Are heterosexual friends the enemy?

[JaredT77]

A pet peeve I have about straight, heterosexual, or monosexual friends is that sometimes you get those friends that refer you as their "gay friend." WHAT THE FUCKEVER?!!! I have had sex with gay men before but I. AM. NOT. GAY!!! Fellas, do you ever tell the ladies that you are bisexual and they reply back that they have known a lot of gay friends. The way they say that makes it sound like you are now added to their gay friends list.

The first time I told a woman that I was interested in that I was bisexual, she really took offense to it. I was on deployment to South America almost ten years ago and was communicating with this bitch, I mean woman, that I was wanting to date more when I get back home. This was back when MySpace was popular. I remember telling her that she didn't know me that well during a argument we were having on MySpace. So then I told her that I was bisexual. She really took that the wrong way. 1) She was telling me that not only did she had to worry about me cheating on her with women but with men as well. 2) She told me that I should never tell another person again for as long as I live and take that secret to the grave with me. I chose from then on, to tell any woman that I was interested in that I was bisexual right from the beginning and even putting it down in any dating profiles. Well bitch, I got me a woman and she knows that I am on gay dating sites looking for men. Thanks for the advice. NOT!

I do have a best friend that told me that any man that enjoys sucking another man's dick is not bisexual, but just gay. A few years later I told him that I was bisexual.

What do you as a bisexual man or woman feel about the heterosexual world and their close minded views of bisexuality? Not all of them are close minded.

[12voltyV2.0]

I hate it too that our society still likes to put people in boxes by not recognizing the reality of Bisexuality--and still trying to impose the dictum that, especially for men: "That if you like to do sexual things with other guys---then you are gay, that is that so don't lie to yourself and the rest of us that you aren't gay---there is no such a thing as a man being bisexual---for chicks though---it is actually kinda cool (or hot) to think of females as being bisexual….so I guess that chicks can be bisexual--but guys--NO FUCKING WAY DUDE!!! (god, that is so gross to think of two dudes doing one another, makes me sick to my stomach to even think about it!!!!)

I guess I was born a few generations too early because I do hope at some point in the future---it will not be a big deal if a guy does stuff with other guys or females do stuff with other ladies and then they go back to having opposite gender sexual partners--and no one thinks a thing about it other than its just a natural thing that not only can it be the case that men and women can not only be friends but lovers, but men can be also be friends and lovers and same for ladies and just because you did such a thing--that does not permanently lock you into that mold.

I honestly do say that I'd kind of like to find another guy to have more than just get with for sexual "hook ups" but I do hate that if I do----then friends and family will say----"oh guess he was gay after all" with that relationship supposedly precluding me from possibly having a future relationship with a lady, something I would not want to be shut out from.

It does tick me off that our society is still not open to the REALITY that people, both men and women can and are truly BISEXUAL!!!!!!! I also hate that other notion that so many people have: "Well if there is such a thing as someone being Bisexual---then its more likely that they are gonna break up with anyone they are with because they are always out looking for something else!!

As if being "straight" stops people from "hunting" for "strange" (new partners) when they are hetero--my god---how many "happy marriages" or long term "hookups" of my heterosexual friends and family have been rendered asunder by the wandering eye and actions of one or both parties in those relationships have I known in these many years of life?? I'd like to have just five bucks for each of those busted relationships, I'd never have to worry about money at all ever again!!!

Being a "skank" in this way knows no bounds regarding gender or sexual orientation!!!

I hope this answers your questions--I bet that others will say much the same thing as what I have shared….

[Long Duck Dong]

Honestly..... I have noticed that the same issue can exist with any sexuality.

A few friends have said that saying I am their gay friend, causes less issues than introducing me as their bisexual friend. Tho if it was a casual meeting and they introduced me as their gay or bisexual friend, there would be issues indeed..... I do not introduce them as my gay / bi / hetero / trans friend, when its a casual meeting amongst friends.

Imagine walking down the road and see a couple of friends, you walk up and say hi, and your friend says to the other person, This is my gay / bisexual friend ........ it would be different if there was a reason for it like the person was interested in meeting you for a coffee, advice, maybe even a interest in more than just meeting you.

once I turned the tables on one friend that introduced me as their gay friend, my response was to say, And this is my closet gay friend that likes to wear womans underwear ...... he got rather angry and annoyed because it was not true, he was not gay and nor did he wear womans underwear.... and my answer to him was just introduce me as your friend next time.

personally I find that closed minded people exist in any sexuality, I tend to avoid and ignore a lot of them simply because I can not be buggered, dealing with their issues.

[JaredT77]

I was very open and out about my bisexuality with friends that I went to school with or served with in the Navy. I have unfriended a lot of them on Facebook because I wonder if I am truly their friend because they never message me unless I message them first. A lot of times they read my messages but never bother to respond back.

Why?

Because when my fiancee told me that I am allowed to see other men and wants other men to fuck me, I have never felt more free in my life about my bisexuality. But when I tell my straight "friends" about my new open relationship with my woman, they think it's a bad idea because of their own beliefs of being in a monosexual relationship (big shout out to tenni on that). My best friend that I told that I was bisexual thinks I should choose either sex with women or with men.

It definitely sickens me being referred to as the "gay friend." Why can't society be more open minded? My straight fiancee is being very open minded and thinks it's hot and sexy thinking about another man fucking my mouth and ass, especially if she gets to watch. Not just the oral and anal part but the other stuff like seeing me kiss another man. She has never dated a bisexual man before and wants to learn more about what it's like be with a bisexual man.

I served 14 years in the United States Navy and half of that time it seemed like I was afraid. Afraid of the wrong person finding out that I was bisexual during the dreadful Don't Ask Don't Tell policy. A lot of good men and women were booted out for being gay. I was afraid somebody found out that I was bisexual, they would just say that I was homosexual and boot me out as well. Now try explaining that to my family that to this day after almost 18 years has no idea that I am bisexual. This probably explains why I was afraid of having more than just one night stands with guys out in town. I was afraid of getting close to another man past sex. Then I got married to a selfish bitch and I went 5 years before I had sex with a man that was basically just revenge sex.

Now I am with my fiancee and no future date set on when we will get married and I have her engagement ring on layaway. She may not be perfect but she is perfect to me.

[pole_smoker]

Of course not.

But if you ask Tenni, heterosexuals-particularly heterosexual women, and gay men are the "enemy" in his opinion.

I've had hetero friends tell me how my partner and I are gay since we're two men and I've told them enough times that I'm bisexual that they finally understand it.

[JaredT77]

Of course not.

But if you ask Tenni, heterosexuals-particularly heterosexual women, and gay men are the "enemy" in his opinion.

I've had hetero friends tell me how my partner and I are gay since we're two men and I've told them enough times that I'm bisexual that they finally understand it.

You know with your relationship, I can see how others might be confused. But you and your lover are 2 bisexual men in love with each other and choose to be with each other in a exclusive relationship. I say more power to you both.

