Massage with a happy ending

[bikiniman]

I was recently on an overseas holidays with some male friends who are all married or in a long term relationship with women. A few of them went to a massage parlour and had a massage from a women which included a hand job. Generally referred to as a "Massage with a happy ending". The overall attitude was that this was acceptable behaviour and was even quite funny. Certainly not cheating.

It made me wonder if I went and had a massage from a man that included a hand job would that be OK as well? This is something that I have seriously thought about doing.

What if it was a handjob without a massage then surely this must be OK as well?

What are your thoughts? Is this cheating or OK?

[Annika L]

Ask yourself: would my wife be fine and dandy with this? Would I feel comfortable telling her all about it, and letting her share in the joke? Or would I feel like I should keep it from her?

If you think it's well within the bounds of expected behavior for your relationship, then of course it's ok...you needn't have asked. If you would feel like you have to hide it, then it's probably best not to go there without permission...if you do something you *know* she wouldn't be ok with, but just hide it, that sounds like cheating.

[tenni]

I am going to fall along the line that I just do not understand or accept why this is considered cheating. :yikes2: (this will come as no surprise to some...:wiggle2:


Yes, for those who see any sexual activity without their partner cheating, it is. The same attitude /morality argument may be made that if a guy masturbates that he is cheating. The last statement the most extreme of this type of philosophy and morality though. (then we have porn is cheating....phone sex is cheating...etc.) Massage and happy endings are somewhere along that line a little more to acceptance that it is cheating because some one else's hands are stroking.


I have a good friend who gets massages with happy endings. His wife does not know. (she did give him permission to have some sexual activity when he went to Vegas with another male friend that he was taking there to get fucked though...) Nor does she know exactly when he is masturbating all the time. Men have masturbated for most of their lives from the age of around 12. Some of us may just not see this massage and happy endings as much different.


Then there is the basic question, why is there monogamy in the first place. :offtopic: :banghead: As bisexuals some get all worked up about "he's mine" ownership issues..I didn't always but from reading some people's stance on this site...it does seem strange for bisexuals to carry on that way.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Well Dumpling, if you had a significant other, and the relationship wasnt open, how would He/She feel about it? Or how would You feel if he/she felt it was alright to have a hand job whilst on vacation? Would you consider it cheating then, either way? For you or Him/Her?
Cat

[tenni]

Well, Dumpling, I don't think that any bisexual should enter a monogamous relationship. Enough said. I reserve a right to change my mind though...lol I am unaware of any disease that you may catch from a good wank....sweetie.

Do you think Dumpling that it is cheating if your partner masturbates? (doubt but just putting it out there.)

Why should it matter to the partner if a guy gets a little help with the massaging of his dick more so that his maximus glut hip flexors, upper hamstring or upper quad? ( I know its a sex organ...oh..my)

[centillini]

Few already summed up what I feel. Cheating is based on the relationship between two people, IMO. some people are okay with hand jobs, some with oral, some with blown out sex as long as don't kiss the person. But, If you feel that you have to hide it, then in your gut it probably is in your mind cheating. But, remember "to thy own self be true".

[Long Duck Dong]

I am inclined to agree, if a person feels that its something they would have to do behind their partners back, its cheating..... and same understanding applies, how would you feel if it was your partner that was going behind your back and you found out

I know a lot of people say that they would be annoyed or upset that they were kept in the dark and that as long as they know or are involved in future, things can be worked thru.... but the key word is KNOW, a partner has the right to know what is going on in the relationship

the people that make the rules for each relationship, are the people in them... so in all honesty, is it cheating or not, comes down to the understanding and opinion of both partners.... your partner trusts you to be honest with them and you trust your partner to do the same.... why would it be ok for one partner to bend the rules but the the other partner....

[BiJoe696]

Go for a couples massage and take the wife/partner with you. You can find places for this and you could both enjoy the sensual pleasures offered.

[Gearbox]

I was recently on an overseas holidays with some male friends who are all married or in a long term relationship with women. A few of them went to a massage parlour and had a massage from a women which included a hand job. Generally referred to as a "Massage with a happy ending". The overall attitude was that this was acceptable behaviour and was even quite funny. Certainly not cheating.

It made me wonder if I went and had a massage from a man that included a hand job would that be OK as well? This is something that I have seriously thought about doing.

What if it was a handjob without a massage then surely this must be OK as well?

What are your thoughts? Is this cheating or OK?
To those married men, a 'happy ending' isn't cheating. Case closed?:rolleyes:
Sadly not. It maybe classed as cheating by their wives, and they define 'cheating' on their behalf.

If the married men told their wives that a 'happy ending' is no longer 'cheating', and the wives didn't agree, would it still be 'cheating?
Probably yes! Because 'cheating' is subjective and the defining of it rests on the one with the most severe rules. It is not a democracy!

Why don't those married men tell their wives about those 'happy endings'?
Prob because they know their wives wouldn't view it as they do. And as it's not a democracy, they don't hold it up for a vote.:rolleyes:

What do I think?
It's all so fekin stupid! If 'cheating' prevokes so much pain and heartache, just get rid of it! Refuse to be your partners keeper, and deal with any problems you may have with their freedom. From the very start! Not after inventing rules that have no right to be invented (IMO)!
The term 'Cheating' has become associated with a low morality. Yet the inventing of it seems to skip moral judgements and flies under the 'moral radar'.
Now isn't THAT convenient?;)

And btw, I view anybody who isn't even my partner a downright dirty rotten CHEAT if they spin round 3 times and touch their nose on a Thursday after 2:45pm. It gives me TERRIBLE psychological drama when that happens! So now you know your responsible for that turmoil! Not ME! It's YOU, yu dirty cheats!:wacko:

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

lol No Tenni. If I had a partner, and he wants to jack off, that's not cheating. Cheating is mainly when someone, male or female, is messing around behind their partner's back and not teling them because: 1. They like the idea of a secret sexual encounter, or 2. Because some people like that "Sneak" factor.. And I gotta tell ya...women dont take this lightly, and can get down-right Hostile about their men going to get a wank from some chick that they don't know. Especially if it isn't in the perameters of their relationship. And I know that Some men dont look at it like its cheating, but whenever you do something that can hurt the relationship, or the partner, then its cheating. But hey, You gotta do what ya gotta do for you, and if'n you see fit to play around behind your partner's back, then more power to ya. Have fun...Dumpling.
Cat

[pepperjack]

Interesting coincidence! A recent local scandal involved the cops busting a ' massage parlor ' on allegations of prostitution. My job required me to drive by there several times weekly & I had always eyeballed it with curiosity & suspicion. Turns out, the woman charged was the manager of the business & only employee. Her husband, listed as the owner of the business was not. Huh? :confused: It was your stereotypical brothel masquerading as a massage parlor.... So hubby opens a questionable business for wife who pulls tricks & he was unaware? Only in America! :smilies15

[Coastocoast]

Tell the partner before "hand" that you do not feel it is cheating and if they agree then it is not. If you do tell them and they ask you not to let the door hit you in the ass on the way out you know they disagree and you can find someone who agrees with you.

[darkeyes]

Interesting coincidence! A recent local scandal involved the cops busting a ' massage parlor ' on allegations of prostitution. My job required me to drive by there several times weekly & I had always eyeballed it with curiosity & suspicion. Turns out, the woman charged was the manager of the business & only employee. Her husband, listed as the owner of the business was not. Huh? :confused: It was your stereotypical brothel masquerading as a massage parlor.... So hubby opens a questionable business for wife who pulls tricks & he was unaware? Only in America! :smilies15
No, not only in America... isn't the first time business owners here were "unaware" of what was going on in the businesses they own... husbands and partners included, and if busted such business owners are sometimes done for living off immoral earnings and can and do end up in nick......

[tenni]

Cheating is mainly when someone, male or female, is messing around behind their partner's back and not teling them because: 1. They like the idea of a secret sexual encounter, or 2. Because some people like that "Sneak" factor..

Cat
If a guy says that he is getting a massage to his partner, then it is not cheating. Informed consent. Maybe he leaves out the part about the wank...lol I will have to ask my buddy why he goes for a rub and a tug. I think that it is the variety. I know that he was uncertain about telling me for a couple of years. He thought that I might not "approve". No, he doesn't read my posts here obviously..lol Btw he did some through research into this at the beginning. There was actually a guy who went around trying out massages by certain massage parlours and women. This guy published a newsletter and ranked them...lol Oh, doesn't that just seem like something some guy would do.
My buddy says that he has tried some repeats with women that he thought were excellent....not only their technique but how they treated him. He found the "second time" with the same rub and tugger less thrilling as it was a script. So, there is more to this than just a rub n tug..I'm thinking.. ;)

btw Pepper- Massage Parlours and sex trade workers are legal where I live..Does that make it ok in your books?


