Got my first taste of bigotry for being bi

[Newly_Bi]

On one of the military pages I am a member of, I made a comment on a picture that some people liked and some people that didn't. The ones that didn't, didn't have a valid argument so they decided to attack me by giving me shit for being openly bi i.e.. calling me confused, a tranny, etc.

Sadly, instead of getting mad, I got a chuckle out of it. It is funny to see how sad, pathetic, and petty some people are that will resort to making fun of someones sexuality because they have nothing else to say. lol


Any of you have any stories of bigotry you'd like to share?

[void()]

Not really faced any directly. Yet impose upon myself what seems ostracism.
Would rather not face such bigotry directly. Why risk loss of control over myself
because someone else is stupid? I can control my response/s, not theirs. And
steering clear of what I see as a bad trigger is a choice in response.

[Newly_Bi]

lol I feel as long as you can control your emotions, it's pretty funny to watch all of these people just spread their hate by attacking you with such trivial things. I just sat back and laughed at their ignorant comments and moved on, no hurt feelings, no getting butthurt (no pun intended), or anything. Just some amusement at the expense of their stupidity and ignorance

[12voltyV2.0]

The internet does seem to have made people feel free--at least on 'the net' to say some nasty things that they probably would not have the guts to do to your face---and that is the way it is for all sorts of things from politics, to what sort of music you like to --well pretty much name it and you will find someone who will "give you shit" for it---no surprise that they do it for sexual matters as well….

We surely live in a less civil age.

[still_shy]

Ahhhh bigotry....i have one. It's been a couple of years but it still smarts. My best friend from high school is extremely homophobic. I came out to her and three other close friends....only one of the four really talks to me anymore. The other three are obviously uncomfortable and things haven't been the same since. I grew up in a close knit farming community and bigotry is embraced, accepted and encouraged. It was a bit tough to take. Since we moved here, i really haven't met any friends so when the time comes, we'll see what happens.

[Newly_Bi]

Lol they ran out of shit to attack me with, so now they're using my time in the service.

[still_shy]

Now that i think about it, pretty much everyone I've told about being bi has reacted negatively. The men think it's hot, the women feel threatened. I've learned the hard way to keep my mouth shut around people i encounter in my every day life. That's sad.

[Newly_Bi]

Eh, I am open about it. If people can't accept it then I don't need to waste my time with them.

[Newly_Bi]

And I only have a few friends and I've been through hell and back with all of them so when I came out, I had a lot of support. Even from the friends that are homophobic.

[Long Duck Dong]

I have dealt with bigots and bigotry over the years.... except for the fact that I generally tend to brush a lot of it off as things other than bigotry......

my role as a bouncer at a LGBT bar meant that I just dealt with bigotry as part of the job because abuse is not unusual for bouncers.... and working with LGBT people and others, the offensive and nasty remarks were just one of those things.......

honestly the most personal attacks directed at me, my partner and other aspects of my life, have come in this site from a few people and thats saying a lot about society if society has been more accepting and or tolerant of me than some people in a community site.... but thats life and the ironic thing is some of the people doing the attacks are also people that post about how society is not accepting and tolerant of us and how we should be more supportive of the bisexual community....

the key to dealing with bigotry, is do not become a victim because somebody has a issue....... if your friends turn against you, then yes cry, hurt feel back stabbed but do not let it stop you living your life because if you do, its not a case of the other person wins but a case of you can end up living your life being a victim to any bully and bigot that crosses your path.......

I fully expect to continue to be called a bigot and biphobic etc..... but my actions speak for me.... I continue to work with and support people that need help with their sexuality and issues.... I tend to do it more outside of the site now because for me its easier to help people with their issues and help their friends and family with learning to embrace the new aspect of their friends, family and partners than it is to help them in the site....... its easier for me to work with the LGBT groups and the LGBT supportive and friendly groups in my community.....and its easier for people to see how I deal with people that are bullies, bigots and trolls in real life, away from the safety and anonymous privacy of their computers....

I love the site, I love the people..... but its not really a great place for helping people as it becomes too easy for people to lose the emotional empathy of what people can be dealing with... and that is a big part of helping people tho its harder to help people face to face because you deal with a lot more than a post on a forum.....

