Asexuality

[Jason0012]

Asexuality is not something I know much about but it has come up in another post. It is ironic that it should comeup now as I just learned what little I know about the subject in the last month. I am not posting this to beat up on anybody but to give those who feel the need an actual place to discuss this. My wife and I have been involved with another couple for a very long time now . The wife in that couple has had some serious changes of opinion about our situation. We recently learned that a big part of her issues have to do with the fact that she lacks any real sexual interest. Things were renegotiated then with this in mind. While I don't think her " do whatever, but dont let anyone find out " is very mature it is her decision. As a result I have done some research on the subject and am still not sure what to make of it.
Asexuality is, acording to AVEN , an absence of sexual desire. They specificly seperate asexuality from celibacy. Reading thier literature I am struck by the thought that this must be what straight people think of homosexuals. I am baffled as I have never really been without sexual desire really, at least not since I was very very young. I could relate to celibacy, I did once go through several years without sex when I was realing from an ugly breakup, or two, or three.....and working on school, opening a business, ..... you get the idea. But that period in my life was not without sexual feelings. I don't have any frame of refence from which to relate. I can relate to gay men, lesbians, straight men and straght women , having similar feelings twords both men and women. On some level it is really very easy to empathise as a bisexual. I also tend to look at the stories of asexuals and see a lot of stories that have extreme abuse or sexual trauma. this left me wondering if it was truely a set personality trait, or a reaction to traumatic events. After some consideration it occured to me that I am extremely NOT qualified to make any such judgements. It seems to me that if a portion of the population has atractions to men and women, then a portion will likely have no atraction. It at least sounds reasonable. The woman in our group was molested and had a very unpleasant childhood. She thinks of sex she gives to others, and not something she cares one way or another about. Her husband has watched this become more and more of an issue between them as she has begun to see sex as more of a nuissence. She is clearly not happy that we continue to be involved with her husband, but seems resigned to the fact that he is going to seek sex somewhere(can you blame him?) I brought up the issue on the AVEN board and got a very strange response (and somewhat rude) that wanting sex was like being into snowboarding and if she didnt like snowboarding he just needed to give it up. ???? I asked for further explanation and got none as clearly these folks are not interested in interacting with those who are different. I normaly am not one to condone someone going outside thier primary relationship when things get rough but things are bad between them sexually. In every other aspect, they are a great couple. So just giving him a safe outlet that respects her and thier relationship seemed pretty reasonable. More so since we are far from being strangers.

That is about the sum total of my knowledge of asexuals. Since we have some folks with strong feelings on asexuals, jump in and add your two bits. What is this all about? is this new? Is asexuality really another part of the sexual spectrum, or just a reaction to horrific trauma? (I think it may be both, life tends to be complicated like that) What do you think?

[tenni]

I have a very good friend for about 20 years. He considers himself gay. He has had sex with three men in his entire life and he is his early 60's. I am the last person that he has had sex with and that was about 19 years ago. He never talks about sex or being attracted sexually or emotionally to anyone. He knows when a woman is considered attractive or a man is considered attractive but no interest in them for himself.

He sometimes talks about being gay but it is mostly in context about what he use to do when he belonged to a gay advocacy group.

He really likes to keep in contact with friends over many years but I don't think that he likes to be physically touched. He doesn't like physical intimacy and touching. He is quite the keeper in touch unlike a some guys. I think that he really likes people and he is well liked and highly respected. He is a very good person and a great friend if you need help etc. He never talks about being attracted to any man (or woman). In fact I don't think that he knows what to do sexually. He knows that people have sex but never connects that to people that he knows as actually doing it..lol I've read that these are traits of some asexuals. I consider him to be an asexual.

I have read AVEN as well. I know that psychologists have not given asexuality a formal definition in part because when they thought they had it a few years back, the found that it didn't work for some asexual behaviour. It is new and unclear. Yet, others have started to give it a term classification when describing sexuality and sexual preferences.

I know that sex drive and the loss of sex drive or interest in sexual attraction and activity are discussed in context of asexuals at AVEN. Some do not consider this asexual as it may be corrected with medicine. I get the impression from AVEN that anything will do as far as inclusion or what you want to call yourself. Somewhere I did read that some people call themselves asexual incorrectly but then who decides? People like my friend just do not have any attraction to sex and never have had a sex drive. He never talks about masturbating. I think that he does it though but I've never asked him. I know that like my friend that some asexual people self identify as something else. If they are like my friend, it is all academic because there is no sex, no interest in sex, no attraction to another human other than platonic friendship.

