i want to keep my relationship but my gf doesnt becaue i told her im BI

[theblackkeys21]

My gf and I have been dating for about 2 yrs and made it thru a few hard times but nothing like this. I experimented wit men back in 2009. After trying new things I decided it was safest to use the internet as a outlet for my bi desires. I still watch porn and get a thrill from reading personals but nothing physical ever comes of it and I like it more that way. My girlfriend and I moved to fl together in the beginning of the fall. She's in grad school and I work full time. When she's not home sometimes I watch porn. I also tried using anal beads and she caught me. It was embarrassing. And she seriously thought I was gay after that. but after talking about it we used them in the bedroom a couple times together. She's a great partner and our sex life has been amazing. Last week she was looking thru my ipod n found an ad I was reading for a casual encounter. I have remained faithful for 2yrs but admit to using ads and porn as an outlet. She didn't confront me but I could feel it that she was hurt. The next day she was very cold and indifferent and I told her my secret that I had sexual thoughts about men and watched gay porn. I also told her that I experimented with men in 09. I was scared but thought she would be accepting since she is bisexual as well and had a girlfriend n female lovers as well as gay friends.it felt great to finally tell someone but she was furious and she didnt understand its a bombshell and I don't expect her to love me again based on her reaction. She took it all very bad she was shaking crying and telling me how I was the only person she ever love but she hates me now. She regretted all the sex we have and can't stand the thought of us sleeping in the same bed anymore we live togather. Neither of us can afford to move out our little ass apartment so were stuck andhave to find a solution or some mutrual understanding. Otherwise its 100 more ackward cold silent nights were she won't even look at me. I love her very much and I'm sure she's living with a lot of pain and confusion because of me... I don't want to make her life anymore difficult than I already have. Does anyone have any words of wisdom

[rutemptedalso]

Sounds like she's a little selfish and jealous to me Spoiled brat even comes to mind. If she's BI and you can't - just be thankful your not married. I'd be looking for a place to stay.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Communication, Communication. Thats the key element here, Hon. If she is Bi, then she should understand your feelings. It is quite selfish of her to be Bi and not accept you for you. Simply sit down and tell her "We Need to talk about this. Quit making me do time over something that is fixable" and go from there. Dont make yourself feel guilty, or brow beaten. If you havent acted on any desires since 09, then she shouldnt keep condeming you.
Keep reassuring her that you love her and want to make it work, but until she can be adult about this and Want to work it out, it isnt going to work. Talk it out, work it out.
Best of luck Sweetie.
Cat

[bityme]

It's OK for her to be Bi, but not you. The old double standard attitude. Looks like she needs an attitude check.

Honesty is the best policy, but, as you found out, it does not always make things easier when things are disclosed after a long time. Her expectations about you were quite different than your reality.

Even though it hurts, if she can't adjust, it's time to move on. You need someone who will accept you as you are, not trying to be what suits someone else.

Pappy

[elian]

in a day she had her perception of you and herself changed from what she thought she knew, I guess it is possible to react negatively to that..sounds like a little more stress already added to whatever else you've got going on.

I think the other advice given here is good. If you didn't ACTUALLY cheat on her than the only thing she can be upset about is that you "lied" about using porn and ads? What's with the ads if you aren't actually going to meet anyone..?

There is a difference in "lying" to someone outright vs. not knowing you had same sex feelings until later.

[Realist]

My first wife was bisexual and thought it was perfectly natural for women to be lovers. Before we married, she told me she was bi, but before I had a chance to tell her I was too, she made it known that she wanted no part of a bisexual male. She could see no reason for men to be sexually, or emotionally attracted to each other. She would never intertain the theory that there was no difference for men, and women to be lovers.

So, I never revealed my bisexuality to her. I loved her enough not to explore my desires with men, during our marriage, and it really never was an issue with us. The relationship with her female lover had a neglible impact on us, but her double standards were always in the back of my mind. We ended up divorcing after 5 1/2 years, but the reason was not sexually-related.

Still, I would never enter another relationship, with double standards, again.

I hope your luck is much better than mine was, but I have witnessed other militant opinions that were the same as hers.

[welickit]

For once we have to agree with the feline. Talk it out. Whether it is a win or a loss at least it will have been open and honest communication. If it turns out to be a loss, next time get it out in the open early on.

