Just discovered husband posted a personals bisexual ad

[JumpingJacks4me]

Im not sure what to do or actually even feel about this discovery. Found the ad in craigslist that my husband posted looking for sexual encounter with another male. Im not sure if Im upset that he is bisexual or the issue that he is looking to cheat. And apparently he has "hooked up" with one of the responders. So here it is coming from a straight heterosexual...cheating is cheating.... He doesnt know I know, and I just dont know what Im going to do about it- or what I should do about it. Im stressed, hurt, and not at all happy.

[JumpingJacks4me]

I ventured to this site to get a better understanding of bisexuality, and honestly, the way the conversations go on here I believe that the term bi-sexual is just another way of someone hiding their true gender preferences, and the mix with the heterosexuals is just to keep it hidden from public eyes. I have gay friends and think no differently about their choices than I do any one else, but their upfront, honest, and do not trick or hide as I recently discovered of my own husband. WHo has put me into a world that is not for me by his choices and his want that obviously means he has to cheat to get it.

[ohmymy69]

Your "problem is as prevalent if not more so in the "straight" world. Cheating is more about dishonesty than it is about sex, the reasons are also not quite that simple either...rarely is sex the reason for looking outside the home for contact with other people. Honest, non-confrontational communication is my advice.

[tenni]

"I believe that the term bi-sexual is just another way of someone hiding their true gender preferences, and the mix with the heterosexuals is just to keep it hidden from public eyes."

I'm sorry that your husband has felt that he could not discuss his sexuality with you. This is quite a shock for you and understandably upsetting.

1/ Are you open and accepting of his desire/need for sex with both genders?

The above statement by you indicates that you presently seem not to believe that a person may be sexually attracted to both genders? If he is bisexual, he is not gay as you words seem to suggest. His sexual gender preference is both. Do you understand this? If you do, please understand that he loves you and his need may be purely physical sexual needs. He is not rejecting you.

I don't know how you found out that he has posted these ads, but sit down with him after you have decided if you can alter your perspective to accept bisexuality.

2/ Discuss and listen to his words. He may very well be ashamed of his attraction to men and deny it. Society does not readily accept the bisexual man and places shame on these men. Cheating is cheating but what are you going to do about this?

3/ You may kick him to the curb and end your marriage if you want.

4/ You may express your feelings of disappointment and anger. You may begin a discussion with him to rebuild your marriage to now include that your husband is sexually attracted to both you and other men. You may work out some ground rules on his sexual activity with other men.

It is your choice.

[Long Duck Dong]

hugs jumpingjacks.....

you have some options open to you, but much now rests on your partners shoulders as to what happens, cos if he can not admit what had happened and be open and honest with you ( something he should have already done before this happened ) it is going to make it a lot harder to trust him again, if you both are able to save your marriage and continue to be husband and wife..... it can be done and has been done by some couples in the site..... but it does require some very open and honest talking... and yes a lot of emotions and turmoil......

as a partner, you have rights and your rights as a partner are something that need to be realised, cos you are a person, not a doormat and you are under no obligation to say " its all ok, honey, you lied to me, betrayed me and cheated on me, but I have to forgive you cos you are a bisexual " you are fully within your rights to say the marriage is over cos you as a wife, partner and lover, were not treated with the respect, honesty and openness that you deserve....

so at this stage, based around what you have said, you have not told your husband that you know about what is going on..... so you need to make some choices for yourself, do you tell him you know, how do you tell him, and what do you want to happen ?......
some people find it easier not to say anything but leave a note or something in a place that he will find it and realise that you know.... like you update his profile on craigslist to say that the wife did not give permission or know about what he was doing but she does now..... and that can really scare the shit out of most people... the trouble is that it is no guarantee that your husband will talk with you about what has happened..... so you may end up with the direct approach of leaving his craigslist ad on the computer for when he comes home and letting him see it while you are standing in the room.... or you could just ask straight out for a explanation....

