Interesting question for the men

[Gttuner17]

Usually if a woman puts out on the first night, we usually do not want to be in a relationship with a woman like that. Is it the same thing for male-male relationships?

[drugstore cowboy]

Yes it's like this for men as well. If you're looking for a male partner or a man to be in a relationship with you don't want someone who is a whore and has been with 1,000's of people and who revolves their entire life around nothing but having sex and having sex with lots of people. Or a man who has done sex for pay, who is burnt out from sex and other things, someone who you can't trust, and who you know is extremely promiscuous and who is going to lie and cheat on you.

[chtampa]

That is a great point of view if you see yourself as no better than the other "1,000's" of people they have been with. Personally I think I am the one in a thousand that would be valuable enough for the person to keep. Most women I have been involved with have had sex with me on the first date, and none of them have lied or cheated. The ones that didn't however, were the ones that I couldn't trust. I have found that the people that ration out the sex when they really want to be physical with you, tend to be a bit more manipulative because you have set the precedent of "playing the game". I have a trusting relationship with someone that had sex with me on the first date, and we have continued to have sex most every day for years. Her being honest with her feelings was a great reward for me and sex has never been a bargaining point. We are in our mid 50's. Isn't this just insecurity in action? This may be more about you than it is about them! Be the best person you can be and don't worry about the false signs you may observe from the other person. They may be so devoted to you that lying or cheating would never be a thought. I live this, so I know it can be so. All my friends had always wanted virgins; give me the slut because I still like to have fun! I also prefer doctors and attorneys that have had lots of experience.

[FinkDoodle]

Personally speaking, a woman who "puts out" (as you so sensitively phrase it) on the first date is EXACTLY the type of woman I want to be with. I prefer a woman who knows her own mind and has enough confidence in her desires to communicate them honestly, rather than obey puritanical non-existant rules who benefit absolutely nobody.

I'm shocked that some of you still hold this backward attitude toward sex now that we're in the 21st century. Are you honestly suggesting that if your first connection with a person is so positive it leads directly into the bedroom by evening's end, that you will somehow find an archaic excuse to hold that passion AGAINST that person because they shouldn't be "that type of woman" or man ??? Seriously ???

[mariersa]

Usually if a woman puts out on the first night, we usually do not want to be in a relationship with a woman like that. Is it the same thing for male-male relationships?
Yes it's like this for men as well. If you're looking for a male partner or a man to be in a relationship with you don't want someone who is a whore and has been with 1,000's of people and who revolves their entire life around nothing but having sex and having sex with lots of people. Or a man who has done sex for pay, who is burnt out from sex and other things, someone who you can't trust, and who you know is extremely promiscuous and who is going to lie and cheat on you.

Geez JTTuner 17 and Drugstore Cowboy, wow, i suppose that an immediate attraction and feeling of total compatibility hopefully to make something can't exist in your world, wow. Sorry but I'm not a logical writer but a reactionary. An Old Whore

[mariersa]

Thanks Tampa and Byron, you two actually know " how the world turns" if you will. Regrets that the other two above actually have to ask this question but ok, I suppose everyone has bad experiences. Anyway thanks. The Old Whore

[DuckiesDarling]

The thing is you can't make a blanket statement that if someone "puts out" on first date they are a whore and you'd never want a relationship with them. There are times when the chemistry is just too explosive and it takes two to tango. If you are offending by people who "put out" on first date, then don't take the offer up... Then someone can be satisfied :P

[tenni]

Isn't this the question?

Is it the same thing for male-male relationships?

Referencing women in this thread is not really all that relevant. Men have a tendency to go for it as far as they can get. That's been the norm. When you put two men together, neither are likely to stop once physical contact begins. We just are not designed that way. We don't have brakes or if we do they give out fast more than not once you start.

If you don't want to have sex on the first encounter because you think that you need to get to know the guy a bit before putting out, then you should let him know that you want to meet once (or twice) without any sex BEFORE you actually meet. I've done that and often do that...but not always.

Its true that you can wonder about whether there is any chance for something on going if your hismones led you astray and you got sexual. I don't think that there is a clear yes or no to this quesion when it comes to guy on guy get togethers or looking for a potential relationships.

I agree that the entire concept of promiscuous and being a whore is outdated and Victorian..not even 20th century ..;) If you are both adult and mature, if you have sex on the first meet is just a crap shoot on any potential longevity. Love one..love em all if you are attracted to them.

