I'm tired

[biblkman]

I'm tired of trying to fit in, I'm tired of denial, I'm tired of trying to please everyone else, I'm tired of being all alone, I'm tired of the stigma and hypocrisy, I'm tired of trying to find someone like me I can talk to, I'm bisexual, I'm a biracial man , I'm on the low, I'm frustrated, I'm tired of trying to figure out what my sometimes bi woman wants, PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ! I'm tired of not having a friend. I'M TIRED OF BEING BI .....I DON'T WANT TO HATE MYSELF...but it. Seems I'm all alone...if u been there HELP!!!.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

All I can offer (until I have had some sleep and am a little more coherent) is a nice big warm Mama Cat Hug. That'll hafta hold ya until I can sound like I've some modicom of sense..:}
Hugzzz
Cat

[Long Duck Dong]

slips arm around ya...... you can stand in a room full of people that share many of your interests and find that you are still alone....

I have a long list of the things that people talk about, as things that need acceptance and tolerance and how people are so wrong for not being accepting and tolerant.... then I point out that the list is my list of the different aspects of what I am.... and there is silence, a shuffling of foot, a few side ways looks.... and then they are off on a new tangent about who and what should be accepted by who and who is wrong for not doing it......

I am a bisexual with a monogamous nature that also survives better in a poly situation, I have a asexual nature ( lack of sex drive ), I have served in the army, I have a criminal record, I have a mental illness... and I have people that have nothing better to do than try and tear me down all the time, and when that fails, they go after my partner, my relationship, my past jobs.......yet they are some of the people that talk about acceptance and tolerance of people........

the acceptance by others happens when you accept yourself, mantra, is flawed, you can accept yourself, but it doesn't mean that others will accept you as many people can see your thinking and understanding as flawed..... its the people that accept the differences in others, that are the ones that will accept you, cos they are the ones that will agree to disagree, frown when you do some things, laugh when you do others, be there beside you when you need support, stand against you when you go too far...

my advice to you, is do not try to be accepted if you have to change yourself to be accepted, as you are not alone..... there are many people just like you that feel and think the same way..... the interesting thing is that there could be a room of people like that, and they will still feel alone even tho the room is full of people that think exactly the same way as you.......

its OK to be tired of being bisexual and feeling like you are caught in a never ending cycle, its ok to wish that you were a heterosexual / gay etc person and not feeling like you will be like a tennis ball in a tennis match.... its ok not to please everybody all of the time, its ok to be tired of not fitting in...... and its ok to feel alone........
its just fuckin annoying, frustrating and depressing to feel the way you do........

what you may want to try, is spend some time working out why you feel the way you do..... what is it that you actually seek..... cos its normally simple lil things that are at the heart of the issue...... and already I can see that much of your statements are interconnected..... and comes across to me, as you just want to spend some time with people and just talk as people... about the ball game, the super bowl, beer, babes, bodies, cars etc.... without all of the * this is wrong or that is stupid, this group are assholes, that group need shooting *........

you come across as a person that just wants to have a day a week, just to be you, no issues, no problems, no arguments, just you, and be able to do that with people that are the same,...... and have your wife beside you, being your wife, and just saying, huney... I want to be with you / a woman / a 3some etc.... today / tonight, and just enjoy the experience... no questioning, no thinking, no avoiding things.... just do it and decide yes or no if it is what they want to do again.........

I think, you and wifey need a change in your lives, a weekend away from everything.... just time for you and her.... and what ever happens, happens....

[falcondfw]

slips arm around ya...... you can stand in a room full of people that share many of your interests and find that you are still alone....

I have a long list of the things that people talk about, as things that need acceptance and tolerance and how people are so wrong for not being accepting and tolerant.... then I point out that the list is my list of the different aspects of what I am.... and there is silence, a shuffling of foot, a few side ways looks.... and then they are off on a new tangent about who and what should be accepted by who and who is wrong for not doing it......

I am a bisexual with a monogamous nature that also survives better in a poly situation, I have a asexual nature ( lack of sex drive ), I have served in the army, I have a criminal record, I have a mental illness... and I have people that have nothing better to do than try and tear me down all the time, and when that fails, they go after my partner, my relationship, my past jobs.......yet they are some of the people that talk about acceptance and tolerance of people........

the acceptance by others happens when you accept yourself, mantra, is flawed, you can accept yourself, but it doesn't mean that others will accept you as many people can see your thinking and understanding as flawed..... its the people that accept the differences in others, that are the ones that will accept you, cos they are the ones that will agree to disagree, frown when you do some things, laugh when you do others, be there beside you when you need support, stand against you when you go too far...

my advice to you, is do not try to be accepted if you have to change yourself to be accepted, as you are not alone..... there are many people just like you that feel and think the same way..... the interesting thing is that there could be a room of people like that, and they will still feel alone even tho the room is full of people that think exactly the same way as you.......

its OK to be tired of being bisexual and feeling like you are caught in a never ending cycle, its ok to wish that you were a heterosexual / gay etc person and not feeling like you will be like a tennis ball in a tennis match.... its ok not to please everybody all of the time, its ok to be tired of not fitting in...... and its ok to feel alone........
its just fuckin annoying, frustrating and depressing to feel the way you do........

