Just wondering...

[SlimDandy]

If you are more or less 50/50 bi, or a 3 on the Kinsey Scale, do you believe it would be more diffcult to maintain a monogamous relationship with anyone? ....Why ? or Why not?


( I love doing everything with guys, but I only love screwing girls and licking them until their eyeballs jump out!)

[DiamondDog]

Welcome to the site. :) Check your private messages/emails on here. I wrote to you directly about this topic.

[Long Duck Dong]

interesting question and speaking strictly for myself.... I can be in a relationship with a person and be monogamous as long as I am very careful..... but if at any stage, I hit a point that I am too far out of balance, there needs to be a *balancing * person to stop me falling over the edge of a cliff...... even a long term friend will do, as the * balancing * person.....

its not so much the bisexuality that is the cause of it, its a form of depression called dysthimia that is the real * mule kick * for me.....and the dysthimia in me is far more fluid than the bisexuality attraction and desire, so its a bit of a juggling act at times but my partner is a very patient and understanding lady and has learnt over the years to tell what side I am leaning to, just by my reactions and thinking....

the other aspect for me, is the partner I am with.... there have been a few partners that I have been with, long term, where I have been ok with in a monogamous relationship..... but with my current partner, there are some issues that may very well result in a non monogamous situation, not cos there is anything wrong with her, but cos there is everything right with her lol.....but thats a bridge we will both cross when we come to it......

as for other people.... its hard to say, one way or the other cos each person is different and so are their needs, wants and desires.....

[SlimDandy]

interesting question and speaking strictly for myself.... I can be in a relationship with a person and be monogamous as long as I am very careful..... but if at any stage, I hit a point that I am too far out of balance, there needs to be a *balancing * person to stop me falling over the edge of a cliff...... even a long term friend will do, as the * balancing * person.....

its not so much the bisexuality that is the cause of it, its a form of depression called dysthimia that is the real * mule kick * for me.....and the dysthimia in me is far more fluid than the bisexuality attraction and desire, so its a bit of a juggling act at times but my partner is a very patient and understanding lady and has learnt over the years to tell what side I am leaning to, just by my reactions and thinking....

the other aspect for me, is the partner I am with.... there have been a few partners that I have been with, long term, where I have been ok with in a monogamous relationship..... but with my current partner, there are some issues that may very well result in a non monogamous situation, not cos there is anything wrong with her, but cos there is everything right with her lol.....but thats a bridge we will both cross when we come to it......

as for other people.... its hard to say, one way or the other cos each person is different and so are their needs, wants and desires.....


I dunno Long Duck,

It seems as though, if I'm with a woman, I can stay with her and be totally content for a year or so. Next thing ya know, I start craving guys again. If I'm with a guy, I can stay with him for a year or so, then I start yearning to be with women. Seems everybody that I get with, wants a monogamous relationship, whereas I'd like to be a triple instead of a couple. I enjoy cooking, decorating, remodeling, and just about anything kitchen related. Thing is, I want a woman when I want a woman, and I want a man when I want a man! I just don't know what to do!

[tenni]

I'm not sure that is important to be monogamous at this point in my life regardless of the gender.

Let me turn this around for you.
Why should you be monogamous with a person if you are bisexual?

Wouldn't /shouldn't it be enough to say I will not be with another woman if you feel partnered to a woman? .... I will not be with another man if you are partnered with a man?

There have been times when I was in a relationship with a woman where I felt no need to be with another woman. I was monogamous out of choice but why was I? I thought that I was suppose to do that or I wouldn't love her. It was how to show that I loved her. That would be fine for monosexuals but not bisexuals imo.

[SlimDandy]

I'm not sure that is important to be monogamous at this point in my life regardless of the gender.

Let me turn this around for you.
Why should you be monogamous with a person if you are bisexual?

Wouldn't /shouldn't it be enough to say I will not be with another woman if you feel partnered to a woman? .... I will not be with another man if you are partnered with a man?

There have been times when I was in a relationship with a woman where I felt no need to be with another woman. I was monogamous out of choice but why was I? I thought that I was suppose to do that or I wouldn't love her. It was how to show that I loved her. That would be fine for monosexuals but not bisexuals imo.

That's exactly what I'd like to have if I can't be part of a triple. Just the understanding that my partner knows that I won't tip out with another person of their sex. I just broke up with my gf of a whole year and a half. Right about at the sixth month mark, I had the opportunity to be with this really wonderful and gorgeous guy. However, I felt guilty about it, and just before things were about to happen, I put my clothes back on and we almost ended up fighting!...This has just got to end! I feel like I'm about to go crazy with all of this!

