Guilty conscience

[Emotional Masochist]

So this is more of a confession then anything. I had an interesting situation occur last weekend. I am feeling very guilty over what happened. Its kind of stupid. Okay so ummmm..... I blew one of my friends the other day. It was cool. We were very drunk and kind of horny so we staarted watching porn and jerking off. And well one thing led to another and i ended up between his legs sucking him off. all of this was cool, but the moment he blew i remembered his girlfriend. thats when everything sunk in and i felt like a total douchebag. i know she isn my girlfirend but she is super nice to me and takes care of me. And i cant help but feel l guilty. They are going through a rough patch and i dont suppose this helps anything..... urggg. this so stupid and i could have avoided it easily.

[bobble]

Takes two to tango! Mostly ;). Sounds like more of his issue...but you did put yourself in an awkward situation. But, don't beat yourself up...live and learn!

[Brian]

Guilt is your brain's way of telling you that you broke one of your own values. That might seem like a basic and stupid thing to say, but it is important to remind yourself of that. You broke one of your own values, one of your own rules for how you believe people should be treated.

This doesn't necessarily mean you need to confess that you broke one of your own values to those whom you wronged (sometimes that can cause greater harm), but it does mean you either need to change your values or make a change so you do not violate one of your own values again. You brain is giving you a call to action to prevent a repeat, and taking action will make the guilt go away.

I've wronged people in my life - badly. If you can't make it up to the person, then you at least must take personal action so you do not repeat that wrong, to anyone, again.

I hope that helps.

- Drew :paw:

[Emotional Masochist]

thanks drew i think your right.... and telling her is not an option. its not in my power to fix it, but it wont happen again.

[Brian]

BTW, I forgot the mention the upside of guilt... it means you have values. You have high standards for yourself! Congrats on that! Sometimes the guilt-free should bloody well be feeling guilty! :)

BTW2, I get this stuff from Tony Robbins (http://www.bisexual.com/forum/group.php?groupid=5).

- Drew :paw:

[RavenEye]

If by rough patch do you mean taking a break? If so should you really feel guilty? Since they're not technically together.

[Annika L]

Just some thoughts for you (although I think Drew has sewn this one up nicely):

(1) It sounds from your description like she *is* your friend;
(2) If you could have avoided it easily, you would have (your values are clearly in the right place)...apparently, the situation did not permit you to consider the ramifications of what was happening;
(3) No, this doesn't help anything, but it *needn't* hurt anything, beyond the fact of the basic violation...if your friend leaves his gf, it is in no way your fault...if she finds out about your incident, it sounds like it won't be from you, so it must be from him...and that's not your fault either.

So no, this wasn't an example of you behaving at your best, and you are right to feel some guilt...but don't beat yourself up over it (don't be an emotional masochist *wink*)...consider it done and move past it, resolved to behave better in the future.

[Long Duck Dong]

we are only human and bound to make mistakes... and other posters like drew and annika have summed it up beautifully.....

there is a old shamanic saying " a cautious man avoids rivers in flood, a fool walks right into them, a experienced man is one that has done both.... and understands how easy it can be to do both things and how hard it is, to do both things "

[welickit]

Nobody else mentioned it so we will. There are other beverages if you don't handle yourself well when you drink to much. Good luck and keep us posted.

[Sonja]

Emo: Hey hun, I can understand and Drew is right. I can't think of anything else to add because he pretty much said it all. Take care of yourself.

[virginia123]

Hey, just do what Homer Simpson would do. Just beat yourself up once real good and then get over it! Oh, sounds to me like you already have, so enjoy the rest of your life!

[artsy girl3]

i like drews opinion on this issue.. it was an interesting take. I think he may be right on this one.

Artsy

[Emotional Masochist]

Thanks guys.... Annika you are right. I have started thinking of her as my friend and that is what made the situation such a big deal. I betrayed her trust and it feels terrible.But you are right in that i shouldn't dwell on it and i'm not going to. I just needed to get it out... I guess I let it out in the right place. thank you for your concern and your kind words.
Sincerely,
Your E.M.

[Jakentn]

I recently went down on a guy while he was on the phone with his wife (who has no idea he is bi), it was one of the "hottest" sexual experiences of my life. No guilt here, guess I am a real ass.

[The Bisexual Virgin]

I recently went down on a guy while he was on the phone with his wife (who has no idea he is bi), it was one of the "hottest" sexual experiences of my life. No guilt here, guess I am a real ass.

oh wow I feel awful for his wife.

[Jobelorocks]

I recently went down on a guy while he was on the phone with his wife (who has no idea he is bi), it was one of the "hottest" sexual experiences of my life. No guilt here, guess I am a real ass.
Yep, I would say you are one. I feel bad for his wife.

[Emotional Masochist]

wow....i am not one to judge nordo i have the right to say anything, but when you post on a thread where i am confessing my guilt you make it seem like you want the attention. I won't tell you to feel guilty nor will i condemn you for not feeling it.The only thing i will ask is don't speak so easily of helping someone cheat their loved ones. :(

[rutemptedalso]

How does your fiend feel about it? Their not married and I assume he's of age. Maybe this is something that the two of them need to talk about. Better now than later. If it's bothering you, talk to your friend about. Maybe he's feeling bad about it too. If so then it probably shouldn't happen again. If he enjoyed it and wants to explore more he should make the decision to end their relationship until he figures it out. He could also tell her now. You haven't done anything wrong yet. Just be careful. You and your friend know what the right thing to do is. Jealousy can destroy relationships in a heart beat.

[tenni]

First, EM, I'm sorry that you feel guilt about what you did but I understand it completely. The man that you had sex with is not married to his g/f from what you have written. They are dating and I get unclear impression that you believe that they are being monogamous? You know this woman and I would probably feel some guilt if I liked her as well. I agree that you should talk to your male friend and clear the air. Do you feel guilty about the oral sex with a friend or is the guilt coming from knowing the woman as a friend?

However, I do not feel any guilt when I am sexual with a married man or woman. I have agreed to have sex with them and I know that they are married. I am not though. I am single and have made no promise of monogamy. That is the difference and you EM are a single man. Those that wish to condemn someone who is single for having any sexual activity go too far imo.

I also think that judgment of other's actions even if they call themselves an "ass" is inappropriate without knowing all the facts. (even if a person calls themself an ass..let them self judge) Gawd knows that there are enough people in the mainstream who will condemn a bisexual.

[elian]

Human beings make mistakes..

I'm not sure whether or not you need to "clear the air" with your friend. You had too much to drink and you had oral sex. I think that's probably happened before in the history of men. Do people normally apologize when they've had to much to drink and made "awkward" advances?

People who would otherwise consider themselves straight have been known to do such things when alcohol is applied. He may feel just as awkward as you do and would rather put it behind him.

Unless you want more sexually from this couple I would let it alone..if you do want more then in my mind the girl would have to agree if both of them were in a manomogous relationship.