..women dont take this lightly, and can get down-right Hostile about their men going to get a wank from some chick that they don't know.Especially if it isn't in the perameters of their relationship.

I know. What is their problem?...lol Possessive or what? This is particularly true for women who do not "give their partner a rub and tug themselves. They still expect their husbands to do without sex from them and not go for sex on the side. wtf?...lol



Some men dont look at it like its cheating, but whenever you do something that can hurt the relationship, or the partner, then its cheating.
Do you then agree that if a woman does not have sex with her husband for say once a year or not in the last five years, that the woman is cheating on her husband?


But hey, You gotta do what ya gotta do for you, and if'n you see fit to play around behind your partner's back, then more power to ya. Have fun...Dumpling.
Does this answer my questions about the wife then?

Have fun Dumpling. :) :love87:

[darkeyes]

Cheating is mainly when someone, male or female, is messing around behind their partner's back and not teling them because: 1. They like the idea of a secret sexual encounter, or 2. Because some people like that "Sneak" factor..

Cat
If a guy says that he is getting a massage to his partner, then it is not cheating. Informed consent. Maybe he leaves out the part about the wank...lol I will have to ask my buddy why he goes for a rub and a tug. I think that it is the variety. I know that he was uncertain about telling me for a couple of years. He thought that I might not "approve". No, he doesn't read my posts here obviously..lol Btw he did some through research into this at the beginning. There was actually a guy who went around trying out massages by certain massage parlours and women. This guy published a newsletter and ranked them...lol Oh, doesn't that just seem like something some guy would do.
My buddy says that he has tried some repeats with women that he thought were excellent....not only their technique but how they treated him. He found the "second time" with the same rub and tugger less thrilling as it was a script. So, there is more to this than just a rub n tug..I'm thinking.. ;)

btw Pepper- Massage Parlours and sex trade workers are legal where I live..Does that make it ok in your books?


..women dont take this lightly, and can get down-right Hostile about their men going to get a wank from some chick that they don't know.Especially if it isn't in the perameters of their relationship.

I know. What is their problem?...lol Possessive or what? This is particularly true for women who do not "give their partner a rub and tug themselves. They still expect their husbands to do without sex from them and not go for sex on the side. wtf?...lol



Some men dont look at it like its cheating, but whenever you do something that can hurt the relationship, or the partner, then its cheating.
Do you then agree that if a woman does not have sex with her husband for say once a year or not in the last five years, that the woman is cheating on her husband?


But hey, You gotta do what ya gotta do for you, and if'n you see fit to play around behind your partner's back, then more power to ya. Have fun...Dumpling.
Does this answer my questions about the wife then?

Have fun Dumpling. :) :love87:
Massage parlours and prostitution are legal here an all... running brothel isn't (place with 2 or more peeps offering sexual services in the UK).. and just bout every obstruction they can put in way of girls or guys plying their trade they do... and I may and do agree with u, tenni, 'bout possessiveness, but unless a partnership or marriage specifically allows it, it is cheating.. even just a lil ole wank in a massage parlour or elsewer....and it is arguable about wanking one's self too... I know quite a few peeps, men and women who have taken a ver dim view of coming across their partner having lil play wiv themselves... regarding a woman (or a man for that matter) does not have sex with her partner is it cheating? Depends on why and what agreement exists between a couple doesn't it? No one has a right to the body of another at ne time... not in this country ne way..

Not much is clear cut.. relationships r complex things and u are as wrong and right in ur certainties bout not cheating as there are those who have their certainties bout cheating...

[Annika L]

I am going to fall along the line that I just do not understand or accept why this is considered cheating. :yikes2: (this will come as no surprise to some...:wiggle2:


Yes, for those who see any sexual activity without their partner cheating, it is. The same attitude /morality argument may be made that if a guy masturbates that he is cheating. The last statement the most extreme of this type of philosophy and morality though. (then we have porn is cheating....phone sex is cheating...etc.) Massage and happy endings are somewhere along that line a little more to acceptance that it is cheating because some one else's hands are stroking.


I have a good friend who gets massages with happy endings. His wife does not know. (she did give him permission to have some sexual activity when he went to Vegas with another male friend that he was taking there to get fucked though...) Nor does she know exactly when he is masturbating all the time. Men have masturbated for most of their lives from the age of around 12. Some of us may just not see this massage and happy endings as much different.


Then there is the basic question, why is there monogamy in the first place. :offtopic: :banghead: As bisexuals some get all worked up about "he's mine" ownership issues..I didn't always but from reading some people's stance on this site...it does seem strange for bisexuals to carry on that way.

Tenni, you conflate two important questions here. The question asked was "is this cheating"? The question you mostly address is "is it stupid that this sort of behavior be against the rules?"

My contention is that it doesn't matter boo whether the rules are fair or reasonable: if you break them, then you are cheating. If there is a rule that you cannot masturbate, then yes, masterbating is cheating. If the rule is that neither of you can masturbate, then the rule is even fair...it just sucks and is a stupid rule.

If there is no explicit rule, then it's up to the individual's conscience: most couples (I'd wager) don't have explicit rules about masturbation OR about massages with happy endings...and both could be argued to be "close to the line" (although masturbation is generally such a personal act that I think of it as a basic human right, unless you abdicate that right). Therefore, if one would like to engage in the behavior, and one is concerned about whether the behavior is cheating, one simply consults one's conscience and asks the questions I raised above: is this something you would hide from your partner, or something you could feel comfortable telling them about? (Now masturbation is personal/private enough that you might *prefer* to keep it quiet in most cases, but the question is would you feel comfortable if there was a reason to bring it up, or would it upset your partner?)

So do I think it's stupid if massage with a happy ending is against the rules? Yes, I do...I think our society (and yours too, but to a lesser extent, and I have no idea about Wales) is hopelessly uptight about sex, and this is one area where we go too far. But is it cheating? That question can only be answered within the context of the person asking the question...which is why I didn't answer it, but gave the relevant questions to ask so the OP could answer it for himself.

[bikiniman]

Therefore, if one would like to engage in the behavior, and one is concerned about whether the behavior is cheating, one simply consults one's conscience and asks the questions I raised above: is this something you would hide from your partner, or something you could feel comfortable telling them about? (Now masturbation is personal/private enough that you might *prefer* to keep it quiet in most cases, but the question is would you feel comfortable if there was a reason to bring it up, or would it upset your partner?)

If I consult my conscience it tells me that it is wrong in the context of my relationship to have a massage with a happy ending without first talking to my wife about it. That is not to say that it is "cheating" just that it is not being honest. I know my wife would not be happy about it.

[pepperjack]

If I consult my conscience it tells me that it is wrong in the context of my relationship to have a massage with a happy ending without first talking to my wife about it. That is not to say that it is "cheating" just that it is not being honest. I know my wife would not be happy about it.


Coming "straight from the horse's mouth," a popular mid-western expression & the man who tried to redefine sexual relations: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/politics/special/clinton/stories/clinton081898.htm

[Dead Account]

The fact is, you're with someone who's helping make it happen- hence- cheating. That's mostly why I haven't Persued my "other side"- in not inclined to hurt anyone with my desires for a temporary feel good.

[justice1john]

No I don't think this is cheatimg. Also men know what it feels like and are returning the pleasure.

[NjbiGuy01]

For me personally, a happy ending might be cheating with a female, but not a male massage therapist. Silly I know, but I really feel that with a man I am getting something or doing something I wouldn't ever possibly be able to get from my wife. I have had a number of nice experiences with MFM situations, with bi hubby or boyfriends. (Again, I don't feel it's cheating), but the difficulty of getting something steady happening with a couple led me to find a massage therpist (male) who not only jerked me, played with my prostate, and topped me, but offered to suck and let me suck. I had one encounter with a female that i enjoyed, but was surprised when she suddenly gave me head, totally not expected ! I knew she gave sensual massages when I answered the ad. We went from a nice massage, to her working my ass with a toy, to suddenly feeling her lips around my cock while working the toy in my ass ! It was a blast, but totally not expected, and I felt more guilty than I did when I played with men in the past that way....again, this is one guys opinion, and everyone has their own feelings about these things, which I respect... :)