[Nextyearsxmassgifts]

Usually if a woman puts out on the first night, we usually do not want to be in a relationship with a woman like that. Is it the same thing for male-male relationships?

If a woman or a man "puts out" on the first date. You don't want to be in a relationship with them? Unless there was some crazy time paradox and their first date with you, is your second date with her or him. Then its your first date as well. So by your own standers. Your not worthy of a relationship anyway. Like DD put it. It takes two to tango :P

[bityme]

Personally speaking, a woman who "puts out" (as you so sensitively phrase it) on the first date is EXACTLY the type of woman I want to be with. I prefer a woman who knows her own mind and has enough confidence in her desires to communicate them honestly, rather than obey puritanical non-existant rules who benefit absolutely nobody.

I'm shocked that some of you still hold this backward attitude toward sex now that we're in the 21st century. Are you honestly suggesting that if your first connection with a person is so positive it leads directly into the bedroom by evening's end, that you will somehow find an archaic excuse to hold that passion AGAINST that person because they shouldn't be "that type of woman" or man ??? Seriously ???

Great response, Byron!

Unfortunately, such attitudes do still exist. That's the reason each generation has to reinvent sex, The puritanical repression that runs rampant in this country ensures the maintenance of such archaic ideas.

Pappy

[Indyguy]

I never looked at a woman as a whore that put out on the first date, if she knew what she liked and had an attraction to me, then we went for it. The same thing with men, if you hit it off, you should be allowed to react accordingly. After all, isn't that what we all desire, someone that finds us attractive and wants to experience us? Lighten up folks, sex is to be enjoyed, not labeled.

[mariersa]

I tried uploading a cartoon pic that is more than appropriate never mind hilarious, but, it didn't work. Oh well.

[notsostr8]

The last time I went on a first date & the two of us fell into bed together later that evening,... I married the woman! Seriously, when the connection is strong enough that it pulls you two into intimacy, that's awesome & what we're (usually) looking for in the first place. My wife & I (both with our Bi histories) have been together over nine years so far. Attraction can be its own natural force, like gravity!

[mariersa]

WOW Fantastic, so far the guys are agreeing with DuckiesDarlin and me, when it's majic it's wonderful and why spend energy over analysing it. Nature Rules!

[dafydd]

makes no difference 2 me, man or woman re: ' putting out' on 1st date. i mean, it takes 2 to put out. and just cos i like to end some dates with a night of birthday suit snuggles, dont mean i dont want or cant do a relationship. i love snuggles and birthday suits. y should a woman be judged as a harlett 4 wanting snuggles too? no point waiting....1st date is a great time.

[dafydd]

Yes it's like this for men as well. If you're looking for a male partner or a man to be in a relationship with you don't want someone who is a whore and has been with 1,000's of people and who revolves their entire life around nothing but having sex and having sex with lots of people. Or a man who has done sex for pay, who is burnt out from sex and other things, someone who you can't trust, and who you know is extremely promiscuous and who is going to lie and cheat on you. trust me it is NOT like this for 2 men. men who sleep together 1st date r totally normal relationship seekers sometimes its considered odd if ur on a 1st date with a guy and u dont end up in bed that nite. start of many beautiful relationships i know.

[jackbirdjay]

Usually if a woman puts out on the first night, we usually do not want to be in a relationship with a woman like that. Is it the same thing for male-male relationships?
Well thats not true. My wife of 23 years picked me up in a night club we had hot sex that night.

[12voltman59]

Some of my best relationships have taken place with ladies who "put out" on the first date---and no--I did not consider them to be a whore, a slut or whatever---I think that this is a negative and antiquated way of looking at things. (IF they are one of those things--then I sure as hell am one myself!!) By the same token---some of my worst relationships have been with ladies who also "put out" on a first time meeting or dating them---but the same thing either way can be said for those I have been involved with when we didn't have sex on a third date or maybe not even have sex at all---it just depends really on the way they were in terms of personality, compatibility or "chemistry."

To be honest, when it comes to being with other guys in most cases thus far---the prime reason we are together--is to have sex-and I don't have one damn problem with that being the case. At least it is an honest situation and we know "what's the deal." It does seem that with a number of them--we do tend to develop other aspects of a relationship as time goes on, pretty much like when I get with a lady and we have sex almost immediately after meeting.

