I NEED HELP BAD PLEASE SOMEBODY HELP ME!!! I AM SO SAD AND FUCKED UP.

[jej121]

I GREW UP MY WHOLE LIFE HIDING THE FACT I WAS GAY OR BISEXUAL FOR FEAR OF ASHAMING MY FAMILY ONE OF MY FRIENDS FATHERS WHEN I WAS 15 TOLD MY GRADMOTHER WHO WAS RAISING ME AT THE TIME THAT I WAS GAY. SHE CONFRONTED ME ABOUT IT AND I DENIED IT AND WAS THEN ON A MISSION TO PROVE I WAS NOT. BY AGE 17 I MARRIED A 19 YR OLD GIRL AND HAD A BABY GIRL NOW 26 YR OLD. I HAD BEEN SEEING GUYS ON THE SIDE GOT CAUGHT ONCE IN A WIERD SITUATION THAT I BULL SHITTED MY WAY OUT OF. I MET A REALLY COOL YOUNGER GUY IVE BEEN SEEING 2-3 TIMES A WEEK AND CAME OUT TO MY WIFE THAT I WAS GAY WHEN I REALLY MEANT TO SAY BI. SHE DID NOT TAKE IT VERY WELL AND SAYS I HAVE RUINED HER LIFE BECAUSE SHE IS NOW TO OLD TO HAVE CHILDREN FOR ANYBODY ELSE OR FEELS SHE IS ATTRACTIVE ENOUGH TO FIND SOMEONE ELSE WHEN SHE REALLY LOVES ME. SINCE WE HAD A BABY I FELT IT MY RESPONIBILTY TO BE THERE AND NOT LEAVE HER A SINGLE MOTHER AND MAYBE A STEP FATHER TO RAISE MY DAUGHTER.
I THOUGHT I WAS DOING THE RIGHT THING BUT NOW IT LOOKS LIKE SHE WHEN HAVE BEEN BETTER IF I BROKE IT OFF EARLY IN THE MARRIAGE SO SHE COULD MOVE ON, AND DOES NOT SEEM TO APPRICIATE MY INTENTIONS AND THE REASON I CONTINUED TO STAY IN THE MARRIAGE. I DO LOVE HER BUT NOT THE WAY ONE SHOULD LOVE A SPOUSE

[easilyused]

Instead of immediately having divorce in your mind, what about couple counseling? Maybe she can be helped to see your side of what you want without going drastic.

[bi4asplay]

Instead of immediately having divorce in your mind, what about couple counseling? Maybe she can be helped to see your side of what you want without going drastic.

I fully agree with easily! You both have way too much invested to just toss it out. There must have ben something there besides your daughter, for you to have bung in so long.

[elian]

You need to decide for yourself if you are bisexual or not. Do you enjoy having sex with or are attracted to women? A gay man would be able to say "no" very clearly. a bisexual person might have doubts or say yes.. Certain people who post here seem to think bisexual people don't exist but I assure you that they do.

You may have made a mistake or you may not have. Do you love your daughter and your wife? If so, I wouldn't necessarily call that a mistake. You are both making the situation out to be worse than it really has to be. It is 'not' the end of the world, nothing has to happen immediately.

[void()]

Certain people who post here seem to think bisexual people don't exist but I assure you that they do.

* wearing a bubble wrap overall marked with the words "BISEXUAL SPOTTING PARTY" on it, pulls up his binoculars and looks round to locate bisexuals *

"Oh look, there goes one of the cheeky buggers! quick, they went into a cave!"

* runs off to chase something, making "crackle, pop, crackle, slish, pop, crackle" sounds as he runs *

[elian]

Sorry to be off topic but your post reminds me of Steve Irwin, bless his heart. "Only a COMPLETE IDIOT would stick their hand down a TARANTULA NEST like *THIS* It makes them reeeaally anngry.." (shakes head/smiles)




"Oh look, there goes one of the cheeky buggers! quick, they went into a cave!"

[CurEUs_Male]

JEJ121,
First, take a deep breath. You are not at the end of the world. There are many of us out here, bi or gay, married men. Some of us have even come out to our wives, and are surviving, even living happy healthy lives together. You can too.
As one poster stated a very specific status and path, I have to speak up and point out not one path exists for all of us. Whether you are bi or gay depends on you finding more about yourself and where you identify. You pick the label that fits your views - no one else does. Neither can any one else tell you you have to divorce. You (and you wife) need to come to that decision yourselves. There are many bitter angry people out there, a product of situations much like your own, that will push the divorce route in front of you and your wife. WHat you two need now is support, and it is out there.

You need support to come to terms with two major aspects in your life. One is your orientation and how you intend to learn and live based on that orientation. Second is your past actions and how you have broken the trust with your wife through lies and deceit. Both of these are a long term effort, and will require commitment from both you and your wife to overcome. In the supportive groups I belong to, there is a rule of thumb for both partners - do not make any major life altering decisions for a year. This is sage advice. You two have broken the seal on secrets, and there are a lot of raw nerves and emotions running through your heads, you need to slow things down a bit before making the decision to stay together or break apart. The love you two have for each other has not been a lie, that needs to be made clear. One lie does not negate all the other truths in your relationship.

Hold on, it's a bumpy ride. You and your wife are not alone.

AL

[querty]

there is some good advice below.. Nothing has to happen immediately. There is alot more discussion to be had with your spouse and others. Once the initial shock and reaction of your spouse subsides, she may be open to listening to your story and even understanding. Deep breath. one day at a time

[void()]

Sorry to be off topic but your post reminds me of Steve Irwin, bless his heart. "Only a COMPLETE IDIOT would stick their hand down a TARANTULA NEST like *THIS* It makes them reeeaally anngry.." (shakes head/smiles)

*nods and grins* That was a bit of the point. Apologies if I strayed off
topic.

Regarding the topic, I think two sorts exist what post asking for help.
These are the folks whom genuinely seek help, and those whom do not seek
help. I think further some whom are not genuinely seeking help may be
seeking confrontation, attention.

The appeal to using a plea of help is that it lets those seeking
confrontation an advantage, those replying are empathetic. This empathy
acts as a suspension of disbelief. So, those replying never see the
verbal/written "hooks" lain out in front of them.

Hunters might relate to this as using a hole as a box trap, then using
cover over the hole in order to trick prey. This is not a dead fall
trap but a trap method nonetheless. In one respect it could border upon
aikido, using the opponent's momentum against them, as the trap relies
on the opponent's own weight to spring the trap. They fall in the hole.

The one whom does the "trapping/trolling" can then in honesty say they
did nothing to troll or trap. This while being honest is also dishonest.
The "troll/trapper" set up the trap, laid out the hooks. No they did not
make the prey fall into a trap, get hurt. The prey walked over the cover
and fell in on their own. They were empathetic and chose to not see the
hooks/hole. So, while honest, still dishonest.

As to the OP, I will not say which sort they may be. I just felt it
warranted conveying some knowledge based upon personal experience
regarding folks seeming to ask for help.

[zigzig]

I think your wife feels betrayed or just angry. Many straight women see bi men like gays, and don't want to let them explore they bi side. Maybe you two need to go to a consultant as stated in previous posts, because she does't want to resolve the situation. If this continues your marriage will become loveless, and children feel it. That anger can come out later effecting your daughter as well.

[12voltyV2.0]

It looks like nique ta mere (http://www.bisexual.com/forum/member.php?155402-nique-ta-mere) is yet another face of the troll. You know such is the case when "someone" (who is also new) agrees with another person saying nasty shit---like Foda se did----I have put both of them on my ignore list. I might suggest that everyone put them on ignore or at least don't respond to them.