[tenni]

I don't think that individual heterosexuals nor gay men are an enemy of bisexuality. They just have their own priorities as monsexuals and are not going to support bisexuals. Hell, some people who say they are bisexual differ as to what is needed to be done to support greater understanding of bisexuals. Some of us do not believe in the gay mantra that you must come out. We argue that who you are having sex with is no one's business unless they are having sex with you. Some bisexuals think that you can fight misunderstandings about bisexuality by correcting misunderstandings without standing on a soap box proclaiming your bisexuality outedness. In the case of a supposed heterosexual denying bisexuality, you could point out that bisexuality exists. Bisexuals are not gay as they are attracted to both men and women. etc. You don't have to say that you are bisexual but simply correct the misunderstanding. If they continue to argue against the existence of bisexuality call it what it is. Biphobia. You may have to explain Biphobia to the bigot.

I think that you can correct heterosexuals and homosexual when they make biphobic statements etc. If they identify you as gay, correct them. Make a comment that neither men nor women are safe from you being attracted to them...lol I can not really comment on your second paragraph as I don't understand most of the events.

There are examples of media and gay organizations practising Bi Erasure that you might want to correct without even saying that you are bisexual. GLADD has come out against a TLC programme on https://variety.com/2015/tv/news/tlc-my-husbands-not-gay-cancellation-protest-glaad-1201393586/

Based on what I have read some of these Mormon not gay husbands may be bisexual and not gay nor straight. GLADD has ignored that possibility by lying to gay men to get them to sign a petition against the TLC programme. GLADD may be practicing Bi Erasure in not accepting that some of these Mormon husbands may love having sex with their wives but want sex with a man too. Sounds like a bisexual to me. GLADD is protesting bisexuality. This is not individual gay men. This is a gay organization denying the possibility of bisexuality in these Mormon men. This is a TV programme spreading misunderstanding about bisexuality. TLC is wrong and so is GLADD based on what I have read.
............................

I think that rule two is being violated. FLAME the issue not the person. Don't assume that you understand another person's beliefs. Don't speak on behalf of them.

Posters who have stated that they have had mmf threesomes with their partner and a woman are not monogamous imo.

[JaredT77]

I don't think that individual heterosexuals nor gay men are an enemy of bisexuality. They just have their own priorities as monsexuals and are not going to support bisexuals. Hell, some people who say they are bisexual differ as to what is needed to be done to support greater understanding of bisexuals. Some of us do not believe in the gay mantra that you must come out. We argue that who you are having sex with is no one's business unless they are having sex with you. Some bisexuals think that you can fight misunderstandings about bisexuality by correcting misunderstandings without standing on a soap box proclaiming your bisexuality outedness. In the case of a supposed heterosexual denying bisexuality, you could point out that bisexuality exists. Bisexuals are not gay as they are attracted to both men and women. etc. You don't have to say that you are bisexual but simply correct the misunderstanding. If they continue to argue against the existence of bisexuality call it what it is. Biphobia. You may have to explain Biphobia to the bigot.

I think that you can correct heterosexuals and homosexual when they make biphobic statements etc. If they identify you as gay, correct them. Make a comment that neither men nor women are safe from you being attracted to them...lol I can not really comment on your second paragraph as I don't understand most of the events.

There are examples of media and gay organizations practising Bi Erasure that you might want to correct without even saying that you are bisexual. GLADD has come out against a TLC programme on https://variety.com/2015/tv/news/tlc-my-husbands-not-gay-cancellation-protest-glaad-1201393586/

Based on what I have read some of these Mormon not gay husbands may be bisexual and not gay nor straight. GLADD has ignored that possibility by lying to gay men to get them to sign a petition against the TLC programme. GLADD may be practicing Bi Erasure in not accepting that some of these Mormon husbands may love having sex with their wives but want sex with a man too. Sounds like a bisexual to me. GLADD is protesting bisexuality. This is not individual gay men. This is a gay organization denying the possibility of bisexuality in these Mormon men. This is a TV programme spreading misunderstanding about bisexuality. TLC is wrong and so is GLADD based on what I have read.
............................

I think that rule two is being violated. FLAME the issue not the person. Don't assume that you understand another person's beliefs. Don't speak on behalf of them.

Posters who have stated that they have had mmf threesomes with their partner and a woman are not monogamous imo.

All great info but tenni, do you have any heterosexual friends that refer to you as their "gay friend?" That is the topic. How are you personally affected by your heterosexual friends who know that you are bisexual? That is the topic.

[PeninAZ]

Close-mindedness is the enemy, sexuality is kind of a tricky subject, we can't single out groups I feel.

[JaredT77]

Close-mindedness is the enemy, sexuality is kind of a tricky subject, we can't single out groups I feel.

How about on a personal level? Have you ever felt any straight friends might alienate you because of you being bisexual? Do they just classify you as just being gay?

[PeninAZ]

How about on a personal level? Have you ever felt any straight friends might alienate you because of you being bisexual? Do they just classify you as just being gay?

To be honest, I'm not open about my sexuality. I don't just tell anyone "I'm bisexual." Like if I end up with a woman, I'll stick to her I think, likewise with a guy. It's sort of not a shame, but my own. I'm also a little antisocial (mean to fix that this year), so I'm not really skilled on the social world in general, so short answer: Not-Applicable.

[JaredT77]

To be honest, I'm not open about my sexuality. I don't just tell anyone "I'm bisexual." Like if I end up with a woman, I'll stick to her I think, likewise with a guy. It's sort of not a shame, but my own. I'm also a little antisocial (mean to fix that this year), so I'm not really skilled on the social world in general, so short answer: Not-Applicable.

That's understandable. That's your business and it's ultimately up to you if you want to tell anyone about your bisexuality. My firm belief is to be honest with your lover and tell them your sexual history before having sex. It's their right to know because it's their body and health.

[PeninAZ]

That's understandable. That's your business and it's ultimately up to you if you want to tell anyone about your bisexuality. My firm belief is to be honest with your lover and tell them your sexual history before having sex. It's their right to know because it's their body and health.

Oh for true!
Lovers have the right to such information.

[JaredT77]

Oh for true!
Lovers have the right to such information.

Yeah they do. They should know that I have had unprotected sex with men before but I have been tested negative through the Navy. I have had a few guys cum inside my butt before several years ago but I am still negative on any sexually transmitted diseases. I don't plan on ever having bareback sex with a man again. He must use a condom.

[Melody Dean]

I think that's a bit extreme.

First of all, if they're my friends, I doubt I'm going to think of them as my enemy.

I've had some friends who misunderstood, but they eventually get it. In general, most of my friends are pretty open.

Since I like men more than women, I've never been referred to as someone's gay friend, but I would never refer to one of my friends that way either. Heck, there's been more times where I'll be with friends and a woman will catch my eye, and one of my friends will surprise me by agreeing!

I've encountered some prejudice though, but not just from heterosexuals. There are lesbians who have said that they don't want to be some straight woman's experiment. There are some who say that bisexual women, especially young ones, just want the attention. There are guys who think that just because I'm bi, it means I want to have a threesome with them and another woman.

[Melody Dean]

I was very open and out about my bisexuality with friends that I went to school with or served with in the Navy. I have unfriended a lot of them on Facebook because I wonder if I am truly their friend because they never message me unless I message them first. A lot of times they read my messages but never bother to respond back.

Since you've already unfriended me, I'll be blunt: Sometimes your messages can be a bit much. There's often a lot to take in without knowing how to respond.

[JaredT77]

I think that's a bit extreme.

First of all, if they're my friends, I doubt I'm going to think of them as my enemy.