honestly there is no simple answer for what you could or should do, we can only suggest things and advise you..... and so the advice from each person will be different, and its up to you whose advice you take and how you handle the situation........ and the best advice I can give to you at this stage, is think strongly about talking with him now, before you suffer cos of bottling up your thoughts and feelings inside until you either explode in a fit of rage or suffer stress related issues......

as for bisexuality.... lol its a mixture of many things, and what you read in the forum, is not a indication of bisexuality or bisexuals, but aspects of it.....and there are a good many bisexuals that are in strong, committed and loving relationships with same or opposite sex partners, that enjoy sex with other people but have no interest in forming a relationship with them... in the same way that some bisexuals enjoy a relationship with two or more partners of the same and opposite sex....
where the forum can be misleading is that many bisexuals are private people and do not share their thoughts and feelings in the forum so a aspect of bisexuals and bisexuality is unseen.... its often why actually meeting and getting to know bisexual people as friends, rather than lovers, can give a person a completely different view of bisexuality and being bisexual......

hugs again... and we are always here to try and help people as best we can.... as you may find that many bisexuals do take a very dim view of bisexuals that cheat on their partners, as it is a bad look for bisexuality and bisexuals, specially as many of the bisexuals in the site have worked so hard to be seen as partners and lovers that people can trust and respect as honest partners.....and they have had to deal with partners that have automatically assumed cos they are bisexual, they would lie, cheat and betray their partners, cos of the people that do cheat on their partners... and the bad rep that bisexuality can gain cos of things like that.......

[CurEUs_Male]

You have two issues here to deal with. I will strongly suggest an open, straight forward discussion. Nothing short of that will get you past this point without more troubles.

First, cheating; lieing;
I speak of this because I have dealt with a cheating spouse -twice. The second time I found her with the same guy, in the act. The sex does not bother me, it is the disrespect of telling your life partner a bold faced lie, and/or keeping the secret from them when having a physical relationship outside the primary relationship. There is no excuse. My wife is not bi, and has no interest in my bi desires. I have held back even with her permission to explore, yet she went out on multiple occasions to be with another. Gender issues is not the driving factor here. She is still working out why, and has come up with many reasons that add to the big picture. We continue to try and work out our issues.

Second is his desire to experience same sex activity. Is he gay? Is he hetero? Is he somewhere in between? Your original post seems to sound like you believe there is nothing between the two extremes. I find it odd you felt this was the place to post that opinion, and suggest most on here felt the same ?!
I suggest you look a little closer at some of the studies taken up on this subject. Kinsey is a good starting point. It may be hard to hear after years of civil and religious leaders telling you there is only one right way, and the wrong way, and nothing in between. This is something your husband is also fighting with internally, and likely has kept it a secret because he feels he cannot be sure what he feels or what it means. I can imagine he may be scared maybe he is gay - because he has no idea of the large gray area between the two small ends of the spectrum.

So in closing - learn more about the idea of bisexuality. Then talk with him about it, but please be sure to separate the issues of his position on the scale from infidelity. While they are currently one in the same to you, you can work as a team to find out what is right for all involved, without the pain and deceit, and hopefully you can find a place for your marraige in this new dynamic.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

I agree with everyone who posted before me: Cheating Is cheating. Slinking around on your spouse is wrong on all levels. Maybe he felt he had to because of your reaction to him needed a Bi experiance? And secondly, what were you looking in the sexuals section of Craig's List For? Did you suspect him of cheating or was there some other reason you were browsing thru the Meat section....?
Good Luck to both of you.
Cat

[Gearbox]

Hang on, so the gays you know are honest, upfront, don't trick or hide, and the bi's here that you don't know are all gays and lesbians pretending to be straight?
And you STILL make a thread to ask us guttless liars advice on your marridge?:confused:
Why not go ask your gay friends, where they'll give you a honest advice about your 'gay husband'?

My advice, have a sit and think of any reason why your husband would rather fuck behind your back than talk to you about being bisexual.