[void()]

I love the site, I love the people..... but its not really a great place for helping people as it becomes too easy for people to lose the emotional empathy of what people can be dealing with... and that is a big part of helping people tho its harder to help people face to face because you deal with a lot more than a post on a forum.....

Can agree with it being wholly different in life than on the web. Used to work with some top flight
professionals. Nothing phased these people. Used to help them and that professionalism became
instilled in me.

That aside and knowing current mentality of myself, do not think professionalism or its discipline
is something of my capacity. So, I choose to not open up too much with people away from the
web. Sure, I see the good in all walks, see the bad as well.

The bad I do not fear. Maybe I fear what I know lies inside, a worse bad than their bad if
pushed. Their stupid & bigotry would be a rather big push on me, too.

Used to also take physical beatings from a rough long haul trucker. That ... well, it teaches
a person to not be a victim. Elian and I often joke of the irony in love being taught from
hate.

Hopefully, the rest of world can learn to love. They sure got heaping loads of teaching
material nowadays. Will not hold my breath, history keeps on repeating.

Wow! I write fairly clear and lucidly at times, huh? ;) Guess, I'll return back to our
regular loony me, now. Or not ... :)

[tenni]

Hi
I'm sorry that you have experienced biphobia from these military guys(I assume). I know that you said that you chuckled but I assume that this was a web site and not in person? Did you just ignore their comments or respond to their biphobic comments (i.e. you are confused?)

I personally do not go around announcing my sexuality but I do confront bigotry when I experience it. I've experienced questionable comments from a heterosexual man on an arts board. That is extremely rare in my arts community both local and national. Many gay people are in the arts community. I found a gay man making bi erasure behaviour on an HIV documentary project. The gay man did not respond to my email and may have thought that I was being HIV phobic. I pointed out and asked questions about his project in private email rather than at he committee level(had to do with no visible bisexuals with HIV being in visible in the legal system and HIV project). In the end, the language was changed to be more neutral and not just gay and sex trade worker specific. The selection was inclusive as far as heterosexual, gay, born with HIV but still no bisexual reference. The documentary was well done but yes the bisexual aspect was missing. It was ok though because decision had been made before I could address them. The actual people in the documentary had been selected. The larger message was there and the promo language seemed more appropriate and non sexuality based.

As far as this site is concerned, I do have to wonder about some of the posters. Some seem troll like in bisexual attack mode while other troll like behaviour seems less overt. However most posters do empathize with other bisexuals when they read reports like your own. A few like me may be curious as to how you dealt with the behaviour more than you have written.

In my opinion, dealing directly with any biphoic issues are more important than sticking a label on your CV, non bisexual web sites etc. You can address the biphobia without saying that you are a bisexual. Your choice was your choice though. Even though you were able to see humour doesn't mean that if this form of bullying and biphobia will not hurt. Good fortune to you in dealing with these biphobic attacks.

Dear Void There is one hour for editing permitted with each post. I tend to use a good deal of that time consistently editing and re editing my thoughts. I have just read your post under this one now. I have still not read your post above this post.

[void()]

As far as this site is concerned, I do have to wonder about some of the posters. Some seem troll like. One or two seem to be deceitful and near professional martyr victims status.

Please do elaborate further. No point you should feign civility.

What I have expressed is knowledge that in addressing bigotry, I would become too angered.
That is me taking responsibility. I know bigotry face to face would anger me. I choose being
responsible over being stupid.

[Newly_Bi]

Hi
I'm sorry that you have experienced biphobia from these military guys(I assume). I know that you said that you chuckled but I assume that this was a web site and not in person? Did you just ignore their comments or respond to their biphobic comments (i.e. you are confused?)

I personally do not go around announcing my sexuality but I do confront bigotry when I experience it.

It was on a Facebook page. I didn't announce it, some of the people that didn't like what I posted went onto my profile to find ammunition to use against me and saw that it said I was interested in men and women.

And my reply was something along the lines of "you have nothing use to argue with me so you attack my sexuality? good job"

The funniest one for me was when one person said I like to wear heels and go to tranny clubs. so much ignorance and stupidity that you can't help but laugh

[Newly_Bi]

I came to the states from the middle east 7 months before 9/11. So I grew up with a lot of hatred/racism/etc. towards me and the worst of it was in the Marine Corps. If I hadn't learned to find the humor in it and let it brush off my shoulders, I wouldn't be at the point in my life that I am today. And when I find people that are biphobic, I ask them why they are and proceed to tell them why they are stupid by pointing out the fact that I'm bi and don't fit their stereotype.

