Being Bi

[hotcodynsd]

I am just curious, how many women are out there that are open enough to have a truely bisexual boyfriend or husband? How many ladies is this unacceptable too? What do the guys think also?

[arana]

I think it's perfectly acceptable as long as there is communication and mutual respect for each others needs.

[littlerayofsunshine]

I am open and accepting and currently married to a bisexual.

[jedinudist]

I am just curious, how many women are out there that are open enough to have a truely bisexual boyfriend or husband? How many ladies is this unacceptable too? What do the guys think also?


My wife.

You may have heard of her...

The most wonderful woman in the world! Accepts me and taught me to accept myself.

[ScifiBiJen]

I have a Wonderful boyfriend who is "truly" bisexual. (Not sure why you have the emphasis on 'truly').

He's pretty amazing... you may have heard of him...

Jrzguy3, I love you!

:smirlove2 :flag1:

[12voltman59]

I think it's perfectly acceptable as long as there is communication and mutual respect for each others needs.

Well said Arana---

[Mimi]

yes, as long as he is monogamous, as that's what i require in any relationship.

mimi :flag1:

[membrain]

I'd rather be in a relationship a bisexual! Things could be so much easier sometimes.

[mistymockingbird]

Not exactly a relationship girl per se, but have no problem with partners that are bi, male or female. Like any relationship, honesty and communication is a must. And clear boundaries.

[Long Duck Dong]

I would never ask a bisexual partner to be monogamous, in my eyes, thats selfish

i would instead, leave them to decide if they wish to be monogamous and if thats possible for them to do, and I would match them every step of the way
( i am bisexual ), if they wished to be monogamous, then i would be too

my partners needs are equal to my own in the ways of respect, trust and love, and i know that as the relationship grows, we can fine tune the boundaries etc, to suit the relationship as it either grows or dies

being a wicca witch, i have always tried to mirror my life and relationships around my beliefs, and as nature is a massive part of my wicca beliefs, my life and relationships are ruled by the laws of nature

my partners are like wild and free animals, .. and i can * break * them and tame their wild spirit.... or I can earn their trust and love, but admire their wild spirit and let them run free and wild.... a caged and broken creature is no longer a master of their lives but a slave to my own desires

[UnclearOnItAll]

I think mine is a more common relationship... maybe not for this website, but in society generally. We are monogamous and the wife would have big time "issues" if I ever wanted to act on my bisexual feelings. I feel afraid to even let her know they exist.

Its a struggle to stay monogamous in my case, because I have little sexual outlet. Nonetheless, I also recognize that there are things in life more important than sex.

[Dagni]

Well, one of the reasons that i get divorced is that i discovered that i'm actually bisexual and note pure lesbian like i thought.
First, my ex wife didn't liked that fact, later she get really mad and all that confidence we had in each other disappeared when she started to sleep with other girls without my knowledge.
Since we shared all secrets for over 10 years, that was enough for me and we separete from each other.

And i really hope that i will find some real partner who will accept me completaly with all my fantasies, deepest wishes.

[deremarc]

I am the wife of a man who is possibly bi, but he is struggling with it. I have no problems with him being bisexual, I do have problems with the secrecy and lies that seem to dominate our relationship at present.

Honestly, I would not have purposely gone out and pursued a bisexual man. But, I have fallen completely in love with a man who is also bisexual.

If he were to come out to me, I think things would be much better. I think I accept the possiblity of him being bi more than he does.

I'm not quite sure I understand what "truly bisexual" is. I think you are or you arent'.

If truly bisexual means he has sex with others, that would be a definite hurdle for us...not due to the sex of the other person, but due to the fact that I am, by nature, monogamous.

If me accepting him and being great with it means that I embrace his sexuality (as well as my own, which happens to be straight), then I do. I love fantasy and role playing, and would be great with all of that. I would love for him to share his desires, fantasies, and anything else that matters to him.

I think a lot of times, it comes down to other issues....monogamy, trust, honesty....which are issues prevalent in relationships of all sexual orientations.

But, I would never "force" him to be monogamous....that is, along with everything else in his life, his choice...as it is my choice when it comes to the things I need, can live with or cannot live without.