I've had some friends who misunderstood, but they eventually get it. In general, most of my friends are pretty open.

Since I like men more than women, I've never been referred to as someone's gay friend, but I would never refer to one of my friends that way either. Heck, there's been more times where I'll be with friends and a woman will catch my eye, and one of my friends will surprise me by agreeing!

I've encountered some prejudice though, but not just from heterosexuals. There are lesbians who have said that they don't want to be some straight woman's experiment. There are some who say that bisexual women, especially young ones, just want the attention. There are guys who think that just because I'm bi, it means I want to have a threesome with them and another woman.

I do feel that most people accept bisexual women than they accept bisexual men. I have had friends that accepted me as being bisexual but when I get into a open relationship with my fiancee, they think it's wrong because of their own beliefs. I am finally happy but they still see it as cheating and are against it. Makes me wonder if they truly are my friend because I highly doubt it. Do I have the right to be happy in my life?

[JaredT77]

Since you've already unfriended me, I'll be blunt: Sometimes your messages can be a bit much. There's often a lot to take in without knowing how to respond.

This could have been a private message instead but I will respond back as to saying that we were emailing each other using our personal email addresses but then you just quit emailing me. So maybe I take that as you just got tired of chatting with me. So yes, I did unfriend you.

Maybe you see me as extreme, but I don't like sunshine and rainbows. If I am going to Blog or Thread on here, it's got to be something interesting or extreme or what's the point?

[Melody Dean]

This could have been a private message instead but I will respond back as to saying that we were emailing each other using our personal email addresses but then you just quit emailing me. So maybe I take that as you just got tired of chatting with me. So yes, I did unfriend you.

Maybe you see me as extreme, but I don't like sunshine and rainbows. If I am going to Blog or Thread on here, it's got to be something interesting or extreme or what's the point?

I apologize, that should have been a private message.

Extreme for the sake of being extreme just isn't my style.

[JaredT77]

I apologize, that should have been a private message.

Extreme for the sake of being extreme just isn't my style.

I'm sorry too and thank you for sending me the private messages.

[tenni]

All great info but tenni, do you have any heterosexual friends that refer to you as their "gay friend?" That is the topic. How are you personally affected by your heterosexual friends who know that you are bisexual? That is the topic.

Jared
None of my friends hetero, bi or gay call each other or anyone sexuality or other derogatory terms like "gay friend".

As I wrote in post 7, I do not believe in going around broadcasting mine or anyone's
sexuality. I discuss issues of sexuality at times. I will comment usually if a person makes a derogatory name calling etc. I also live in the arts community which stretches local, provincial and national. Some artists in this community deal with sexuality and gender or other socio political issues based on personal experiences. Some of them state that negative name calling has been thrown at them by people outside of the arts community(non friends). Within the arts community there is a very strong core of beliefs that would ostracize anyone who name called such as my "gay friend from heterosexuals about gay people friend or not. If someone made bigoted statements in the arts community they may not get too many exhibitions. The arts community frowns, on homophobic, racist, agist(to a less extent), disables, anti indigenous, etc.

I will admit that one nationally known gay artist did say that he does name call in a joking manner with his friends whether hetoer or other people's minorities. I had never heard such comments from a minority artist before or since. I found it strange as I had heard him say how people threw fag comments at him in pride parades to point out discrimination that he and endured yet he called his female hetero female friend a name calling word. I think that his intent was that people should lighten up if it is said in jest. I think that is a dangerous position. Someone may be offended while someone else might see it as joking.

[JaredT77]

Jared
None of my friends hetero, bi or gay call each other or anyone sexuality or other derogatory terms like "gay friend".

As I wrote in post 7, I do not go around broadcasting my sexuality. I discuss issues of sexuality at times. I will comment usually if a person makes a derogatory name calling etc. I also live in the arts community which stretches local, provincial and national. Some artists in this community deal with sexuality and gender or other socio political issues based on personal experiences. Some of them state that negative name calling has been thrown at them by people outside of the arts community(non friends). Within the arts community there is a very strong core of beliefs that would ostracize anyone who name called such as my "gay friend from heterosexuals about gay people friend or not.

I understand tenni and I respect the arts community. I come from a military background and a lot of men act the macho type and homophobic. They just don't understand the gay or bisexual communities and they can't really tell the difference between the two. They just don't believe a bisexual man can enjoy sex with both genders and just see bisexual men as just being homosexual.

I felt more comfortable telling heterosexual females that I went to school with or served with in the military that I was bisexual but nowadays, I feel that they really do not care about me or my bisexuality. Nor do they care if I'm happy being engaged to a woman who is allowing me to have sex with men. That is the whole point of my topic here. Maybe I should have been more like you and just kept my mouth shut but I felt the need to come out of the bisexual closet.

[tenni]

One more thing that I forgot for you Jared. If you considered this man a friend yourself, I would suggest the following. First tell him that you are not gay and it offends you when he calls you his gay friend. Since he knows that you call yourself bisexual, tell him (again) what bisexuality is. Tell him if he can not accept that, then the friendship is over. Walk away from him if he calls you his gay friend.

I can tell that you are living in a hostile male community. There are other guys who will respect you that may be better friends.

[JaredT77]

One more thing that I forgot for you Jared. If you considered this man a friend yourself, I would suggest the following. First tell him that you are not gay and it offends you when he calls you his gay friend. Since he knows that you call yourself bisexual, tell him (again) what bisexuality is. Tell him if he can not accept that, then the friendship is over. Walk away from him.

Actually it has come from female friends who refer to me as their "gay friend" to their significant other. They call me that because they just trying to avoid the confusion of telling their boyfriend, fiance, or husband that they have a male friend that is bisexual. So I just decide to just walk away from the friendship, like you suggested. This includes deleting their phone number and unfriending them on Facebook.

As far as my best friend, the guy I was talking about, I really don't get a chance to talk to him too often since he's in a different state and is working and providing for his family. I just refer to my bisexuality as "the lifestyle" and really don't talk about it too much since I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable. He was very understanding when my ex-wife found out about the guy I had sex with in a hotel after she had told me she wanted a divorce and she was planning on blackmailing me. My best friend was there for me when I told him that I did not have sex with a woman but it was with a man. He is still on my friends list on Facebook unlike the female friends.

[pole_smoker]

Jared
None of my friends hetero, bi or gay call each other or anyone sexuality or other derogatory terms like "gay friend".

As I wrote in post 7, I do not believe in going around broadcasting mine or anyone's
sexuality. I discuss issues of sexuality at times. I will comment usually if a person makes a derogatory name calling etc. I also live in the arts community which stretches local, provincial and national. Some artists in this community deal with sexuality and gender or other socio political issues based on personal experiences. Some of them state that negative name calling has been thrown at them by people outside of the arts community(non friends). Within the arts community there is a very strong core of beliefs that would ostracize anyone who name called such as my "gay friend from heterosexuals about gay people friend or not. If someone made bigoted statements in the arts community they may not get too many exhibitions. The arts community frowns, on homophobic, racist, agist(to a less extent), disables, anti indigenous, etc.

