Trans Weirdness

[Swirl]

I recently went to a couple sites that I actually got from here (TQ Nation and another one). Reading the profiles has me confused. Most of them are not interested in guys and say so pointedly. Even the cross-dressers. One I found particularly amusing was a cross-dresser who warned men and their 'fetishes' to stay away.

I don't quite know what I'm asking here other than, am I missing something?

[transcendMental]

I recently went to a couple sites that I actually got from here (TQ Nation and another one). Reading the profiles has me confused. Most of them are not interested in guys and say so pointedly. Even the cross-dressers. One I found particularly amusing was a cross-dresser who warned men and their 'fetishes' to stay away.

I don't quite know what I'm asking here other than, am I missing something?

It's hard to say what motivates people, Swirl.

I know that a number of people who identify as cross-dressers are actually transsexuals who either haven't yet come to grips with their transsexualism or have, but have not decided to transition, and prefer to hold onto the identity as "cross-dresser", either because they feel it's a safer identity (at least they have more company) or for other reasons. Unlike what I think of as "genuine cross-dressers", these people have female brain characteristics, and in many cases outright identify as women.

"Genuine" cross-dressers, like most men, are male-identified, and tend to love their penises. Transsexuals (MtF) generally are not comfortable with their penises, and can be made very uncomfortable by people fantasizing about them. Although I have identified as bisexual all my life, I had no interest in actually being with a man until after I transitioned and had surgery. The thought of a man interacting with me sexually as a man just disgusted me. But lots of bisexual men have major fetishes (or at least strong sexual interest) about shemales or passable cross-dressers, and seem to have no understanding whatsoever of transsexuals (look at the many threads on this site that use the words shemale, tranny, transsexual, and sometimes even cross-dresser interchangeably). So I can see people posting "fetishes not welcome here" messages.

I think that addresses the "trans weirdness" you mention in the title. Does that make it less weird for you?

As far as other men (non-cross-dressers), was it actually a bisexual site, or just a swinging site? I have read here that many men kinda pose as bisexuals to get at the women of other men. If it was a bisexual site, that could explain it. If it was just a swinging site, then the people may have just been making their preferences plain.

tm

[Swirl]

Thanks a bundle tm. It might be fair to say that if anything was weird, it was me :p OTOH the many many dynamics can be hard stay abreast of. I suppose I should no longer be surprised given that I thought I was a run of the mill bisexual m to f top/ m to m bottom, only to find that some people swear this doesn't exist and is some form of closeted transitional state. Whatever.

As to the fetish (I really thought that a cross-dresser calling out others fetishes was a bit rich), I suppose I fall into a fairly ignorant category and do fantasize some about femme males still proud of their meat. Sadly, it's not more complex than that with me i.e. there's not much emotional content in the fantasy, which I'm certain leaves out a lot for many. I just dig the sex.

It occurs to me only now, in my defense, that what I'm actually doing with this post is attempting to educate my horn-dog. I'll be more understanding of more types as well as make less of a fool of myself, and what's wrong with any of that?

[transcendMental]

Thanks a bundle tm. It might be fair to say that if anything was weird, it was me :p OTOH the many many dynamics can be hard stay abreast of. I suppose I should no longer be surprised given that I thought I was a run of the mill bisexual m to f top/ m to m bottom, only to find that some people swear this doesn't exist and is some form of closeted transitional state. Whatever.

As to the fetish (I really thought that a cross-dresser calling out others fetishes was a bit rich), I suppose I fall into a fairly ignorant category and do fantasize some about femme males still proud of their meat. Sadly, it's not more complex than that with me i.e. there's not much emotional content in the fantasy, which I'm certain leaves out a lot for many. I just dig the sex.

It occurs to me only now, in my defense, that what I'm actually doing with this post is attempting to educate my horn-dog. I'll be more understanding of more types as well as make less of a fool of myself, and what's wrong with any of that?

Swirl, I just wanna kiss people like you, who are willing to attempt to educate their inner horn-dog!

There are plenty of femme males who are proud of their meat. And some of them would be thrilled to know you're into them! So go ahead and fantasize. But be aware of the difference between what you want and transsexuals.

What I found fascinating was hearing your thought about cross-dressers calling out other fetishes! That's great, and I didn't see it, 'cause my head was somewhere else. But I think even among those I've called "genuine crossdressers", not all do it out fetish, although many do. I have heard many swear up and down that they identify 100% as men, but just feel more comfortable wearing women's clothing, or see it as a way to explore their feminine side or their masculinity, lots of ways people talk about it. Those people don't sound at all fetishist to me. But whenever I hear it, I do harbor a bit of suspicion that they may realize that they are trans within a few years. I've seen it happen.

Anyway, let me know if I can contribute anything else to your education. (or is that a dangerous offer? lol)

tm

[Swirl]

You had me at "kiss":tongue:

[elian]

The "Humanism" lay-led ministry at church had a discussion forum today and invited a pre-op male to female doctor at one of the local University medical centers to speak about the issues surrounding LGBT identity. It was a great discussion. In terms of what you are asking what I learned is that you really can't assume anything. There are gender identity (what gender you identify with as a part of self image), biology/biological sex (external genitals), sexual identity (in terms of sexual attraction) and cultural roles. All of these play a part in defining what a person believes about themselves and how society sees them and all of these can be different.

So for example, it's actually not fair to assume that a transitioning male to female trans person would automatically be sexually attracted to men...and yes, cross dressing behavior may have more to do with gender identity than it does sexual attraction or biological sex..unless it is in the case of a sexual fetish.

The label we all use is actually something more like "LGBTQQIAA" now...eventually one has to start wondering when it is appropriate to just stop using labels and get to know people as people. Of course, to really "know" someone I hope we have developed thick enough skin to not be offended if someone asks us what we prefer or how we identify.

On the plus side, I am glad there is an out/open transgender doctor on staff at a local hospital here in good ol' Central Pennsyltucky that is helping other trans people in the area come to terms with the issues surrounding their feelings and obtain medical care.

When I was growing up I identified more as female, I was attracted to guys, I just liked being around women and doing the things they did more than I liked doing the sort of things guys liked to do. I had a penis but I never felt like one of the guys growing up and it made me feel horrible - like there was something wrong with me. I remember being very unhappy as a teenager but I guess over the years I've sort of just learned to live with the factory installed equipment. I also met some men who were caring people, rather than just the abusive and aggressive male folks I had as role models growing up. That made a big difference in learning to accept myself as a man. I am mostly "straight" acting out of fear but every once in a while I still get a twinge of being in heat and wanting to be "taken" by a male that way..damn hormones :smiles: It's not an easy thing to admit, and trust really has to be there for me to do more than fantacize about it.

[elian]

I guess in a way I should be glad I was born male. I wanted to be loved so badly growing up, if I was female I surely would've been .. "taken advantage of". I also do not think I could be as graceful as a lady, plus all of crap that they put up with from guys.. I have had more than one woman tell me stories.. One was inappropriately touched on public transit, one talked about guys assuming women were as pretty and smart as a potted geranium..

I don't really want to bash anyone because we all have challenges that we must face in life. It's going to scare a lot of people but one of the things sparking fear of greater LGBT acceptance (and acceptance of minorities in general) is the potential loss of unearned power and privilege in society.

The straight folks actually have a lot to talk about regarding their own sexuality, marriage, gender and relationships as well. How convenient that up until now instead of having those hard discussions they have simply been able to remain in denial, point at all of us instead and say "not that".