Bi married men.... what's your

[hiswife]

I'm reading a lot here and have stumbled across a few threads with bi mmarried men stating they have an arrangment... please enlighten me on what that might be regarding the wifes pleasures in this matter.
Mine forbids me to be with anyone, then if and a big if he shares me in a 3 some it's his pick, no one bigger than him or attractive and I'm never aloud to be pleasured alone.

Talk to me.

[gen11]

Not a level playing field, wife. He's insecure about his masculinity and/or attractiveness. Can't tell if you are doing anything to cause/add to it, or to try to bolster his opinions of himself, but you might want to mull that over. Unfortunately if you push to level the field, you may well push youself out of a marriage. Depends on how entrenched he is.

Good luck

[Bfd123]

I don't agree at all. It's only fair. A couple both have to be comfortable with the situation !

[hiswife]

gen11 I didn't really understand your post at all- sorry..

read my 60 shades of grey thread.. that might help you understand "us" right now..

[hiswife]

Not a level playing field, wife. He's insecure about his masculinity and/or attractiveness. Can't tell if you are doing anything to cause/add to it, or to try to bolster his opinions of himself, but you might want to mull that over. Unfortunately if you push to level the field, you may well push youself out of a marriage. Depends on how entrenched he is.

Good luck
Ok I've reread this a couple times and actually got teary eyed.. quite the contrary, I've always boost his ego while he would hurt mine. Made comments to weight in a brutally honest way not thinking of course.. then allowed me to believe my weight was the reason he hadn't slept me- while all along it was because he wanted men instead. (That did come out)
The very first time I had every sexted him he was out with friends (truth) and responded with an 'LOL" said he'd be home soon after he paid his tab... that was at 10:30 (this was before his bi preferences was discovered) he ended up leaving the bar and going to a glory hole and not getting home til 1:30a.
Denied he was unfaithful that night - on his father's grave.. in the past I have believed my husband 110% never doubted him.. but that night changed it all - even with all the red flags throughout the year that my gut told me something was up yet he"d deny and then get very upset saying I "accused" ... I NEVER came at him, yet talked in a calm tone asking without threat.

As for pushing the playing field and it end w me out of a marriage - so be it. I'm not happy with all the deception as it is. My gut tells me one thing and I keep looking the other way given all the "proof"... so why not soend the next 30-40 years happy with someone that doesn't treat me so because he's afraid of admitting he's one way or another and placing his guilt on me!?




BTW- in regards to my weight... he never really touched me much... now I've lost 50 lbs and I have several men interested and NOW he has jumped on that bandwagon of being interested.. it honestly feels fake..

[welickit]

Interesting new name. You still screw up trying to type as an Asian woman. Better luck with your next screen name.

[BiDaveDtown]

Made comments to weight in a brutally honest way not thinking of course.. then allowed me to believe my weight was the reason he hadn't slept me. BTW- in regards to my weight... he never really touched me much... now I've lost 50 lbs and I have several men interested and NOW he has jumped on that bandwagon of being interested.. it honestly feels fake.. It's not fake. Did you ever think that yeah it was because of your weight he did not want sex with you? If my wife became fat or obese I would not have sex with her. If I somehow became fat or obese I doubt she'd want sex with me.
Interesting new name. You still screw up trying to type as an Asian woman. Better luck with your next screen name. LMAO! Yeah Hiswife is a troll and it's obvious.

[Im283TN]

I'm reading a lot here and have stumbled across a few threads with bi mmarried men stating they have an arrangment... please enlighten me on what that might be regarding the wifes pleasures in this matter.
Mine forbids me to be with anyone, then if and a big if he shares me in a 3 some it's his pick, no one bigger than him or attractive and I'm never aloud to be pleasured alone.

Talk to me.


I can't speak for other people but I might guess the arrangement thing is a lie. And the wife's pleasure is not part of that picture.

[hiswife]

Interesting new name. You still screw up trying to type as an Asian woman. Better luck with your next screen name.
WTF are you talking about?

It's not fake. Did you ever think that yeah it was because of your weight he did not want sex with you? If my wife became fat or obese I would not have sex with her. If I somehow became fat or obese I doubt she'd want sex with me. LMAO! Yeah Hiswife is a troll and it's obvious.
Seriously- I guess message boards really haven't changed much.
Thank you for helping me figure things out -
BTW- I was never obese. I had 3 children in 2 years.. 2 of which are twins, then health complications that lead to a full hysterectomy and severe anemia and a transfusion.. so screw off.

[biblkman]

He is Selfish, insecure, controlling, and very inconsiderate.

Since he won't share in his experiences and if he does the guy must not be better than him in anyway, you should let him know that if you two can't play together than he can't play at all, why should he have fun while you stay at home on the sidelines.

Better yet...if your bi as well, make a bi female friend your attracted to and do your thing without him.
Then you can have your fun and he'll know how it feels.

And to some of the posters ! She is not a troll she made her own profile desperate from the other witch said male/female couple, and she used the same pic from the other profile, trolls hide she is not.

[Bisexual Explorer]

A healthy sexual relationship means that all parties are sexually satisfied. Hiswife's sexual relationship with her husband is certainly unsatisfying. It sounds as if she is being used (exploited is probably a better word) for her husband's sexual satisfaction. Hiswife's husband's insecure ego, not his bisexuality, is the problem. Hiswife is his enabler. My advise is to get counselling or to move out.

I have no clue whether Hiswife is a troll. She has raised a problem worthy of serious discussion.

Bisexual Explorer

[gen11]

My dear, if I caused you any anguish beyond seeing my opinion of your post, I apologize; it certainly wasn't meant. Please reread my comment about his opinion of himself -- I wrote that I cannot judge whether you have been a positive or negative influence there; I did NOT accuse you of being negative.

To recast my post: (a) He's wrong; (b) You have every right to want to be treated with respect, dignity, and honesty, and as a desirable person; (c) it SEEMED to me, from what you wrote initially and in your second, more extended response to me, that he is very insecure (and not likely to change), and if you try to push for, or demand, that he "level the playing field" either by confining himself to what you're comfortable with or by allowing you what you want and need, your relationship with him will probably deteriorate to the point of divorce. I cannot judge, and have no opinion, about whether that would be good or bad for you.

Bottom line: your husband is acting like a heel, and you deserve happiness.

[chicagom]

I guess you need to be a heel to know one. Bottom line is to follow your gut feelings and go with that.

[hiswife]

gen thank you for your post! I think I may have come off defensive because I'm so sick of being his beard. I'm so lost, trying to make sense of all this and where I go from here. It's hard when I read one thing here another on the support group and from therapists. This place is very open minded and sees things how I try to- the support group and therapist (understanding bi/gay) seem adamant and somewhat narrow minded on the issue that I feel in my gut agrees more with the support group-
I'm prolly not making any sense.. jumbled up thoughts and I can't seem to think clearly today :(

To summarize and respond these are some pertinent tid-bits.
-I'm not bi- but have had one experience when we declared an open marriage with another couple. (he and I together) it was alright but I didn't know what I was doing and felt inadequate.. had fun but it's not something I crave to do. Men are my preference. I love cock! lol
-H has never been made to feel that he wasn't what I worshiped or that I craved anyone else in the 13 years we have been together. I always made him number one, stroked his ego, and fulfilled my duties as a good wife. I gave him children when we discussed THOROUGHLY before we were even engaged and then when we were that I DID NOT want anymore children and he was on board. Then 2 years into our marriage he wants kids.. I purposely did not have sex with him for quite a while then (02-03) because I wasn't on BC and condoms aren't always 100% Obviously I became pregnant and I remember the very night- he somewhat forced himself and I felt repulsed. Then a year later same scenario and end up pregnant with twins. YEP I hold resentment.
After having the children he was not hands on AT ALL- so here I am in my 30's having children I really didn't want (which now I wouldn't change it for the world- they are my life!!!) going through severe womanly health issues and severe fatigue and anemia.. I end up having a transfusion and a full hysterectomy and the hormone therapy alone was a nightmare and tons more that I will talk about later.. the gist of this is - he hasn't ever been supportive.. that's around the time he started exploring his sexuality - but I didn't know that at the time.. I just found that out this year.

Ive gotten off topic.. I'm sorry. I have always stroked his ego and rarely ever got anything in return but continued being the wife I was brought up to be. He's not a mean man in sense.. just doesn't think about anyone but himself I've come to learn.

I have more to write but I have PTA duties awaiting.. bbl

[lsufan1974]

You need to work on your negotiating skills! Start wit this, no arrangement unless its fair to both of us! If that don't work take half!

[creamerandpussy]

we like to have fun together no matter if she has three and he has none or vice versa. One of the best things to be bi is that you can have fun together and it doesn´t matter which gender he or she is.

[hiswife]

Thank you all (except for the two assholes that pegged me a troll:rolleyes:) for your advice, opinions and concern.
I haven't been on the last few days because I haven't been feeling well- still don't but wanted to give an update. We talked two nights ago and I did exactly what a few of you posted. I stood my ground no matter how pouty, defensive, arguementive, sarcastic he got and tantrums thrown.. He commented that I didn't care about how this made him feel having his wife wanting another cock- and of course I threw a "ditto" right back at him, with a side of how is it you can claim to fuck another man without emotion or attatchment but I don't get the same assumption? That shut him up- then again he questioned why I had no concern for how he felt about this situation.. :banghead:
I promptly said- I wanted to be happy as well and it's time I had some happiness. I want to have the same excitment of fucking someone for the first time and all that goes with it. NSA-
It was a long night with a lot of back and forth, but it did end well with an agreement that if could not bend and make this marriage open and an equal playing field for both then I was out.
He agreed saying it was going to be hard to work through jealousy and the first time I leave to go get laid will be very hard for him. I told I could sympathize - as it was very hard and emotional for me when he did the same. BUT, we would get through it as long as we keep the lines of communication open.

[Nedsome]

Just a thought. A conditioning exercise and / or a test of intentions to see if he is serious or capable. A day or so before the planned event let him know you really want and really need to get laid, allow him some input in deciding things (but you decide), set the date and dress to kill (no bra or panties, short skirt etc.) be obvious, go out and just survey your hunting grounds and have real fun without getting laid (get rain checks) and return home to see how things are going, you have the advantage of not actually doing anything (high ground) with his true reaction of thinking you did. The relief and the intense thoughts provoked may prove helpful, maybe not, but it is a big step in a direction away from where you are now. Be prepared for every possible reaction…. Sometimes if you are to the point of having nothing to lose but everything to gain the “shit or get off the pot” theory breaks the logjam. I wish you the best and hope with all my heart that you can resolve this dilemma to yours and also to his satisfaction (the best of both worlds and each other in an imperfect world?)…. Gary

[hiswife]

LOl Gary- all I got out of that was... "hmmm, I already wear no bra or panties" LMAO!!!
No- I am soaking in every word of advice here. Some has already been done- some is planned. LAst night I went shopping which is totally out of the norm for me,..but our daughter was sick from school yesterday and I had no time until after he came home to get shopping done.. So of course he thought I was going out to meet someone with the cover of shopping. I was exhausted, tired and barely brought anything home- my phone died mid way through my trip out,..so the seed was planted with intentions of him thinking I'd been with someone. Got home and I had three texts from when my phone finally charged up..asking if I was done yet. I replied with him in front of me that I was sorry -I'd been out fucking! lol My friend was here so she and I went outside to talk privately, and I get a text from him asking if I was confessing. So I played along, saying that I was indeed-every.sorted.detail. He texted back and then I , but what I'm getting here is... he seemed to be handleing the fact that I might had.
It's going to get a little rocky I know but this test IMHO he passed!
I thank you all for continueing to advise me from your past experience. Gotta run-
Breakfast time!!!!!

[csrakate]

I say this with the very best of intentions.....but y'all need to quit playing the testing games and do some serious talking. Cut to the chase....lay it all on the line and put the truth on the table....whatever the case, try a bit of truth and honesty and put away the silly games. The way you two are approaching things will only lend itself to needless anxiety and frustration for you both. Now is not the time for games.

I wish you the best of luck....

[Studley2000]

It's not fake. Did you ever think that yeah it was because of your weight he did not want sex with you? If my wife became fat or obese I would not have sex with her. If I somehow became fat or obese I doubt she'd want sex with me. LMAO! Yeah Hiswife is a troll and it's obvious.
BiDaveDtown....what kind of an arrogant pig are you??????

[Realist]

I agree with you Studley; Dave's arrogance and abrasiveness goes way beyond being impolite.

[maturebilatin]

Hi there, his actions are like most men, are selfish. He cares for his fantasies but he is not concerned with yours. He is simply afraid, and cant handle, a woman who wants to be pleased. Remember men are generally insecure, they are afraid to come to grips with the fact that a woman is stronger sexually than him. This statement is coming from a man. I recognize this fact and use it to my selfish ends.

[bi4asplay]

It does sound to me like he is very unsure of himself, and appently could care less about you and your sexual needs and wants. Though I love playing with a guy I only do when she is there as well. I do love being topped by a guy. If he is bigger than me it is very nice. If she does not get off on what is going on I will not be into it. I enjoy giving her face while he is in her. I like cum, but would rather have her squirt all over my face and share his cum with her than for me to get off. What she enjoys what gets her off is of the most importance to me. My late wife started the whole Bisexual thing with me. Part of the reason that I love it is because she loved it. 90% of the times that we played she was the one that said lets have a guy or couple over. When she used her starp on on me she would get off more often and harder that myself. She wanted to do me at least once a week.

[bi4asplay]

Bravo Dave, One question though. What did a pig ever do to you?lol

[bi4asplay]

Creamerand pussy.You are totally right. It is about everyone involved.If everyone is not having fun, how could just one enjoy. Part of the reason that I enjoy sex with a man is the pleasure that she gets from being a part of it. That is the reason that I have only tried it with a guy without a lady also playing one time. That did not work out.

[hiswife]

I say this with the very best of intentions.....but y'all need to quit playing the testing games and do some serious talking. Cut to the chase....lay it all on the line and put the truth on the table....whatever the case, try a bit of truth and honesty and put away the silly games. The way you two are approaching things will only lend itself to needless anxiety and frustration for you both. Now is not the time for games.

I wish you the best of luck....
Kate, believe me- there are no games- rather than some spirited goofing off, because we've been far too serious for too long. We needed the laugh. He has never been open and I , well I'm an open book. ( most of the time). Getting him to talk has been a challenge to say the least over the last 13 years. It's like training a child. Now with this very serious situation we've found ourselves in, I need to make light sometimes.
I appreciate your concern though. :)

I will say that I hate hurting him..even with all the pain and suffering he's put me through I hate seeing him suffer.
The night we talked I was honest with how I felt toward him in that I did not want to be intimate with him right now.
Last night he was hoping that would have changed (given it 3 days) so when I was receptive- he turned over and pouted.
Exactly how I felt when I was trying to receive some attention from him and was "turned down" or laughed at for my efforts and advances. Grant it at that time I had no idea he was sleeping with men.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

And whats stopping you from standing up and going, "If its not equal, its not happening again"
You are part of this marriage and should have just as equal say on things as He does. Quit being a doormat and letting him have his cake and eat it too. And if he's cheating, then kick his ass to the curb. The kids dont deserve it, You dont deserve it.
Open your eyes, Girlfriend...
Cat

[itsmeandyou]

Unfortunately there are lots of crazy people out there. The individuals that posted "hiswife" as a "troll" must be some real treasured GEMS.