I will admit that one nationally known gay artist did say that he does name call in a joking manner with his friends whether hetoer or other people's minorities. I had never heard such comments from a minority artist before or since. I found it strange as I had heard him say how people threw fag comments at him in pride parades to point out discrimination that he and endured yet he called his female hetero female friend a name calling word. I think that his intent was that people should lighten up if it is said in jest. I think that is a dangerous position. Someone may be offended while someone else might see it as joking.
Tenni you're also way too politically correct, take offense at everything if it's something you personally don't agree with, and love to troll and argue with people on purpose or goad them into an argument.

If someone's gay it's not derogatory, or bigoted to say how they're gay in a social situation. Don't be so uptight and PC.

I did find an old post of yours where you had lots of people assuming that you were gay, and you refused to say anything about how you're bisexual and not gay.

Jared all you can do is tell them how you're bisexual, and then stop caring what other people say or think about you as you're not going to change them and sometimes it takes time for them to understand that you're bisexual and not gay, or that's been our experience.

[JaredT77]

Jared all you can do is tell them how you're bisexual, and then stop caring what other people say or think about you as you're not going to change them and sometimes it takes time for them to understand that you're bisexual and not gay, or that's been our experience.

Good advice pole_smoker and I just now started doing that. Had to get rid of some "friends" that I personally knew but oh well.

[tenni]

This only works if you are literate as in You can read and comprehend...lol

SUBTLETY #1: NOT GIVING A FUCK DOES NOT MEAN BEING INDIFFERENT; IT MEANS BEING COMFORTABLE WITH BEING DIFFERENT


SUBTLETY #2: TO NOT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ADVERSITY, YOU MUST FIRST GIVE A FUCK ABOUT SOMETHING MORE IMPORTANT THAN ADVERSITY


SUBTLETY #3: WE ALL HAVE A LIMITED NUMBER OF FUCKS TO GIVE; PAY ATTENTION TO WHERE AND WHO YOU GIVE THEM TO


http://markmanson.net/not-giving-a-fuck

[JaredT77]

This only works if you are literate as in You can read and comprehend...lol

SUBTLETY #1: NOT GIVING A FUCK DOES NOT MEAN BEING INDIFFERENT; IT MEANS BEING COMFORTABLE WITH BEING DIFFERENT


SUBTLETY #2: TO NOT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ADVERSITY, YOU MUST FIRST GIVE A FUCK ABOUT SOMETHING MORE IMPORTANT THAN ADVERSITY


SUBTLETY #3: WE ALL HAVE A LIMITED NUMBER OF FUCKS TO GIVE; PAY ATTENTION TO WHERE AND WHO YOU GIVE THEM TO


http://markmanson.net/not-giving-a-fuck

Ok tenni, you are just proving pole_smoker's point and you are taking this topic way too seriously.

[ontarioguy41]

WOW the original poster is an angry man.

[JaredT77]

WOW the original poster is an angry man.

You calling me angry or tenni?

[void()]

Closed minded / stupid / people exist, period and full stop. I tend to avoid and ignore a lot of them simply because I can not be buggered, dealing with their issues.

Apologies for adding a few highlights. What you express here though, is where I am.
You're stupid, or appear to act stupid? ____ Ah, well alright then I'll move along. I'll go in the direction opposite of your course of travel. C'ya! It is bad enough I have adversities of my own to handle, need no one else's.

A bit :offtopic: here maybe but I recently saw a wonderful interview of Morgan Freeman. A white Jewish man interviewed him for the show 60 Minutes. The interviewer posed the question, "how do we stop the problem of racism?"

Morgan Freeman didn't miss a beat, "don't talk about it."

His strategy is simple. If no one talks about racism, it ceases to exist. It stops being a problem. Why should it remain a problem now? Sorry for being a bit obtuse, off thread. Suppose I see the issue of hetrosexuals who hate bisexuals, homosexuals hating bisexuals and so on as akin to racism, it's all just hate, fear. Stop talking about it, it loses power, dies as a problem.

Life is beautiful when we each create our own meaning for it. :)

[void()]

What do you as a bisexual man or woman feel about the heterosexual world and their close minded views of bisexuality?

Honestly, I don't feel anything regarding them. I simply move on. Those who are open minded seem to out number those who are closed minded. No point to kick a dead horse, can go around it.


... Tra la la la ... Oh a dead horse, hm, there we go. Step around to this side, around we go. Tra la la la ...

[void()]

Honestly, I don't feel anything regarding them. I simply move on. Those who are open minded seem to out number those who are closed minded. No point to kick a dead horse, can go around it.

Thought a bit more on this inquiry. The answer I gave suffices, though, it may not resonate clarity. To bring clarity I need to turn the inquiry around.

Why bother feeling anything regarding their poor choice of emotions, they allow domain?

Is it somehow important that I too be afraid?

Why? Who says? Why do they say?

Who benefits from all this manufactured fear?

What is the object of benefit? What is gained?

What is lost?

I could continue a deconstructionalist line of inquiry for infinity, the same as a child. Do not see much need though. Seems to be clear enough to me, thanks.

Aside from turning the iquiry around, I note the thread title implies a false dichotomy. Friends would be the inclusive choice, or the theisis. Enemies would be the exclusive choice, or antithesis.

Something wrong in people being merely people, and people applying a philosophy of live and let live? That may seem to be a synthesis, by rights, it probably is that. Funny how a bit of learning the Hegelian dialectic can teach a person to think a bit more critically for themselves.

So why present such a false dichotomy as the basis of a line of inquiry? Is it an attempt to foist controversy? Could it be a thought experiment?

Maybe I need another beer. Not had a good beer in about five years. Granted, day before I had a gentle splash of rum in an 8oz mug of coffee. Windchill made it feel a few degrees below 0. I had been out for a half hour, figured a literal touch of spirit could warm me up. It did and I had no more spirit/s. I am such an alcoholic. *shaking head* Have maybe an inch of rum left in half a fifth that lasted me nearly two years. *chuckles* I drink so much the fish in my liver swim. *lol*

[jamieknyc]

I can't really speak from personal experience, but most of the bi people I know complain more about gay and lesbian people treating them as the enemy rather than heterosexuals.

[JaredT77]

I can't really speak from personal experience, but most of the bi people I know complain more about gay and lesbian people treating them as the enemy rather than heterosexuals.

I've heard about bisexual people getting hated on by the gay and lesbian communities but honestly I have nothing against them. I have no problem having sex with a gay man and I wouldn't mind being friends with a woman that is a lesbian.

[JaredT77]

Why are you still upset about straight people? How many years has it been now?

I am not upset about straight allies, while it is true that they may not really understand how bisexual people feel it is important to have people in all walks of life that can empathize. The only way things will ever change is through personal relationships - when "those people" get to know an -actual- bisexual person..rather than just a stereotype they see in the media.

You know the more I look at the responses I have to ask, why does it matter? I can't really change how I feel about it, and I can't change anybody else, so why dwell on it?

Who said that I'm upset? Honestly, I'm not trying to start some sexual preferences war. "Straight allies?" Really? That sounds kind of lame.

All I am doing is just getting rid of some negative people out of my life. I still have a best friend that is straight. Him and I both served in the Navy together and he knows that I'm bisexual. I don't consider him one of my "straight allies" but my best friend.

[void()]

Who said that I'm upset? Honestly, I'm not trying to start some sexual preferences war. "Straight allies?" Really? That sounds kind of lame.