[Newly_Bi]

Words can only hurt someone if they allow it to. Why give that much power to empty words? That's what I live by.


For example, in the military community, only the old timers respect me, I only served 13 months and didn't deploy. When the younger ones in the community see me, they assume I was a shit bag and I tell war stories and stuff like that which is not close to being true. I am CONSTANTLY being ridiculed and they keep trying to bring me down for not having gone to war and saying I didn't do anything to serve my country and I don't rate to even call myself a Marine etc.etc.etc.

I even keep seeing my pictures posted on the internet with captions making fun of me, by why let it get to me you know? I've got bigger and and better things to do than to deal with childish/arrogant/close minded people.

[tenni]

Newly Bi
What you describe does sound like cyber bullying. I wonder if it also sophomoric and juvenile as in teenage boys referring to another boy who is not adhering to expected behaviour as a fag? Fag meaning you are not like me and I will try to bug you.

I do think that words have power though. The fact is that you saw this as bigotry and biphobia and felt sufficiently aroused to share it with us. You are wondering about other people's experience with biphobia. Good if you can man up to let it roll off your back. I guess that you are no longer in the military and there is no legal process to deal with their cyber bullying?

[Newly_Bi]

Fag is the go to word for anyone who they think is not straight or doesn't agree with them. Hell my best friend since 7th grade who is a Marine now has been calling me a fag for years and I became bi a few months ago (i.e. hey fag, sup fag, peace fag, etc.). He's the homophobic one that accepts me being bi.

I just thought I'd share it because I thought it was interesting as it was MY first taste of it for my sexuality. If I wanted to, I could report them to their command and they would be punished (especially now with the DADT gone and LGBT becoming more prominent in the military), but I don't get petty and stoop to their level like that. So I'm just ignoring it now. That's the beauty of the internet, you can just choose not to go look at it thus destroying their ability to say shit to you.

[Long Duck Dong]

Can agree with it being wholly different in life than on the web. Used to work with some top flight
professionals. Nothing phased these people. Used to help them and that professionalism became
instilled in me.

That aside and knowing current mentality of myself, do not think professionalism or its discipline
is something of my capacity. So, I choose to not open up too much with people away from the
web. Sure, I see the good in all walks, see the bad as well.

The bad I do not fear. Maybe I fear what I know lies inside, a worse bad than their bad if
pushed. Their stupid & bigotry would be a rather big push on me, too.

Used to also take physical beatings from a rough long haul trucker. That ... well, it teaches
a person to not be a victim. Elian and I often joke of the irony in love being taught from
hate.

Hopefully, the rest of world can learn to love. They sure got heaping loads of teaching
material nowadays. Will not hold my breath, history keeps on repeating.

Wow! I write fairly clear and lucidly at times, huh? ;) Guess, I'll return back to our
regular loony me, now. Or not ... :)

I have dealt with the bullies and their fists, its not something that really causes a issue for me, but that has a lot to do with who I am and the fact that I can be just as quick with my fists as well

in a way part of the reason why bigotry doesn't affect me as much as other, is cos I am used to it..... bisexual, ex vet, ex crim, LGBT supportive, mentally ill.... even the * crime * of picking up a extreme homophobic out of the gutter because he was beaten down by other people because of who he was, not what he has said to people that night, made me a target for some people because I showed compromise for another human being instead of kicking them while they were down

my reaction to a lot of people is to say * just get over their issues*, most of the time their issues are made up of ignorance, misunderstanding, the need to seperate themselves as far from the other person as possible ( commonly reducing the person to a aspect like a sexual identity or a mental state of mind ).... and I am the same in some ways tho I do not see people in terms of a aspect like heterosexual, monosexual, gay, lesbian... I see people that are heterosexual, gay, les, trans and still people..... but that has a lot to do with the fact I spent years trying to be human myself and questioning why I did not feel what others did ( dysthimia and anhedonia, nasty mix )

as I have sometimes said... nobody can hurt me the way I have hurt myself over the years... and learning to accept the reality of who I am, has been harder for me than for the people around me because somethings can only be accepted by ourselves, within ourselves as they are not external and internal like my ex vet, criminal, bisexual aspects which for me, has been easier to embrace

I am not sure if having a mental illness makes it easier or harder to deal with bigotry, to be honest.....

[Newly_Bi]

:D I would like to update you on what happened with the cyber bullying. This one had nothing to do with me being bi but still it made my night. So one of the guys that was talking shit to me online, was a guy from my old unit. He was spreading lies about me on the page (he did the same when I was in the unit as well), started messaging my wife harassing her, calling her a whore, and we were going to let this go, but he just went too far this time. He contacted my wife's work to slander her and the page he used is run by my wife so we intercepted it. My wife and I decided this was too far and contacted the Regimental Family Readiness Officer (liaison for the wives). She is in a very high echelon position since she talks directly to the regimental command which is comprised of high ranking officers. I can be pretty sure that he won't be bothering us anymore as hell will be reined down upon him. :D

tenni, you were asking me how I deal with it? Well when it's petty enough that I can ignore it, I just let it go. But if someone goes too far, I WILL take action to make sure it doesn't happen again. In this case, this was really the only action we could take so we did.

[void()]

Words can only hurt someone if they allow it to. Why give that much power to empty words? That's what I live by.


For example, in the military community, only the old timers respect me, I only served 13 months and didn't deploy. When the younger ones in the community see me, they assume I was a shit bag and I tell war stories and stuff like that which is not close to being true. I am CONSTANTLY being ridiculed and they keep trying to bring me down for not having gone to war and saying I didn't do anything to serve my country and I don't rate to even call myself a Marine etc.etc.etc.

I even keep seeing my pictures posted on the internet with captions making fun of me, by why let it get to me you know? I've got bigger and and better things to do than to deal with childish/arrogant/close minded people.

This is also in line with some of my thinking as well. I have a wife and boyfriend that love me. My father in law, a 40 yr chief warrant officer third class in the army loves me. Her grandfather, one of those old school sarges from the army loves me, thinks, no knows I am full on nuts. He saw me dancing naked down in the bottom during a first Winter snow one year, the same during first Spring rain.

Also tore off a bulldozer track, boogie wheel and went on to be welding, peen and getting it all squared one day for him. I had gotten started until he got awake and came up to the work. Then he and I spent most of the day after he ensured I had the boogie wheel in "perfect" shape, and the link in the track that had shred it beaten down, hammering, levering, cursing, sweating, bleeding to get this track onto the boogie. Yes we left the it open and brought it around. Still no less difficult than closing the linkage, snapping it onto boogies.

He asked me why I went on and got started. Told him it was there to be done, he said it needed done. He chuckled too and made comment I ought to not know how to fix track and boogies. Assured him "sir, I fixed one taking fire once." He shook his head and chuckled. Said there was no end to the crazy they had fellows do, recalled something he did in WWII, and it was as crazy if not a bit more so. We stood there chuckling a while after having wrangled it back together. Then, directly he went into his shed a bit. Returned and handed me a pony bottle of blue ribbon beer, had one himself. "That pay you good enough?" "yes sir, suits fine."

So, my thinking is why bother? Stopping to deal with idiots would only be trouble. I have more than enough, know myself, don't need any medals or words on poo paper. No need losing what I do have. Loving my folks is plenty enough to do, being loved plenty enough to humble. Gives a person good reason to keep on keeping on.

[void()]

Fag is the go to word for anyone who they think is not straight or doesn't agree with them. Hell my best friend since 7th grade who is a Marine now has been calling me a fag for years and I became bi a few months ago (i.e. hey fag, sup fag, peace fag, etc.). He's the homophobic one that accepts me being bi.

I just thought I'd share it because I thought it was interesting as it was MY first taste of it for my sexuality. If I wanted to, I could report them to their command and they would be punished (especially now with the DADT gone and LGBT becoming more prominent in the military), but I don't get petty and stoop to their level like that. So I'm just ignoring it now. That's the beauty of the internet, you can just choose not to go look at it thus destroying their ability to say shit to you.

