A father's letter to his dauthter about beauty

[DuckiesDarling]

http://sarcasticsarcasms.blogspot.co.nz/2013/07/a-dads-advice-to-his-daughter-about.html

Found this surfing today and thought I'd share it here. Some of it we all know and practice some of it we can use a refresher course on.

[Gearbox]

I have NEVER heard a child call another child 'Ugly'. Nasty, Spiteful, Mean, Horrible etc, many times, but NEVER 'Ugly'.
They don't give a toss what each other looks like, apart from the 'pretty cloths', 'new cloths', 'funky novelty wear' etc.
What they do give a toss about is how each other interacts, and will view 'nature' with far more scrutiny than appearance.

By all accounts, that (fictional IMO) Dad had a brazen cheek to write such a letter to his child. It should be HIM taking lessons from HER.


Also, whether you tell them to their face or not, calling someone ugly or fat reveals an ugliness in your soul that not even the prettiest smile can erase.
This is pure psychological hijacking and IMO is also partly how non-judgmental children LEARN how to discriminate when older. They will regard 'fat' or 'ugly' people as 'WRONG'/'separate', and NOT ok to be! Same as with gay or 'of another skin tone'.
It's the growing up process that's to blame for the ditching of 'Not giving a toss if your fat, 'ugly', lesbian, gay, effeminate, macho' etc.
It teaches that you should not only give a toss, but feel guilty if you don't view them as 'special cases'.

IMO there's no 'darkness in your soul' for accepting others with honesty opposed to with lies. That's something we should KEEP, not abandon!

[Long Duck Dong]

I love this very inspirational video....lol...


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTJ7AzBIJoI

[Long Duck Dong]

and this is the other version.......


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V_aMTayDpxw

[DuckiesDarling]

Gear? I understand you have a daughter but how much contact do you actually have with children? It's a worldwide thing and the reason for such things existing like the schoolyard chant of "U G L Y you ain't got no alibi" so to most of us parents, this actually was a very sweet advice letter to a daughter.

[darkeyes]

Calling ugly is a learned thing,, children do it from the youngest of ages but most commonly once they begin school...,,, like calling another child thick, stupid, an idiot, a paki, scabby, a wanker, prick, slut, a 4 letter word beginning with c and other *normal" sexual epithets, and to names for the likes of us...shirt-lifter, rug-muncher, gay boy, cocksucker, dyke, poof, gay .. Lou got into trouble at school for clattering a 5yo who called her mum (don't ask me wich 1.. both prob) an ugly poxy dyke (and into trouble with us too lemme say):eek2:... u may not have heard it, Gear ... but trust me.. it happens and as with any unpleasant behaviour among kids...it is generally we adults who make sure it will keep on happening:(...

[Gearbox]

Gear? I understand you have a daughter but how much contact do you actually have with children? It's a worldwide thing and the reason for such things existing like the schoolyard chant of "U G L Y you ain't got no alibi" so to most of us parents, this actually was a very sweet advice letter to a daughter.
I have contact 4/7 every week with my own and have plenty of contact with others. I'm never in the schoolyard observing them, but to my knowledge that chant is an American 'thing' and not something I personally have heard here.
'Ugly' is an adult concept and as you prob know, children will mimic things that they don't really understand, especially if it has a catchy tune.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bqn7vXeVCLE

[DuckiesDarling]

Gear, whether it is learned from adults or not.. kids are using it.

http://askville.amazon.com/calling-child-home-ugly-read-details/AnswerViewer.do?requestId=3829061




In a nutshell: My daughter is 3.5. A girl who is 4 keeps telling my daughter that she is ugly. Last night is the first I have heard of this. She is leaving this daycare in a week to start preschool. I am looking for advice on what I can tell my daughter to do if this happens again. My daughter was clearly upset and is convinced she is ugly. I know she is my daughter, but trust me, she is beautiful. She was born in China and I think perhaps this child is saying she is ugly becuase she looks different. My husband said, "Tell her she's fat!" Yes, the other kid is fat, but I really don't think calling the other kid fat is the solution. What can my daughter say to this kid (or any other as I suppose this may come up again) to stop this from happening? Any suggestions?





That is the point of the father's (who I would assume is an adult) letter to his daugher about not falling into the trap. It's not just American, you have seen the posts, the tweets, the fb messages from all around the world about bullies. Starting with a simple concept of looks and moving on to sexuality. We gotta start somewhere.

[tenni]

“......basically, that the more equal men and women became, the less emphasis men placed on youth and beauty, and the less emphasis women put on wealth and power.

These findings were borne out by the 37-culture survey as well; although it showed a definite gender difference in mate-seeking preferences, it also showed that these gender-based differences narrowed in countries with more equality.

Further, it found that the top few most desired traits were shared by both men and women: most people first look for intelligence, kindness and sense of humor, even before men mention beauty or women mention wealth and status.”
Read more: http://healthland.time.com/2012/09/07/when-men-stop-seeking-beauty-and-women-care-less-about-wealth/#ixzz2YvIdMWNE

This study dealt with adults and not young children. Name calling is something that goes on. How to deal with it is complex and platitudes do little to prevent it.

[darkeyes]

This study dealt with adults and not young children. Name calling is something that goes on. How to deal with it is complex and platitudes do little to prevent it.
Name calling goes on ok... and when kids we begin with mimicry.. time passes..and we learn what the names mean.. and they are used as hurtful insulting descriptors..... and our kids pick them up and begin with mimicry... time passes.. they learn...

[DuckiesDarling]

Thanks, Fran, perhaps Gear will believe you since you work with kids that this does happen. What did you think of the letter? I think it was a very good start on giving his daughter advice on lessons he wished he had learned.

[darkeyes]

I work with older kids...kids who use nastier words than ugly and kno zactly wot they mean... worked a little with primary age kids while training, but not much and am helping bring up 1 one and helped raise another since she was 7......so also kno summat 'bout younger to kno how much we affect how they act, think and speak and how they mimic....and learn..

Wot do I think of his letter?... is actually something he shud b talking to his child 'bout every day of her life.. how to be nice, how to be herself.. how not to be a shit.. to treat others as human beings.. preparing her (or him) for the big wide world and how to get on with peeps... nothing wrong with the letter.. 'cept I doubt his daughter will take too much notice of it.. not without other things going on in their relationship and the daughter's relationship with the world and her peers:)..

[Gearbox]

Gear, whether it is learned from adults or not.. kids are using it.

http://askville.amazon.com/calling-child-home-ugly-read-details/AnswerViewer.do?requestId=3829061



That is the point of the father's (who I would assume is an adult) letter to his daugher about not falling into the trap. It's not just American, you have seen the posts, the tweets, the fb messages from all around the world about bullies. Starting with a simple concept of looks and moving on to sexuality. We gotta start somewhere.
Yesterday my lovely little girl said to me, "Dad, I'm not being horrible, but those sunglasses make you look UGLY!".:yikes2:
I swear she has NEVER used that word before, and only days after me bragging her and her friends up.......she comes out with it. (kids love to make you a liar don't they?lol).
She says that other children use it too, and of course a lecture broke out about that.;)

[DuckiesDarling]

Well, I'm glad you had the opportunity to talk to your daughter much as the father in the letter wrote it now for his baby to read in the future.

[elian]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D4zWBHFCmXM ?

We often ignore the great beauty that is in all of creation. Something does not have to be "perfect" to be beautiful.

.. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Zbn7Khv8zM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pOfhbLn8fw8 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Zbn7Khv8zM)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rZH5PdSK0rk