All I am doing is just getting rid of some negative people out of my life. I still have a best friend that is straight. Him and I both served in the Navy together and he knows that I'm bisexual. I don't consider him one of my "straight allies" but my best friend.


some negative people

And these negative people have a minus or negation sign branded on them from birth? If so, that is almost as amazing as f**cking pants! I hope someday soon we can find a manufacture who creates a unisex variety of f**cking pants. We could retail them so cheaply, or simply give them away. Then, we step back and watch pure bliss evolope the Earth. Everyone in majestic orgy! They'll be wearing their f**cking pants constantly. Everyone will be f**cked! Oh wait, we already are. *chuckles*

Back to our negative people though. It boggles my mind to realize there exist people who are negatively charged, that are indeed wholly negative. Could it be that you were infering there are people who act in a negative manner? I would think that more aptly a case. I have seen people act in a negative manner. Some learn to act in a positive manner, some do not. I try avoiding folks who act negatively as well. I especially run from people who act as though there is some form of us and them. Look around, there is only just us.

We are one race. We are the human race. As much as we try, we still remain animals of nature, too. We are no better, or worse than a common ape, an ant, a flea, you get the idea. With all our advancements the sun in our sky can at any given moment return us to cosmic dust, maybe even a comet could do it. You know I write the truth there. But still I wonder, why fear? After all the guys looking for the God particle did find it. They proved in finding it we are nought but cosmic accidents of random chance. You smack two particles together, you get more particles. Those new particles are us. Fear because random chance is not controlable?

Suppose I could fear too. No. Sorry, I cannot be afraid like that. I know love. I am love. I exist. No need to fear. And yes, you can say love is nothing more fleeting chemical reactions spurning an idea. Well, that idea while dead continues surviving despite all the hate and fear out there, despite all the random chance, love exists. How about that? Who would have thought something so splenderous would arise from such dredded darkness? But it did. So, I do not fear. I love. You can call that Buddha, God, Divinity, Shiva, Krishna, Jesus, Mohamed, The Light, what you will. I know it as IS. Is, as in being, as in eternal and indefinitive becoming. I'm an existintalist though, I tend to let things be what they will be. It Is What It Is. *chuckles & grins*

Please, knock off the fear. There is plenty of love for all, because all is love. You try so hard to see it and it is unseen, stop trying and just see.

[JaredT77]

And these negative people have a minus or negation sign branded on them from birth? If so, that is almost as amazing as f**cking pants! I hope someday soon we can find a manufacture who creates a unisex variety of f**cking pants. We could retail them so cheaply, or simply give them away. Then, we step back and watch pure bliss evolope the Earth. Everyone in majestic orgy! They'll be wearing their f**cking pants constantly. Everyone will be f**cked! Oh wait, we already are. *chuckles*

Back to our negative people though. It boggles my mind to realize there exist people who are negatively charged, that are indeed wholly negative. Could it be that you were infering there are people who act in a negative manner? I would think that more aptly a case. I have seen people act in a negative manner. Some learn to act in a positive manner, some do not. I try avoiding folks who act negatively as well. I especially run from people who act as though there is some form of us and them. Look around, there is only just us.

We are one race. We are the human race. As much as we try, we still remain animals of nature, too. We are no better, or worse than a common ape, an ant, a flea, you get the idea. With all our advancements the sun in our sky can at any given moment return us to cosmic dust, maybe even a comet could do it. You know I write the truth there. But still I wonder, why fear? After all the guys looking for the God particle did find it. They proved in finding it we are nought but cosmic accidents of random chance. You smack two particles together, you get more particles. Those new particles are us. Fear because random chance is not controlable?

Suppose I could fear too. No. Sorry, I cannot be afraid like that. I know love. I am love. I exist. No need to fear. And yes, you can say love is nothing more fleeting chemical reactions spurning an idea. Well, that idea while dead continues surviving despite all the hate and fear out there, despite all the random chance, love exists. How about that? Who would have thought something so splenderous would arise from such dredded darkness? But it did. So, I do not fear. I love. You can call that Buddha, God, Divinity, Shiva, Krishna, Jesus, Mohamed, The Light, what you will. I know it as IS. Is, as in being, as in eternal and indefinitive becoming. I'm an existintalist though, I tend to let things be what they will be. It Is What It Is. *chuckles & grins*

Please, knock off the fear. There is plenty of love for all, because all is love. You try so hard to see it and it is unseen, stop trying and just see.

void, knock it off with your incoherent ramblings. They make no sense and are not worth reading. Please stop commenting on my Blogs and Threads.

[ontarioguy41]

Did Tenni start the thread?

[JaredT77]

Did Tenni start the thread?

No, this is my Thread. I refer to straight people as heterosexual. tenni refers them as monosexual.

Does anybody read?

[Melody Dean]

And these negative people have a minus or negation sign branded on them from birth? If so, that is almost as amazing as f**cking pants! I hope someday soon we can find a manufacture who creates a unisex variety of f**cking pants. We could retail them so cheaply, or simply give them away. Then, we step back and watch pure bliss evolope the Earth. Everyone in majestic orgy! They'll be wearing their f**cking pants constantly. Everyone will be f**cked! Oh wait, we already are. *chuckles*

Back to our negative people though. It boggles my mind to realize there exist people who are negatively charged, that are indeed wholly negative. Could it be that you were infering there are people who act in a negative manner? I would think that more aptly a case. I have seen people act in a negative manner. Some learn to act in a positive manner, some do not. I try avoiding folks who act negatively as well. I especially run from people who act as though there is some form of us and them. Look around, there is only just us.

We are one race. We are the human race. As much as we try, we still remain animals of nature, too. We are no better, or worse than a common ape, an ant, a flea, you get the idea. With all our advancements the sun in our sky can at any given moment return us to cosmic dust, maybe even a comet could do it. You know I write the truth there. But still I wonder, why fear? After all the guys looking for the God particle did find it. They proved in finding it we are nought but cosmic accidents of random chance. You smack two particles together, you get more particles. Those new particles are us. Fear because random chance is not controlable?

Suppose I could fear too. No. Sorry, I cannot be afraid like that. I know love. I am love. I exist. No need to fear. And yes, you can say love is nothing more fleeting chemical reactions spurning an idea. Well, that idea while dead continues surviving despite all the hate and fear out there, despite all the random chance, love exists. How about that? Who would have thought something so splenderous would arise from such dredded darkness? But it did. So, I do not fear. I love. You can call that Buddha, God, Divinity, Shiva, Krishna, Jesus, Mohamed, The Light, what you will. I know it as IS. Is, as in being, as in eternal and indefinitive becoming. I'm an existintalist though, I tend to let things be what they will be. It Is What It Is. *chuckles & grins*

Please, knock off the fear. There is plenty of love for all, because all is love. You try so hard to see it and it is unseen, stop trying and just see.

void, knock it off with your incoherent ramblings. They make no sense and are not worth reading. Please stop commenting on my Blogs and Threads.

Sure, he rambles a bit, but he actually has a good point here. Love and be loved, don't judge others, and (I'm inferring this one, I apologize if this isn't what you meant) automatically assume people have positive intentions.

I bet f**cking pants have pockets! I'm wearing my f**cking pants today. Now pardon me, I need to make a phone call to get some use out of them... ;)

[Realist]

Void's on a different intellectual plain than some of us.........but among his ramblings, he often makes sense and I know he's got a good heart.

If you read his posts carefully, he will identify some pretty significant issues, that may hit home with each of us.

Like Fran, his writing may seem confused and confusing, but there's usually a gem in there, somewhere!

You just have to look for it.

[tenni]

" I refer to straight people as heterosexual. tenni refers them as monosexual. "

fyi Clarification for heterosexuals and ?
Monosexuals are people who are only attracted to one gender. (Mono means one) Heterosexuals and homosexuals are both monosexuals.

Bisexuals are the people attracted to two genders(bi means two) and are the opposite of monosexuals.

Bisexuals are not gay nor heterosexual. Bisexuals may have "same sex" activity but since they are attracted to more than one gender they do not have "gay" sex. Semantics are important to self esteem and this aspect may be difficult to explain to a heterosexual who says that a bisexual is their "gay friend". Nope.

[AGuyIKnow]

Void() is right though, it would be so much easier if everyone was wearing f**cking pants. It would certainly take the guess work out of people's intentions. You wouldn't need to spend a lot of time on websites looking people. They'd already be wearing their f**cling pants, so you'd already know they're looking and wouldn't have to wonder if you should ask.

I also like the part about giving them away free. It could be that some people didn't even realize that where looking until they put them on.

It's kind of scary, I think I'm starting to understand Void(). :eek:

[Gearbox]

If our thoughts scrolled across our foreheads on an LCD screen 24/7, we would have a far better understanding of each other, and of ourselves too IMO.
As we keep things hidden from view and attention for the vast majority of our lives, our understanding is hampered by guises, lies, ego and fears etc.

We could be dealing with the world of Humans as it really is, instead of how we want it to be. We'd have Human nature bare arsed right there in full view, and culture would have to accommodate instead of the opposite happening (and failing very often).
On a personal level, we'd get categorized fairly quickly and efficiently by others who'd need no other proof than the screen on your head.:tongue:

[JaredT77]

" I refer to straight people as heterosexual. tenni refers them as monosexual. "

fyi Clarification for heterosexuals and ?
Monosexuals are people who are only attracted to one gender. (Mono means one) Heterosexuals and homosexuals are both monosexuals.

Bisexuals are the people attracted to two genders(bi means two) and are the opposite of monosexuals.

Bisexuals are not gay nor heterosexual. Bisexuals may have "same sex" activity but since they are attracted to more than one gender they do not have "gay" sex. Semantics are important to self esteem and this aspect may be difficult to explain to a heterosexual who says that a bisexual is their "gay friend". Nope.

You do make a good point about bisexual people are neither straight or gay, although we do prefer one gender more over the other or like both genders equally. All depending on each individual. I would hope that most people know what "mono" stands for. They way you say this, sounds like you are really biased against anybody that is heterosexual or homosexual.

Also, why does everyone think this is your Thread? I came up with this topic for a more personal level, not a angry or general topic.

[JaredT77]

So ok, void might actually be making sense. Still don't feel like reading his comments. I'm more like ignoring him without actually ignoring him. Bottom line, I just don't feel like reading his comments especially after the crazy rambling comments he has said to me in the past. So tra la la la whatever.

Does anyone else feel like they had to get rid of negative people from their personal lives? Actual friends I'm talking about that you know on a personal level? THAT was the whole point of this Thread. NOT to go bashing "monosexual" people and their views against the bisexual community. When I mean get rid of these negative people, I am talking about that I just don't talk to or associate myself with them anymore. This Thread started off good with people sharing similar stories but then it started getting way too angry and then bashing others.

To answer my own question, "are heterosexual friends the enemy?" No, not really. It all goes back to the individual and their views and beliefs. My fiancee is heterosexual. She is my best friend. In no way would I consider her my enemy unless our relationship or future marriage is over on bad terms like my ex-wife and I. My friend from the Navy is another one of my best friends. He's heterosexual and doesn't believe that I should be having sex with other men if I'm with my fiancee. But I value our friendship because he's been there for me and I for him. My other so called friends that I knew on a personal level, either from school or from the Navy, I could care less about. Seems like they are more entangled in their own lives that they probably could care less that I unfriended them on Facebook. These days, Facebook and Twitter are highly overrated now. Just my opinion.

By the way, to refer to someone as being "monosexual" does sound really biased but I'm leaving out my really personal opinion for political correct reasons.

[tenni]

Nothing against heterosexuals individually nor gays. I've slept with both...lol Some of my best friends are...;). I think that it goes back to Jared's original concern about his hetero friends thinking he was gay and possibly not understanding bisexuality. Setting up a binary that are both monosexuals and ignoring bisexuality. Instead of a bias against another sexuality, I would prefer to see it as standing up for bisexual perspectives. Even amoungts ourselves you read guys calling same sex play as gay sex...feeling more gay. It seems that they are adhering to the mainly monosexual society where you are one or the other...no third sexuality. I just posted a thread on Lumbesexuals. The article discusses masculinity today and not one word about bisexuality...heterosexuals and gays are mentioned. Bi erasure is used to blank out bisexuals. No wonder heterosexuals don' t understand us. We are censored out of contemporary discourse as far as sexuality is concerned in this article.

[JaredT77]

Nothing against heterosexuals individually nor gays. I've slept with both...lol Some of my best friends are...;). I think that it goes back to Jared's original concern about his hetero friends thinking he was gay and possibly not understanding bisexuality. Setting up a binary that are both monosexuals and ignoring bisexuality. Instead of a bias against another sexuality, I would prefer to see it as standing up for bisexual perspectives. Even amoungts ourselves you read guys calling same sex pay as gay sex...feeling more gay. It seems that they are adhering to the mainly monosexual society where you are one or the other.

My "original concern" was the whole point of this Thread. I understand your perspective. I just don't agree with the term of monosexual. I'm pretty sure nobody that is not bisexual would consider themselves as being monosexual, just because they don't have sex with both genders. Every time I type the word "monosexual" I get the red squiggly line underneath it. So is "monosexual" a real word? Or just a word that was made up?

[tenni]

Yes, monosexual is a real word. Have you noticed that when you google some words such as bisexual, you do not get a direct link unless the word bisexual is in the name i.e. bisexual.com. Google censors words that are considered offensive. Bisexual and monosexual are such words. Monosexual is listed with a google search and maybe even bisexual now that there has been public discussion on the censorship of some searches via google. I think that if you asked a heterosexual if they were a monosexual they would give you a puzzled look on their face.

Here is a site where the blogger discusses monosexual privilege.
https://radicalbi.wordpress.com/2011/07/28/the-monosexual-privilege-checklist/

[JaredT77]

Yes, monosexual is a real word. Have you noticed that when you google some words such as bisexual, you do not get a direct link unless the word bisexual is in the name i.e. bisexual.com. Google censors words that are considered offensive. Bisexual and monosexual are such words. Monosexual is listed with a google search and maybe even bisexual now that there has been public discussion on the censorship of some searches via google. I think that if you asked a heterosexual if they were a monosexual they would give you a puzzled look on their face.

Here is a site where the blogger discusses monosexual privilege.
https://radicalbi.wordpress.com/2011/07/28/the-monosexual-privilege-checklist/

Yeah that's probably why I get the red squiggly line underneath monosexual. Like now as I just typed it but it doesn't do it for bisexual, homosexual, or heterosexual.

I'm sure the straight or gay person would definitely look puzzle if referred as being monosexual. Personally, I don't like the term myself. Just seems like a unnecessary word.

[pole_smoker]

Yes, monosexual is a real word. Have you noticed that when you google some words such as bisexual, you do not get a direct link unless the word bisexual is in the name i.e. bisexual.com. Google censors words that are considered offensive. Bisexual and monosexual are such words. Monosexual is listed with a google search and maybe even bisexual now that there has been public discussion on the censorship of some searches via google. I think that if you asked a heterosexual if they were a monosexual they would give you a puzzled look on their face.

Here is a site where the blogger discusses monosexual privilege.
https://radicalbi.wordpress.com/2011/07/28/the-monosexual-privilege-checklist/
That blog, and the book that the so called "author" claimed to write which just contains rantings and ramblings from her blog are not accurate, and the author herself defines herself as a "bidyke" which is not an actual sexual orientation since a woman can't be both lesbian and bisexual.

Her writing is a huge wall of academic TL;DR (too long didn't read) text that nobody outside of academia really cares about. The author is one of those professional victim ultra-PC types that lives on Tumblr and thinks that it's the real world. The list of her complaints about monosexuals do not really apply to bisexuals at all anymore, nor have they for the last 45+ years.

The fact that she uses the silly, and pointless term "cisgender" is just pathetic.

[JaredT77]

And this is my Thread not tenni's. Apparently people think this is tenni's Thread because of maybe the title of the Thread. Or maybe it's because he hijacks people's Threads to talk about "monosexual" people. It's a lame and prejudiced term, by the way.

[darkeyes]

It is an awful term and tenni has known my view on it for quite a while now.. but it is acceptable in this day and age.. and entering more and more dictionaries... but I loathe the term and every time tenni uses it or anyone else does for that matter, I cringe... we all have words that grate on us.. my least fave word is "c**t" whether used to describe a woman's vagina or to describe a person and is a word I have never used in my life... almost anyone who knows me well knows that.. but does it stop them? Remarkably few... it too is in most English dictionaries and I am afraid my cause is lost..

[JaredT77]

It is an awful term and tenni has known my view on it for quite a while now.. but it is acceptable in this day and age.. and entering more and more dictionaries... but I loathe the term and every time tenni uses it or anyone else does for that matter, I cringe... we all have words that grate on us.. my least fave word is "c**t" whether used to describe a woman's vagina or to describe a person and is a word I have never used in my life... almost anyone who knows me well knows that.. but does it stop them? Remarkably few... it too is in most English dictionaries and I am afraid my cause is lost..

Thank you darkeyes. It is a derogatory word as mentioned in Wikipedia. I'm not a big fan of the other word and prefer the word "pussy" instead. Pussy sounds like a beautiful word for a beautiful part of the female body. I had a female friend with benefits that preferred the "c" word over pussy and felt pussy was a ugly word.

Don't worry darkeyes, men act like "c___nts" too.

[darkeyes]

Jared, I dont think tenni means the word "monosexual" in a derogatory way when he uses it.. merely a matter of fact reality of the tenniverse... I serpently dont consider it derogatory and dont think anyone else should either...to me it is simply a word which grates in the Frannieverse. Yet at the same time, it smacks of contempt for those of us who are what he says we are (avoiding using the word again!!!) I don't think he means it contemptuously, but it is often how it comes over to us when he uses it. Nevertheless, I like the man, daft bugger, and often (in my opinion) in error that he is, no one should underestimate his worth... he stands his ground for those of his sexuality, and if mainly he considers men in his posts, that's life and not necessarily a bad thing because it is male bisexuals who garner most shit which is aimed at the queer fan.. far more even than gay males who tenni among others argue are in no small degree the problem and who have not been discriminated against as badly as bisexual men for a considerable number of years and serpently more than gay or bisexual women... and arguably more than is aimed at those in the trans community but I am not sure I agree with that should anyone wish to claim it.... and I would argue that all this has been the case in my lifetime...

So pain in the the bum he may be.. but we can all be that, but he isn't the worst by any means... and very often those considered the gobbiest and biggest pains in the arse are the ones which in the end prove most right and whose view prevails... :tongue: I am not sure I would say that of the views of tenni, but one never knows, hey:cutelaugh? Tenni contributes in what I consider a valuable manner usually... and makes me think... no bad thing.. even when he is wrong which he often is.. but then so are we all...:) Well, maybe not me... so are u all....;):cutelaugh:tongue:

[elian]

Apologies for adding a few highlights. What you express here though, is where I am. It is bad enough I have adversities of my own to handle, need no one else's.

Morgan Freeman didn't miss a beat, "don't talk about it."

His strategy is simple. If no one talks about racism, it ceases to exist. It stops being a problem. Why should it remain a problem now? Sorry for being a bit obtuse, off thread. Suppose I see the issue of hetrosexuals who hate bisexuals, homosexuals hating bisexuals and so on as akin to racism, it's all just hate, fear. Stop talking about it, it loses power, dies as a problem.


Oh I have prejudices, it's just that I actively work inside myself to suppress the ones that I know are based on unfounded, irrational fear..it takes a lot of energy to fight my own self..or stupidity - in order to be courageous. I grew up in a rural area, so whether I like it or not, that stuff was drilled into me at a young age.

I fight like crazy to remember and understand that all people deserve a chance to be happy and loved. I do have standards but I also try to believe that value shouldn't be measured by skin color, gender, how much you make or who you love. I hope beyond hell that there are other people in the world who struggle with the same issues and feel the same way. It's really hard when you have so many assholes around you all secretly seething about race and politics..I can feel their energy - or sometimes I imagine I do - and it drives me crazy. For all I know it is in my imagination, most people care but we all struggle with ego.

As for "f*king pants" I think I remember seeing a pair of those on sale in a magazine one time - if I remember right it was a pair of underwear with four leg holes. (grins)

So Jared, you are unhappy about your best (straight) friend ignoring your bisexuality? You do know that for the most part bisexuals are invisible unless they choose not to be?

One thing I have realized is that when it comes to people, none of us are perfect, we all have flaws, and -you- (or -I-) cannot change the will of anyone else - so you either love people for who they are and you allow them into your life or you don't. If your friend happens to see you -being bisexual- then I guess he can either accept it, ignore it and focus on the other parts of your relationship or decide to end the relationship.

If he truly is your best friend, hopefully he will understand and appreciate you anyway.

Unrequited love sucks, I hated falling in love with my straight friends. About half of the people I love either can't or don't love me back in the way I am attracted to them.

A "friend" is not my enemy, that is why I specifically called out straight allies before because in my mind it doesn't make sense to call your friend an enemy.

I like this segment on dealing with "Homophobia" - sorry bisexuality isn't mentioned very much unfortunately..but I sort of view the principle as the same. The only thing with bisexuality is that some folks also would like polygamous relationships as well.

http://youtu.be/VIAEr9LsLAg?t=1m24s

..and I like the point Void tries to make - to me the ultimate goal of acceptance of same sex relationships is that the acceptance level is so high in most cases that it becomes a non-issue.

