Should Love be everlasting?

[tenni]

Here’s the hard truth about love, just in time for the month where you can’t get away from the fuzzy feeling: There is no such thing as everlasting love.

Nor is it meant to endure,

be unconditional or exclusive,

says a new book(Love 2.0: How our Supreme Emotion Affects Everything we Feel, Think, Do and Become) which aims to shake up our long-held notions of love.

.......Barbara L. Fredrickson says love is made up of micro-moments of connection or positivity between people that can take place many times a day and occur between those in relationships, colleagues and even between strangers. These are the building blocks that make up love, she says.

Fredrickson said that many people who fall in love can’t explain how it happened. They use terms like “struck by love” or they simply “fell into it.” She attempts to break it down.

.....She said research has shown that the most stable relationships are driven by the mild small moments of love, like expressing appreciation, spending moments together or trying new activities together — as opposed to grand gestures of love.


....Fredrickson says their research has found that those who have a high “vagal tone” — which can be calculated by examining a person’s heart rate in relation to their breathing rate — have more moments of love in their daily lives. As a result, the more micro-moments of love you have, the more you are upward spiral, which allows your heart to respond with flexibility and agility and ultimately allows you to build better stronger connections.

.......“We have a lot of misconceptions about how love works, and that can lead people to great unhappiness,” she said. “I think simply understanding what drives love; can make us feel like we have more control over it.”


http://www.thestar.com/life/2013/02/04/everlasting_love_is_a_myth_author_says.html


Do you believe that love is everlasting?

Is love meant to be exclusive?

[Spiro]

Of course if you believe in Soulmates than everything changes. unfortunately I did meet my soulmate, and it changed everything. I am not sure I should have found her, but I did. The depth of my feeling for her is to intense. So yes, if you really find your soulmate it is everlasting, even through thick and thin, but more often we never find that person,

When you meet folks who have never met their soulmate, they can not understand, it is all logic to them, it is like in their world ice cream was never invented and some mad person was trying to explain what ice cream is, the closest is I think yogurt.and boy are they different

[void()]

My thoughts have been expressed here before. But to make them clear, yet again.

I believe ...

1. Love can be ever lasting & eternal.
2. Love can be unconditional, exclusive or not.

Those are my thoughts as clear as I may make them. Seems
I hold a differing belief and set of thoughts than the author
that book. Oh well, I guess that happens. World keeps spinning.

[Gearbox]

Yes love is everlasting, if you chose to be a loving person.No, I don't think exclusive love is a 'good' thing. It implies that a loving person has to become less than they are IMO. That just doesn't make sense.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

No. Its not ever lasting to Everybody, only to a rare few who find a good enough true love that withstands the test of time and hardships. If a person finds that, then I hope they grab on to it with both hands and holds on for dear life! :}
Cat, Cynic lately.

[darkeyes]

There are different kinds of love.. each can last as long as a person lives.. and should, but they dont always in some people. Some love is superficial, shallow and fragile... and lasts only as long as it suits. Some is deep, and while we may find it severely tested, love lasts as long we have the consciousness to feel.

Whether or not love for lover, spouse or partner is meant to be exclusive is an argument we have had on site for a long time.. that humanity has had for millennia . I don't believe so, but others feel differently... many have believed it only until some1 else popped into their lives and they have found themselves conflicted and overwhelmed by emotion and guilt because they are told we should not and cannot love other than the one person.. and others, not just partner but society, religion, family expect our fidelity to one and infuse us with that guilt. The answer to the question is complex, open to argument and no simple answer exists.

[Long Duck Dong]

those who seek to own, control, define, label or manufacture love... are no different to the people that try to write the rules of relationships or dictate the terms for others...

they are the people that could not enjoy a autumn sunset with its rainbow of colors in the sky, without feeling the need to put it in a box or find fault with it

they are the people that want to change the world for others because they are not happy with their own lives... and are not happy with the way that others live....

I believe that love is what love is.... too complex for understanding, too vast to own and possess... one of the most misunderstood aspects of human diversity... and one of the first human rights to be trampled on... the right to love and be loved by those who claim to love us

[tenni]

The interesting point of Fredrickson makes is that "love is is made up of micro-moments of connection or positivity between people that can take place many times a day and occur between those in relationships, colleagues and even between strangers. These are the building blocks that make up love, she says."