[mariersa]

4922

I Had to do it!!!! Teehee

[Gearbox]

4930
So that's where they went?:eek2:

[welickit]

We have to love the thread and the answers and shake our heads about the question. Then we had a peek at the OP's profile and it came more into focus. We would say to him in his two decades of life...............think of it as a remote control, you have a fast forward and a slow motion. You know when to push the right button. Only living will give you the experience to decide what is right at the moment. We grew up before remotes and had no reason or desire to use the words slut or whore but we did very much enjoy fast forward mode. We were both bi at a young age so fast forward applies to guys and gals equally.

[R. R. Wayne]

I have had sex many times on the first date, but I almost always had lots of time before the first date to help me determine if I felt it was the right thing to do on the first date. On another site I have met a guy and we have exchanged at least 25 to 30 messages. We have both been painfully honest and when we meet in the next 10 days we both know we want to share out bodies with each other.

[Bisexual Explorer]

I've had sex with a few guys I met in hotel bars while on business trips. As strangers in the night, neither of us were interested in a relationship. One or two I would have liked to see again. For me, it doesn't much matter if we have sex first and then build a relationship or start a relationship and then move onto sex.
g

[Jakentn]

I love it when a man puts out on the first night and the second and the third etc.

[BiCplAz]

I never looked at a woman as a whore that put out on the first date, if she knew what she liked and had an attraction to me, then we went for it. The same thing with men, if you hit it off, you should be allowed to react accordingly. After all, isn't that what we all desire, someone that finds us attractive and wants to experience us? Lighten up folks, sex is to be enjoyed, not labeled.

Couldn't agree more. The woman I have been with for 21 years "put out" on our first date. We have never had an argument or harsh word in all 21 years. Think I picked the right one? oh by the way I was married twice before for 7 years each time. Neither "put out" on the first date.

[Waylon]

I have had many women who "put out" on the first date and would like to thank them all for being so inclined; most often it made me want to go back for more.
As an oral-fixated bi-man now, I most always go down on the first date, at that point I am not really looking for a relationship but if he is pleased, and most are, he will come back for more.

[æonpax]

I must be missing something here and I think the key word here is "date."

"Date" has become a euphemism that can sometimes be easily confused. One one extreme, you can "date" a person (male or female) whom you have very strong emotional/romantic ties to that supersede and sexual interplay then you can "date" a person who both are intent on only having sex, sans any emotional involvement.

Were I to date a person whom I sincerely think I could love, then they came on to me real fast, I would be extremely disappointed if not hurt. Vice versa, were I to "date" a person with the sole intent of sex and find out they were really interested in a relationship, I would also be disappointed but alarmed. I would not want to hurt them by lying to get sex.

This is why I hate blind dates and don't do that sort of thing.

[darkeyes]

I must be missing something here and I think the key word here is "date."

"Date" has become a euphemism that can sometimes be easily confused. One one extreme, you can "date" a person (male or female) whom you have very strong emotional/romantic ties to that supersede and sexual interplay then you can "date" a person who both are intent on only having sex, sans any emotional involvement.

Were I to date a person whom I sincerely think I could love, then they came on to me real fast, I would be extremely disappointed if not hurt. Vice versa, were I to "date" a person with the sole intent of sex and find out they were really interested in a relationship, I would also be disappointed but alarmed. I would not want to hurt them by lying to get sex.

This is why I hate blind dates and don't do that sort of n now most first dates are of that kindthing.
What happened to the the " first date" where people simply go out because they like each other or are attracted and to see where it leads? Many such dates have I had.. less than a quarter of those first dates led to screwing at best or some other sexual activity.. many didn't even lead to a snog.... so what about the first date that two people deciding to go out just for a nice evening or day out and a bit of non sexual fun? Because even in this modern and much more sexually liberal age.. as far as I can see around me most first dates and even second or third dates are of that variety,, where there is attraction and interest but nothing more than that.. there may be hopes of sex in due course or a relationship by one or even both parties, but only time will tell about that..

..and blind dates, Joan? God!! Perish the thought...

[elian]

There is a difference in two people who are really want to be with each other and a person who has such low self esteem that they feel the only way they can attract people is having anonymous sex with many different partners.