But, my husband is more than "acceptable" to me...he is all I need from a relationship...heart, mind, body and soul. He is truly a great man...so, would I go back and make another choice?...no...(but, I will insist on honesty from now on...)

[Herbwoman39]

I'm going to be brutally honest. If it were hubby and not myself who was the bisexual, I don't know how I would feel or how I would deal with it. I would not want him to act on his feelings because:

A) I am insecure.
B) What if he were to leave me for someone because they do something better than I do?
C) Diseases-HIV, AIDS and even little ones like gonorrhea and syphilis.

If he were to actually be with another man, I would be devastated. It's infidelity and worse, a horrible breach of trust. If you don't have trust in a relationship you have nothing.

These are the same reasons I haven't acted on my bisexual feelings. I love him MORE than I want to fulfill physical desires. I know that he would feel the same if the roles were reversed because we've talked about it.

[anne27]

I am very happily married to a bisexual man and I am bi as well. I love him for who he is, regardless of his sexual orientation.

[saralee]

None of my current fellas is bi. All of my current relationships are open.

But if any of my fellas were bi, I would fall into the "fine by me" camp, with certain provisos (all of these provisos apply to my sweeties' female sweeties, too, so this is more "how I do poly. If this is off-topic, I apologise, and feel free to slap my wrist):

1) No lying. If an open relationship is to work at all, then we have to be able to be honest about who we're with and when.

2) No risky sex. But this goes for sex with women too.

3) If possible, if the relationship is ongoing, I want to meet the fellow. Again, that goes for women, too.

All of these "rules" apply in all my relationships, though, and they're pretty clearly established ahead of time.

[Azrael]

Having almost married a bi woman I can't see myself having it any other way, as long as we would communicate effectively, but that's just me. In our relationship it brought us a lot closer to be able to discuss what we found attractive about both genders.

[m1steriousjo]

[QUOTE=Long Duck Dong]I would never ask a bisexual partner to be monogamous, in my eyes, thats selfish

QUOTE]

OK what if you entered into a relationship not knowing the othe person was bi? if you enter into a relationship knowing that your partner is bi the fair enough.

[Reprob8]

I would never ask a bisexual partner to be monogamous, in my eyes, thats selfish



OK what if you entered into a relationship not knowing the othe person was bi? if you enter into a relationship knowing that your partner is bi the fair enough.

That discribes my situation, We have been married 20 years and my wife is very supportive. I do not know if I can stay faithfull, I never cheated with a woman but it is real tough as sex with a man is always on my mind. My wife is supportive but I can tell it will hurt her deeply if I slip up.

[Herbwoman39]

I admire those of you who are so secure in your relationships that you can *have* an open relationship. HOW do you do it??

I know...communication, etc. But how do you set aside the possesiveness and jealousy knowing full well what your partner is doing. Knowing that your partner is sharing the same sort of intimacy they share with you...with another person?

[Reprob8]

I admire those of you who are so secure in your relationships that you can *have* an open relationship. HOW do you do it??

I know...communication, etc. But how do you set aside the possesiveness and jealousy knowing full well what your partner is doing. Knowing that your partner is sharing the same sort of intimacy they share with you...with another person?

My wife has given me the ok but I can tell it will hurt her. I do not think she can set all of that aside.

[EludedSunshine]

I'm going to go out on a limb and say something that might be construed as closed-minded...

I don't think I could deal with a significant other who ISN'T bi.

...Or at least bi-curious. I've done it before. It just doesn't work out for me. We aren't able to fundamentally understand each others' feelings. I have never connected as deeply with my straight partners as with my bi ones. Sex isn't a terribly important part of my life, but the fluidity that comes with my particular experience of bisexuality is. Besides... to me, there are few things more enjoyable than seeing an attractive gal/guy walk by, knowing we're both about to share some devilish thought that just ran through our heads. :drool:

Maybe I'm weird, but experiencing an instinctual, shallow connection like that reminds me of the much deeper bond that I share with the person.



I admire those of you who are so secure in your relationships that you can *have* an open relationship. HOW do you do it??