LOL reminds me of a friend who upon learning I was bi decided to bullshit and call me his little bitch. Anyone who looked at us could have well figured out it would have been the other way around. No credit taken from him though. He helped me in moving a 4-500lb log up an enbankment. Of course his back got shot to hell afterward. Hm, nearly thirty years later and I begin feeling some that. *chuckles* I hate this crap of getting old.

[fredtyg]

It was on a Facebook page. I didn't announce it, some of the people that didn't like what I posted went onto my profile to find ammunition to use against me and saw that it said I was interested in men and women.


Probably a lot more people know I'm queer than I'm aware of. I've told a handful and others have found out one way or another.

A couple of years ago or so I took the big step of changing my Facebook profile "Interests" from leaving it blank to "Men and Women". I was a bit nervous about that as some of the wife's family are FB Friends and they're pretty anti- homo. I've had yet to have anyone say anything about it.

I have had one in- law, who I had considered one of my best friends, pretty much shut me off after finding out I was queer through a different venue. He won't even speak to me now unless he has to. That hurt, and still does.

[Realist]

It's been my experience that the ones making the most noise may have had gay, or bisexual tendancies of their own. I think they figure if they deny it vehemently enough and accuse others of the "evils" of sexual diversity, no one will suspect them of having the same leanings. I know of cases where that exact situation happened.

I spent 7 years in the military, back when you could be sent to Leavenworth for any kind of sexual deviant behavior. In Germany, I had a male lover for most of my two year tour over there. But luckily, we were never caught, or suspected of having an intimate connection. I think that also having a GF helped camouflage us. No one ever planned a covert meeting more carefully than we did, but I know of more than one occasion where fool hearty lovers were caught, beat up, or even killed by other soldiers! Maybe things are better, now, but I'd still think there'd be a few who could react verbally and maybe even violently, if they knew a fellow soldier was gay, or bi.

Sadly, I guess there will always be people who react that way.

[void()]

There's no use in being a professional complainer, and telling personal stories of bigotry does nothing to help you personally move on.

Nor does being an agitating prod, obviously.

[tenni]

In memory of BiDave, Drugstorecowboy, Top Fucker, etc.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Didnt you just do this thread a few months back??? And its like this: You cant please everyone, so dont try. Just please yourself, and go from there..:}
Cat

[fredtyg]

There's no use in being a professional complainer, and telling personal stories of bigotry does nothing to help you personally move on.
Meet our new troll!

[Newly_Bi]

Meet our new troll!
:thumbu::thumbu: He/she created the account 4 hours ago and has posted 30 times.... yup new troll

[Newly_Bi]

He hey would you look at that. Another person being an ignorant bigot.
one of the Facebook pages that I am a fan of is called "Only For Men". page mostly posts galleries of half naked chicks. While I was browsing through on such gallery (women's backsides), I came upon a picture that was a man. I decided to comment and point that out. The reply I got was pretty much someone just being an ass. Like I said earlier, words only have as much power as you give them, which is why I wasn't offended by his comment. Instead of tearing into him, feeling shitty about myself, etc., I decided to use some humor to deal with it.

http://www.themangazine.com/girls/beautiful-backsides-40-photos/#comment-1237809888

That is the link if you want to see the brief exchange.

Remember friends, don't give words so much power that someone can use them to hurt you. :)

[newlynymphos]

Now that i think about it, pretty much everyone I've told about being bi has reacted negatively. The men think it's hot, the women feel threatened. I've learned the hard way to keep my mouth shut around people i encounter in my every day life. That's sad.

You are very attractive, and that in itself can threaten other women. Add more openness to your sexuality, and well, they really get scared cause they are repressing themselves! Anyone with an open attitude towards sex receives some sort of negative attention, along with the positive. But yes, I only tell a select group about my sexuality, and have found out who my true friends are (my family doesn't even know!).

[pepperjack]

Seems to be no end to " pot-calling-the-kettle black ' hypocrites to me. Once hosted a guy through another site, who, upon arriving, admitted to me he indulges in ' gay bashing ' as camouflage, so no one will suspect. There you go! Feigned bigotry & hypocrisy, hand in hand. Needless to say, I sent him on his way.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

And you wonder why you got yer ass banned..lol Ahhh there's that word...closeted.
Cat

[snapman]

Yes this really makes me chuckel the way these closets types carry on...they really know we have hot sex on both sides of the bedroom !