Advice Needed

[Stormy Nights]

So I have been a self harmer since I was 10, I am now 19, I am trying to stop but its not that easy as its become a habit and a way of coping with flashbacks and bad feelings like depression and anger. I was wondering if anyone had any tips as to how I could stop or things I could do to ignore the urge to self harm?

[semibi]

This site may be a good place to seek support and opinions. You might get some ideas that could be useful on a variety of topics. Maybe even this one.

You should try to find healthy ways to reduce compulsive thoughts and anxiety. Getting enough sleep, healthy food and exercise would be a good start. You can teach yourself ways to relax when you need to, through breathing exercises and muscle relaxation.

But, you may also need to seek professional help to address whatever emotional pain is at the root of this. Finding a good psychiatrist, psychologist or counselor is not always easy. I'd suggest that you keep trying until you find one. If you have a history of harming yourself, seeking professional help is most likely very important, especially if you think you might do it again.

I wish you the best.

[lookn4fun64]

I second semi's comments. Please seek some professional help. I would add that if $$ are a problem contact your state or county social services agencies and seek some help through those venues.

[Herculoid Poirot]

You're looking for help and that's the big thing. <3

I second many of semibi's recommendations. It took me years to find the right therapist. And not everything works for everyone. For example, exercise causes me a lot of anxiety so I can't do it to relax or feel better, although I know it's important. The real thing that ended up working for me was meds. I was reluctant for many reasons, but that was what worked.

I have a friend who was a cutter and she found that she couldn't just stop but she could wean herself off. This might sound crazy, but she started using wood - I guess you could call it whittling. It was how she tapered off and broke the habit.

Good luck!

[Gearbox]

Def seek professional help with it, coz you're not going to get out of the habit on your own very easily.
At the mo, that is how you deal with things. But as Hurculoid pointed out, you could replace that method with another. Just got to find out what would best suit your personal needs, and talking openly with a therapist could help you discover what that may be.

[Ja&Ve]

No advice but :hugs:

[NakedInSeattle]

But for god's sake, don't beat yourself up for the self-abuse. It's your way of coping. I still stroke and I dare say, most here do as well. I wish you well, young man.

[CurEUs_Male]

get some professional help. Find any resource that you can engage face to face, and stop the hurt.

[Stormy Nights]

Thanks for the advice. I am seeing a sexual abuse counsellor if that counts as professional help. And i am trying to draw instead of cut.

[void()]

You may try using combat breathing. This is where you relax by inhaling
via nostrils, exhaling slowly orally. Breathing seems trivial, but
it is vital.

This draws your focus to something else. Try maintaining your
breathing at a set rate, twelve to fourteen a minute is a good average
range. Knew a guy who once could get to six breaths a minute. He was
as clear as a bell.

While doing this is helpful, going to mirror the suggestions of
sticking with professional help. Friends are great but even then,
can only go so far. Everyone goes through their own doors. Nothing
wrong in having a pro with a hand on your back to help.

Oh yes. *HUG* :)

[csreef]

Semibi's advice is a good route to take. Talk to a professional first. In my younger years, I dated a Chiropractic student when I was getting my teaching Degree.By being adjusted by a Chiropractic, this has help me to open up more. Also I have found an Acupuncturist, and by seeing him, the Acupuncture helps me to deal with stress. Also Yoga is a good connetion between Body and Mind , and has helped me deal with stress.
Good luck my Friend !:thumbu: pls keep in touch, your be in my Prayers & Meditations... A.

[Stormy Nights]

Thank you for you tips and advice :) i will try them out

[Realist]

We're pulling for you, Stormy. We've all dealt with different troubling issues, especially when we were young, so we are empathetic and want you to find your way.

Hugs!

[Stormy Nights]

Thanks Realist, I screwed up last week and cut agian >_<

[Long Duck Dong]

stormy, you did not screw up...... screwing up implies that you made a mistake...... relapsing into a existing pattern of behievour is a better way of thinking about it tho its clinical thinking as well..... and the reason I say that is depression is not something that you can unlearn or quit, it can create patterns of behievour in us that are deeply ingrained and very hard to handle.......

I live in NZ myself and I know how the system works, both as a person that has been through the system ( I have a form of depression and PTSD ) and as a person that has done counselling and therapy work within the NZ system......

for a start, self harming is a way to describe what you do and so is cutting, we know what it is, but the key is why... are you actually practicing a form of stress release, anxiety release, regaining stability, clearing your mind? its the same principal as punching a bag, practicing yoga, going for a walk, meditation, they are all different terms and forms of the same thing that self harmers may harm themselves for....

