to come out as bi or not.

[goldenfinger]

found this

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/aj-walkley/bi-the-bi-why-disclose-yo_b_2902909.html

cisgender.

http://www.basicrights.org/uncategorized/trans-101-cisgender/

[Young pussy and dope]

At least these women do not give the canned excuse that closeted people use which is, "Why should I tell anyone, even a spouse or partner that I am bisexual? It's none of their business!"

[Tanzanite]

found this

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/aj-walkley/bi-the-bi-why-disclose-yo_b_2902909.html

cisgender.

http://www.basicrights.org/uncategorized/trans-101-cisgender/ Thank you sooooo much for linking to this Huffington Post column, it is so excellent! The column itself is fantastic, plus the conversation below it is as well. Thank you as well for the "cisgender" definition. I learned something today. As a monogamous married bi man, this was maybe the first article in a mainstream media source that I could identify with, and it was written so well.

[tenni]

I can understand that some bisexuals in relationships want it to be known that they are not a monosexual out of self identity. I've also heard it increasingly from young bisexual men that they see disclosure as an identify issue. It would be interesting if a study was done on bisexuals in relationships with same gender and opposite gender relationships to determine the variables as far as self disclosure is concerned.

It is sometimes pointed out as in the article that " There's a myth that bisexuals can't be satisfied unless they have partners who are different genders from each other". Like the women in the article, some bisexuals in monogamous relationship feel the need to also refer to other bisexuals who do need to have sex with some gender that their partner as a myth. Well, it is not a myth for some bisexuals. It is their reality for them. We seem to have this polarization over monogamy. Again, I suspect that we probably are referring to two different types of bisexuals and it is sad that one group feels the need to deny the other group's reality. I think that the best that the monogamous bisexuals should do is to state that they do not need to have sex with some gender that their partner is not. It seems a bit too dismissive to refer to this need for some bisexuals as a myth.

[fredtyg]

At least these women do not give the canned excuse that closeted people use which is, "Why should I tell anyone, even a spouse or partner that I am bisexual? It's none of their business!"

If I've ever hear anyone say that, it's been rare.

It isn't anybody else's business, except a spouse or partner. You're also free to tell whoever else you feel has a need to know, or, just someone you feel like telling. You shouldn't feel an obligation to tell just anyone, other than spouses or partners.

[Sepher]

At least these women do not give the canned excuse that closeted people use which is, "Why should I tell anyone, even a spouse or partner that I am bisexual? It's none of their business!"

If I've ever hear anyone say that, it's been rare.

It isn't anybody else's business, except a spouse or partner. You're also free to tell whoever else you feel has a need to know, or, just someone you feel like telling. You shouldn't feel an obligation to tell just anyone, other than spouses or partners.

Yup. Life partners who are emotionally invested in you and the relationship probably have a right to know if your bisexuality is something you're gonna feel a need to act on. If it's just an occasional fantasy that will never have any physical expression though what is their to tell? Damn sure she'll have her own little fantasies that she doesn't always share with you. I'd always advocate honesty in a relationship, my instinct would be to disclose it early in a new one so they don't feel they've been sold a pup later if it comes out further down the line, for me a lie by ommission is still a lie, but in other less intimate relationships, like that with my boss, colleagues at work, whatever no, why is it necessary to tell them.

WhyTF does anyone else at all need or want to know who I fuck? I don't go round demanding other people tell me what they get up to in bed, none of them seem to feel a need to unburden themselves to me on their proclivities so why is their an onus on me to proclaim to the world unasked that I sometimes fuck men? I've not had the bombshell moment with my mum or sister where I've revealed I'm bi, not because it's a dirty little secret, but because it's completely unnecessary. I'm not closeted, it's just that it's never really come up sufficiently to warrant it. Last thing I wanna know is what they get up to in bed, G*d forbid, doubt they'd really wanna know what I get up to in mine. Besides, I'm certain they already know I am based on conversations we've had over the years that touched on bisexuality. If they asked I'd tell them, same as I'd tell anyone who asked me outright am I straight, gay, bi, what, I have no problem with that. Most of my friends know I'm bi, I make no secret of it but really, who gives a fuck? I don't have to explain myself to anyone but me.

[Mr. Suck]

Why do people who are closeted or on the DL (down low) have the false idea based on fear that if you come out as bisexual, or lesbian/gay that it's somehow telling everyone even complete strangers who you have sex with and the exact specifics of what you do sexually or have done with other consenting adults? These closeted people also have the false fear based notion that if they come out or if anyone finds out they are not heterosexual that their entire life and/or career will be ruined which is not true. When a person that's straight tells you they are heterosexual this does not mean they are telling you in great detail what they do sexually or what they are into sexually. Also if you are bisexual or gay/lesbian and closeted and trying to pretend that you're hetero, it's pretty damn obvious you're lying especially to a partner or your family members. Someone's sexuality that's not heterosexual does not need to be a secret, something you're ashamed of, a forbidden topic, or the white elephant in the room that everyone wants to pretend is not there.

[Cheryl P]

These closeted people also have the false fear based notion that if they come out or if anyone finds out they are not heterosexual that their entire life and/or career will be ruined which is not true.

I'm glad that wasn't true for you, but it's hardly the same for everyone. I came out to everyone I knew a few years ago and NO-ONE accepted me as bi. Lost most of my friends, the ones that I didn't lose kept trying to convince me I was something I wasn't.

None of those people are in my life now but that experience makes me stop from coming out to people now even though I really want to. I don't like hiding an important part of myself, but my fears come from what happened before and they aren't false.

[Mr. Suck]

I'm glad that wasn't true for you, but it's hardly the same for everyone. I came out to everyone I knew a few years ago and NO-ONE accepted me as bi. Lost most of my friends, the ones that I didn't lose kept trying to convince me I was something I wasn't. None of those people are in my life now but that experience makes me stop from coming out to people now even though I really want to. I don't like hiding an important part of myself, but my fears come from what happened before and they aren't false. First off how old are you? If you were younger like a teenager or young adult people might not believe you. Secondly if those people who you considered "friends" tried to change you as a person or stopped being your "friend" because you're bisexual then they are not true friends at all to anyone and you're better off without them. :)

[tenni]

Mr Suck
You remind me of so many who have been here under user names with the same gay mantra. There are so many aspects of your postings that suggests that you live in a gay ghetto..if not physically then psychologically. If Cheryl P states that her experience does not match your own, accept it and show tolerance. Although the gay mantra is that if a person rejects you for being bisexual or gay is not a true friend, it still can be devastating. It is unfortunate that you can not be more tolerant of other's lives. It is each individual's right to decide about how they live their life.

[Mr. Suck]

:rolleyes: I don't live in a LOL gay ghetto like Key West or South Beach LOL LOL LOL *shakes head and does facepalm* Then again with how you think that this "Gay" mantra or whatever nonsense you're writing about is somehow bad because in your mind it's "Too gay" or "Too bisexual" just shows how you are homophobic and biphobic. What I wrote is true and it's not just something that LGBT people or gay and bi men will say but it's actually about friendship. If someone rejects you because of your sexuality (or for other aspects of yourself) or they try to change you, or judge you then they are not your friend.

[Cheryl P]

Tenni, Thank you.

[bi4asplay]

Mr. Suck to know nothing about real life you sure seem positive in you out look. There have been many people that have lost careers even family by disclosing that they are BI/gay. My business would go away if it were disclosed. I have seen it happen here with others in my business. My partner/potential partner will always know. I own them that honesty. I owe it to nobody else. Mr. Sucks what is true in you life has nothing to do with what is true in the lives of everyone else in this world. I am very Bi and have been probably longer than you have been alive. I am in no way ashamed of it! However it is not your or anyone's business, if I do not choose to tell them. You matter of fact opinion is worth the same amount that every body that talks about something they know nothing about is worth.

[bi4asplay]

Mr.Suck in your ad you say that you dislike pushy people. Your post here was very pushy. How do you like yourself?

[tenni]

There was an interesting statement about coming out made by Lance Bass on the View today. He said that the basketball player, Jason Collins, who just came out called him before Collin's went public to ask for advice on coming out as gay since Bass did it years ago. (They have a mutual friend but didn't know each other)

Bass stated that even though he came out years ago, he still gets daily hate mail saying that he will burn in hell etc. According to Mr Suck, clearly these people are not his true friends.

Not everyone has a martyr complex nor feels compelled to present themselves up to be attacked. ;) To those who genuinely feel better for disclosing to strangers their sexuality good for you. Just don't be a false martyr by putting down people who decide not to try to walk in your shoes. (cuz you will have holes in dem shoes sunny if you present yourself as better than thou :)

[Mr. Suck]

When I wrote I do not like pushy people I meant sexually pushy people. I wrote in my profile how my partner and I are monogamous and not interested in having sex with anyone but we have gotten a few PMs from people wanting to hook up, and when we go out to bars or to restaurants with friends it can get worse with people assuming we want to hook up with them because my male partner and I are there and talking to them. Again it's fear on your part that makes people not come out. Your business, whatever it is would not fail if you came out. I know many completely out bisexual and gay men who own their own businesses and what you are describing has not happened to them. What's your point about being very bi and then bringing up age as if it somehow matters? Again do you really think people have no idea or simply don't know that you're bisexual? That's not the case. Who cares about Lance Bass and other celebrities? Do you actually believe they read the mail they get? It's not our fault that they take stuff personally and have a professional victim attitude.

[tenni]

"It's not our fault that they take stuff personally and have a professional victim attitude."

He did not seem to present a victim attitude but disclosing information. If a person feels the need to disclose their sexuality shouldn't they have a reason? Otherwise, it seems like a person is presenting themself as a martyr which has a great deal of "victim hood" attitude.

[Mr. Suck]

Tenni, celebrities like Lance Bass when they're closeted pretty much everyone in the industry knows about it but they stay locked in their glass closet and pretend that LOL "nobody knows I'm bisexual or gay!". Hollywood is so closeted that it's more like, who isn't bisexual or gay/lesbian?

[zenn7]

I sometimes joke with other bisexuals that this would be an interesting world if being bisexual were the norm..perhaps the majority. Lets be honest..the world changes slowly...and we still have to live in it..