Found out my boyfriend is bisexual any advice?

[Mary123]

Hi my name is Mary, first I want to say that im not from any english speaking country so forgive me if i spell things wrong.

I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and three months. He is the love of my life and I know he loves me very much. Our relationship is the first real thing I have experienced in my entire life. I have never met someone who has taught me this much about life and he is the best sex of my life and I know he feels the same way.

When we had been together for 3 months or so I found out he was bi. Not because he told me but because one day when I came home from work I found that he had forgotten to log out of some chatroom were he had been talking to other guy's and his profile said he was bi. I did not confront him about it because I didn't think it was my business to make him talk about something he maybe wasn't ready to do. Anyways I thought allot about it and found out it really just made me kind off excited and it kind off made me love him more.Two men sucking each others cock's turns me on. Im a really open person to everyone and everything and I really just want him to have the courage to tell me. Anyways 2 years and three months later he still hasn't. I think it maybe because I live in a really small place where everyone knows everyone and people see him as this really good looking guy, that is good at everything and has everything under control and can get any girl he wants and he used to be a semi famous athlete until he smoked weed and realised that wasn't something he wanted to do with his life, he is today an amazing musician.

Anyway a month ago i went abroad with my family and he staid at home where my parents live. When i came home i went on the computer and found out he had forgotten to delete the history on this chatroom site on the family computer. I did not want my parents to see it so i was going to delete it when I saw he had been sending someone our address. And I strongly believe he sent it to someone to hook up with.

I wasn't mad only hurt. I just wish he could have told me about him being bi because i would have understood he has other needs that i can't give him. But when he goes behind my back after everything we have been trough that hurts the most.

I really want to confront him but its a little more complicated with him. He comes from a broken home, with an alcoholic mother and an abusive father, all his siblings are much older than him and they all moved out and left him alone to deal with everything. from when he was 4 years old he had to take care of himself and his mother. This has made him a very strong and independent person. I would not want to change anything about him. And as to be given he his still dealing with his childhood and caries allot of anger inside of him that he is working on every day and that is okay. But Im afraid if he is not ready to talk about his sexuality (I pretty sure he hasn't told anyone) and is going to get mad at me and very angry and somehow find a way to blame me of snooping or something and im afraid I will lose him.

Is there someone out there who can relate to this or give me advice on dating someone who is bi or how I should approach this with him.
Thank you for reading this.

Mary

[wondering56231]

If you love him and want to have a long term relationship with him I think instead of confronting him, you should sit down and talk to him. Tell him just what you told us. You think it is hot. You are accepting and supportive of it. It is very hard to tell someone that you are bi. Chances are he will be extremely relieved that he doesn't have to hide it and that he can talk to you about it. explain to him why you are hurt, not in a blaming way but in a supportive understanding way.

[Mary123]

Thank you, i have been so nervous about this that i could not think about it clearly. Your simple answer gave me a clear perspective.

[tenni]

Hi Mary
You may be dealing with several issues here. I think that the major issue is not his bisexuality as much as how he deals with anger that concerns you.

You may want to begin a sexuality conversation in a neutral manner. Does he know that you are open about same sex actions? You may begin a more abstract conversation about sexuality and bisexuality in particular. Let him know that you think that for some bisexuals they need sex with same sex people. He may feel less threatened if the disclosure on your part is more neutral rather going to discussing discovering his posts on a computer and suspicion that he has had sex with a man when you we're away.

Baby steps. It may make him more comfortable about disclosing his sexuality. Slowly, he may disclose and you can begin discussing rules or boundaries for his same sex play.

Good luck to you.

[Lizardking]

Thank you, i have been so nervous about this that i could not think about it clearly. Your simple answer gave me a clear perspective.

It was hard for me at first, but I was glad I talked it over with my wife. I agree, don't confront, just support!

