Bi Guys Cannot GET IT UP! WHY?

[bisexual.com112]

We are an attractive secure BOTH BI couple ( in our 30's), playing and exploring the world of bisexuality together. We have had past experiences together and separately before and after we met.

Over the last year we have been exploring my male partners bi fantasies consisting of us and another bi man. He has a bi male fantasy of finding another secure bi male to play (sexually and other) and relate too. We have recently had our 3rd encounter with a relatively experienced bi-male who once in bed with us could not get it up. All three bi-guys have not been able to get it up? So my questions: what is going on? We are loving and caring and we give great attention to the physical and emotional comfort of our partners. So why? We would love to hear any input to help our future experiences improve. :)
Thanks!

[Long Duck Dong]

it depends on the person.... but there is something that I have heard about and that is some bi guys do not want to blow in the first 5 minutes so they cum before they come..lol.....that may be a factor lol.....

it sounds more like a psych block to me.... and a psych block is like writers block, there is something in the brain that doesn't fire and so they can not get hard...... it can also be caused by drug usage in some people......

there are other factors like lack of sexual interest ( they are not into it at the point in time ) nerves ( most unlikely if they are experienced ) sexual over usage ( sex with others or wanking, to the point that they can not function properly ) meds, drugs or health issues.. they are so hyped up about getting laid that they overload and can not function

the fact that all 3 guys had the same problem is interesting tho so to eliminate most of the problems, try this... hooking up with the same guys again and changing the way you do things... like let the female start things than the male join in... and you will quickly tell if the person is there for both or for one..... if the guys say no thank you to another hook up and all 3 do it... then it may well be a issue with you both or the idea of sex with you both and not just the lady..

watch for the one that people converse with you, push the male on male side with reference to the female being involved.....the ones that are more into the female than both, will keep showing a interest in the female and what she wants to do, not what you all would like to do...... and that is another way of weeding out people

[bityme]

We are an attractive secure BOTH BI couple ( in our 30's), playing and exploring the world of bisexuality together. We have had past experiences together and separately before and after we met.

Over the last year we have been exploring my male partners bi fantasies consisting of us and another bi man. He has a bi male fantasy of finding another secure bi male to play (sexually and other) and relate too. We have recently had our 3rd encounter with a relatively experienced bi-male who once in bed with us could not get it up. All three bi-guys have not been able to get it up? So my questions: what is going on? We are loving and caring and we give great attention to the physical and emotional comfort of our partners. So why? We would love to hear any input to help our future experiences improve. :)
Thanks!

After more than 40 years in the lifestyle, there is only one thing I can say as an absolute: "You never can tell how things will work out."

On a serious note, male performance is often related to either physical factors, psychological factors, or a combination of both. Those two simply stated areas, however, are not simple at all. They encompass untold complexity.

In the physical realm, there is always the possibility of ED problems and a variety of medical solutions. Other physical factors, however, can be much more subtle. I would think that most people would agree with the idea that the more familiar you are with someone the more adept you become at doing those things which have the greatest possibility of turning them on or increasing their pleasure and avoiding the turn-offs or things they find not so pleasurable. When dealing with a first encounter situation, unless there has been a lot of open discussion ahead of time, it can be a toss-up about how each individual touch will be received.

Psychologically, there are untold numbers of things that may affect male performance. Personal issues unrelated to the encounter, performance anxiety (especially in first time encounters), the individuals make-up (giver or taker), their level of comfort with their new playmate(s), the ultimate purpose of the encounter (just sex or anticipated continuing relationship), et cetera, et cetera.

Your post seems to indicate that there is a desire to establish an ongoing relationship that includes aspects of sexuality, social compatibility, friendship and being a confidant. It also appears that you are adding to the fantasy the requirements of sexual and social compatibility with the wife as well. That's a great fantasy, or goal, but depending on how much of that is communicated to the possible playmate and the importance of turning the fantasy into reality, it could have the possibility of the gentleman having the perception of being on a job interview as opposed to an encounter for the purpose of recreational sex. The greater the expectations one feels they are required to meet, the greater the level of stress they will feel. As that level of stress increases, so does the possibility of performance anxiety.

Your personal traits of being loving and caring individuals and your desire to be attentive to both the physical and emotional comfort of your partners is exceptional. At the same time, however, depending on the manner in which you reveal these qualities to your prospective playmate, it could have an impact on their perception of the expectations you have and a corresponding effect on the possibility of performance anxiety.

Of course, I have no idea of what took place before or during the three encounters you mention. The above comments are purely hypothetical.

On a personal basis, we have found that, for us, things work best when we limit our first encounters to the idea of having pleasurable, recreational sex. Through subsequent encounters and good conversations, we have gotten to know the individual(s) better, often leading to more social involvement and deeper friendships. There are also a number of couples and individuals whom we now include in our extended family, some of which we have more interaction with than some of our actual family members. Those relationships have all taken time to build.

We are also a Both-Bi couple residing in Orange County. While we are a bit older than your target age group, should you like to meet socially to discuss experiences in the lifestyle, feel free to contact us.

Pappy

[elian]

When this happened to me I was so concerned with pleasuring my partner that I was not "in the moment" ?

[Gearbox]

If I suddenly found myself in bed with Holly Berry & Girth Brooks I'd sh!t a brick with over excitement, unrealistic performance anxiety and dire panic for not feking my one BIG chance up. NOT good for getting it up!:eek2:
Especially if I had said beforehand that I'd f**k them all night long, cum 15 times, wear 5 layers of anal and vadge tissue out and be the best they've ever had.lol

What goes on before you all head for the bedroom, and how you present yourselves may have a lot to do with your 3 'false alarms'. (Might be that they don't like 3somes though etc).
If you are both gorgeous creatures, reek of sexual expertise and act as if it's orgasm Xmas time for you both and he's Santa, it might make them feel a bit intimidated. He'll be there to perform a task, and not just enjoy sex.

Try playing ANY expectations down as much as possible. Get the likes&dislikes but not in a scripted way. Make it all very casual.
Make the first meet a 'maybe sex' (but not really.lol), invite over for a cup of tea and seduce him. Sit there sipping tea (or whatever) and rub your hubbies bulge while chatting about the price of oak dressers these days.lol Invite him to do the same, and make it out to be a nice thing to do while sipping tea having a laugh and not a way to get him hard! Stealth foreplay!:tongue:
By the time you all have a nice casual feel of each other, sap will be rising. So it'll all be a 'one thing led to another' & a 'in the heat of the moment' situation.;) (NOT pornesque! Don't overdo it!lol)

Might just work! I do the tea thing anyway coz I like it. Hookingup can be sadly lacking in seduction IMO, and for some THAT'S a very lovely juicy part of sex.

[bisexual.com112]

Thanks for the helpful advice Pappy!

[bisexual.com112]

Thanks Gearbox, we actually had no intentions of having sex the first night we met, and only two of the guys we went that far with, but the sex never happened because he couldn't get it up. The other couldn't get it up and we had actually had a long term relationship with him for a period of months after our first meeting. Although your Holly Berry & Girth Brooks idea makes sense as well, I recall all of them repeating how beautiful we are and look like Ken and Barbie, we have tats and are edgy so I still can't figure that out LOL.. Thanks for your time.

[BiDaveDtown]

It sounds as though they're not sexually attracted to both of you. Or maybe you both did something that was a complete turn off to them?

[elian]

Like gear, I think it takes some time to build a REAL relationship and get to know people, what they like and dislike, when they feel comfortable, etc.

BiDave may be on to something too - Most of my attraction presently is toward men, I do find certain women attractive but I couldn't even tell you all of the attributes that do it for me.

[just4mefc]

Hello all, been awhile since I have responded to anything, but this is turning into a good conversation, so here you go. I think lots of guys in this age group are going to be your typical "guy", they want to make a booty call and don't really want a relationship per se. I would assume like most men (str,bi or gay) they are thinking hey this couple is hot so I will play along for a minute. Then as the whole "we are looking for a relationship" part continues the guy just starts to think too much. Other factors like he might be more into one gender at that moment or perhaps he is more trysexual and needs a "raw lust" experience. I think Gearbox is on the right track with the seduction part. Less relationship and more seduction. If you are both hot you might also need some work on your seduction skills??? Often very sexy people are so use to just showing up and being hot that when that does not work they don't have the experience of how to seduce. Remember bi or not you are still seducing a GUY. You can also try having the two guys do a bit on there own before the female joins in, well if your man is comfortable with that at this point?

When they can't get it up, do other sexual events still occur or is it a "thanks for playing move along" thing?

[Bicuriousity]

I think some people get nervous when push comes to shove. I have been with couples before and have heard that this happened with other guys they had met. Maybe it's the excitement of the 3 way. Fortunately it's never happened to me!

[onesucker4u]

I am very moody when it comes to man-man sex.I was with a woman that was physically repulsive in a few places that I failed to keep an erection with 3 seperate occasions, even tho I am emotionally attracted to her.1 man I met online was very nice,but, when he cameover and got hard, his dick curved in the wrong direction and just turned me off totally. We tried for an hour and I never got hard.However, every time my wife and I had a guy I have been very hard. and, I would say I am much slower to arouse lately since Im 50, but whenever this 22yo nympho wanted to get me hard, it got hard! SO, for me, its all about Visual stimulation. I know theres alot of people here that talk about a relationship and emotions. For me it has nothing to do with that. Its all about a beautifull body and dick. and, nothing turns me on more than seeing a man and woman together and joining in!

[void()]

People with hormonal issues often may need more and varied stimulation. This may, or may not be appropriate in your case. You asked, I am humbly offering one possible suggestion without full knowledge of your situation, those involved. It is a humble guess at best.

[dick_pumper]

I have had a 3-some with a married couple I knew for years. The wife and I had actually got caught cyber sexing and that blew up into a big issue with the husband but over time we worked it out and started to talk again. The husband came to me and said since the two of you liked to have cyber, how would you like to fuck her for real? I was quite stunned at the about face he was showing. He suggested I send some nudes and she would send some, so (little head thinking), i did and she sent some and soon we were setting a date for the 3-some. Well, I got there and she was in the bedroom and the husband said lets get naked and go to the bedroom and surprise her. So we stripped and I walked into the bedroom naked as the day I was born and she was surprised. He had told her that I was coming to fuck her but she didn't believe him. So the 3 of us got into bed and I had some performance anxiety and was having a little trouble keeping it up. I mean a year ago, he was mad as hell because he caught us cybering, and now, he is going to watch me fuck his wife in real life while he is 2 feet away. I had actually never had sex outside of one on one, and so it was a lot to process. What helped me was that the husband had viagra and he gave me half of one and let's say, it sure made the anxiety go away, or at least over rode it and we fucked for hours. It still was, weird after he came and sat down in a chair and watched as she blew me and I fucked her some more til I came. The second time we met, he had the viagra ready and I took it as soon as I got there. The third time we met for sex I was more comfortable and didn't need the booster. During our sexing, I never did anything with the husband, it was strictly the two of us guys fucking the girl, but I think part of my issue was I wanted to do things with the guy but he wasn't like that. Or so I thought. Turns out later, that since we were having sex and it was ok, the wife went outside the bedroom and fucked some other guys, brought home a std to her husband and they divorced. Luckily, I didn't get anything. AND, found out when they divorced, he wanted to keep a few of the dildos they had. I guess he would have been more excepting then I thought to male male interaction. He did want to eat her out while I was fucking her, and I'm sure he licked me a few times. Oh if only I could have known, it could have gone very differently. Oh well. Maybe next time?????