[Long Duck Dong]

My gf and I have been dating for about 2 yrs and made it thru a few hard times but nothing like this. I experimented wit men back in 2009. After trying new things I decided it was safest to use the internet as a outlet for my bi desires. I still watch porn and get a thrill from reading personals but nothing physical ever comes of it and I like it more that way. My girlfriend and I moved to fl together in the beginning of the fall. She's in grad school and I work full time. When she's not home sometimes I watch porn. I also tried using anal beads and she caught me. It was embarrassing. And she seriously thought I was gay after that. but after talking about it we used them in the bedroom a couple times together. She's a great partner and our sex life has been amazing. Last week she was looking thru my ipod n found an ad I was reading for a casual encounter. I have remained faithful for 2yrs but admit to using ads and porn as an outlet. She didn't confront me but I could feel it that she was hurt. The next day she was very cold and indifferent and I told her my secret that I had sexual thoughts about men and watched gay porn. I also told her that I experimented with men in 09. I was scared but thought she would be accepting since she is bisexual as well and had a girlfriend n female lovers as well as gay friends.it felt great to finally tell someone but she was furious and she didnt understand its a bombshell and I don't expect her to love me again based on her reaction. She took it all very bad she was shaking crying and telling me how I was the only person she ever love but she hates me now. She regretted all the sex we have and can't stand the thought of us sleeping in the same bed anymore we live togather. Neither of us can afford to move out our little ass apartment so were stuck andhave to find a solution or some mutrual understanding. Otherwise its 100 more ackward cold silent nights were she won't even look at me. I love her very much and I'm sure she's living with a lot of pain and confusion because of me... I don't want to make her life anymore difficult than I already have. Does anyone have any words of wisdom


ok, you want to save your relationship......... then start by asking her what you do wrong, but make it clear that you are not trying to say you did nothing wrong, but you want to know what she sees as what you did wrong, that will give you something more concrete to work with.....

the fact she is bi, means nothing, it doesn't mean that she would be more understanding or open etc about you being bi, or more accepting of you being bi...... what it means is that she understands what its like to be attracted to both genders for her and what its like to have had a female partner..... but the reality is that not all bi people are going to be understanding and accepting of their partners being bisexual or want a bisexual partner as it can create issues within them that they are not able to deal with.......

now a lot of what will be hurting her, is the fact that you were not open with her about things and I find that interesting as you knew about her bisexuality but hid yours...... and while I respect what you are saying about coming out to your partner was a big step and a huge relief, I question the fact that you only really did it when you got caught..... and your partner is going to be seeing that there was more to what was going on behind the scenes than she originally knew... and that when you had the chance to come clean... you didn't... you carried on with the masquerade......

so you are going to be up against a lot with trying to reconcile with her, not cos of the bisexuality aspect, but cos of the fact that she was in love with a person that was keeping secrets from her and not being honest with her from the start......and that is what has done the damage.... and that is going to be harder to fix than any other aspect........

right, you need to talk with her..... and say sorry.... you are not sure why you are saying sorry, but you are saying sorry cos you know you fucked up.... and seeing her so unhappy, is hurting you...... why say that ?? its about giving her a opening to vent at you and let her emotions go and that gives you a opening to be more honest with her, and that in turn can give you the chance to find out exactly what has pissed her off.... so you know what the issues are.......

do not expect a miracle, mate.... she may well tell you to go fuck yaself..... but as long as you make the attempt to admit where you screwed up and give her the opening to scream the house down at you and express exactly how she feels, you have a chance at saving the relationship, or at least a friendship......

[Gearbox]

Having a tantrum and pouting doesn't make HER a victim. If your not her 'dream man' any more then you should question what was it about you that she claimed to love. It obviously wasn't what you thought it was, or you wouldn't have told her you are bi. If you still love her after this, then you need to question if it's HEALTHY to live with such a woman. Emotional/psychological abuse shouldn't be tolerated from somebody just because they got a vagina! It's NOT a 'woman thing'. It's an 'abuser thing'.

Have a good talk with her, and let her know how YOU feel about HER double standards and ask her if she wants to work on the relationship as 2 adults or not. If so, then make it clear that you are the same person you was before you told her you are bi, and that you expect her to understand that.
If not, get out of there soon as and don't let her opinion of you make you feel in any way bad about yourself.

[glenn???]

run FOREST RUN

[drugstore cowboy]

Break up with her and find someone else who does accept you.