anicho
Mar 26, 2012, 10:38 PM
Hi everyone,
I have just signed up here. I have never classified myself as bi-sexual but gay.. but I am starting to wonder. Please hear my story and give me your opinions and insights. First I want to say I am realising from posts here that bi-sexuality often seems complicated and not straight forward (no pun intended). After a confusing episode in my live a couple of years ago I came to the conclusion I am more homo-sexual and hetero-emotional. But.. this attitude is not getting me anywhere and it's time to move on with life. The idea floating around in my head seems so ludicrous, could I dare to live it?
A quick history: My first (oral) gay experience was with my best friend age 12.. then other boys I knew all through my teenage years.. all pretty innocent stuff, fun.. no relationship as such.. just sexual gratification. My first girl friend / straight sexual experience was age 14.. we went out for 6 months but I started to feel smothered by her.. bossy italian/greek girl (no offence).. Then over the years I would have girl friends and sleep with guys.. very very much in the closet, except my first boyfriend who I met in a Pentecostal christian church of all places aged 18.. (1 year of guilt ridden soul destroying heart tearing love and sex).
Did I enjoy having sex with girls? Yes, but I can't say I ever crave it like I do with guys. I do love being in a relationship with a girl though.. it just fits and works so much better. Makes me happier.
At age 26 I finally came out gay and moved to Sydney. I had 2 boyfriends within the first couple of years. The second one lasting for 18 months. Then nothing for a loooooong time.. just the odd affair here and there (guys only.. no girls).
Age 34 I meet this absolutely stunning girl and fell in love. The most in love I have every been in my life. She knew I was gay.. we talked about it and hung out together thick as thieves for 9 month. It was pretty much a platonic relationship riddled with drunken nights of crying 'oh why am I gay.. I love you (cringe)'. We decided to give it a go and get together. We talked about my sexuality and I told her the day would come I will want / need to be with a man.. her attitude was open, we would deal with it when the day came. The sex was great, passionate, we where so so happy for about a year (when there where strains in the relationship and also my cravings to be with a guy came back with a vengeance. Our relationship had changed so much by then I didn't feel I could talk to her about it. She became very threatened and insecure about my sexuality once we where together and wanted very much her 'hetro dream boat'.
Long story short I broke it off and fell into a tail spin for about 2 years not being able to make sense of my emotions. I am now 41 and haven't been in a relationship since.
The wired thing is I seem to be more fascinated with women, I adore them, I get very protective and loving with them, I notice them, I know exactly what my type is.. but I also need the nurturing touch of a man and love cock! I think I need both.. not one or the other. Other things on my mind is I would love a family..children. But I would want to raise them myself not be a donor. I also don't believe in surrogacy for ethical reasons.
So my outrageous idea.. the scenario I am starting to thing would suit me personally the best would be to be in an equally polygamous relationship with a guy and a girl!..
Any thoughts / insights / ideas are deeply appreciated.
I have just signed up here. I have never classified myself as bi-sexual but gay.. but I am starting to wonder. Please hear my story and give me your opinions and insights. First I want to say I am realising from posts here that bi-sexuality often seems complicated and not straight forward (no pun intended). After a confusing episode in my live a couple of years ago I came to the conclusion I am more homo-sexual and hetero-emotional. But.. this attitude is not getting me anywhere and it's time to move on with life. The idea floating around in my head seems so ludicrous, could I dare to live it?
A quick history: My first (oral) gay experience was with my best friend age 12.. then other boys I knew all through my teenage years.. all pretty innocent stuff, fun.. no relationship as such.. just sexual gratification. My first girl friend / straight sexual experience was age 14.. we went out for 6 months but I started to feel smothered by her.. bossy italian/greek girl (no offence).. Then over the years I would have girl friends and sleep with guys.. very very much in the closet, except my first boyfriend who I met in a Pentecostal christian church of all places aged 18.. (1 year of guilt ridden soul destroying heart tearing love and sex).
Did I enjoy having sex with girls? Yes, but I can't say I ever crave it like I do with guys. I do love being in a relationship with a girl though.. it just fits and works so much better. Makes me happier.
At age 26 I finally came out gay and moved to Sydney. I had 2 boyfriends within the first couple of years. The second one lasting for 18 months. Then nothing for a loooooong time.. just the odd affair here and there (guys only.. no girls).
Age 34 I meet this absolutely stunning girl and fell in love. The most in love I have every been in my life. She knew I was gay.. we talked about it and hung out together thick as thieves for 9 month. It was pretty much a platonic relationship riddled with drunken nights of crying 'oh why am I gay.. I love you (cringe)'. We decided to give it a go and get together. We talked about my sexuality and I told her the day would come I will want / need to be with a man.. her attitude was open, we would deal with it when the day came. The sex was great, passionate, we where so so happy for about a year (when there where strains in the relationship and also my cravings to be with a guy came back with a vengeance. Our relationship had changed so much by then I didn't feel I could talk to her about it. She became very threatened and insecure about my sexuality once we where together and wanted very much her 'hetro dream boat'.
Long story short I broke it off and fell into a tail spin for about 2 years not being able to make sense of my emotions. I am now 41 and haven't been in a relationship since.
The wired thing is I seem to be more fascinated with women, I adore them, I get very protective and loving with them, I notice them, I know exactly what my type is.. but I also need the nurturing touch of a man and love cock! I think I need both.. not one or the other. Other things on my mind is I would love a family..children. But I would want to raise them myself not be a donor. I also don't believe in surrogacy for ethical reasons.
So my outrageous idea.. the scenario I am starting to thing would suit me personally the best would be to be in an equally polygamous relationship with a guy and a girl!..
Any thoughts / insights / ideas are deeply appreciated.