[onesucker4u]

I have never felt that sex with a man is cheating. I just never felt romantic feelings toward a man and felt deep love for the woman I was in a committed relationship with. I know this is not accepted or agreed upon. I did have a girlfriend that was Ok with me having sex with men but NOT with women. and I never thought of MMF threesums as cheating. Oh, I do agree in honesty but I havent always practiced it.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

**I ventured to this site to get a better understanding of bisexuality, and honestly, the way the conversations go on here I believe that the term bi-sexual is just another way of someone hiding their true gender preferences, and the mix with the heterosexuals is just to keep it hidden from public eyes**

So all of a sudden, because you're pissed, feeling betrayed, hurt, ect'ed now you feel like you're pissed at all bisexuals in general? its not US thats hiding who we are. Its Your man, and its Him that you have to take this up with, not with a community of folks who Arent slinking behind Your back. You are making a generalized statement about people and things you know Nothing about because of said pissed-ism.
You know nothing of the bi-sexual world and arent qualified to make any statements, because you havent anything based on actual fact. Just what you Gay friends tell you.
You cant speak about anyone else's lives unless you've lived it. So take some time to cool down, get your head on straight (no pun intended) before you start making statements that you dont fully understand first.
If you want help, theres plenty of us here that would be willing to help, but you have to get your head and Heart in a better place first.
Good Luck
Cat

[Jobelorocks]

I am a bisexual woman and I never excuse cheating no matter gender, sexual preferences, or whatever. If you are committed to someone and go into a relationship with an agreement of monogamy, you are bound by that. Lying and cheating are unacceptable and should not be tolerated. His cheating and lying is the problem, not his sexuality.

Now, many people who are straight or gay do not understand bisexuality and how you can be attracted to both genders. Bisexuality is real and it is not just a cover-up for being gay. I am a bisexual woman. My husband knows about it and so do most of my friends. I prefer men romantically over women, but I have about the same level of sexual attraction to both genders. I do not lie to him, I do not cheat on him, and I love him and he certainly is NOT a cover-up for me being a lesbian or something. Heck, I moved to the opposite end of the country for him away from all my friends and family to a place I hadn't even been to before. I love him intensely and NEVER want to spend my life with someone other than him. Bisexuals are real.

If you want him to be open and honest with you, you need to be accepting of what he is. Many bisexuals hide their sexuality out of fear of how others will react. We are told that we don't exist, that it is a phase, that we are greedy sexual deviants, and other offensive and false things. We are just as real as being straight or gay and we can't choose to be straight or gay any more than you can choose to be a lesbian.

You need to address his unfaithfulness and take whatever precautions you feel are necessary. You may want for both of you to get tested for STDs, you may make him wear condoms during sexual intercourse, abstain from sexual intercourse at least for the time being, or even consider leaving him. It is your choice. Take some time to talk to your husband and see what he has to say and then make your decision of how you want to deal with the situation.

[tenni]

I don't excuse cheating by bisexual men or bisexual women.

However, I understand the negative hatred towards bisexual men (including self hatred) and in particular empathize with married to women bisexual men who find their sexuality change more to a sexual attraction towards other men later in life after they have married.

Bisexual men are rejected more than bisexual women in society. As a poster above stated there are two issues here. They are interlinked in this marriage.

I don't know the age of the OP and her husband but there are many reasons why he did not disclose. You may only find out by discussing this matter with him.

I hope that the OP returns to clarify that she doesn't really see as her words infer.

[darkeyes]

I ventured to this site to get a better understanding of bisexuality, and honestly, the way the conversations go on here I believe that the term bi-sexual is just another way of someone hiding their true gender preferences, and the mix with the heterosexuals is just to keep it hidden from public eyes. I have gay friends and think no differently about their choices than I do any one else, but their upfront, honest, and do not trick or hide as I recently discovered of my own husband. WHo has put me into a world that is not for me by his choices and his want that obviously means he has to cheat to get it.
*laffs*.. u should have stuck to leaving it with ur first post..