I know...communication, etc. But how do you set aside the possesiveness and jealousy knowing full well what your partner is doing. Knowing that your partner is sharing the same sort of intimacy they share with you...with another person?
It was very, VERY difficult for me at first. Sometimes I still do have my bouts of insecurity. I have plenty of reasons NOT to feel secure--being cheated on and subsequently abandoned in two very serious (or so I thought) relationships, to name one. Being told in no uncertain terms that things I have no control over were making me inadequate (and were perfectly justified reasons for cheating/leaving) is another... Even now, I know I'm not guaranteed security. But if a person's desire to stray is that strong, it's going to happen, open or monogamous. This is turning into a different topic, so I'll get back on track...

How do I deal with jealousy? For starters, I do need the occasional reassurance that I'm not being replaced by the others. If I know I'm loved and needed, it helps a lot. But the most fundamental part of dealing with my jealousy is looking at myself:
Would I like it if he flipped out every time I flirt with someone? I know I wouldn't because I've lived that life already (hell, I was engaged to that life for two years). We weren't virgins when we met, so I don't feel like there's a special chastity to preserve.
Do I love the others as much as the guy who's practically my husband? Of course not. He's on a completely different level. It's not the same sort of connection at all.
Unfortunately, all I can do is hope that he's telling the truth when he says that he feels the same way. If he isn't, we're doomed anyway... just like we were doomed in the first paragraph.

Okay, I'm not good at this whole staying on track thing tonight. So basically, when it comes to jealousy... I know it's hard. Seemingly insurmountable at times. But if you think of your own feelings, it will probably do a world of good. Chances are, someone you've shared or plan to share your life with to that extent has very similar sentiments about you. We're not as different as we often feel...

[Sparks]

It's all about the "C" word. Communication. You can be str8, bi, gay, or something inbetween all of that. The best four letter word for sex, is talk. Yet, if all it's about is making the toes curl we can all do that by ourself. The joy of lovemaking is about sharing, regardless of gender. :2cents:

[Long Duck Dong]

[QUOTE=Long Duck Dong]I would never ask a bisexual partner to be monogamous, in my eyes, thats selfish

QUOTE]

OK what if you entered into a relationship not knowing the othe person was bi? if you enter into a relationship knowing that your partner is bi the fair enough.

you raise a good point... and so... i have to drag my sorry rear on to my cold computer chair, and stare blurry eyed at my screen until something resembling a intelligent thought drifts thru my head :tong:


i could ask a partner to respect my wants, needs and desires.... but would i be able to do the same for them... knowing that at the end of the night, i would be the one they wanted to live with and love and hold for life

if i was straight and in a relationship with somebody that revealed that they were bisexual 6 months later, it would be hard...and i would wanna try to understand the whys and hows of it... i would question them to death....mainly cos i wouldn't understand bisexuality and most of the bisexual stuff i see on tv and webstuffs points to them being bed jumpers....and I would seriously question the relationship.... and would i be sharing my partner with a different person every night... i would be confused and hurt and frightened.... I trusted my heart to this person and in the interests of honesty, they told me they were bisexual....but i wouldn't see that, i would see them playing with my heart and my love and telling me that they love me but they also wanna sleep around
I quess that if they had a single permenant partner outside of me... I would handle that better than if they said, * mmmm i will be sleeping with different partners from time to time *....if they told me that, I would think it was just about sex and wanting to sleep around
if i stayed in the relationship, I would ask them to have safe sex, for the benefit of their partner/s, themselves and myself
I quess over time, I may learn to accept their bisexuality and become more at ease with it but that depends on me and the partner being able to work at the relationship

now as a bisexual myself.... it would worry me about as much as winning the lottery..lol... it would be nice to have a partner that understands just how hard bisexuality can be

[deremarc]

After I was married, I found out my husband had enjoyed threesomes in the past and wanted them, or to swap, with me.




i could ask a partner to respect my wants, needs and desires.... but would i be able to do the same for them... knowing that at the end of the night, i would be the one they wanted to live with and love and hold for life


My husband said about the same thing. That he liked variety in his sex life and felt like he was really missing out because he couldn't have it. At first, it was a big boobs thing (which had the effect of making me feel inadequate and somehow less of a woman) and now it is the man thing (and I am definitely not that...lol).