SH ( short term ) is also very addictive, its like a drug because of the mental effects on your mind, the chemical changes and the shift in balance of your mind and it can become a learned behievour that can lead to deeply ingrained behavioral patterning in the brain..... in simple terms its like a smoker or a drinker, they may abstain from smoking or drinking but the pattern of behievour is often still there.....

you are a normal person..... your form of dealing with aspects of your life, is just a different form of expression.... and you are no different to me or anybody else that has had life and reality changing experiences that shape how we deal with them..... my form of self expression was very violent, blunt and explosive, I shaped it into something that made me look like a nice person but it did not change who I was until I was diagnosed with the dysthimia and slowly ( 6 years ) I began the journey to relearn about me... and trust me it was like playing connect the dots with semi wet paper and pen that doesn't work that well or doing a jigsaw puzzle with 1/3 of the puzzle looking exactly the same, 1/3 of the puzzle missing and 1/3 of the puzzle covered in dirt and needing to cleaned off so I could see what the image actually was...... I do wish that somebody had told me it was a 100k piece puzzle, I am used to 10 piece puzzles.....

thats going to be your journey and it may take some time, there is a lot of learning about you for you to do.....

its not as simple as A ) you get upset, hurt, angry so B) you SH...... its more like 1) you feel disorientated, lost, a sinking feeling, 2) you mentally and emotionally feel around in side yourself for a foot hold or something to grab on to, 3) you think about other options or distractions, 4) you feel the familiar drag / draw to SH, 5) you let go of any restrictions 6) you SH but you are embracing the effect it has on you, the changes in your mind and body, the awareness, the shift.... and that is where it starts to become very addictive.....

part of SH preventive therapy is to find a alternative to the SH that is benefical to a person.... something that is positive and rewarding without causing harm to you or leading you to other forms of SH.....it can be music, drawing, singing, exercise, cooking, meditation, yoga ( positive things ) or it can be intense ( air quitaring AC/DCs greatest hits, marital arts, extreme fitness, screaming your head off in the middle of a forest and releasing your frustrations, anger, hurt, pain tho with that, have another person there as a safety need so you can talk with them about anything afterwards.... scream therapy was used a couple of decades ago as a form of brainwashing but it required the person to stand silently for 5 minutes after the scream therapy, the people would become more open and suggestive to any thing said to them so please have a trusted friend or support person with you if you use scream therapy so they can help you learn to laugh, its therapeutic
not sure if you have seen the ads on tv with john kirwan and how he deals with his depression by exercising 3 times a weekend and how if he does not get his exercise, he starts to feel really down.... he is using the exercise as a form of mental and physical boost so he starts to depend on it to help keep his mood and energy levels high and as a way of dealing with the depression he is living with....
while mental health in NZ is touted as being there and open, its not really the reality ... they are instructed to only deal with the top 2% of people that pose a serious risk to themselves or to others ( hence why we have had so many mentally ill people released into the public and either do themselves in or other people ) .....
if you are on a benefit, winz may assist you with counsellor / therapy funding, tho be careful, there have been a number of cases where they have sent people to untrained, uncerted people and the results have not been that good....

ACC may help you with support and funding for a counsellor / therapist because you mention sexual abuse....but you want more than just a sexual abuse counsellor, you want a support person that can counsel you in other areas of your life that are difficult to cope with or deal with

support groups can help as well... I do not know your location in NZ so its more of a case of asking around, tho there are not really that many support groups outside of the larger cities.... and you want a friendly, supportive group of people... and even something like a community arts group ( you mention drawing ) may know people that can help you and assist you in other areas..... often the community groups are interlinked in many ways and more help than the official channels.....

just remember, you are a normal person dealing with experiences in your life like most of us, your form of expression is drawing and at times SH / cutting..... and you are a person that is learning new ways to be you without the SH / cutting, it may take some time... and you are living to live each day with depression and finding ways to keep the * black dog in the kennel *..... and there in the world, there are people like me, that also deal with the * black dog * and many of the same experiences you are dealing with......and we stumble from time to time as well....its ok to stumble, we did the same thing as kids learning to walk for the first time.....

hugs

[Notjustuet]

You may try using combat breathing. This is where you relax by inhaling
via nostrils, exhaling slowly orally. Breathing seems trivial, but
it is vital.

This draws your focus to something else. Try maintaining your
breathing at a set rate, twelve to fourteen a minute is a good average
range. Knew a guy who once could get to six breaths a minute. He was
as clear as a bell.

While doing this is helpful, going to mirror the suggestions of
sticking with professional help. Friends are great but even then,
can only go so far. Everyone goes through their own doors. Nothing
wrong in having a pro with a hand on your back to help.

Oh yes. *HUG* :)

combat breathing helps me. I suffer from a "mild case" of PTSD, it helps a lot when in crowded places like the mall, walmart and other places. I have been seeing pro help for a long time. Please see who you can, they will help. You can get past this, I think everyone is strong inside you just have to find that within yourself. *hugs* you are always with friends here.

[Stormy Nights]

LongDuckDong: Thank you for the advice, I may have seen that ad on tv before and I have already got an ACC sexual abuse counsellor whom ive been seeing and of which I only have about 4 sessions left with.
NotJustUet: Thak you and I hope you are right about being with friends here..

[chtampa]

Gut instincts, voices, little guy on your shoulder. I have found that the subconscious sometimes knows more than our conscious does. Perhaps it is telling you not to do it and you won't listen.

[chtampa]

Wrong thread, pardon the post!

[enkidu]

The best advice has already been said, so I won't repeat it. From what you've posted to this site, I can only guess at what you're really going through; from what I gather, I can tell you from some experience that you will need support. You have friends here - please don't let time zones or geographic distance keep you from coming back here!

Your writing is very powerful. Having worked homicide cases, Slipped Away spoke to me a great deal; I'm still wiping away tears. :hugs: