Article: Married Husband Comes Out as Bi

[FunE1]

Interesting article. Apologies if it's been shared before.

http://www.salon.com/2013/02/19/coming_out_to_my_wife/

[Long Duck Dong]

that is a brilliant article,.... it touches on so much, specially with the part about the husband learning to see the true value of his wife thru the eyes of other men and realising just how much of a angel he has in his partner....

it is part of why I suggest that people think about their partners more, as they can come to realise just valuable a partner can be, if we give them the chance to learn to understand and accept us as their bisexual partners... and that can give them the chance to see how for many bisexuals we are more than just people that are attracted to both genders, we are real human beings and we can be the partner of their dreams again...

[tenni]

I thought that it was an interesting story. The man was sexually inexperienced when he got married and in his mid 40’s discovered his bisexuality emerging. The conflict of self exploration and keeping it secret from his wife is fairly common in those who find out after marriage of their changing sexual attraction.

The stats of 2/3 marriages ending once the bisexuals discloses their sexuality within two years after disclosure is not a very promising stat for bisexuals who discover their sexuality after marriage.

The partner’s concern about trust and a breaking of trust is interesting and stated before on this site by hetero female partners. What was interesting is that once the partner calmed down she also realized that she was not happy in the marriage as it existed. Its great that they had survived the stats.


In my recent opinion, the role of guilt and shame play a large part in why bisexuals do not disclose their changing sexuality. It is rather sad.

Psychologists state that GUILT is a painful feeling or regret and responsibilities for one’s actions. SHAME is a painful feeling about oneself as a person.
Guilt is a learned behaviour of self directed blame.
Shame is a consequence of such behaviour.

This is why I don't blame others who struggle with their sexuality or speak from a pedestal as if a know it all. No positive benefit to blaming others as they will blame themselves enough via guilt. It seems to me that shame comes from external forces of those who blame?

[FunE1]

LDD: I thought this writer's story was quite interesting, especially the fact that he and his wife stayed together, but the stats indicate what I think most of us suspect: This announcement is most probably gonna mean the end of the marriage... which is a shame... but understandable. People go into marriages with a set of expectations and a spouse suddenly coming out as bisexual represents a VERY radical change to one's status quo. I like to think that, as our society grows more accepting of homosexuality, bisexuality will become more accepted, eventually leading to a greater percentage of spouses choosing to stay with their spouses upon the bisexual announcement. Of course, I don't think that will be any time soon, but one can hope.

[FunE1]

Tenni: Hmm... hadn't really thought about the distinction between guilt and shame before. Will have to think about that as I agree with you that guilt/shame does play a part in why many people with sex/gender issues do not come out and discuss them.