Does your spouse know?

[Visexual]

And if so, does he/she approve, disapprove, encourage, or just ignore?

When my wife first found out, through an erotic story site that we were posting on, she thought it was hot. But she's always been one to enjoy a fantasy without feeling the need to make it a reality.

She does know about one bisexual friend I have known, only via email but for years, and has even suggested I go visit him. She has said that she doesn't think we'd have the guts to do anything though. Yea, right! LOL!

She's a really wonderful wife but, and I almost hate to say this about her, a bit of a prudish lover. OK, in her defense, she did join me in swinging at times.

I have to wonder what she'd think, and say, if she knew that I had addressed my bisexuality in reality? And I envy those of you who have spouses who join you here.

[bi42guy1958]

A little bit of advice, but yet a little erotica as well. Im now 55 years old, been married 5 times. All but one wife knew I was bisexual and some agreed to accept it, but others were fascinated by it, and even watched, joined or participated to some extent. It was some really hot times as I enjoyed giving oral to a guy, especially with a female watching. But as it turned out, it wasn't as hot for them as they thought it was. So tread lightly my friend.

[bisocialnudist]

I came out for the second time, (first time was before we got married but I was so deep in the closet she forgot :() to my wife in 2007 and it has been a fabulous journey since. Married 32 years I see a wonderful future together. My wife has seen and benefited from the happiness I have found from living my life out and authentically as the bisexual I was born as . I believe that if I have a wife that lets me be bi than she deserves a husband that moves mountains an parts seas to make each and every day the best it can be so I do. The nuts and bolts of my celebration of my gay side is kept separate from our day to day life and is pretty tame nude trips to gay clothing optional resorts etc, sort of gay lite. Not having to hide who I am and chances to let my gay side out to play has been amazing for me and well worth making some compromises.

It sounds like your wife might also be accepting but one thing Ive learned is its almost impossible to predict how our Mixed Orientation Marriages will unfold and we cant un come out if it goes badly. I count my blessings as a lot of wives would not have been so accepting.

[justcurious4me]

Well... She does know I'm curious... And where as she was once approving and supportive and did encourage it (she made me promise to wait until I got back from overseas); now she has become more the just ignore it type... I had kept my promise with her about it... I waited and when I got back to the US, well I followed up on my end and she had pretty much welched out on it... The first time I started searching and I asked her about someone that I had started communicating with, she had a cow!!! That's when I had pretty much shelved everything... I had gotten in touch with a very nice and friendly couple about 20 miles from home and went to discuss meeting with them with my wife and she had a fit. Apparently she thought that I was wanting to get her involved in a swap or something when I was thinking that it would be more safer and I would have a better first experience to meet with a couple... Isn't it always fun to uncover those empty promises???? :(

[Susurrus1964]

I mentioned to her in sort of a roundabout way once that I was curious what it was like for her to suck a cock. She put it all together and stated that she is uninterested in sharing or being shared. Pretty much puts the kibosh on exploring my curiosity in any manner other than places like this.

She has to know about my curiosity, in any event. She's caught me masturbating to bi porn several times in the past...

[BareProf]

Yes. Four months into our marriage we were nude and masturbating, talking of sex. I asked, "How many cocks have you sucked?" She responded, "How many have YOU sucked?" I honestly said, "Four." Wife then said, "Why doesn't hat doesn't surprise me." That opened up my freely reacting when we would watch porn and bi porn together and I'd gasp at certain scenes, or moan as I held my hard on tightly, saying, "I'd love to be sucking his cock!" She knows I long to suck a guy as she watches and/or joins in. Fantasies drive sex. I did get her to try and love bi during our swinging years but that's another topic. Not long ago we were in bed masturbating, a favorite activity, and she asked me about the first time I sucked cock. I replied in detail but did not seem to arouse her any more than her vibrator was. ;-(~ While it's wonderful to have a sexually accepting wife, it would be so much hotter to have sex with a guy as she watched and joined. I've watched her. ;-)~

[fredtyg]

The wife knows and seems ok with it, although I'm not sure just how ok she is with it. She certainly never would have married me had she known at the time as she comes from a very religious anti- homo family. My first hints were given during sex. I'd usually would have had a few beers and would interject comments about having another guy with us. She pretty much blew those comments off as the ravings of a drunk.

In some ways they were drunken ravings as I really expected I'd live the straight and narrow life after I got married. But, a few beers and the right circumstances would often bring the queer in me out.

Fast forward about 20 years later. I'd been getting more bold in my "drunken" ravings, even to the point of making them when sober. She couldn't help but know then, but was in denial for the most part. After a while I think she came to realize I was queer for sure. Especially one day after she made a comment about the gay couple living across the street. She said something like, "I bet they're going back inside to have at it now. I bet you'd like to watch, huh?. I replied, "Watch? Hell, I'll join in!". She just glared at me.

So she knew and as time went on, while she seemed to accept it, we rarely brought it up. Sometimes she'd seem amused, other times disgusted about it depending on her mood.

About ten years ago after she'd been going through chemo for a blood cancer I was a bit frisky and started trying to fool around with her. It was the first time she told me she wasn't interested in sex anymore. I asked her if that was the case would she care if I had a boyfriend. She replied that if I wanted to go that route we might as well get divorced. That really pissed me off as I thought it rude she would expect me to satisfy myself by jacking off the rest of my life.

But she continued to adapt. When I started wearing her panties every now and then she went ahead and made me three similar pair for myself. I got the impression as long as she felt it was "our little secret" it was fine and often amusing for her.

She continues to seem more accepting of it. We rarely bring it up but she bought me some real queer looking undies for my birthday this year without me even suggesting it.

As far as having a boyfriend, I'm not sure but I'm thinking she may have changed her mind on that, too.

A few years ago we switched to satellite TV. The guy who installed it was one of those rare certifiable hotties for me. As he left he house I said out loud with the wife nearby, "Mmmm...mmm...mmmm. What a hottie!". She laughed, didn't seem bothered at all by the comment, as said, "Yes, he sure was nice".

When we had a problem with the TV next morning and I was scrambling to find the number for tech support, she says "Oh, you just want that guy to come back". I pointed out it was unlikely the same guy would come to fix the problem.

That got me to thinking. She's very gregarious and enjoyed it back when I had friends that stopped by the house. That rarely happens anymore. I've gotten the impression she wouldn't care if I was fooling around with some guy as long as she knew him, liked him and we weren't obvious about it- don't ask, don't tell, if you will. I'm thinking she realizes I'm not going to leave her over some guy so she might not really care if we were fooling around when she's not around.

I really don't know how to bring up the subject again, though, and am not sure I need to.

[Wizzee]

I guess I'm lucky. My wife and I have only been married for 6 years, but we are both in our sixties. This is my second marriage, but only her first. I kid her about having rescued her from the life of an old maid, or a spinster! She laughs and said I was the only one who'd have her, at her age, Then I said I got divorced in 1982 and managed to stay single for a quarter of a century before I got stupid again. We've been married for only 6 years, but we have known each other our whole life. We grew up 3 blocks away from each other, went to the same church, and she and my sister were both in Girl Scouts and my mom was the troop leader. In the six years of our marriage, we have not had a single argument, or even raised our voices. I was lucky enough to marry my best friend.

She also is aware of my curiosity of M2M sex, and has a very open mind about it. She once asked me to take her to a local "adult theater" because she was curious about what went on in there. Neither of us wore underwear, she wore a dress, and I wore loose-fitting shorts. When we entered the theater, I had her sit in the seat next to the aisle, and I sat next to her just, to keep anyone from sitting beside her til she decided whether to play or not. We sat there playing with each other, and noticed a young man watching from across the aisle. When I pointed him out to her very quietly, she said that we ought to really give him something to look at. So she unfastened my shorts and slid them down, then moved up onto my lap, and onto my dick. The young man moved across to the seat she had just gotten out of, and reached under her skirt. She tensed up, until I told her he was playing with ME, stroking my balls, and easing his finger up my ass. She said he was doing the same to her, and it felt pretty good. As I asked her if she wanted to let him join our play, we both noticed two other guys moving toward us. One sat on the other side of me, and the second sat in the row in front of us. They both reached under her dress, and one started fondling her boobs. That was three hands under her dress, and she was slowly reaching sensory overload. One had fingers in my ass, one had fingers in her ass, and the third was sliding fingers around my dick and up into her pussy. In a few minutes it was more than she could handle, and she got up and said she was going to the restroom. So there I sat with my shorts around my knees and a raging hard on. The fondling continued, one hand on my dick, one on my balls, and one with fingers up my ass. after a few minutes, the guy playing with my dick leaned over and engulfed me, all the way to my balls. About that time my wife returned and instead of getting mad, she just told us to continue. and sat in the row behind us to watch over the backs of the seats. I got a little nervous about it, because we had not discussed this in advance, but she was leaning forward and watching closely. Finally I said we had to go. By this time, one of the guys had dropped his pants, as well, and pulled my hand over onto his dick. When I started to get up, he asked if I had to leave, or would I let him fuck me in the ass. He was only about 6.5 inches by about 1.5 inches diameter. I could have probably taken that without too much pain for the first time, but I was not sure if my wife was really okay with this, so we got up, I pulled my pants back up, and we left.

Not much was said on the way home, but when we got home and poured a couple of stiff drinks, we started talking about it. She said she was really okay with my experimenting, and resolving my bi-curiosity. The only condition was, she was not going to be involved again, not even to watch. She said if video or pics were shot, she would like to see that, watching a dick in my mouth or slowly sliding up my ass, but no active participation for her. Also she wouldn't be comfortable with having it happen in our house, whether she was there or not. She trusts me not to do anything stupid, safe sex and condoms all the way, but she knows who I love and who I'll come home to. She doesn't feel our marriage is threatened at all, and sees no reason for me not to go ahead and play.

Now it is even more important to her for me to find a guy to play with, since she has cancer, and the chemo makes it uncomfortable for her to have sex, but she doesn't want me to go without. But only if it is with a guy, she draws the line at me having a girlfriend. One guy or more is okay, group scenes are okay, and even a three-way with a married couple, just no girl and me alone.

So that is why I'm here, looking for someone who is a gentle patient teacher, willing to help me explore the other side of sex. I'm not looking for a LTR, just pure raw sex for it's own sake. Anyone in Chattanooga, Tn looking for a challenge?

[twoforone16]

I told my current wife shortly after we started dating. She said she was OK with it as it was some thing she could not give me, at least not the real thing. We some swinging but she did not like seeing me with other women. However she is OK with MMF threesomes which we have done many times. She has also just watched me with other men, although she prefers join in.
On the other hand my X-wife would have NO part of the life style and told so and not to ever bring it up again
So everyone is different I am one the lucky people who has an understanding partner

[innaminka]

I informed my husband about 7 years into our marriage after certain revelations.
We remained together very happily until the last year for another 14, but "it" was always there. He never really came to terms with it - and I was an "active" bisexual, so we found that the DADT method worked best for us.
I assured him my bisexuality would never intrude in our home life - and except for once - it never did. Itravelled '000's of kms every year on business and probably 95% of my "encounters" were overseas.
My bi-ness expressed itself in a need for sex with women: generally my need for sex with men was catered for adequately by my husband (well, most of the time.....:oh: )
I was never one for multiple partners.
Our marriage did not end solely because of my bisexuality, although it undoubtedly had a significant effect. A widening of interests and just the amount of time we spent apart each year because of work (4-5 months annually) were also significant contributors.

[Visexual]

While it's wonderful to have a sexually accepting wife, it would be so much hotter to have sex with a guy as she watched and joined. I've watched her. ;-)~

I so agree! And I have to wonder if my wife ever thought about watching me suck a cock? I've watched her suck a few, other than mine, and it was hot as hell. But, unlike you my friend, I don't have the guts to admit that I've indulged already. She does know I'm interested though.

[Visexual]

I really don't know how to bring up the subject again, though, and am not sure I need to.

I feel the same way! I sometimes think that she'd have to know. She's certainly no dummy but she does have a way of not seeing things she doesn't want to see. But, come on, five men that I stumbled into online or out and about that I became casual friends with a met a few times each? She has to be suspicious. I just wish I could talk about it with her.

[friesbaconnekkid]

I was only married once, and we had an open marriage. I enjoyed the fact she was getting lots of cock, and I got to play along. It's nice when your wife makes you swallow your, and others, semen. My X was like that, and I was always required to lick her clean after other guys fucked her. That was probably the best part of our relationship. I also liked sucking them hard for her. Some of them were put off of having me suck them, but she would tell them if I didn't suck on their cock, they couldn't fuck her. So, I got to be a pretty good fluffer! It was a bit humiliating for me, when I had to suck any long times friends who didn't know I did such things. I did notice they didn't seem to mind asking me for blow jobs after that, though. A couple of them told other friends, and I am sure they meant to embarrass me. As it worked out, I found out more of my friends also wanted me to suck them. I had two wives actually approach me one evening and thank me for sucking their husbands, as they didn't care to do it their self. One neighbor stopped by when she was going to be away for a month, and asked if I would suck her husband off a few times while she was away. I ended up sucking him 3-4 times each week. She thanked me when she got home, and gave me a good bottle of scotch. She said he must have been in heaven, as she only sucked him once or twice a month.

[fredtyg]

I am sure they meant to embarrass me. As it worked out, I found out more of my friends also wanted me to suck them.

That's pretty good. You must hang out in a great social circle.

Years ago I decided to be more about about being queer. One of the reasons was I'd hoped- as happened to you- that the more people that knew I was queer, the more would approach me for m2m stuff. Turned out, as I wrote here before, letting more people know I was queer seemed to chase people away. They didn't want to be seen with me lest someone think they were queer, too.

[dman82]

My wife knows and I have even sparked her courisity. I have been with men before I married. She has tried with another woman with me around but we never had another man together.

[sweet_hidden]

Yes she know. Yes she is good with it. She is Bi also.

[CurEUs_Male]

My wife is aware. I shared with her as I discovered my own attractions over the last 8 years or so.
She accepts it, but does not approve. She says she is open minded and bi/gay does not make a difference, but in our marriage has been a real problem for her to adjust to.

We tried swinging years ago, she was (as I only recently learned) only in it for saving our marriage, not enjoying herself. I on the other hand loved having the multiple partner aspect, and eventually became aware of my interest in other men from that venue.

She has encouraged me to explore more, and is actually frustrated that I have not done more, faster. Almost like she wants me to get it over with....

I want a friend, someone I can hang out with regularly, share other things... and add the m-m sexuality over time, and continue being friends.

a work in progress

[Ebonybifemme7]

Not married here. Single bisexual woman. Dont know if I could trust a husband or wife who is bisexual.

[CurEUs_Male]

That, Ebony, is one of the biggest issues with biphobia - that we are all cheating, lying perverts with no self control or ethics to be honest to our primary partners.

Yes, there are many cheaters out there, but there are many straight cheaters too - my wife did that and almost ruined out marriage through a few discoveries... and she is 'straight'. I have never lied to her about my interests, desires, and have been fully honest as I struggle through my own education and exploration... bisexual married does not mean dishonesty. Dishonesty exists or does not exist regardless of relationship status.

[Ebonybifemme7]

That, Ebony, is one of the biggest issues with biphobia - that we are all cheating, lying perverts with no self control or ethics to be honest to our primary partners.

Yes, there are many cheaters out there, but there are many straight cheaters too - my wife did that and almost ruined out marriage through a few discoveries... and she is 'straight'. I have never lied to her about my interests, desires, and have been fully honest as I struggle through my own education and exploration... bisexual married does not mean dishonesty. Dishonesty exists or does not exist regardless of relationship status.

I agree with you that ANYONE can cheat. However, as a bisexual female, I kinda understand why people (straight and gay) cannot get with the whole bi thing, and why people 'just aren't about that bisexual life' cause most straight and gays do not know where bisexuals are coming from, and most people are not out about being bisexual. Males are wired differently than women, and have more sexual needs. I dont have the tools to meet those kinda sexual needs lol. Most men identify as straight, and its very hidden. I mean people's business is there business, but we have yet to see a large movement of bisexual people in this country. I agree with you that anyone can sleep around, and that bi's are more demonized. I just know in my personal experiences its RARE that I meet a man that is out about being bisexual. Rare. Its very very hidden. I have my experiences and they havent been very pleasant ones. Once again, not saying that men can't be that way, but I dont know if I could trust a man like that, and I'm talking a serious relationship. Now, if a bi man wants to be friends with me (meaning no sex), that's cool. But dont even get me started on bisexual women. They almost ALWAYS go back to there boyfriends or husbands. ALWAYS. They are the biggest heartbreakers on the planet, and this coming from a bi woman. I really do understand why a lot of lesbians dont fuck with bisexual women. Now, I'll be friends with a bi woman. Dont know if I could enter into something serious with one.

[2bi2Bboring]

Bi couple here, out to each other since day 1. Never looked back until we got here and realized how many members here were I the closet to their spouses. We hear the situations some of you describe and are so thankful we are in our situation and not what some of you describe. It's tragic, quite frankly, what we have learned since joining this site. We were sure there were more of us out there than there are. Turns out bi couples are much rarer than we expected. We have been together for 15+ years and are could not dream of being back in the closet to each other. We are more honest with each other than most, I guess. We hate secrets, especially toxic ones like cheating. Deception is often fatal to a relationship, it is stepping away from a commitment to persue a singularly selfish agenda. We decided at the beginning we loved each other enough to be 100% honest about ourselves, total acceptance or nothing. When you love someone truly you can tear away any pretense an be open with yourself and them. It's still a give and take proposition, but it's like peeling away the layers of an onion, eventually you get to the bare core. By the time that point is reached, you have a very deep bond to a person. As long as you accept that gift and offer the same in kind of yourself, the bond will remain. We cherish each other, truly. We give of ourselves to each other, sex is just one part of that equation. Being bi sexual is not a passport to a life of cheating, it is also not a license to cheat. We despise that kind of behavior, it sells both partners short. Honesty is the best policy in the end. I mean, I won't judge what others do to be honest with themselves. But if being honest with yourself comes at the price of being dishonest with your partner, then what have you really gained? In our eyes you have lost, you've lost your integrity. Honesty to your S/O is something that in creating deception you risk everything you have ever built with that person. You might as well set your house, your car, and everything you've ever worked for on fire and walk away. Divorce is far more destructive if it is because of deception, than because of honesty. Trust is hard to rebuild, it takes effort and true emotional contrition. And if you destroy the trust for sex you'll certainly never have that kind if sex again within the context if your relationship. My wife says, tell them! And I agree, a spouse has the right to make their own mind up. Tell them that you don't want to jeopardize the relationship, but you need to be honest. Make a pact that you'll be honest but no matter what you walk away together at the end of the conversation. It's a roll of the dice, actually being honest and baring yourself in such a vulnerable way. You are banking on your spouse being able to handle it, and they may not. But honesty is an approach from a position of respect not disrespect ( brownie points earned here). I'd rather have the honest criticism of one person than the adoration of millions under false pretenses.

[onewhocares]

You have a most amazing wife. Lucky to have her and appreciate all that she does for and with you.Belle
I guess I'm lucky. My wife and I have only been married for 6 years, but we are both in our sixties. This is my second marriage, but only her first. I kid her about having rescued her from the life of an old maid, or a spinster! She laughs and said I was the only one who'd have her, at her age, Then I said I got divorced in 1982 and managed to stay single for a quarter of a century before I got stupid again. We've been married for only 6 years, but we have known each other our whole life. We grew up 3 blocks away from each other, went to the same church, and she and my sister were both in Girl Scouts and my mom was the troop leader. In the six years of our marriage, we have not had a single argument, or even raised our voices. I was lucky enough to marry my best friend.

She also is aware of my curiosity of M2M sex, and has a very open mind about it. She once asked me to take her to a local "adult theater" because she was curious about what went on in there. Neither of us wore underwear, she wore a dress, and I wore loose-fitting shorts. When we entered the theater, I had her sit in the seat next to the aisle, and I sat next to her just, to keep anyone from sitting beside her til she decided whether to play or not. We sat there playing with each other, and noticed a young man watching from across the aisle. When I pointed him out to her very quietly, she said that we ought to really give him something to look at. So she unfastened my shorts and slid them down, then moved up onto my lap, and onto my dick. The young man moved across to the seat she had just gotten out of, and reached under her skirt. She tensed up, until I told her he was playing with ME, stroking my balls, and easing his finger up my ass. She said he was doing the same to her, and it felt pretty good. As I asked her if she wanted to let him join our play, we both noticed two other guys moving toward us. One sat on the other side of me, and the second sat in the row in front of us. They both reached under her dress, and one started fondling her boobs. That was three hands under her dress, and she was slowly reaching sensory overload. One had fingers in my ass, one had fingers in her ass, and the third was sliding fingers around my dick and up into her pussy. In a few minutes it was more than she could handle, and she got up and said she was going to the restroom. So there I sat with my shorts around my knees and a raging hard on. The fondling continued, one hand on my dick, one on my balls, and one with fingers up my ass. after a few minutes, the guy playing with my dick leaned over and engulfed me, all the way to my balls. About that time my wife returned and instead of getting mad, she just told us to continue. and sat in the row behind us to watch over the backs of the seats. I got a little nervous about it, because we had not discussed this in advance, but she was leaning forward and watching closely. Finally I said we had to go. By this time, one of the guys had dropped his pants, as well, and pulled my hand over onto his dick. When I started to get up, he asked if I had to leave, or would I let him fuck me in the ass. He was only about 6.5 inches by about 1.5 inches diameter. I could have probably taken that without too much pain for the first time, but I was not sure if my wife was really okay with this, so we got up, I pulled my pants back up, and we left.

Not much was said on the way home, but when we got home and poured a couple of stiff drinks, we started talking about it. She said she was really okay with my experimenting, and resolving my bi-curiosity. The only condition was, she was not going to be involved again, not even to watch. She said if video or pics were shot, she would like to see that, watching a dick in my mouth or slowly sliding up my ass, but no active participation for her. Also she wouldn't be comfortable with having it happen in our house, whether she was there or not. She trusts me not to do anything stupid, safe sex and condoms all the way, but she knows who I love and who I'll come home to. She doesn't feel our marriage is threatened at all, and sees no reason for me not to go ahead and play.

Now it is even more important to her for me to find a guy to play with, since she has cancer, and the chemo makes it uncomfortable for her to have sex, but she doesn't want me to go without. But only if it is with a guy, she draws the line at me having a girlfriend. One guy or more is okay, group scenes are okay, and even a three-way with a married couple, just no girl and me alone.

So that is why I'm here, looking for someone who is a gentle patient teacher, willing to help me explore the other side of sex. I'm not looking for a LTR, just pure raw sex for it's own sake. Anyone in Chattanooga, Tn looking for a challenge?

[ptabifun]

She does not know at all , but i have in a way told her in a joke to see her reaction.
NOT good so Ja i think i will give it More time and slowl drop a hint or Two again

[Visexual]

Lot's of great input folks!

As I mentioned, my wife has suggested that I go visit the one bisexual friend she's aware of but has also said that she didn't think he and I would have the guts to do anything.

Well, after starting this thread I opened that conversation again yesterday. When she repeated her doupt that he and I would actually have sex, I simply said, "I'm no chicken".

[mattsbutt]

Before I married her, I told her that I experimented with a friend when I was young. I didnt elaborate on the details but seemed to convince her that this is what many boys do and then go on to be str8. She seemed okay with it.Looking back, I think she just felt like I was as good as she was going to find and tolerated this flaw of mine. I elaborated more about it over the years. Especially, during sex...it seemed to get her off..but then i realize she was responding to my increased libido when we talked about me and some hot guy going at it. My cock swells up real nice and thick when i think about gay sex sometimes.

Then one day....she changed....she expressed disaproval and disgust. She even threw it in my face during a heated arguement. She even accused me of making it up to make her want to leave me. It got ugly and she made me feel really bad about myself. I dont know what man-hating talk show host convinced her that his is such a terrible thing. Anyway..we never talk about it anymore. I pretend to be str8 now around her.