Trust me, babes.. there are shitty gay guys and lesbians as there are shitty bisexuals and for that matter, more than anything, shitty heterosexuals if only cos, officially at least, peeps r mostly heterosexual... all three sexualities have cheats... but all 3 also have peeps who don't cheat... is one sexuality worse or better than ne other? Very debatable... but I doubt it... this post reminds me of one by someone else:eek2:... another recent addition to the .com family:)... not of course that I suggest anything untoward or sinister:suave:... yet...;)

[R. R. Wayne]

Hang on, so the gays you know are honest, upfront, don't trick or hide, and the bi's here that you don't know are all gays and lesbians pretending to be straight?
And you STILL make a thread to ask us guttless liars advice on your marridge?:confused:
Why not go ask your gay friends, where they'll give you a honest advice about your 'gay husband'?

My advice, have a sit and think of any reason why your husband would rather fuck behind your back than talk to you about being bisexual.


Well stated.

[JumpingJacks4me]

A very thoughtful and kind comment that addresses a lot of the information I was seeking for better understanding. I had not planned to come forward with my discovery until I today, found his response to a woman wanting a personal encounter on craigslist, as well as a "Meet Me" note to a male. I dont know which one I was actually more mad over, but needless to say, I confronted him. I got the lies, and the apologizes but never any conversation came out of his mouth to address his male encounters or the ads he placed. I was calm, and told him how deceitful these events were and as much as I want to understand his needs, he is not forthcoming in dealing with it himself. Right now Im just going through the gamut of feelings that any cheat creates. My personal definitions of marriage have been destroyed, but I am open minded enough not to publicly or amongst his friends make it known to hurt him, for all the hurt I feel, I love him as a person first, and know even if he doesnt want to admit it, its how he will always be- and that being puts how the relationship ends or begins upon my shoulders rather than where it belongs...on his.

[JumpingJacks4me]

The replies have helped for me to understand some of the dynamics and I would rather it have been known before I married him (but since he hides it from all his buddies I guess Im not the only one that someday may get shocked and stunned), I am open minded, although strictly heterosexual myself but his bi-sexual activity and behaviors whether just a sexual act without intimacy is still cheating. He would not openly discuss his hook ups with the men or his craigslist ads soliciting and replying to them, and when I found the reply to the woman encounter today, he readily skipped to apologize about her, and converse about how stupid it was of him and all the bull promises going forward and that he hadnt been with "anyone". He may very well be ashamed of his bi-sexual needs but if he is not ready to admit or openly discuss it even after being confronted with it, I'd say our relationship is doomed. Even though he knows I know he hooked up with the guys he still would not admit it or discuss it. So I guess the bottom line is I just have a "cheat", and the fact that its bi-sexual isnt even the priority of the situation, he just gets his kicks from cheating and its a free for all for him. It does concern me that he may not be being "safe" and subjecting me to disease since he is soliciting off craigslist and his only criteria is "discreet" and he is up to any thing. Im sure I'll be another marital statistic, which if he had been upfront and honest at any point may have opened the door but his persistence in continuing his deceit has closed them and all I can do is plan for my way out of a life style I didnt create.

[JumpingJacks4me]

Point taken, and true, I know nothing about the dyamics and will never be in that world out of choice (and Im not implying that I think badly about anyone's choices - except My Man's because what he is doing is "cheating" in ways out of my comfort zone). And yes I am pissed at My Man, and my statement was based on my observance of what others had wrote on this site. And the fact that I could not gleam any thing that helped me to understand until the replys to my post came in- and I appreciate them, they do explain things that I could not grasp. I dont mean to imply that everyone follows the path of my husband but as a heterosexual, the act of some one that says they are bi-sexual is a homosexual sexual act. My gay friends are open, direct and hide little, and when I confronted My Man, I expected the same- why would I think different, its not a world I encountered (until now). So my apologizes to you if you were offended, it wasnt my intent, my intent was to understand the differences of a bi-sexual or just being gay and when I didnt find it in general conversation I started believing as most heterosexuals do that he just hasnt come out of the closet yet.

[JumpingJacks4me]

Thank you, I agree, my real issue is him cheating. He doesnt want to admit, discuss, or even deny his bi-sexual activities- just says nothing. The only conversation he would have was about the recent, today, reply he made to a woman wanting a personal encounter...in which all the hoopla of apolozising went on until it about made me sick. I cant begin to understand or even be open minded to his bi-sexuality if he himself refuses to admit it. None of his friends know, I dont even want to know, and I dont want to hurt him by exposing him if he feels he has to hide it. Im hurt over it but Im old enough and open minded enough to know that hurting someone like that can be devastingly dangerous for them) But I also cant work on a marriage that is suppose to be monagamos if the "cheating" is what gets him satisfied whether its with a male or a female. The advice about testing is definite. I appreciate all your help, it eases the stress to some degree of all that I have to deal with so I can at least make informed decisions.

[JumpingJacks4me]

I found his conversation with someone from craigslist and one led to another ..male and female. He is just a cheat, and his bi-sexual activity stunned me- but his cheating hurt me.

[JumpingJacks4me]

I believe in the way he refused to acknowledge his male encounters that he considers it not cheating when he is with a male as well, as when I found the reply to an ad to a woman seeking a personal encounter, that is the only thing he would discuss. I consider both to be cheating. I asked him if he wanted an open marriage and he wasnt willing to discuss that either. He wasnt up for the divorce I was offering either. SO what does he want? Just the thrill of cheating. When I came to this site what I was looking for was clarification if he was just a closet gay, if bi-sexuality exists, apparently it does- albeit its still hard for a heterosexual to grasp. Maybe he refuses to acknowledge and converse about it because his buddies would not accept it, and although he knows Im open minded about most things I have never made any statements to indicate that I would not be considerate of his bi-sexuality or negative about such, I just have always had an issue about being "cheated" on. Maybe if he had been honest with me it would not have turned into my nightmare and his dirty little secret. I can only imagine the turmoil he might be carrying with keeping such a secret, yet even that doesnt resolve his infidelity. In any case, it doesnt look like Im going to get answers from him so all I can do is make people give me honest answers of what it is to be bi-sexual on here and let it guide my thoughts to whats right for me in this situation.

[JumpingJacks4me]

I wasnt asking you for advice, I made a statement based on a perception from a heterosexual wanting to know the difference between bi-sexual and gay since I personally dont have experiences in either. And since my husband doesnt tell anyone about his bi-sexuality I gather its because he has his own issues with it. ANd since he is bi-sexual, having sex with a man would be cheating whether he did it behind my back or told me upfront because we didnt take vows to include everybody and anybody between the sheets. And from what I have learned, my gay friends would not understand bi-sexuality either.

[tenni]

fyi Jumping

You can go back and edit a post for up to about an hour. There is a button in the bottom right near the "reply" button that says "edit post" and after adding etc hit "save". You could add comments rather than starting with new posts.

As far as your situation, I'm still picking up a slight prejudice/misunderstanding against bisexuals but over all, it is difficult to say what is going on with your partner. He definitely has issues beyond being bisexual. However, he seems to have deep seated fears about his sexuality and in denial.He may be scared and if your thoughts are any indication of people in your circle of friends understanding, he may not understand what is going on with him as far as his sexuality.

Protect yourself first though.

If you are still interested in helping him have you considered suggesting couple counselling with a counsellor with couple and bisexual expertise? just a thought. Bottom line is to protect yourself first.

[zigzig]

I agree. I use to feel shame, when I was younger, because people around me didn't understand bisexuality. It is also a sexual orientation like being straight. That's why I''m honest with my fiancee. He knows about my sexuality, that I might want a female lover, but prefer to do it openly, ot sneak around hiding it, because it is cheating.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Well. Either way you go, its up to you now. Good luck to you.
Cat

[dick_pumper]