[Diablo598]

I am lucky I have been with my girlfriend for two years and she does not mind the special things in bed, the toys and the anal play, she has even told me if I desire a man she does not mind as long as I keep it safe. She has no desire to join in but wants me to know that it is ok with her. I really believe that is one of the things that drew me to her.

[SlimDandy]

I am lucky I have been with my girlfriend for two years and she does not mind the special things in bed, the toys and the anal play, she has even told me if I desire a man she does not mind as long as I keep it safe. She has no desire to join in but wants me to know that it is ok with her. I really believe that is one of the things that drew me to her.

Wow! Your lady sounds like a god send! If my ex gf had told me something like that, I'd play as safe as possible, every other month or so... We'd still be together, today! The only thing that broke us up, was the fact that I just can't get enough of guys! I can't seem to stop the fantasizing and the yearning, sometimes for hours! Then the same thing happens when I'm with a guy! Then it can be hours of fantasizing about women! ...The fantasizing thing doesn't occur that often, but when it does, I feel like a junkie on crack or something!

PS.

What's really bad though, is the fact that I become very irritable and resentful of my current mate, all the while I'm yearning for another...

[BiDaveDtown]

I dunno Long Duck, It seems as though, if I'm with a woman, I can stay with her and be totally content for a year or so. Next thing ya know, I start craving guys again. If I'm with a guy, I can stay with him for a year or so, then I start yearning to be with women. Seems everybody that I get with, wants a monogamous relationship, whereas I'd like to be a triple instead of a couple. I enjoy cooking, decorating, remodeling, and just about anything kitchen related. Thing is, I want a woman when I want a woman, and I want a man when I want a man! I just don't know what to do! You're a newbie here. Long Duck is not bisexual at all but he is actually asexual and just pretends to be both pansexual and bisexual only when it suits him for his agenda. He can also be against bisexual men and bisexual people and will go on about utter nonsense about how we bisexuals are somehow bad and he's very biphobic at times.
I'm asexual if you want to know what it's like to be me....think back to when you had no sexual attraction to anyone at all....and thats what its like to be me....

[BiDaveDtown]

I am 50/50 and in a monogamous relationship with a woman and it works for us. I do watch gay/bisexual porn and my wife knows I have been with other women and men in the past before her. Just like she has been with other people before me.

[SlimDandy]

I am 50/50 and in a monogamous relationship with a woman and it works for us. I do watch gay/bisexual porn and my wife knows I have been with other women and men in the past before her. Just like she has been with other people before me.

Hi there Dtown!

How do you do it? ...Like don't you crave to be with a guy quite a bit?...How can you really feel fulfilled?

I'm beginning to think that the whole monogamous thing is just not for me, maybe. I mean, I've heard of other bisexual males coping well, when with just one partner, but that's just not for me, I fear.

[Gearbox]

I can and have coped with being monog in a monog relationship. It's the unnecessary restrictions of it that bother me. I've played that game with m&f despite having zero appreciation of the rules and why they are there. I'll probably play it again too. But what I realy want is a group relationship of m&f.
There's NOTHING sinfull about pleasure.:)

[darkeyes]

I can and have coped with being monog in a monog relationship. It's the unnecessary restrictions of it that bother me. I've played that game with m&f despite having zero appreciation of the rules and why they are there. I'll probably play it again too. But what I realy want is a group relationship of m&f.
There's NOTHING sinfull about pleasure.:)
Nope there isn't..as long as all concerned find it pleasurable.. and monogamy is hard... wont say I have no appreciation of its restrictions and certainly not of why peeps want to be monogamous, but I do wish I had more.... it might help make it easier to live with...

[Gearbox]

Nope there isn't..as long as all concerned find it pleasurable.. and monogamy is hard... wont say I have no appreciation of its restrictions and certainly not of why peeps want to be monogamous, but I do wish I had more.... it might help make it easier to live with...
LOL! You know how Sod's law works! At the mo, being single and fed up of timewasting hookups etc, I'm persuading myself that a regular fu...lover would be a good idea. Sadly, monogamy comes with most fu...lovers like a contract comes with a mobile.:yikes2:
Stick it out Fran, untill the single life improves a bit.lol

[darkeyes]

Intend 2 Gear babes... dont fancy the single life much tbh, sweets.. been ther done that and had triff fun... but ther is summat that wos missing for a long time from me single life... just wish that "summat" felt more like me wen it comes 2 putting it about a bit... *laffs*... a bugger innit?:eek2: Will get rite earache for this post wen she gets round 2 lookin at it..wich she will...:yikes2:.. but will whisper sweet nuthins in 'er lug'ole give it a lil nibble, lick 'er in certain place, run me fingies up 'er back and all will b well... might get battered an' bruised, but will b suffered 2 live cos I kno all 'er nice bits an wot keeps them an' 'er happy like no 1 else can or eva has!!!!:tongue: An' am not losin' wot she kno's an dus 2 me for all tea in China if u please...:impleased

[wampo]

I think trust is the main key to keep the girlfriend with his long time and she get comfortable and feel safe in the bed position and in every moment of life....if girlfriend is believed on you,you become a lucky man in the world.