[darkeyes]

There is a difference in two people who are really want to be with each other and a person who has such low self esteem that they feel the only way they can attract people is having anonymous sex with many different partners.
I understand what u are saying Elian, but not all who have what u call anonymous sex with many different partners do it because they have low self esteem.. some do, but I have had many different sex partners, but never did it once because of low self esteem.. fewer than u seem to believe do it for that reason, because those with a low self esteem tend to make very bad and often unattractive sex partners... so for that matter do cocky, over-confident, arrogant, "I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread sex partners".. of whatever gender...

..and can I also say, never once did I date or have sex with anyone because I did not want to be with that person.. no, not quite true.. once cos me mum kind of nagged me into it.. and what a catastrophe of an evening that was... much more frequently though, during sex or date and after..

[Gearbox]

There is a difference in two people who are really want to be with each other and a person who has such low self esteem that they feel the only way they can attract people is having anonymous sex with many different partners.
Elian sweetheart, having anonymous sex with multiple partners has nothing to do with low self esteem. Those who have sex solely to please a potential partner in the hope that they'll have 'something to offer', have IMO low self esteem though. But not those who sexually attract for the sex itself.

Dating (with no hankypanky) is a great way to find out if your liked for your personality more than your body. But lets face it, it's not exactly being honest about your feelings if you really want to be physical with them too. And it's no sign of a high self esteem either, as you'd be seeking evidence of being liked the way you want to be. If both were secure with their personalities and sexual natures, a first date romp wouldn't matter.

I do miss the thrill of the wait though with females. Time seems to be different with males. A 1st date pint and a late supper = 3 dates with a female.LOL!

[darkeyes]

Elian sweetheart, having anonymous sex with multiple partners has nothing to do with low self esteem. Those who have sex solely to please a potential partner in the hope that they'll have 'something to offer', have IMO low self esteem though. But not those who sexually attract for the sex itself.

Dating (with no hankypanky) is a great way to find out if your liked for your personality more than your body. But lets face it, it's not exactly being honest about your feelings if you really want to be physical with them too. And it's no sign of a high self esteem either, as you'd be seeking evidence of being liked the way you want to be. If both were secure with their personalities and sexual natures, a first date romp wouldn't matter.

I do miss the thrill of the wait though with females. Time seems to be different with males. A 1st date pint and a late supper = 3 dates with a female.LOL!

U been readin' the Fran Manual of dating and Screwin'" 'gain Gear?? Agree wivya 100%... Tho as often as not .. trust me.. if I fancied a guy an' is body they fancied me... it didn't take them owt like 3 dates 2 get laid!!! Supper wos optional...But that wos just me...;)

[biguy1940]

if she "puts out" on the first date and you judge her because of that, remember, she could be judging you for exactly the same reason...one persons stud is another persons slut

[elian]

Yes, ok - maybe it was unfair of me to make that comparison. I guess it's really up to the couple on the date.. I did go on a date with one person whose name is apparently in an online mashup of "easy" partners - the fact that he had been with so many partners almost broke up the date but he called, distraught and feeling really unappreciated.

So I took him to a local diner and we had supper - tried to show him that there are some people out there who do more than just take what they want. He needed a friend more than a lover - apparently his partner had died and after that he suffered from a great deal of depression - searching for love in the wrong place. Nature has an interesting way of dealing with these things - although he would've rather played afterward things just weren't cooperating. He was pretty upset but I just said, "That's not what I'm here for." - just hugged him and reassured him.

I know some adults are perfectly happy with no strings attached sex, I'm a big boy - there are certain guys I would love to be with - call me old fashioned I like to treat people as friends when they need it, lovers second. Yeah, that makes me frustrated sometimes because I have sexual desires too. There were a few women that were "friends" of mine that I would've loved to be involved with - but what they needed was a good friend, not a one night stand.

If the message sounds conflicted, it is - despite whatever I write, hormones are strong and life isn't always neat and tidy.

[Fresia]

Bump it up!

[tenni]

bump up freesia

[bibtmguy1]

I think a woman puts out first night, she should enjoy as much as she can and most definitely marriage material. i would eat her out anytime.

[charles-smythe]

Usually if a woman puts out on the first night, we usually do not want to be in a relationship with a woman like that. Is it the same thing for male-male relationships?...not no...but hell no...