He said it would just be sex, he would love to have sex with others, but that I would be the person he loves, and wants to be with. In his head, it is so separate.

And I can agree that it can be a matter of looking at yourself. I've asked myself that...if I had sex with someone else...would I love him less? And, the answer is of course not! My head says okay this is doable.

My heart doesn't concur. To me sex is great fun, but for me it is more than casual, and for me...he is the best sex I have ever had. Could I go out and have great sex with someone else? Sure...but why would I want to when I have the best sex at home?

It is a feeling that is indescribable unless you've felt it....the absolute uncontrollable pain you feel at the one you love...loving someone else with their body.

I also think that sex is a huge connection....you are "inside" the other person...I want to be the one that pleasures him...the one that makes his toes curl....

I would like to know too how to separate your heart and mind from your body and handle letting them have what they want/need without the gutwrenching pain.

[Long Duck Dong]

I would like to know too how to separate your heart and mind from your body and handle letting them have what they want/need without the gutwrenching pain.
My husband said about the same thing. That he liked variety in his sex life and felt like he was really missing out because he couldn't have it.

cutting the heart strings is bloody differcult..... and it can create more problems than we would like

but lol there is a way to do it and bypass the problems...its called the orange solution ..lol....now i will not post all of it here, cos its a long article....but i will paraphase it....cos I wrote the orginal pieces of a orange article lol

ok any problem in life is not made up of one piece... it has many parts and the major block to sloving any issue is that we try to solve the issue as a whole.... what we need to do, is turn it into a orange

ever peeled then split a oragne into segments ??? its the same principal...

take the orange ( the issue ) and peel away the outer skin ( friends, family and socities opinions ) so you are left with the skinless orange ( the issue and the main people it concerns ( in this case you and ya partner )

now that orange can have 2 segments or it can have 500 segments, how many is up to you.... and you need to sit down and assign a different piece of the iusse to a segment, now remember one issue part to each segment

now you have the peeled orange ( the issue of your partners sexual desires and your emotional, mental state of mind )

segment one... your partner likes variety
segment two....you like your partner
segment three...your partner feels that poly amorous sex is needed in his life
segment four...you feel hurt and confused by your partners actions
segment five....you can both talk about it
segment six.... each has a different understanding and view of it
segment seven...you wish to remove the hurt aspect of your partners activities
segment eight ....a solution is needed to enusre a good relationship

now you have pretty much the whole issue in sections and it is easier to work down the list... now you can start adding in the possible solution segments
to the first 8 segments


segment one... your partner likes variety
segment 1A.....can role playing in your sex life help you both to get the feeling of having different partners without going outside the relationship

segment two....you like your partner
segment 2A..... so much as ya partner has sex with others, he can't live without you by his side

segment three...your partner feels that poly amorous sex is needed in his life
segment 3A.... he is having poly amorous sex... but is it truely furfilling a emotional / mental desire or is it just sex for sex sake

segment four...you feel hurt and confused by your partners actions
segment 4a ....are you hurt by our partners actions or could it be more... the fact that others sleep with ya partner, knowing that you are his partner

segment five....you can both talk about it
segment 5 a... talking is good... understanding the effects of actions is better

segment six.... each has a different understanding and view of it
segment 6A.....learning to see the others point of view and feelings is the basis for a solid relationship

segment seven...you wish to remove the hurt aspect of your partners activities
segment 7A... learning why we are actioning with hurt is a step in the right direction to numbling the pain.... we know that we feel the hurt, and what the hurt is... but why is it affecting us so bad if we know we are the alpha partner and can we compromise that pain inside ourselves

segment eight ....a solution is needed to ensure a good relationship
segment 8A....a solution can be a understanding, a compromise, a acceptance....a point at where we reach a level where we are not controled by our feelings and thoughts, by we are able to let go of that which oppresses our normal happiness

omg i can waffle on lol

[smokey]

When I tell a new lover that I am bisexual, I also tell them 2 very specific things, that one, I do not play around during a relationship, period. and 2 bisexuals make the best lovers because we have a larger sexual palate to work with, then I do my best to prove it.

[EludedSunshine]

omg i can waffle on lol
And don't you ever stop waffling. I love your posts. :tong: I was going to respond to the question of separating the heart and mind, but I think your answer is so much more helpful than mine would have been.

[Lorcan]

I admire those of you who are so secure in your relationships that you can *have* an open relationship. HOW do you do it??

I know...communication, etc. But how do you set aside the possesiveness and jealousy knowing full well what your partner is doing. Knowing that your partner is sharing the same sort of intimacy they share with you...with another person?

My husband has never been with another person alone. But i think i could allow it. i would feel good for him that he is getting what he desires. i sometimes feel that he is deprived without a man. Yes, jealousy would still be there, but i think that my feeling good for him would outweigh it. And... it would turn me on to think about it :tong:

[hotcodynsd]

I was honest with my "now ex wife" about being bi and attracted to some but very few men. She wanted to know every little thought and secret in my head. After six or seven years I finally did tell her every little thought in my head. Even though I hadn't been with a guy sinse high school, she freaked out and the marriage went down hill from there.

I never cheated on any woman including my ex, I didn't sneek around looking for men in those sleezy parks, I am as loyal as they come. My ex in fact, is bisexual and had played with a girl who lived on our street. I supported her and her desires, supported her on everything she needed actually. She came at me in the divorce with both barrels of a shot gun. I just stood my ground, stayed calm and defended myself. She told friends and family I was gay and messed with men, she pitted anyone against me she could. I lost friendships I thought would with-stand any storm, a brotherhood if you will. How completely naive I was about everything.

She walked out on us to go be with her high school sweetheart. She used my bisexuality as the reason behind it all. Along with her family she tried to destroy me. It was one of the most painful journeys in my life. I used no lawyers, I went to court alone, no family, no friends...Long story short, I have full custody of my kids, she has begged to come back to me for years saying I am the greatest thing that ever happened to her and she fucked up. Friends who turned on me are no more, told them to never call me again for any reason, ever.

I guess my point is, be careful and make sure the guy or woman you tell your darkest secrets to can handle it or life can get pretty ugly. I had no idea someone I adored and loved more than life itself, could rage up and try to destroy me like that.
Kids and I though, were doing great :)
Hugs,
Cody,

[EludedSunshine]

I used no lawyers, I went to court alone, no family, no friends...Long story short, I have full custody of my kids, she has begged to come back to me for years saying I am the greatest thing that ever happened to her and she fucked up. Friends who turned on me are no more, told them to never call me again for any reason, ever.
I'm so sorry about your entire ordeal. I'm sure it was horrific... But I must say one thing:

Bravo to you! It's so good to hear when someone takes back their life like that and gets rid of everyone who helped to mess it up.

[hotcodynsd]

Thank you for the nice words Eludedsunshine, thanks to everyone for replying to this thread, been fun reading all the different views.
Cody... :)

[Reprob8]

I was honest with my "now ex wife" about being bi and attracted to some but very few men. She wanted to know every little thought and secret in my head. After six or seven years I finally did tell her every little thought in my head. Even though I hadn't been with a guy sinse high school, she freaked out and the marriage went down hill from there.

I never cheated on any woman including my ex, I didn't sneek around looking for men in those sleezy parks, I am as loyal as they come. My ex in fact, is bisexual and had played with a girl who lived on our street. I supported her and her desires, supported her on everything she needed actually. She came at me in the divorce with both barrels of a shot gun. I just stood my ground, stayed calm and defended myself. She told friends and family I was gay and messed with men, she pitted anyone against me she could. I lost friendships I thought would with-stand any storm, a brotherhood if you will. How completely naive I was about everything.

She walked out on us to go be with her high school sweetheart. She used my bisexuality as the reason behind it all. Along with her family she tried to destroy me. It was one of the most painful journeys in my life. I used no lawyers, I went to court alone, no family, no friends...Long story short, I have full custody of my kids, she has begged to come back to me for years saying I am the greatest thing that ever happened to her and she fucked up. Friends who turned on me are no more, told them to never call me again for any reason, ever.