I am married to a woman who a few years ago decided she no longer had any interest in sex, trouble was she never gave me a thought. So as sex became less and less, I started to masturbate more and more. I did try to ask her what the issue was but she would get defensive and tell me maybe I should see the doctor cause I wanted sex all the time. I am in my mid 40's and would like sex at least 3 times a week. She is early 40's. After straight porn was getting kind of boring I started looking at gay porn and recalling a few times in high school that I played with a male friend or two and the idea of being with a male started to seem like a good idea. More for the sex then as a relationship. I haven't told her or any of my friends that I would just as soon suck a cock as eat a pussy or experience anal sex. My wife knows I like anal stimulation but she would only finger me, once I suggested a dildo and she said only fags want cock in their ass. Well, I didn't have the heart to tell her that I had an old gf that used to like to don a strap-on and fuck me silly, and that I did have a dildo. So I just dropped it. Last Saturday we had a huge blow up after she decided to see who was texting me while I was asleep. It happened to be a guy I met on from a Craigslist ad and we were supposed to be meeting for coffee that morning but he was saying he had to cancel (2nd time he did that). I explained that it was a guy from work who needed me to help him with a cabinet as I am a Kitchen Designer, but then I exploded that she had no right to be looking at my phone and that it's none of her business who texts me. I told her you won't fuck me but you are going to check my phone to see if I am looking for some pussy outside this so called marriage? I told her if you don't want sex then fine, but know this, I am going to go find it somewhere else. I didn't say it would most likely be with a guy but it could be a female as well. So is that cheating? She made the decision she doesn't want sex so why should she care who I am getting it from? Or is she that fucking shallow that she feels if she doesn't want sex then I am not supposed to want sex? Fuck her! If that is what she thinks. Do you know how it feels to have a wife who won't put out for a year and then one night say, "Honey I'm drunk, let's bang." So to me that says she has to be drunk to want to fuck me and it hurts me and angers me. Our 7th anniversary was the day after our big fight and I am not interested in having an 8th. She ruined this marriage, I was happy, until the sex went from could be more, to none at all. I am so mad at her, and threw it in her face and a lot more, and she has made an appointment to see her doctor to see if there is a reason why she has no desire for sex. And I hope they can find out that it's a hormone thing and can help her, but as far as I am concerned unless she is going to go from a Nun to a Nympho as far as I am concerned she killed this marriage and I am just waiting for the right time to tell her to get out of my life. I know the next woman or guy I am with will be told that I am Bisexual and have desires to be with both sexes and they need to accept it or not, but if not, then we can call it quits before it is to late. When I say sexless marriage, we have been married 7 years and may have had sex 30 times during the last 84 months. My last gf and I had sex 30 times with in 3 weeks. I was adamant that when we got married that sex was a pivotal part of a successful marriage, without it you become roommates. We have become roommates and I hate her.

[*pan*]

to make a complicated thing simple, if it were me , and i loved the person i might start a conversation with him about how he feels about bisexual people, couples and alike, just a general conversation about a general topic saying i was just curious. and see where he takes it, if you are not opposed to bisexuality say so, give him room and an area where he can open up even if it's general conversation on the subject, this might give him a way to be more open about it maybe admit it to you. as for cheating yes it's cheating but when someone is not sure of their sexuality and acting on a feeling not being sure what they want, they would not quickly profess to their partner of being bisexual. this is just another reason it's hard to tell ones significant other. the feeling maybe a curiosiety and he is just checking it out to see for him self if he truly feels he is bisexual. the common saying "if you suck one dick then you are gay" is not true now and never was. in our life time some people want to try it all, some are happy trying nothing. but the only way to be truly happy is to communicate with each other and be honest.

[12voltman59]

Forgive my degree of cynicism regarding this post----had the OP only gone and put up that first post about the situation---then before anyone had even responded---we get a posting from this person dissing bisexuals as being unfaithful scumbags (more or less) and that sort of set off some alarm bells for me that "we have heard this tune before."

Cat brought it this point herself that the sweeping critical comments by the OP about bisexual men are a bit suspicious---and to me---the name this person chose---along with nothing more than a minimal degree of info contained in the profile---I would like to hope that I am wrong about this person being legit---but considering the degree of "trolling" we get here---I have to express that I have a strong degree of skepticism about whether this post is legit and not just yet one more bogus posting with its goal to get people to rehash old ground and bring up the old canards about how fucked up bisexuals are---especially "cheating around" bisexual men.

Like I said--I am "just sayin'" and I do hope that I am wrong about this person and "she" is a real person, not yet personality number 1010 posted by one of our trolls and that "her" feelings, experiences and such are REAL.

[*pan*]

i view people at face value and that they are being truthful until i can prove them otherwise. i seen the profile with no posts no friends or anything but thought to my self if a woman not bisexual her self wanted some input from other bisexuals would she not goto a bisexual web site to ask. so i give her the benefit of the doubt untill i learn other wise. that's just me and my :2cents: on it.

[jk1983]

It sounds like your husband is really ashamed of being bisexual to the point where he won't even acknowledge it even though he knows you know. It sounds like you're willing to work with him if he will just be honest with you and I commend you for that. I think you may need to refer him to this forum then he could see that he is not the only one going through what he's going through. Maybe then he can find the courage to open up to you about his desires.

[BigZipper]

Jumping Jacks I see your profile has no pictures. I think we need a few to really be able to address the situation. Feel free to well be as free as you like!

[lookin2tryit]

lets see...i know i'm gong to get blasted by some on this post. buuuuut. i regards to the cheating thingy, by the term "cheat" there is an underlying driving force thats not been adressed much. my wife is clinically diagnosed bi-polar manic depressive person, and the saying of "goes from 0-bitch in 1.3 seconds " is epitomized by her. this is a person tha in the early stages of our relationship was all nicey nice and huggy, and nothing ever bothered her. now nothing is ever good enuf...screaming at any little thing...even at 2AM during the summer!...i'm sure the neighbors wish we would move! sex with her is non existenet, hasnt been for 4+ yrs. and i still have a great drive. so my "excuse" to go outside or our mariage is that im not getting it...and not from this total nutcase...this is a position SHE has put me in. i've tried many times for just basic sex with her. i anticipate filing for a divorce next year when our youngest dau is out of college. so first some women / men need to ask if THEY"VE created a condition/ situation that drives your spouse to this thing some call cheating, and others might call desperation

[Blue-Dragon69]

since he has cheated then you need to move on an let him go even if he dont want a devorce an you move on with ouut him an not look back whats done is done be happy live happy with out him best of luck an wishes to you .

[wesuckmen]

How long have you been married? Why aren't you the kind of wife he can talk to about this? If you already loved him all this time then you were loving a Bi man and didn't know it, so the same love is still there except now you know of the bi side. It is cheating if he has to sneak around and solicit men from craigslist. You need to talk openly about sexual things with your husband. If you are never going to be able to handle it then you need to tell him now.

[Polar Bear]

Im not sure what to do or actually even feel about this discovery. Found the ad in craigslist that my husband posted looking for sexual encounter with another male. Im not sure if Im upset that he is bisexual or the issue that he is looking to cheat. And apparently he has "hooked up" with one of the responders. So here it is coming from a straight heterosexual...cheating is cheating.... He doesnt know I know, and I just dont know what Im going to do about it- or what I should do about it. Im stressed, hurt, and not at all happy.

First, I'd like to say that cheating is cheating no matter if it's a same sex or a heterosexual encounter. Cheating is an issue of honesty, not sexuality. Secondly, bisexuals do exist. We are real. Eventually, the straight and gay folks out there will have to deal with this reality. My wife and I are both bisexual and proud of it. We disclosed this to each other before we got married. We did not put conditions on our sexual preferences. We did not make allowances for our same sex attraction. We committed to each other. We did not include the occasional same sex partner. We deal with the same urgings hetero's deal with when they encounter an absolutely gorgeous person and things begin to stir, we remember our personal commitment to each other and walk away from temptation. That said, here is our personal philosophy on bisexuality:

A bisexual identity speaks to the potential, not the requirement, for involvement with more than one gender/sex. This involvement may mean sexually, emotionally, in reality, or in fantasy. Monogamy and non-monogamy are relationship choices made independently of sexual identity. Some bisexuals are monogamous, some may have concurrent partners, others may relate to different genders/sexes during different times of their lives. Most bisexuals do not have to be involved with more than one person at a time in order to feel fulfilled.

I agree that open and honest communication is the key to an amicable solution to your current situation. I wish you and your husband the best.