[bisexualboyfriend79]

How do you feel about it his bisexuality? Would you allow him to explore it? I recently came out to my gf and i was very scared and nervous to actually started to tell her and was surprised that with her reaction, she is very supportive and intrigued, i asked her if she would be interested in exploring together and she excitedly said yes but only if i was sure its what i wanted . If you plan on being with him regardless than i think you should bring it up to him because the curiosity nevr goes away it is part of him. if he feels the same as i did .

[SC24FUN]

Hi Mary

My wife and I were married for over 20 years when I went camping with a male friend. On the camping trip we had some MM "fun". It took me a month or so to tell her about what happened but it was one of the best things I have ever done.

As it turned out another friend of ours that she liked was also BI and although we are 500 miles apart we have had several weekends of fun. All of us sucking and fucking. We have come to the realization that we are both BI and are happy and proud of that.

Not sure how you should let him know, but maybe you could go to xhamster and watch some BI porn with him. Let him know how you are OK with BI sex activity and it probably will open up a new world of fun for both of you.

[Mary123]

Is it selfish of me to begin to talk about something he maybe is not ready to talk about? Am I making this about me not him?

[tenni]

Is it selfish of me to begin to talk about something he maybe is not ready to talk about? Am I making this about me not him?

Hi Mary
As I and others have informed you, it is not selfish of you to begin talking about something that is of concern to you. HOWEVER, it is most important that you do it gently. Introducing that you accept such behaviour is a start. No reference to him specifically. Plant seeds. He may initially not be ready to disclose what he has done or thought of doing. When he feels comfortable and that you are non judgmental, he will begin to slowly open up. If his reaction is anti same sex play, that will tell you how repressed he is. You haven't begun to let him know that you think same sex play is acceptable. Begin slow.

[Loki1]

Thats actually easy to answer, since you wrote the ice breaker here. Simply open this on the computer, ask him to read this, while you go make coffee. And you'll be back for a chat if he feels comfortable with i.t. Sure he'll be quite relieved. Who knows, he may of left his searching or chat site open on purpose, as not knowing how to start the conversation, and seeing if you minded or would take the lead.

[Mary123]

Thank you for the help. I told him everything, I was a little nervous and he could feel that so he became also nervous, but in the end it turned out okay. I told him in a very understanding way that he had all my love and support. He told me he was not bi only curious and he had thought about going through with it but didn't. And he had been chatting and skype-ing with other men out of curiosity and he now knew that he was straight. We had a good talk about how healthy it is exploring those things and he said he trusts me and would tell me if he was bi. So I feel allot better but a little part of me thinks he did go though with it but is afraid to tell me because he maybe thought i was going to break up with him for it. When I started the conversation I could see fear in his eyes that I was going to end our relationship. Any way if he did go through with it and found out who he is then i don't care, because i know sex can be just sex and sex with feelings is another thing. Our relationship is too precious to end because of this. So Im going to put all my faith and hope in love and trust him. If this happens again behind my back then I know how much I mean to him and then that will be it. But in the mean time Im going to be happy and in love and stop thinking about this :)

[sysper]

i just read this thread. glad things worked out back then. how are things now? i'd like to add a little advise. if ur still togather with ur bf. he may of 0told u he's str8 but he might not actually be sure. i think he was being honest to u as far as his thinking. when i 1st started to become curious about same sex the feelings would go away for months at a time. usually after j/o about it. didn't mean to give tmi lol but wanted to explain myself. after each time i was convinced i was 100% str8. but after awhile those feelings did come back. overtime the time between thinking about it became shorter until now i think i'm ready to try it out anytime. it took me a longtime to accept liking guys. might be the same with ur bf. my advise is don't bring the subject up directly cause he might get defensive, not so much with u but himself. but offer very small hints that trying out the same sex is ok & even good. if he does bring it up i think u will be just lovely & supportive :) so let us know ok.

[buds50]

lucky bastard go for it have fun u don't have to look for cock u got it there