I guess my point is, be careful and make sure the guy or woman you tell your darkest secrets to can handle it or life can get pretty ugly. I had no idea someone I adored and loved more than life itself, could rage up and try to destroy me like that.
Kids and I though, were doing great :)
Hugs,
Cody,


Sorry to hear about your pain Cody. Sounds like she was the one with the issues and used the most convienet weapon against you and from your story you showed class and restraint and ultimatly won the most important battle, the custody of your kids. The friends you have now are the real friends.

[Gothmom]

I'm so sorry, Cody. Truly. It's awful to love someone, tell them something that big and that personal about yourself, and see them turn like that.

Like everybody else has said, the good news is you have people in your life that love you for who you really are. *hugs*

[strawberry8302]

I would be perfectly fine with my boyfriend being bi, I just want him to be honest with me and be safe with whoever he's with. He needs to know and respect that his loyalties lie with me. I'd also rather have a bi boyfriend than a straight one, because they understand me and my thinking more. Also, they're more open to gettin freaky and havin orgies n stuff, lol. :bipride:

[the sacred night]

I actually think my fiancee might be bi... and quite frankly I hope he is :smilies15 He has a difficult time understanding me and my bisexuality, so if he is, then hopefully he'll be able to understand a little better... plus hopefully he'll want to experement :devil:

[Mrs.F]

Somehow I missed this thread when it came out..... :rolleyes:

This is something that has gotten much easier for me as the months roll by. I have to admit I was insecure, jealous and afraid of all the unknown about being bisexual. However, I've had the time now to adjust, learn and understand what it means to him, what it means to me and what it will mean to our marriage. I no longer look at it as a threat, I look at it as the best thing that could have happened to our marriage (litterally). I think we had lost touch with each other and he was keeping secrets which made him unhappy and stressed.

Moving on....I am very open to having a bisexual husband and many wonderful bisexual friends...male and female. And as long as the communication door is ALWAYS open and I know what he does and he knows what I do......we will be happy forever! Boundries, communication and honesty are the keys to all happiness! :)

[onewhocares]

I too must have missed this thread....

I think that I am very lucky indeed to be married to a bisexual man. I happen to have a very amourous side and enjoy the company of two men in my life. I never would have met such wonderful and caring people had I not found this site by accident. I must also agree that open, honest communication is the key, and do not be affraid as I have been as to how you spouse will react. I love him and he loves me, and we will grow with each an every new situation together.

Belle

[DiamondDog]

I'm going to go out on a limb and say something that might be construed as closed-minded...

I don't think I could deal with a significant other who ISN'T bi.

...Or at least bi-curious. I've done it before. It just doesn't work out for me. We aren't able to fundamentally understand each others' feelings. I have never connected as deeply with my straight partners as with my bi ones. Sex isn't a terribly important part of my life, but the fluidity that comes with my particular experience of bisexuality is. Besides... to me, there are few things more enjoyable than seeing an attractive gal/guy walk by, knowing we're both about to share some devilish thought that just ran through our heads. :drool:

Maybe I'm weird, but experiencing an instinctual, shallow connection like that reminds me of the much deeper bond that I share with the person.


I'm the same way. I've pretty much always been single but the women who I was really into; but didn't date or have sex with, were all coincidentally bisexual.

Or most of my male sex partners/friends have been bi. If they're gay they identified as bi at one point, or were sexual with women; but that doesn't mean anything since TONS of gay men have had sex with women and they try to force themselves to be het.

As far as women go, I couldn't be with one if she isn't bi and we'd have an open relationship, since the idea of "giving up" sex with men or even intimacy with men (kissing/holding hands, caressing, being held by a man) would be akin to me chopping off an arm.

I could date an open minded gay man (I've only met a very small number that don't "get" bisexuality), and have a gay/bi man as a partner/lover/husband, as I really relate to gay men, and men do things for me emotionally that very few women have done.

Ideally I'd want a man and a woman at the same time in a relationship but most people don't want that, and it seems hard to find. :(

[jedinudist]

I am just curious, how many women are out there that are open enough to have a truely bisexual boyfriend or husband? How many ladies is this unacceptable too? What do the guys think also?


My beloved, wonderful, Loving, beautiful, Loveing, caring, Loving, accepting, Loving, and openminded wife

I Love you Babe!