[ErosUrge]

Some really great responses on this topic and I hope that mine can enlighten to some degree. Being a 50/50 bi, I find monogamy difficult. But then again, I like to think of monogamy in another sense. I've never been emotionally interested in the men I am with but I am and have been with women. Since my hunger for sex with men never really leaves when I am in a relationship with a woman, I find it difficult if I am expected to hold those desires and not act on them. In other words, I can be emotionally monogamous but not sexually. And I make this very clear before entering into any relationship.

And kudos to those who are and choose to be monogamous physically and emotionally without ever venturing out and away from one another. Monogamy is difficult for some of us and surely for me; at least monogamy in that sense. I can be so in love with a woman but it never fails that at some point, the desire to be with a male sexually comes right back...this has always been the case my entire life as I've been bi since the first sexual stirrings began in my youth. The only difference for me as compared to other bi men or women, is that I'm emotionally interested only with women. And I know that if I was the sort of male who did get emotionally interested in men, the same would apply. For me, it's necessary to be sexual with both and has been my entire life.

Currently I have a relationship with a woman that I've been friends with for 23 years. It is a relationship that has nothing to do with commitment to each other and we are free to do as we will. We both like this arrangement. The sex with each other is thoroughly satisfying but it's understood that my hunger for men is a need I have and she accepts it completely. And if she should desire to be with another man or woman, she is free to act on it. We aren't around each other most of the week and live separately from one another...there are no expectations because of the nature of our relationship. Eventually we both know this will change if we should happen upon someone that we want to be more involved with, but so far that hasn't happened. And we have agreed and know our friendship will continue when that day arrives.

I personally do want a relationship in which I am more involved but where the same freedoms apply. A relationship where we are emotionally monogamous but are free to pursue our appetites for the same sex. I think what is confusing for some is the thinking that it isn't possible to care for someone deeply and engage in activity outside the boundaries of that established relationship and to do so would be demeaning to the relationship. No doubt that in some situations this could and often does create problems that become insurmounatable...but that isn't the case with everyone.

If there is real trust, honesty, and communication this kind of relationship is possible and there are many examples of couples I know who have lived this way for years and not only have a working relationship but are geniunely happy with one another.

Tenni makes several good points and I relate very much to his point about being with a woman and staying monogamous to her but asking for what reason and feeling it was to show how he loved her; I've done that myself. I remember feeling terrible for desiring sex with men while being in love with a woman and not acting on those desires...but that desire never reduced my love and affection for that person in the least even after I engaged in sex with men during that time. I just felt tremendous guilt for hiding it and is why I decided once and for all after that to no longer continue in that way.

Anyway, this is not monogamy but it is an example of how many people choose to live and it does work for some.

To answer the OP directly; for me, it would be difficult to maintain a monogamous relationship with someone in the usual idea of monogamy. And not that one can change the definition of monogamy, but somehow I can't help but believe that there is an emotional monogamy in that one is loving and devoted to one person in all aspects of the relationship without deviating and with no interests in being with anyone else in that regard. I know however that there are variations even with this idea because people do have emotional interests in others as well...but to be emotionally devoted to one person and allowing for the sexual is also a reality.

[wampo]

I think trust is the main key to keep the girlfriend with his long time and she get comfortable and feel safe in the bed position and in every moment of life....if girlfriend is believed on you,you become a lucky man in the world.
NTEP scale (http://www.primescales.net/)

[bityme]

If you are more or less 50/50 bi, or a 3 on the Kinsey Scale, do you believe it would be more diffcult to maintain a monogamous relationship with anyone? ....Why ? or Why not?

I think it is a given that a bisexual will experience difficulty in maintaining a monogamous relationship regardless of where they fall on the Kinsey Scale. It's just a matter of degree. Moreover, the most difficulty would probably be encountered by a 1 in a homosexual relationship or a 5 in a heterosexual relationship.

No matter how you view it, monogamy for a bisexual requires the control or suppression of their desires for the gender not in their relationship. Certainly, there are many who are successful. Based on posts to this forum, I have the impression that the individuals who are the most successful are those who have fully disclosed their bisexuality to their partners and are honest when their urges occur. Having open communication, they are able to let their partners know and it appears that helpful partners will help them concentrate their attentions on the existing relationship. That serves to lessen the severity of the urges, facilitating maintenance of the chosen monogamy. Those cannot or have chosen not to disclose their bisexuality lack this advantage.