way and reach the point of feeling comfortable and accepted for who you are. For some there has been relatively little to contend with and have been comfortable most if not all of their lives being bi. For others it is and has been more complicated, I being one of them.

I can tell you that depending on what you have to contend with, it will take whatever amount of time and experiences that will be unique to your situation. You will find in your personal life who is willing to support you for who you are and you will also find many here who will also be nurturing and supportive.

Like anywhere else, there are some that will agree and disagree with what you think and feel. But most here will support you to be sure.

[Daniegirl]

Thank you for making me feel so welcome. :) So many of you have reached out a hand to help me figure this out.

I can't even explain how happy I have felt since my husband told me this. It's not even the freedom to do is best for me, it's the acceptance I now feel from him. I feel like for the first time in my life the person I love most really gets me, not only gets me but accepts me completely. And not only that he is totally supportive! Last night he told me he wants me to seek out my tribe.

When I was looking in the mirror this morning I felt like I looked like a different person. I felt like I was looking at the real me.

I am sure not all of this will be so easy and happy but I am really enjoying the present. :flag4: