Sex Site or Bisexual Site? Is there a difference?

[tenni]

Recently, a new member raised a point about sex sites. The member stated that bisexual.com is a sex site.

The banner refers to the site as a bisexual community site.

Is there a difference between a sex site and a bisexual community site in your opinion?

If so, what is the difference between a sex site and a bisexual site?

[Annika L]

Your question, m'dear, is very near to my heart.

You might recall that I went away a while back, because of a statement that Drew made about this being a hook-up site (the specifics are hazy now...I recall that someone asked where he could find a good bisexual hook-up site, and Drew asked "What's wrong with this one?"). I *wanted* a community site...had always assumed that this was supposed to be one...so to hear the site owner calling this a hook-up site, or implying that it was one was difficult...I have no need to be a member of a hook-up site, but I do want community. More and more since then, indications have seemed to me to show less community here and more hook-up and purely sex-related stuff. Fortunately, I've found a genuine community site elsewhere (and people there who know about this site seem to feel as I do about it...it is a joke of a community...raunchy, nasty, non-supportive. I don't mind the adult-level raunch at all...in fact the adult focus here is why I keep coming back to the people remaining who I do value here. I can say what I want without fearing that young ears are watching/listening (although lately, I've had some suspicions even about that).

To specifically answer your question though (since you so dislike people being and staying off-point *smile*):

There are lots of different kinds of communities. But a sex site is a sex site: sole focus on sex (although there can be quite a lot of variation in what kinds of sex are pandered to). What I didn't like about our recently departed friend's contributions are that they dominated this site and made it *appear* that our sole focus was sex...and hence that this is a sex site. As many problems as I can have with this site, it is not a sex site, precisely because there are those among us who wish it not to be...and willing to make posts of other natures.

So yeah, ok, this is a community site...but it's an evolving community whose nature seems to be departing from my needs. This is more and more becoming a community that facilitates hook-ups. And it is becoming a community that is focused on the nuts and bolts of sexual fetish. Questions like "how many inches have you taken?" have always been here and will always be here...and dammit, *should* occasionally arise. But when such questions become the primary focus...well, I'm not gonna hang around as much...it becomes too much like a sex site for my taste. I currently see myself always checking back...or if I have the time and energy making enough of my contributions to try to change the tide...but that's only because of a long history here and many friends I don't want to lose contact with.

[12voltyV2.0]

Annika---while some of those postings like "What is sucking cock like" or some such----are legit from either those who have been around awhile or from new ones---it is my bet that the vast majority of them come from what we call "trolls" who just do it to stir things up or be provocative.

I have always felt this site to be more of a "community" one as opposed to being purely one focused on "just sex" and for hook ups.

I do admit that I belong to a few of those sorts of sites as well but have always considered this to be my prime site dealing with "my bisexual side."

It is too bad, but just the way that life goes that many people from the past have left over time and that the nature of the site has changed---its not quite as friendly and welcoming as it once was.

We really did have a time---if anything of this sort---could be called a "community" this site surely was---we had some really great people here who did help one another out with the issues that come up in our lives because we are all different from the norm thanks to our sexuality.

I know that there were times--instead of coming to chat and maybe even do "cyber sex"--I had to either communicate with someone via chatting or actually calling them to talk them out of killing themselves--that happened at least a few times, sad to say--or maybe happy that at least on those times---the person didn't take their lives---even though sometime later, they did die.

No doubt, the nature of the site has surely changed over the years---but just like in our lives and the real world---"that is life" and the "way things are."

[Bisexual Explorer]

If bisexual.com is not a sex site, what else is it? The community is defined by those of us who are bisexual or who are interested in bisexuality. Members of the community have a variety of needs: emotional support, serious discussion of bisexual issues, meeting others, sharing pictures, etc. As far as I am concerned, bisexual.com does a pretty good job here. We should also keep in mind that we, the members, set the tone. If we want changes, it's up to us to make them happen.
Bisexual Explorer

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

I agree with what all of you have to say. I echo Annika's thoughts the most. I think this community Should be about other things than just sex. There are other things in life beside just sex, and if a person has to live for Just that, then their lives must be dull and boring to no end. Not all of us think with our happy parts all the damn time, some of us like using our brains, too..and thats the most powerful sex organ that we humans possess..:}
If all of us work together, we can bring this site back ta life, ya know..:}
Cat.

[12voltyV2.0]

I tell ya--if I had the cash to do so--I'd see if Drew would be interested in selling the site and if so----see if he could be enticed to sell it, and if he did then tweak things to make it more secure and stop the crap that allows people to apparently make an unlimited number of profiles on here. In a few more years I might be in a position to do so---hopefully we are around and when that time comes---I will at least consider doing that. I think if done right--this site could have a great deal of potential for those who are here and it could be a way that even if we don't change all that many minds when it comes to bisexuality, this site could help to at least serve to educate people in regards to the reality of bisexuality as people have come to incorporate this aspect of themselves into their lives and surely be a welcoming and supportive community for people to explore, attempt to understand and work through the issues that happen in their lives relating to their "bisexuality" no matter how it plays in individual lives.

[Annika L]

I agree with what all of you have to say. I echo Annika's thoughts the most. I think this community Should be about other things than just sex. There are other things in life beside just sex, and if a person has to live for Just that, then their lives must be dull and boring to no end. Not all of us think with our happy parts all the damn time, some of us like using our brains, too..and thats the most powerful sex organ that we humans possess..:}
If all of us work together, we can bring this site back ta life, ya know..:}
Cat.

Now KitKat, don't mistake or mischaracterize what I'm saying here. I don't have a grand design for what I think this site "Should" be. I just know how I feel about what it was, what it has been (quite) recently, what it is now, etc., and the direction it seems to be headed.

Volty (I'm sorry...I can't quite bring myself to call you Culty), don't get carried away into the Valley of the Trolls. Sure we know the personality involved, we know the troll MO, etc. ...but there were plenty of other posters responding to those threads, and doing more than just complaining about their existence. Sure many of those responses were planted by the same personality...but not all, and it's hard to be sure what portion of our membership dig "How many inches?" threads, as opposed to more thoughtful ones. I seem to recall a poll a while back on that topic, and the results (if I remember correctly) were a little surprising.

Hmmm, Explorer...there is an important difference between sex and sexuality, no? This site is certainly sexuality based...that alone does not make it a sex site any more than the Wikipedia page on Bisexuality is a sex site.

[Gearbox]

I've never thought of this site to be a sex site. More of a "WTF is wrong with my bf/husband?", "Am I the only one?", and "How do I deal...?", site.:bowdown:

[fredtyg]

I'd suggest this site is, or should be, about all things bisexual. That will include both the sexual, emotional and other aspects of bisexuality. Unfortunately, it seems the some of the individual aspects may not be of interest to some members, while being of interest to others.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

I agree again, but ya know, even Porn can be classy. Some of the crap thats been posted lately has about as much class as a school on Sunday. If things were posted with some kind of modicum of class and taste, it would be ok, but vulgar and nasty is just right over the top. I'm not a prude by any means, but some things are just tasteless..even for me..lol.
I've moderated groups over the years, and have been a Co-owner for 5, and I know that now and then a Mod or Owner needs to step in and put up a few boundries. A small reminder of, "Hey Dude, that aint cool, let's tone it back a little bit"
Its not asking much, its just a request. Then if they dont comply, or keep on being an asshat, then they get kicked to the curb. :}
Just my humble 2 cents..
Yer Cat

[Newly_Bi]

As a newish member to this site, I can't really speak for how it used to be. Personally, I have found this community to be very supportive, understanding, helpful, and informative. I have had discussions with people about a wide range of topics rating from G-R. As with any public forum, there will be those who are tasteless and/or "abuse the system", I find it best to just scroll past their posts/comments. There are those that are over the line and should be moderated. I'm no saint, I'm pretty sure some of my posts might fall under the category of tasteless or over the line (rate my ass in yoga pants and a thong), however, that was a legitimate curiosity and I think we should find the line between posting something sexual out of curiosity/lack of knowledge/wanting people's opinions/etc. and just being over the top, gross, tasteless, etc. (most of the things top fucker was posting). Bashing on someone for their ideas and opinions in something that I feel should not happen on here.

I personally like seeing posts every now and then like "how many inches have you taken" or "how many inches are you" because it gives me a sense of where I stand within the population. And it shows me what other peoples opinions/preferences/etc. are.

[Hypersexual11]

One of the missions of this site, is to get you to go to Drew's pay bi site Three Pillows. If you are looking for a community of bisexual people, this site is hit and miss. I think a lot of us like it here because of that. I got pretty bored with the vanilla huggy methods in some of the heavily moderated sites. This site has way more edge. With that, you get a lot of stupid posts. I've put plenty useless posts out myself, just because I like to. fuck it. Sometimes I want to know how many inches you guys and gals are taking. Shallow? yep.
Fortunately when someone starts getting under my skin, I just add them to the ignore list. They have a forum to spew their trash and we have the opportunity to not read and see it.