what you may want to try, is spend some time working out why you feel the way you do..... what is it that you actually seek..... cos its normally simple lil things that are at the heart of the issue...... and already I can see that much of your statements are interconnected..... and comes across to me, as you just want to spend some time with people and just talk as people... about the ball game, the super bowl, beer, babes, bodies, cars etc.... without all of the * this is wrong or that is stupid, this group are assholes, that group need shooting *........

you come across as a person that just wants to have a day a week, just to be you, no issues, no problems, no arguments, just you, and be able to do that with people that are the same,...... and have your wife beside you, being your wife, and just saying, huney... I want to be with you / a woman / a 3some etc.... today / tonight, and just enjoy the experience... no questioning, no thinking, no avoiding things.... just do it and decide yes or no if it is what they want to do again.........

I think, you and wifey need a change in your lives, a weekend away from everything.... just time for you and her.... and what ever happens, happens....

What he said.

But I think the most important part of that was the end. Take a weekend with the wife. Go to a Bed & Breakfast a couple hours away from home. Have a romantic time with the wife and just decompress. Forget all the problems in your life and just . . . be.

After you come back, your mind and body will be relaxed, refreshed, and renewed. Then you can sit down and think about things and how you want to proceed with your future life. Maybe you need a change of scenery? If you work in a field that has jobs around the country, maybe you should take a look at moving to a new city for a change of pace. There are lots of things we can try to improve our lives and make them smoother and better. You just need to sit down and figure out which changes will work for you and wifey.

But do it after you take that decompression weekend away. You will think much more clearly and logically in a refreshed and relaxed state.

Good luck to you.

[Gearbox]

I remember thinking that I was pretty much alone being bi for decades. Until the net shot that down dead&cold. Now I wonder if there are many genuine hetero males out there.lol
We ALL need somebody to relate to, and talk with. It's not just about the sex, but a lot about being in the company of those who understand us and don't consider us faulty.

We don't live in free non-judgemental societies, and that is something we all need to realise. We don't have to accept it, tolerate it or conform to it, but just realise it. And if we can't fit into it, we need an escape. Luckily there are always others who do the same thing, and confirm that none of us are unique no matter who or what we are.
When we do find others it becomes obvious that the reason we can be self hating denialists is due to us not accepting ourselves as we are.
I doubt you'd treat another bi-racial bi male as harshly as you treat yourself? You wouldn't try to change him, or tell him to conform to something else. Nope, you'd probably give him support and agree that society is at fault, not him or you. Your only fault is to believe the BS version of society that many uphold. We are just as much part of it as any other and if WE can't accept ourselves, we uphold it's discrimination too.

YES you'll get crap for being bi! For not being what some think you 'should be'. That's because fear is respected more than love, and as a consequence control is respected more than freedom.
That's what we are taught to accept! It's our choice though.
I hope you find others, and even consider moving away from your negative environment. There's always others, and better places.:)

[Ebonybifemme7]

biblackman, I will message you. Sorry about your problems, been going through the same thing lately. Just going through it being single that's all.

[elian]

Let your own light shine. Don't look to other people to validate who YOU are, your power is within yourself. Regardless of what other people have said to you. you are ALREADY worthy, you are ALREADY loved, you always have been. I'm sorry you aren't feeling that, if I could I would give you a big HUG.

Can you imagine two people dancing together that both try to lead? In relationships our task is not to compete with other people, but to learn to dance with them. Appreciate the other person for who they are, be a compliment to the other person, make space for the other person but don't measure yourself against that person and don't look to be validated by them, you are ALREADY valid.

Being able to love ANYONE in a world full of hurting people is a blessing, not a curse.

<hugs>

-E

[pepperjack]

Let your own light shine. Don't look to other people to validate who YOU are, your power is within yourself. Regardless of what other people have said to you. you are ALREADY worthy, you are ALREADY loved, you always have been. I'm sorry you aren't feeling that, if I could I would give you a big HUG.

Can you imagine two people dancing together that both try to lead? In relationships our task is not to compete with other people, but to learn to dance with them. Appreciate the other person for who they are, be a compliment to the other person, make space for the other person but don't measure yourself against that person and don't look to be validated by them, you are ALREADY valid.

Being able to love ANYONE in a world full of hurting people is a blessing, not a curse.

<hugs>

-E


Incredibly well said & very wise.

[onewhocares]

Let your own light shine. Don't look to other people to validate who YOU are, your power is within yourself. Regardless of what other people have said to you. you are ALREADY worthy, you are ALREADY loved, you always have been. I'm sorry you aren't feeling that, if I could I would give you a big HUG.

Can you imagine two people dancing together that both try to lead? In relationships our task is not to compete with other people, but to learn to dance with them. Appreciate the other person for who they are, be a compliment to the other person, make space for the other person but don't measure yourself against that person and don't look to be validated by them, you are ALREADY valid.

Being able to love ANYONE in a world full of hurting people is a blessing, not a curse.