I find this statement a bit of a challenge to understand. To move myself from more over all acceptance that love is undefinable and an emotion rather than what she write. If love is micro events of positivity that you share with one (or more) person and these moments build one on top of another, I guess it requires us to examine this emotion rather than blindly accept. Love will not remain unless these micro building blocks continue to happen would be a possibility to explain falling out of love. The battery charge runs out. If we can not find positivity moments love ends. "Love is like a drug" comes to mind.

When we have been in love with a person and we lose that positivity connection, we say that we fell out of love. Years later we meet that person again after some separation, sometimes we can reconnect and have a positive moment or continue to build on those blocks of positivity. In a way, the love that remains non sexual perhaps of friendships or familial may continue over time to build positive blocks. It isn't the same intense positivity block that connects us sexually but it may explain the love of friendships that remain open to building love with a person even when time or events have separated us. Sexual love seems to need these on going positive moments.

I don't know as I have not read her book but she may be referring to only sexual /emotional love rather than familial or friendship love?

Maybe Gear, some people may be a loving person who is more open to having these positive connections with many people while others shy away from being open to many people at one time in experiencing these positive moments. Perhaps some are more inclined to be selective and shy away after a positive connective moment. Perhaps societal morality makes them avoid repetitive positive moments with many. They are more restrictive based on societal monogamous morality. ie That was a good feeling when we did X together. They may take time and avoid rather than want to connect again with that person. The charge dissipaits.

[void()]

Yes love is everlasting, if you chose to be a loving person.No, I don't think exclusive love is a 'good' thing. It implies that a loving person has to become less than they are IMO. That just doesn't make sense.

Had not considered exclusiveness in such a manner, but yes, your view makes sense to me & I concur.

[darkeyes]

Yes love is everlasting, if you chose to be a loving person.No, I don't think exclusive love is a 'good' thing. It implies that a loving person has to become less than they are IMO. That just doesn't make sense.
Does one choose to be a loving person? I'm not sure about that. We may choose not to express love and even deny it, and many do just that, but as with many self denials it causes us pain and heartache and can even make us ill. We can be loving but many lose the ability to love through heartache and bad experience.. can they choose for it to become part of what they are once again? Good experience may restore their ability to love but do they choose to love once again? Not everyone is naturally a loving person.. some express love and profess it but use others and have hearts of stone. They may choose to say they love, but what they express in reality is not love, but a selfish abuse of a person for selfish gain. It is not choosing love, but choosing to profess it.. not the same thing at all, Gear dear...

Sorry Gear, a little lite musing after a difficult day... but food for thought, hey?:confused::)

[tenni]

If love is made up of micro moments of positive connection between people, a person may chose to participate in these moments or not darkeyes. A person may shun positive interaction. A person may initiate these positive connections with others.

[darkeyes]

If love is made up of micro moments of positive connection between people, a person may chose to participate in these moments or not darkeyes. A person may shun positive interaction. A person may initiate these positive connections with others.
I don't think I have said anything different... but do we choose the micro moments of positive or even negative connection? I suspect not..

[tenni]

I don't think I have said anything different... but do we choose the micro moments of positive or even negative connection? I suspect not..

I'm not sure. If I try to combine what the author wrote with what Gear wrote, I have to wonder if Gear is stating that we do control the moments of positive connectedness. We chose whether to participate in building these positive connections or not. Sometimes, we may just experience the first second etc. positive connection without being conscious of them. Perhaps Gear is suggesting that we may also be active in creating these positive connections rather than simply experiencing them? Being a loving person may be to consciously create these connections with others.

[Gearbox]

@Darkeyes- IMO giving up fear is a choice to be loving. Or at least a big step towards it.I've met the 'walking wounded' that view loving somebody intimately as a huge scary ordeal. They risk getting hurt once again, and the fear keeps them 'unloving'. They'll back off as soon as those feelings get a little too strong for comfort.Or they will lay plans to make their loving of another 'safer'. He/she must 'commit' to them, to love them alone, even if against the natural order of life| that which is unforeseen must be denied etcIMO they don't want a 'lover' as much as they want a 'safe port'. When the 'safety' is in jeapordy, some show their true unloving hostile nature towards the 'lover' and self.Anybody who've had their hearts broken can sympathise with that kind. But some chose to drop that fear of hurt, and give love simply coz it feels good to. I don't think I was born a fearless polyamorous slut.lol I'm pretty sure it was a choice. Although it makes me a HUGE risk to some, it makes me a very happy bunny as long as the flow of bodies is regular.lol

[darkeyes]

..a choice perhaps Gear dear, to act lovingly.. I'm not sure it is a choice to be loving.. we are loving or we are not.. and we choose whether or not to act as we are...:)

[Gearbox]

Yes there is a difference between 'acts of love' & 'loving acts', It all boils down to how we connect with others. No amount of flowers & chocs will change whether we love somebody or not. Even for those who make efforts to connect, there'll be some that they just don't click with. Then there's the sociopath who has no connection with others, yet mimick what they observe to be usefull shows of emotions to fool others.Ted Bundy springs to mind, amongst others.lolWhat fascinates me most about him is his admirers. Women wrote him love letters despite hearing what a remorsless cold killer he was. I doubt that any love they may have had for him were the result of thought out choices.lol Or that Bundy could have decided to love. So for some, I think your right there.It's those who can but don't that get to make choices.

[elian]

It sort of makes sense that these "micro-moments" "renew" love because each act a person performs in the service of another can be a reminder of compassion if it is given freely.

It is interesting, and probably true, but not exclusively so - as other people have pointed out there are many forms of love.

There are people that have made a big enough impact on my life that I can imagine myself loving them "forever" where "forever" is as long as I can imagine in this mortal body and beyond. This love is platonic in nature, with certain other elements as well when they can be mustered. There are also others I have been told about that I have crossed paths with in other lives already loved.

I tend to believe this because it is a convenient way to explain just how certain people cross paths with me again and the depth of feeling I feel for them even though I am not related by blood. For example I really love my stepfather, who I met when I was already an adult and have only known for 10 years but yet feel as though I could trust him with my life if my world went casters up. Guide says I used to be his wife. About a week before I ever met him in this life a very loving man gave me a kiss on the cheek in the astral realm, it only happened once, but it's not something that I will forget in this life.

That's incredibly awkward to think about given that he was first married to my mom, then remarried but it makes perfect sense that I would trust him the way I do - we get along well despite the occasional disagreement. Obviously he loves his wife, I am glad they are both happy and I will never stand in the way of their relationship but it just makes me wonder how this world really works.. When I am feeling low beyond low in dreams he has still come to me and given me encouragement.

There is my step niece whose parents were going through an incredibly messy divorce, she was incredibly shaken and sure that she would not have support in her life. Despite a fractured family we came to her in a dream and watched her perform, she loved to dance when she was younger. We cheered her on when she was crying - later in this life that manifested itself as her grandparents and others surrounding her and providing her a safe place to continue to grow despite the divorce and other physical relationships here falling apart. I wasn't sure I would see that family again after my mother broke up with her boyfriend but 15 years later I came back into their lives, as needed, to help. I am proud to do it and would do it again despite the awkward physical connotations and emotions. Love is very powerful indeed, it transcends the physical.

I really wanted to see this movie but missed my chance, I'll have to try renting it instead..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hWnAqFyaQ5s

If I have been female so long and so often in the past, maybe it makes sense that I actually like guys in this life? Then again, maybe I just long for their unconditional acceptance so much that it is all I dream of.

Either way, it makes for a captivating story.

We can go so long in this life without feeling connected to source, numb and disconnected. Sadly not only love but also great moments of tragedy remind us of our common humanity. 9/11 comes to mind, where people were shocked into grieving, jarred out of their sleep into caring for one another. It is my great hope that one day we can learn to care for each other as a nation and a world without the catastrophe having to wake us up first.

[void()]

Upon rereading the original question, a resounding yes! :) Love should be everlasting in my opinion.