This is a sex site. Dealing with bisexual sex it makes it really really dirty. Because yes, we love sex and what we love...well, it ain't our grandmothers sex.

[CurEUs_Male]

I fall onto the community view. I do enjoy porn, I enjoy some of the sexual banter, I enjoy the pics posted from time to time... but I long to find community for myself, and also my wife as she tries to deal with this attraction. We have found some support groups, but what is sorely missing is a community where it is OK to be bi, open about it, and be able to discuss things without considering it a sex site. So many times I have heard that it is a sex obsession. It can be, but it doesn't have to be.

I'll stick around to see what comes of this site, and hopefully be able to draw out more openly bi discussions as time goes on.

Al

[tenni]

When I first came to this site in 2006, I came to see about making a connection. My first initial purpose was as a sex site like so many other sites. I read the forum but only made 8 posts over the next three years. When I had to get new profile, I began to pay more attention to the forum but I don’t know why. I think that there may have been a thread that interested me. As I have written previously, the site seemed very cliquey but my interest in a more intellectual approach to bisexuality became more important than hook up site.


I find it interesting to read some of the newer members’ posts. In particular Hypersexual11 and TMedoza’s view. Their view is based on the past year or shorter. I looked at the blog entries and they almost all seem to be an attempt to make a sexual connection now. Blogs were originally meant for the thoughts of the members with an on going approach of posts. I recall the discussion on why blogs should be added to the site and I don’t think that it was to give people another spot to try to make a hook up. I think that there is a need for some moderation and clarification as to the purpose of the blog. Drew seems reluctant and has permitted it to become mostly another hook up option spot instead of reminding people what the blogs are for.


TMedoza speaks about what is really harrassment. She needs to learn that there is a block feature. I know that women get this showing dicks all the time based on other women’s comments. Even when the put that they are not looking for sex etc. as one previous poster did. I wonder if a woman should create a group for women only and admittance is restricted to women only would help? Groups can have membership restricted by any parameter as I understand.


Hypersexuall I was intrigued that you refered to bisexual sex as really really dirty? For me bisexual sex is with men or women or both. None of that is dirty as if unclean. I prefer to see bisexuality seen in a more postive manner.

Other than that, thanks for replying so far on this thread. It has been enlightening and reflective. I look forward to any further comments.

[jem_is_bi]

I tell ya--if I had the cash to do so--I'd see if Drew would be interested in selling the site and if so----see if he could be enticed to sell it, and if he did then tweak things to make it more secure and stop the crap that allows people to apparently make an unlimited number of profiles on here. In a few more years I might be in a position to do so---hopefully we are around and when that time comes---I will at least consider doing that. I think if done right--this site could have a great deal of potential for those who are here and it could be a way that even if we don't change all that many minds when it comes to bisexuality, this site could help to at least serve to educate people in regards to the reality of bisexuality as people have come to incorporate this aspect of themselves into their lives and surely be a welcoming and supportive community for people to explore, attempt to understand and work through the issues that happen in their lives relating to their "bisexuality" no matter how it plays in individual lives.

I don't think I would like the site so much without a little spice and chaos. I think Drew keeps the direction of the site within limits that most members like and not just tolerate.

[jem_is_bi]

I've never thought of this site to be a sex site. More of a "WTF is wrong with my bf/husband?", "Am I the only one?", and "How do I deal...?", site.:bowdown:

I agree, I like this site a lot. But, I found my present partner on a pay-site 10 years ago, looking for NSA sex. The NSA part did not work out.

[Annika L]

That's funny...I *thought* it was you. Thanks for the confirmation.

[Bigerman]

Well, dear friends. Bisexual.com - The name of the site is the topic - If people want to discuss - good - If people want to discuss in bed together - even better!

"Is there a difference between a sex site and a bisexual community site in your opinion?"

The fascinating about Bisexual.com is that you can discuss about the social aspects of your live and you can hook up if you find someone you like.

So in my view it is something in between.


I love Bisexual.com. If it wasn´t so I would choose a German Site.

Have great fun everyone

[Michael623]

I first came to this site in December of 2004. At that time you signed in with whatever name was available, there wasn't any profiles, etc. And it was wild and crazy and pretty much a hook up site. Drew has let us (you) make it what you wanted. The masses have prevailed here.

[Annika L]

Well, dear friends. Bisexual.com[COLOR=#000000] - The name of the site is the topic....

I find it interesting that you see that name as a 3-letter word. I see more letters and a word with a different meaning.

Do you also interpret "Who remains after women have risen to a position of equality in society?" as "Whore"?

(just a quick vision test *smile*)