<hugs>

-E

Incredibly WELL SAID Elian. I am sending BiBlackman and Big HUG from Boston.

Belle

[mainehunter]

I thinkthe toughest thing is to find a friend. Not just a buddy or an occasional bedpartner, but a real friend that will listen and not judge. There will always beass holes in this world, but a friend can make it worthwhile. I am still lookingfor that person mhyself. Someday it will be worth the search.

[bityme]

I'm tired of trying to fit in, I'm tired of denial, I'm tired of trying to please everyone else, I'm tired of being all alone, I'm tired of the stigma and hypocrisy, I'm tired of trying to find someone like me I can talk to, I'm bisexual, I'm a biracial man , I'm on the low, I'm frustrated, I'm tired of trying to figure out what my sometimes bi woman wants, PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ! I'm tired of not having a friend. I'M TIRED OF BEING BI .....I DON'T WANT TO HATE MYSELF...but it. Seems I'm all alone...if u been there HELP!!!.

The other posts have made some very good points. As usual, however, I tend to see things a little bit differently,, so I thought I should another perspective.

Personally, I found that in order to reconcile things in my life, I first had to reach the point of being happy with myself, alone by myself. After that occurred, it was sup rising how easily other things fell into place.

You seem to have a number of things that are pulling you in different directions. First, you say you are tired of trying to fit in. As LDD and Gearbox point out, if you have to try and conform to someone else's standards, perhaps you are trying to fit in the wrong group, especially when it would require you to act contrary to your own nature. If you like yourself as an individual you are self-validating. Don't force yourself to conform to what you think others require of you (Of course, employment may require a particular person for the job, so that may require some exceptions).

You are tired of denial. What are you denying, your sexual nature? Or is that just part of being on the low and hiding the fact that you are Bi? There are a lot of people who are not aware that I am bisexual, not because I am denying that I am, but rather because it's none of their business and sex is not a part of my relationship with them. You have to determine who, if anyone, should be aware of your bisexuality because it may impact your relationship with them.

You mention you "sometimes bi woman," but you don't use the term "wife" to describe her. The implication is involvement but not commitment. You are aware of her bisexuality but being "on the low" implies she is not aware of your full sexual nature. Perhaps that can be remedied by more open communication. If not, you may be faced with a decision about whether or not hiding your true self from her in worth it to maintain the relationship or being true to yourself is more important. The fact that you are tired of trying to figure her out also indicates a lack of communication. You shouldn't have to figure others out. You should be able to open a dialogue and have them explain their expectations. If others have the attitude that "we should know" something about them but they are unwilling to explain themselves it is an artifice they are using to exert control one us, and yes, that can be very frustrating.

You are "tired of not having a friend." Are you looking for a close relationship with someone that you can discuss personal things with and have a sexual relationship with? If so, that can be very difficult to establish. Considering you current feelings, perhaps just finding someone to talk to without the expectation of physical involvement might be more advantageous for you. That same person might then offer some perspective on your relationships with others in your life without their seeming to be biased because of your physical involvement with them.

Overall, from my point of view, becoming comfortable with one's self is the most important step we can take. It's extremely important for our own ego and the supreme confidence builder. Learning to care first about one's own well being, as distinguished from just being a selfish ass, is very important. It also gives us the best starting point to deal with others. Our decisions need to be the best ones for us first. That doesn't mean that we can't make a particular decision where we decide that doing for another is more important than for ourselves, but it does mean that we must look more closely at the sacrifices we make to ensure it is the best course of action. It will also help us evaluate our relationships with others who always seem to require that we make the sacrifice while they never really give of themselves.

We shouldn't be looking for another to complete us. We are complete human beings in and of ourselves. We should be looking for others who compliment us; not in the sense of singing our praises, but in the sense of being compatible with us without our having to make extreme changes to satisfy their desires.

Pappy

[mnTIMIDguy]

BBM- Perhaps professional help is in order.

[gen11]

My heart goes out to you. I'm only a pain-in-the-ass (not to pun) closet bi married white guy, but I've been around enough blocks with self-esteem and self-image problems from other quarters to have empathy. You've gotten some marvelous, honest, heart-felt responeses and a lot of cyber-acceptance. I have a modest offering, a definition of (self) love I ran across 30 years ago and on which I've built my own emotional security and a successful third marriage: "Love is the will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing ONE'S OWN or another's spiritual well-being." (emphasis added) It's in a very helpful little book entitled The Road Less Traveled, by Scott Peck. I recommend it. Peck explains that by "will" he means "a desire in action," and by "spiritual" he doesn't mean religious or even God-related; but more, biblkman, as your spirits are low and troubled. The really valuable part of that book deals with HOW one nurtures one's own or another's spiritual wellbeing. It helped me accept who I am, recognize that I did, after all, have some good traits, some personal value, some value to society, and to become a friend to myself, and thus I was better prepared not to be knocked completely off my feet when, quite literally, I went to sleep one night fully hetero and woke up the next morning urgently bi. Good luck to you.

[Realist]

Well written, Gen II!

In fact, each one who responded to BM's query, made excellent points!

I've often wondered how many of us have dealt with these same issues?