Thoughts?

[alexbottom]

Please give me your advice/feedback on something that has been bothering me.

I am a male who has always had relationships with females, fantasized about females, and had sex with females. Over the past two years, sometimes when I got stressed I thought about sex with males, but nothing more. Recently, I broke up with my girlfriend, and when I was out with my friends, I had sex (receptive anal and giving oral) with a gay friend just to see what it was like. When I told a friend about this, they mentioned that you are probably bisexual or gay and that I should enjoy the fact that I like sex with men. The problem is that I think I may have done it because I was stressed, but not that they have kept telling me I liked it, I think that I internalized these feelings and find myself wanting to repeat the acts.

Thoughts?

[ExSailor]

Yeah you are bisexual. Just accept it. If you actually were heterosexual or straight you would not have had sex with your gay male friend and you would not be calling yourself a "bottom" which you are for anal sex since you like to be passive or receptive and you are for oral sex since you are into giving it or sucking cock, and are an oral bottom AKA "cocksucker".

[bityme]

People who are straight, without any bisexual or homosexual tendencies do not perform bisexual or homosexual acts just because they are under stress (unless, of course, the stress is someone pointing a loaded gun at them saying "Suck my cock!")

You had some fantasies and, after becoming unattached, you felt free to act on them. You say others told you that you liked the activities, but it doesn't appear that you have admitted it to yourself. You are still blaming the stress even though you find yourself "wanting to repeat the acts." Your reactions are quite normal. You are struggling with the realization that you enjoyed something mainstream society says is wrong.

You could put things off to being curious and having satisfied your curiosity, however, with repeat performances you can adopt the label bisexual. I'll give you a little more leeway than ExSailor.

You may find your life to be a bit more complicated depending on the impact of a change in your sexual orientation on the social, professional, and family aspects of your life. You will definitely find it more exciting and fulfilling with the variety of sensual pleasures you are able to engage in.

Welcome to your new journey,

Pappy

[CUMM2LBV]

I tend to agree with Pappy. Why don't you just consider yourself an explorer and enjoy. There is no rule that says you have to like every encounter or experience (kind of like spinach, you should try it. You aren't required to like it.) besides, your private life is your private life.

I'm quite sure you won't get anything on you that soap and water won't get off.

[tenni]

Since you have fantasized about having sex with a man and now have tried the passive role with another man, did you enjoy it? I don't see that answer in your OP. Some guys are repulsed by their behaviour initially. Eventually, though the fantasies keep coming back.

Some guys /women have same sex activity when they are drunk as their first encounters. If you are looking for an excuse as to why you did it, the stress idea may work..but it will be more than not an excuse to rationalize your sexual attraction.

Think about it a bit more and if you find yourself fantasizing about same sex play, that is ok. It is a sign to yourself that you are interested. Since you tried anal, I'd say that if you enjoyed it, that you should accept your sexual attraction.

[elian]

Hi alex, I think it is perfectly fine to experiment, most people are curious by nature. I don't think just because you tried having sex that you are all of the sudden gay or bi.

If you feel safe with men I can't see anything wrong with that - no matter that you call it. I have long said that I think that we seek out other people like us in times of distress.

So called 100% straight guys probably wouldn't consider sex with a man at all. My straight best friend put it this way - "If I guy asked me out I might be flattered but as far as attractiveness goes I would still think of him as a really ugly woman and I would probably turn him down."

I don't work for the thought police but I bet it's probably pretty hard to find -true- "100%" straight people who have never experimented with same sex, thought that someone of the same sex was attractive or got aroused watching another guy with an erection using his dick in a porno.

I'm not going to judge you either way.. Whether you are gay, straight or bi you are still worthy of love and support.

What if I told you the label doesn't matter? Kind of like tenni says - did you enjoy it? -and- if you weren't judged for your actions, would you want to repeat it? Of course you don't have to tell us the answer but those are the things I would think about if you really want to know the answer to your question.

[ExSailor]

Hi alex, I think it is perfectly fine to experiment, most people are curious by nature. I don't think just because you tried having sex that you are all of the sudden gay or bi. If you feel safe with men I can't see anything wrong with that - no matter that you call it. I have long said that I think that we seek out other people like us in times of distress. So called 100% straight guys probably wouldn't consider sex with a man at all. My straight best friend put it this way - "If I guy asked me out I might be flattered but as far as attractiveness goes I would still think of him as a really ugly woman and I would probably turn him down." I don't work for the thought police but I bet it's probably pretty hard to find -true- "100%" straight people who have never experimented with same sex, thought that someone of the same sex was attractive or got aroused watching another guy with an erection using his dick in a porno. I'm not going to judge you either way.. Whether you are gay, straight or bi you are still worthy of love and support. What if I told you the label doesn't matter? Kind of like tenni says - did you enjoy it? -and- if you weren't judged for your actions, would you want to repeat it? Of course you don't have to tell us the answer but those are the things I would think about if you really want to know the answer to your question. Let's be realistic here, if someone is a heterosexual/straight man they're not going to have sex with another man unless it's forced or they get raped like in prison. They are also not going to fantasize about it and want to do it again. I have never met anyone that's actually hetero/straight who went as far as having full on oral and/or anal sex with the same gender. LOL they are also not going to cal themselves a "bottom" either and say how they're sexually attracted to men and having a cock in their mouth or ass.

[elian]

In all probability I think you are right ExSailor, most straight people don't go "all the way" but I have known straight people who get drunk and try things they normally wouldn't do, or people who have tried things with each other when they were children or teens because they were curious or had that feeling in their life at that time who later identify as straight..

What can we do? I guess just try to convince alex that if he is bisexual then that is okay. -hugs-

[Bisexual Explorer]

People, you're falling all over yourselves with labels. Someone feeling rejected or very horny, both certainly stressful, could engage in a bit of sexual exploration. If the exploration takes the form of an MM encounter, does that mean the person in bi or gay? And if so, who cares? And like so many of us, especially after a first encounter, alexbottom feels confused. I don't know alexbottom so I'll make two suggestions: (1) try it again to test whether you like it as much as the first time or (2) step away from it for a while and decide whether you want to do it again when your less stressed.
Bisexual Explorer

[NakedInSeattle]

I think Tenni hit it on the head (no pun intended). If you enjoyed it, you're bi. If you look back on it and get a hardon, you're bi. If you want to do it again, you're bi.

I did all three after my first time and accepted my bisexuality and am a happier man for it (wife, too I might add).

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

High 5's with NIS. Yes, definitely try it again, but make sure you arent stressed or doing it because you are trying to work something off. (No puns). Do it because you want to re-experience it, and enjoy it.;)
Good luck Hon.
Cat