In some respects since the word has such ambiguity it really has little value in discussions at this point except that some people do identify as asexual. There are "labels" that they may use to cover all the sexuality and the word "romance" is added.

[falcondfw]

There's an asexual man on tihs site named Long Duck Dong. He's frequently written about how he's asexual and not sexually attracted to anyone of any gender, how he has no sexual desire or sex drive at all, and how he was born this way.

Dude,
Why do you have such a hard on for LDD and DD? Did they turn you down or something? Just leave them the F alone. This was a good discussion thread and I was learning things until you posted. What you posted above contributes absolutely nothing to the discussion. If either of them are interested in posting on this thread, they will. NOW GET OFF IT!
Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.
Tenni and Jason, thanks for the interesting discussion. I am learning. I will have to go check out the AVEN web site.

[Long Duck Dong]

lol ok asexuality is one of the most misunderstood aspects of people...... and most people use websites for their info about it.... thats about as clever as using something like a webMD site to get a medical diagnosis for a condition

while using sites can give a person a understanding of asexuality, its like using bisexual.com to define bisexuality using a couple of posts.....

so the better way to do this, is to break it down into the broadest terms so you can see how grey and blurry the lines are in defining it......

1) the cause and reasoning for asexuality is unknown.... there is no true understanding of why or how it comes about.... its a bit like searching for the gay gene....
it can have a number of influences such as head trauma, abuse, medical issues, psych issues, personality trait, lack of chemicals and hormonals in the body and mind... the list is endless..... the general consensus is that it does exist and in a couple of places in the US, asexual people are protected by law

2) asexuality can be a combination of a number of aspects.... lack of sex drive and lack of sexual desire ( they are different, one is the need to procreate, the other is a lack of interest in sex ) lack of sexual empathy ( you can not relate to any sexual attraction, interest, or desire ) aversion to sex ( you dislike sex )

3) asexuality is not always a permanent aspect of a person.... there is the asexual, the asexual natured and the asexual aspect..... the asexual is the one that people confuse me with, they are generally the ones that have the absence of sexual drive, interest and desire..... the asexual natured, such as myself, have aspects of asexuality, but are fluid, like the bisexual attraction ) asexual aspect people are people that develop a asexual nature by way of things like depression, menopause, drug and alcohol abuse, pregnancy

4) asexuals may or may not retain the emotional and mental attraction to people... some asexuals have no sexual, emotional or mental attraction to other people..... other asexuals can have the emotional and mental interest, kinda like a sexual sociopath......

5) full asexuals ( people that have never had any sexual contact in any way, even medical, are virgins and some asexuals are in their 80s... that puts the 40 year old virgin to shame

6) many sexuals are still capable of loving and being loved, but it takes a very understanding person to enter into a relationship with a asexual person and remain monogamous with them..... and that is why some asexual people can find that they are often single and alone, or pressured into sex or open relationships with partners..... other asexual natured / asexual aspect people are in relationships long term and when the asexuality affects them, it creates issues in the relationship ( you may see threads in the site about a partners lack of interest or desire for sex )

so thats a brief breakdown of the world of asexuality and you may understand now, why its so bloody hard to understand or relate to asexual, asexual natured and asexual aspect people and asexual natured and asexual aspect people are more common than people think, its the asexual person with the lack of interest in sex, sexual desire and sexual desire, that are estimated to be about 1% of the population.....

the issue with the asexual community, is that its like any group, they like to create lines in the sand and say who fits into the group, but when they themselves do not fit into the group, they like to blur the lines so they do, then tell others how the blurred lines do not apply to others.....and that is why AVEN ( the website ) is a guideline to asexuality and in the FAQ and other areas, it refers to asexuals that can have sex and be sexually active, asexuals that are not sexual, the differing aspects of asexuality..... and yes it refers to the divisions within the asexual community as to who * makes the grade * as a asexual person.....

people like me, come under the asexual nature heading, we are not fully asexual, we have some long term aspects of asexuality, and our asexual nature can be tweaked with counselling / therapy and meds.... the same with asexual aspect people, like menopausal ladies

I was diagnosed professionally and with a 20 year history of sex and sexual encounters with other people, I am blurring the lines, between asexuality and bisexuality.... and as you can see, there are people that want to put me in a box and deny the aspects of me that do not match what they say, by arguing technicalities ( saying things like even tho I had sex with other people, it was me forcing myself to have sex, so it doesn't count )

the asexual nature that I have, is a mystery in itself and defies even my ability to really define it.... in much the same way that people can call themselves bisexual, but defining their bisexuality beyond who they have sex with, is not as easy as reading a website and saying, * yep, thats me *........

so yeah, use aven as a quideline..... cos yeah asexuality is not clear cut, a bit like bisexuality.... and as for tenni's friend, he sounds very much like a full asexual that lacks the sexual interest, drive, desire and empathy and possibly the emotional and psychical aspects as well... so with drugstore calling me a asexual, you have to ask, why am I not like tenni's friend if I am asexual like drugstore likes to claim....... and the simple answer is I blur the lines and there are times that neither community wants me lol......

[BiDaveDtown]

the asexual nature that I have, is a mystery in itself and defies even my ability to really define it.... in much the same way that people can call themselves bisexual, but defining their bisexuality beyond who they have sex with, There's a simple definition of bisexuality and it is someone who is sexually attracted to both genders. You do not have to fall in love with both genders in order to be bisexual, you don't have to have had sex with both genders in order to be bisexual, and you don't have to be sexually active with both genders in order to be bisexual. It's simple if you're bisexual then you're sexually attracted to both genders. You're either sexually attracted to both genders or else you're not, and are not bisexual. I can fall in love with both genders but not all bisexuals can do this and it does not make someone more bisexual just because they can fall in love with both genders while another bisexual isn't like this. Just because someone has had sexual experiences with both men and women it does not make them bisexual. I know gay men who have had sex with women and lesbians who have had sex with women but these people are not bisexual, and their sexual experiences with both genders do not make them bisexual. Based on what I have read about asexuality on here and other sites someone who is asexual or asexual natured as you put it would be forcing themselves to have sex since they are not sexually attracted to anyone of any gender. There is no blurring of lines of asexuality. You either are sexually attracted to people either your gender, both genders, or the opposite gender and not asexual at all, or you're not sexually attracted to people of either gender and you're therefore asexual.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Thank you Duck, very informative, Sugar. And BTW, a nice peck to Falcon's cheek. He's not the only one who does this to DD and Duck, but its good for a start..lol
Cat

[falcondfw]

There's a simple definition of bisexuality and it is someone who is sexually attracted to both genders. You do not have to fall in love with both genders in order to be bisexual, you don't have to have had sex with both genders in order to be bisexual, and you don't have to be sexually active with both genders in order to be bisexual. It's simple if you're bisexual then you're sexually attracted to both genders. You're either sexually attracted to both genders or else you're not, and are not bisexual. I can fall in love with both genders but not all bisexuals can do this and it does not make someone more bisexual just because they can fall in love with both genders while another bisexual isn't like this. Just because someone has had sexual experiences with both men and women it does not make them bisexual. I know gay men who have had sex with women and lesbians who have had sex with women but these people are not bisexual, and their sexual experiences with both genders do not make them bisexual. Based on what I have read about asexuality on here and other sites someone who is asexual or asexual natured as you put it would be forcing themselves to have sex since they are not sexually attracted to anyone of any gender. There is no blurring of lines of asexuality. You either are sexually attracted to people either your gender, both genders, or the opposite gender and not asexual at all, or you're not sexually attracted to people of either gender and you're therefore asexual.

Dave,
You may be going by some technical definition of bisexuality, but I strongly disagree with that definition. I know people of both genders who can have sex with either gender, but only feel a strong attraction for one gender or the other. Are you saying those people are not truly bisexual?
If we want to get technical about the definition and break the word down, bi means 2 and sexual means, well, we all know what sexual means. So bisexual would mean sexual with both. That doesn't say anything about attraction or love.

[falcondfw]

Thanks Cat. Peck welcomed and accepted.
LDD, thanks for the definitions and the understanding of some of what you and DD deal with daily.
I feel sympathetic, because it mirrors my own confusion as to whether I was straight, bi, or just confused when I started questioning.

[tenni]

Well, the simple definition for a bisexual is someone who is sexually and/or emotionally attracted to both men and women. It is the "and/or" that gets a bit complicated.

1/ For some of us it is both sexually and emotionally attracted to both men and women.
2/ For others it is sexually attracted to both but the emotional attraction is only for the opposite gender.
3/ For others it is sexually attracted to both but emotionally attracted to only the same gender.

I suspect that 4 & 5 are much rarer.
4/ It is also possible to be sexually attracted to both men and women and no emotional attraction to either men or women.
I suspect that has a label. I suspect that it may be seen as a "condition" a "disfunction" by some.

5/ In an even much less frequent cases a person is emotionally attracted to both men and women but not sexually attracted to either men or women.
This is where the claim of asexuality comes in but now it is being referred to as a "blur". This is much less frequent and rarer. It is semantics and grammar. The "and" is easy to understand. The "or" is not as easy to understand.


6/ A person may be emotionally attracted to both men and women but sexually attracted to only one gender(man or woman).
If they are sexually attracted to the same gender then "gay" may be involved? If they are sexually attracted to opposite gender, "hetero" may be involved in some identification? Is asexuality involved here? NO but they are bisexual in a very rare form. ( I guess)

Now, I think that I have those variables correct but if Annika can find more well..... :tongue:

I personally suspect that the vast majority of bisexuals are sexually attracted to both men and women and that is the most distinguishing feature of bisexuality. The other five variables add to the complex possibilities.

I find it questionable but not improbable that "information" about asexuality would not be on the net at least listed in some Journal entry. Stranger and convenient things have happened. Again, there is no proof or source to back LDD's opinions. They are personal subjective opinions without studies to prove them.

In the case of my asexual friend, he identifies as gay but seems to behave like an asexual. He's a simple version of asexuality and much closer to the intent of a pyschological definition. Again, though they are my personal subjective opinions of my asexual friend who identifies as gay.

[Long Duck Dong]

lol the worst part of asexuality from what I have heard from others... is not so much being asexual, its realising that you are not feeling what others talk about..... and trying to make sense of it and wondering what is wrong with you.... with bisexuality and being bi curious, you feel different but there is feelings, emotions, desires and thoughts to go on, kinda like reference points.....

one of the most hilarious misunderstandings about asexuals, is that people get them confused with eunuchs ( males with no genitalia )

something I have heard some asexuals say, the quickest, fastest and easiest way to relate to a asexual / asexual natured person.... is to roll over in bed, look at your partner and realise that you love them, you want them and you think the world of them.... but you are not in the mood to have sex with them, you would rather just cuddle them...........

[Long Duck Dong]

the trouble tenni... is that nobody has really done any studies into asexuality.... unless you want to use kinsey as a definative reference for asexuality......

Spotlight on Asexual Studies, try googling that, its something that the university of warwick, did... as a form of study groups and researching asexuality.....and its the most recent set of studies that I know about...... however, I do not know how scientific / psychological the studies are and if they are supported by the international community

that is the reason why I do not post any links to study papers and research references.... 1) I can not find any that are valid and supported by the international community and 2) nobody has really done any studies, papers and in depth research.....

[PeterNZ]

This thread and being asexual have nothing to do with being bisexual or even with being an LGBT person.

[falcondfw]

This thread and being asexual have nothing to do with being bisexual or even with being an LGBT person.

Open your mind and learn, Peter. There are a lot of threads on this site that have nothing to do with being bisexual.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

What does it matter, Peter? All informnation is valuable..if a person has an enlightened mind enough to take it all in, and learn from it. Knowledge of Any kind is power, and the more you know in this life, the better. So lighten up and observe..:}
Cat

[void()]

Having Kallmann Syndrome (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kallmann_syndrome) which inflicts low libido, there are ample times I run into "spirit is willing, flesh isn't getting on board". This happens enough so with both genders it frustrates and further causes lowered interest. I enjoy sexual and emotional relationships with both genders, likely would enjoy buttefly gendered as well in the same capacity.

But there are also times I feel asexual, as in not wanting anything to do with anyone. Fortunately, I have a few very understanding people in life. The KS seems an apt source for my bouts of hot and cold, as it effects endocrinology of people. May even be a possible contribution to depression, anxiety. Testosterone is such a lovely thing. ;)

[Moonlight_BHI]

I'm gonna state this right off the bat as I forewarning: I did not read any of the other posts above like I usually do. So if I repeat something already said, I'm sorry but I need to get my train of thought on the track.

I have been in a situation like that. Matter-of-fact, everytime/typically when I am in a relationship past 2 months I lose sexual interest in sex despite my love of emotional/attraction to my male partners. I have a hard time getting aroused enough where sex sounds appealing and even when I am aroused to a normal point sex never seems appealing. I have an extremely low sex drive and have been argued with about the possibility that I myself are asexual. Even I find myself extremely aroused towards women waiting to basically do anything for them sexually.
She may have a problem with her sex drive as I do with mine. Maybe she should get checked out about her estrogen levels. Low estrogen can cause decrease of sexual desire.
Now if things are bad emotional or sexually, no one has the right to go out of the relationship and look for a replacement, unless both parts agree to it or just decide its time to end it. There is no difference between emotional or sexual connections, cause quite often they go together. If that was not true, I could have sex with my partners even when I'm not in the mood just to help them get satisfied without guilt or shamefulness.

Just my :2cents: and beliefs.

[tenni]

I agree that the research is limited but I was able to find some fairly easily that covers writings since 1977.

I found a website of a doctorial candidate studying in Canada. She writes "Asexual Explorations exists to promote the academic study of asexuality."

She lists several studies and book chapters dating back to 1977 (Johnson, M. T. (1977) "Asexual and Autoerotic Women: Two invisible groups." in ed. Gorchros H.L. and Gochros J.S. The Sexually Oppressed. New York: Associated Press.) Most are more recent within the past nine years.
http://www.asexualexplorations.net/home/extantresearch.html

Take a look.
http://www.asexualexplorations.net/home/extantresearch.html

http://www.asexualexplorations.net/home/stories.html

[falcondfw]

Having Kallmann Syndrome (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kallmann_syndrome) which inflicts low libido, there are ample times I run into "spirit is willing, flesh isn't getting on board". This happens enough so with both genders it frustrates and further causes lowered interest. I enjoy sexual and emotional relationships with both genders, likely would enjoy buttefly gendered as well in the same capacity.

But there are also times I feel asexual, as in not wanting anything to do with anyone. Fortunately, I have a few very understanding people in life. The KS seems an apt source for my bouts of hot and cold, as it effects endocrinology of people. May even be a possible contribution to depression, anxiety. Testosterone is such a lovely thing. ;)

I have never heard of that void. So glad you have not left as you were going to do. I need to look into what you described. Sounds like it might explain a lot. Thank you.

[dafydd]

LDD didn't say he was 'asexual'. It was a typo. He said he was "a sexual". That's a term for those with the pure horn. The ultra-sexuals. The man's got spunk for blood.

He's a total legend. Y'all should read more of what he writes. The dude knows his stuff....
I've come to respect Ducky Ding Dong, not only because he's a fighter.... but also because he's my dungeon master and basically I have to.

FYI Ding Dong, who is stalking you? is he hot?

d

[IanBorthwick]

Understanding and wisdom come from making mistakes, so I'm sure there will be many more mistakes in the study of Sexuality before the next century approaches....

[darkeyes]

This thread and being asexual have nothing to do with being bisexual or even with being an LGBT person.
So u deny the possibility that an asexual person can be bisexual? That they cannot fall in love, be romantic and prefer or are attracted one or other gender or both? That lacking sex drive automatically precludes the asexual from having sexuality?

[tenni]

So u deny the possibility that an asexual person can be bisexual? That they cannot fall in love, be romantic and prefer or are attracted one or other gender or both? That lacking sex drive automatically precludes the asexual from having sexuality?

The difference is what dominates the person's behaviour their asexual nature or their bisexual interests?

Some/many asexuals do not want any physical contact at all. Friendship is a much better term to describe their behaviour than romantic love.

It is more than a lack of a sex drive. It is a lack of interest in being sexually attracted to another person regardless of their gender. It is the vagueness of the "condition" or sexuality that should place caution at stating that what they experience is bisexuality. The role of physical sexual attraction should not be dismissed so easily in defining bisexuality. There is no scientific sound support as to what asexuality is. At best many asexuals have a familial concept of love or a platonic love but certainly not a physical sexual interest in forms of love. Many asexuals do not connect physical sexual love to any concept of love. It isn't that you are not important to them because you may be critically important to them as a person. Their ability so demonstrate affection is quite limited.

Imo, I've always seen Sheldon Copper on the television show "The Big Bang Theory" as a characterture of an asexual person taken to the extreme for comedic reasons. My asexual friend behaves in similar ways to Sheldon but not to that extreme.

[Long Duck Dong]

I agree that the research is limited but I was able to find some fairly easily that covers writings since 1977.

I found a website of a doctorial candidate studying in Canada. She writes "Asexual Explorations exists to promote the academic study of asexuality."

She lists several studies and book chapters dating back to 1977 (Johnson, M. T. (1977) "Asexual and Autoerotic Women: Two invisible groups." in ed. Gorchros H.L. and Gochros J.S. The Sexually Oppressed. New York: Associated Press.) Most are more recent within the past nine years.
http://www.asexualexplorations.net/home/extantresearch.html

Take a look.
http://www.asexualexplorations.net/home/extantresearch.html

http://www.asexualexplorations.net/home/stories.html


did you actually read the extantresearch link before you posted it......

I will give you some examples from the link and the first book mentioned is the book of the doctorial candiate, you mentioned.... read what it says about her research......


Johnson, M. T. (1977) "Asexual and Autoerotic Women: Two invisible groups." in ed. Gorchros H.L. and Gochros J.S. The Sexually Oppressed. New York: Associated Press.

This is the first known publication on asexuality. ..........Her data come from letters to the editor in women’s magazines in the 1970’s......


Bogaert A.F. (2004) Asexuality: Its Prevalence and Associated Factors in a National Probability Sample. (http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m2372/is_3_41/ai_n6274004/pg_1?tag=artBody;col1) Journal of Sex Research, 41, 279-287

..... A number of factors were related to asexuality, including gender (i.e., more women than men), short stature, low education, low socioeconomic status, and poor health..........

Bogaert A. F. (2006). Toward a Conceptual Understanding of Asexuality. Review of General Psychology, 10, 241-250

.........this section is primarily based on his own speculation of what he thinks asexuals would be like rather than actual knowledge of people who report not experiencing sexual attraction..........

Prause, N & Graham, C. A. (2007) Asexuality: Classification and Clarification (http://www.kinseyinstitute.org/publications/PDF/PrauseGrahamPDF.pdf). Archives of Sexual Behavior, 36, 341-35

......Asexuals reported significantly less desire for sex with a partner, lower sexual arousability, and lower sexual excitation but did not differ consistently from non-asexuals in their sexual inhibition scores or their desire to masturbate. Content analyses supported the idea that low sexual desire is the primary feature predicting asexual identity..........

tenni, I would like to suggest that you review the links you post in future, as some of what they are saying, points towards the fact that some of them never researched asexuality at all, ... and other parts support what I have been saying.....

[tenni]

"tenni, I would like to suggest that you review the links you post in future, as some of what they are saying, points towards the fact that some of them never researched asexuality at all, ... and other parts support what I have been saying.....

I did agree with you that the research is limited. I suspect the international community of academics would accept her information as valuable.

Yes, I did read her synopsis that she wrote beside the reference books. Now, who am I going to pay attention to as far as academic discussion of asexuality?

I chose a person working on their doctorate (all be it in linguistics) who is asexual as having the training and ability to gather information rather than assume to dismiss educational opportunities about asexuality.

Do you wish us to accept you as the "expert" without any other information?

[darkeyes]

did you actually read the extantresearch link before you posted it......

I will give you some examples from the link and the first book mentioned is the book of the doctorial candiate, you mentioned.... read what it says about her research......


Johnson, M. T. (1977) "Asexual and Autoerotic Women: Two invisible groups." in ed. Gorchros H.L. and Gochros J.S. The Sexually Oppressed. New York: Associated Press.

This is the first known publication on asexuality. ..........Her data come from letters to the editor in women’s magazines in the 1970’s......


Bogaert A.F. (2004) Asexuality: Its Prevalence and Associated Factors in a National Probability Sample. (http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m2372/is_3_41/ai_n6274004/pg_1?tag=artBody;col1)Journal of Sex Research, 41, 279-287

..... A number of factors were related to asexuality, including gender (i.e., more women than men), short stature, low education, low socioeconomic status, and poor health..........

Bogaert A. F. (2006). Toward a Conceptual Understanding of Asexuality. Review of General Psychology, 10, 241-250

.........this section is primarily based on his own speculation of what he thinks asexuals would be like rather than actual knowledge of people who report not experiencing sexual attraction..........

Prause, N & Graham, C. A. (2007) Asexuality: Classification and Clarification (http://www.kinseyinstitute.org/publications/PDF/PrauseGrahamPDF.pdf). Archives of Sexual Behavior, 36, 341-35

......Asexuals reported significantly less desire for sex with a partner, lower sexual arousability, and lower sexual excitation but did not differ consistently from non-asexuals in their sexual inhibition scores or their desire to masturbate. Content analyses supported the idea that low sexual desire is the primary feature predicting asexual identity..........

tenni, I would like to suggest that you review the links you post in future, as some of what they are saying, points towards the fact that some of them never researched asexuality at all, ... and other parts support what I have been saying.....



I posted a link in another thread the other day which outlined much of what u say Duckie.. but it was ignored by those with quite another agenda.. I do not pretend to be an expert on asexuality for I have never actually knowingly met an asexual, but I do know that asexuality is much more complex than tenni and others make it out to be.. where your critics do have a point is that you do twist and turn apparently to suit your purpose on this and many issues and u do often appear to lack consistency.. I have sometimes referred to it as it "moving goalposts".. it is something that you really do have to take more care with for you do your own case much harm by so acting..

..and tenni? I mentioned lack of sex drive because that is one aspect of some asexual's self.. not all.. but even asexual's with no sex drive fall in love, settle down with partners of either gender and/or marry and they display all the love and affection that most others do short of physically having sex.. does this preclude them from being considered one of the chosen? Sexuality is not always about the physical acts of sex and we should never forget that..

[Long Duck Dong]

tenni..... I was diagnosed by a professional, a person that was a american trained and certed professional... and if they do not have the * expertise *( I believe they had been practicing in their field for close to 25 years or something like that) to diagnose people... then... who the hell does ? people that google web sites and articles

I offer generic advice and help in the forums but if people want professional help, well, they know to go to a professional and if they are not happy, get a second opinion...... its common sense....

you have made your point clear time and time again that you have issues with the fact that I refer to myself as a bisexual asexual natured person.... so I suggest you go and get accredited and certified as a sexologist or whatever they would be in canada and then come back and try to * diagnose * me.... but until that point, you are not a expert, so how about you stop trying to tell me what I am.... cos you are in no position to argue the professional diagnosis that I got, that is listed on my medical records....

[darkeyes]

tenni..... I was diagnosed by a professional, a person that was a american trained and certed professional... and if they do not have the * expertise *( I believe they had been practicing in their field for close to 25 years or something like that) to diagnose people... then... who the hell does ? people that google web sites and articles

I offer generic advice and help in the forums but if people want professional help, well, they know to go to a professional and if they are not happy, get a second opinion...... its common sense....

you have made your point clear time and time again that you have issues with the fact that I refer to myself as a bisexual asexual natured person.... so I suggest you go and get accredited and certified as a sexologist or whatever they would be in canada and then come back and try to * diagnose * me.... but until that point, you are not a expert, so how about you stop trying to tell me what I am.... cos you are in no position to argue the professional diagnosis that I got, that is listed on my medical records....
People often argue with a professional diagnosis.. and people are often right.. being an "expert" does not mean infallibility.. experts are often wrong.. and even more often when it comes to issues of personality and of the mind of which we know remarkably little..... I have had pyschiatric treatment and psychological evaluation and what they knew of my mind could be written on the Queen's head on a postage stamp far less the back of the stamp itself.. I do not doubt your asexuality, Duckie.. I just do not altogether have the same faith in "professionals" that u seem to, and neither do I dismiss the opinions of lay people out of hand in the way that you do.. "professionals" in treatment of mind and body have shown themselves as inadequate in their field of expertise as any lay person..

[PeterNZ]

So u deny the possibility that an asexual person can be bisexual? That they cannot fall in love, be romantic and prefer or are attracted one or other gender or both? That lacking sex drive automatically precludes the asexual from having sexuality? No I would not say that someone who is asexual and not sexually attracted to anyone of any sex can be bisexual or be sexually attracted to both genders. Bisexuality or any sexual orientation is the polar opposite of asexuality. In order to be bisexual you have to be at least sexually attracted to both genders. People who are asexual are not sexually attracted to anyone at all. Furthermore arguing that someone who is asexual can or is somehow bisexual does not even make any sense, it's a complete contradiction, and human sexuality and having a sexual orientation or being asexual does not work this way.

[PeterNZ]

People often argue with a professional diagnosis.. and people are often right.. being an "expert" does not mean infallibility.. experts are often wrong.. and even more often when it comes to issues of personality and of the mind of which we know remarkably little..... I have had pyschiatric treatment and psychological evaluation and what they knew of my mind could be written on the Queen's head on a postage stamp far less the back of the stamp itself.. I do not doubt your asexuality, Duckie.. I just do not altogether have the same faith in "professionals" that u seem to, and neither do I dismiss the opinions of lay people out of hand in the way that you do.. "professionals" in treatment of mind and body have shown themselves as inadequate in their field of expertise as any lay person.. I agree. I know many people who have seen so called "professionals" or therapists or shrinks and the therapist or shrink was wrong in their diagnosis. Even sex therapists or sexologists can be wrong.

[tenni]

Title: Self-regulation of approach motivation states
Purpose of Study: This study is designed to examine who and why some people are better able to change their sexual responses than others. Asexuals are of special interest because it is thought that they do not experience sexual arousal as easily or, in some cases, at all, as compared to non-asexuals.

Protocol Summary: This study consists of one visit lasting about 2 hours to the Mind Research Network in Albuquerque, NM. (Travel cannot be reimbursed, but we can help plan to meet with you if you will be in the area.) You will answer a series of questions about your sexual feelings and history on a computer. Next, you will receive instructions for a task that involves viewing a series of sexual and non-sexual films. Then, we will ask you to change into a gown and enter an MRI. During this MRI, we will record responses from your genitals as well using a small device that should cause no discomfort. Afterwards (or if you choose to withdraw before) you will be paid $40. Participation is confidential.

Basic Eligibility Criteria: You must be over age 18 and able to enter an MRI safely.
Contact Phone: (505) 301-2658
Contact Email: nprause@mrn.org
HRRC#: 11-165
What is interesting are the comments as to why asexuals would not participate in this study. Arguments about libido not being the same as no sexual attraction...etc.
http://www.asexuality.org/en/index.php?/topic/69885-call-for-participants-for-an-mri-study/






(http://www.span-lab.com/ad.pdf)

[tenni]

Mark Carrrigan, "Asexuality and Sexual Cultures" Dec. 2011 talk

It is long...a bit difficult to hear clearly but information. Q&A starts around 20 minutes with the first question being "You have explored asexuality as categories of sexuality but have you done any research into love?"


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-XiQlW8gw7k&feature=player_embedded#!

[tenni]

Here is another presentation on "Doing without a Therapist's Findings" At 11:07 he makes a statement as to how an asexual with a heterosexual partner dealt with asexuality and the lack of interest in sex. The lover of the non asexual partner would also live in the house so in a way sex was happening within the relationship.

This audio is clearer and he has some interesting ideas. At the end during the Q&A he answers who he believes should be defining asexuality.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H-cI61oeOOE

[Long Duck Dong]

People often argue with a professional diagnosis.. and people are often right.. being an "expert" does not mean infallibility.. experts are often wrong.. and even more often when it comes to issues of personality and of the mind of which we know remarkably little..... I have had pyschiatric treatment and psychological evaluation and what they knew of my mind could be written on the Queen's head on a postage stamp far less the back of the stamp itself.. I do not doubt your asexuality, Duckie.. I just do not altogether have the same faith in "professionals" that u seem to, and neither do I dismiss the opinions of lay people out of hand in the way that you do.. "professionals" in treatment of mind and body have shown themselves as inadequate in their field of expertise as any lay person..


fran, I have about as much faith in professionals as I have in the opinions of people on the internet, when it comes to defining others sexuality and other aspects of life.... I spent years going thru the medical and psych system trying to get answers..... and only a few years ago, I was diagnosed with a badly strained shoulder by a doctor, it required surgery a week later to repair the broken bone in my arm and the torn muscles in the shoulder........

I have a answer from a trained professional and access to the meds to change it if I so choose.... so fran, can you write me a prescription for the same meds ??? NO.... can you diagnosis the issue in order for me to have access to the meds ? NO.. can you sign a piece of paper that identifies aspects of my body and mind for my medical records ? no..... and you are a lay person on the net..... so yes, I can listen to you and your opinions, but they are simply opinions, in the same way that my opinions are simply opinions on a forum......

experts may be not infallible, but I go to them for a reason......they can get me access to medical / psych people, tests and medicines......a lay person can not.....

if people like tenni really wanna help, they can try help other people in the forum instead of going after me constantly, cos i really do not give a shit about all the arguing over MY asexual nature and if it exists or not in their eyes ... cos I have a diagnosis and access to the meds to change my sex drive and that is more than all the trolling and trashing of threads in the forum, is going to do.....

if people really want to help... they can start with helping other people with their problems cos I do not need help with mine....

[madsci]

I have experienced this as well. Up until I was 16 I had *zero* sex drive what so ever. I didn't even masturbate until I was 16!

The constant discussion of sex and verious crushes people had confused me at the time. I saw no point in girlfriends, boyfriends or whatever. I saw them simply as sources of drama. This caused me no end of crap in middle school as the mentality was "no crushes on a girl = gay" and I grew up in a relatively homophobic town. 6th and 7th grade was hell...8th wasnt so bad, I became bigger than my bullies. :)

To this day I have periods of asexuality that last a few days, usually when I'm pre-occupied with some project. During said periods I do not seek sexual activity or even become aroused by the sight of somone attractive. Luckily my current friend with benefits is totally understanding of this, not everyone is so kind.