The movie in that clip was produced in 2007, we have come a long way in just a few short years - churches are now starting to understand that it is hurtful to turn people away from the community for something that is an innate part of their being. All of these minority issues are connected. Where the church changes, hopefully "social norms" will follow.

[JaredT77]

Oh I have prejudices, it's just that I actively work inside myself to suppress the ones that I know are based on unfounded, irrational fear..it takes a lot of energy to fight my own self..or stupidity - in order to be courageous. I grew up in a rural area, so whether I like it or not, that stuff was drilled into me at a young age.

I fight like crazy to remember and understand that all people deserve a chance to be happy and loved. I do have standards but I also try to believe that value shouldn't be measured by skin color, gender, how much you make or who you love. I hope beyond hell that there are other people in the world who struggle with the same issues and feel the same way. It's really hard when you have so many assholes around you all secretly seething about race and politics..I can feel their energy - or sometimes I imagine I do - and it drives me crazy. For all I know it is in my imagination, most people care but we all struggle with ego.

As for "f*king pants" I think I remember seeing a pair of those on sale in a magazine one time - if I remember right it was a pair of underwear with four leg holes. (grins)

So Jared, you are unhappy about your best (straight) friend ignoring your bisexuality? You do know that for the most part bisexuals are invisible unless they choose not to be?

One thing I have realized is that when it comes to people, none of us are perfect, we all have flaws, and -you- (or -I-) cannot change the will of anyone else - so you either love people for who they are and you allow them into your life or you don't. If your friend happens to see you -being bisexual- then I guess he can either accept it, ignore it and focus on the other parts of your relationship or decide to end the relationship.

If he truly is your best friend, hopefully he will understand and appreciate you anyway.

Unrequited love sucks, I hated falling in love with my straight friends. About half of the people I love either can't or don't love me back in the way I am attracted to them.

A "friend" is not my enemy, that is why I specifically called out straight allies before because in my mind it doesn't make sense to call your friend an enemy.

I like this segment on dealing with "Homophobia" - sorry bisexuality isn't mentioned very much unfortunately..but I sort of view the principle as the same. The only thing with bisexuality is that some folks also would like polygamous relationships as well.

http://youtu.be/VIAEr9LsLAg?t=1m24s

..and I like the point Void tries to make - to me the ultimate goal of acceptance of same sex relationships is that the acceptance level is so high in most cases that it becomes a non-issue.

The movie in that clip was produced in 2007, we have come a long way in just a few short years - churches are now starting to understand that it is hurtful to turn people away from the community for something that is an innate part of their being. All of these minority issues are connected. Where the church changes, hopefully "social norms" will follow.

Umm thanks but no I WAS NOT asking for advice. Just if people could share their similiar experiences. My best friend is my good dearest friend who does accept me for who I am even if he doesn't agree with it. I was referring to my so-called friends that I knew from high school or served with in the military. I just quit being their friend because they're not much of a friend.

[tenni]

Jared, I dont think tenni means the word "monosexual" in a derogatory way when he uses it.. merely a matter of fact reality of the tenniverse... I serpently dont consider it derogatory and dont think anyone else should either...to me it is simply a word which grates in the Frannieverse. Yet at the same time, it smacks of contempt for those of us who are what he says we are (avoiding using the word again!!!) I don't think he means it contemptuously, but it is often how it comes over to us when he uses it. Nevertheless, I like the man, daft bugger, and often (in my opinion) in error that he is, no one should underestimate his worth... he stands his ground for those of his sexuality, and if mainly he considers men in his posts, that's life and not necessarily a bad thing because it is male bisexuals who garner most shit which is aimed at the queer fan.. far more even than gay males who tenni among others argue are in no small degree the problem and who have not been discriminated against as badly as bisexual men for a considerable number of years and serpently more than gay or bisexual women... and arguably more than is aimed at those in the trans community but I am not sure I agree with that should anyone wish to claim it.... and I would argue that all this has been the case in my lifetime...

So pain in the the bum he may be.. but we can all be that, but he isn't the worst by any means... and very often those considered the gobbiest and biggest pains in the arse are the ones which in the end prove most right and whose view prevails... :tongue: I am not sure I would say that of the views of tenni, but one never knows, hey:cutelaugh? Tenni contributes in what I consider a valuable manner usually... and makes me think... no bad thing.. even when he is wrong which he often is.. but then so are we all...:) Well, maybe not me... so are u all....;):cutelaugh:tongue:

You are quite correct darkeyes. The word “monosexual” is not derogatory any more than the word “bisexual” is derogatory. They are antonyms. It is simply a fact but it also may be unfamiliar to heterosexuals in particular who are un accustomed to rethinking their sexuality.

It is certainly a word that is and should be used by bisexuals to get monosexuals both heterosexual and homosexual to re think sexuality. It may be seen a s pro bisexuality. Looking at sexuality as either bisexual or monosexual requires a refocusing for monosexuals who have seen their opposite as gay or heterosexual rather than bisexual. They have both ignored the existence of their opposite bisexuals.

Bisexuals activists should try to get first bisexuals to shed their monosexual upbringing. If heterosexual monosexuals are offended by this word, we need to ask them why? This takes us to the heart of this thread. If heterosexual monosexuals do not use the more appropriate word for bisexuals and continue to use the binary gay/ straight rather than the more pro bisexual terms monosexuals/bisexuals, we have a lot of work to do for our equality in society.

Perhaps heterosexuals see monosexual as derogatory because heterosexual monosexuals have not had to alter their belief structure. We are not the third sexuality as much as the opposite of both monosexual groups. This may require a shift in thinking for many bisexuals as well. We are constantly exposed to monosexual belief structures...gay and heterosexuals.

[JaredT77]

You are quite correct darkeyes. The word “monosexual” is not derogatory any more than the word “bisexual”. They are antonyms. It is simply a fact but it also may be unfamiliar to heterosexuals in particular who are un accustomed to rethink their sexuality.

It is certainly a word that is and should be used by bisexuals to get monosexuals both heterosexual and homosexual to re think sexuality. It may be seen a s pro bisexuality. Looking at sexuality as either bisexual or monosexual requires a refocusing for monosexuals who have seen their opposite as gay or heterosexual rather than bisexual. They have both ignored the existence of their opposite bisexuality.

Bisexuals activists should try to get first bisexuals to shed their monosexual upbringing. If heterosexual monosexuals are offended by this word, we need to ask them why?

Perhaps it is because heterosexual monosexuals have not had to alter their belief structure. We are not the third sexuality as much as the opposite of both monosexual groups.

That is a matter of opinion tenni. Basically I don't like the term and I'm sure others don't like the term. To me, the word does not exist and you're just placing a label on all others that are not bisexual. Now please stop hijacking my Thread with your monosexual anti-views.

[tenni]

I have not hijacked your thread but you do not seem to be able to connect the thought dots. I suspect that you are not really ready to explore these thoughts and may not be for a long time if ever. Yet, you ask a question about heterosexuals as enemies.

[JaredT77]

I have not hijacked your thread but you do not seem to be able to connect the thought dots. I suspect that you are not really ready to explore these thoughts and may not be for a long time if ever. Yet, you ask a question about heterosexuals as enemies.

I am asking you to quit trolling on my Threads tenni. I'm sick and fucking tired of your "monosexual" views. You are a waste of my time. I remember months ago when I was talking about cheating husbands and even back then you were talking about monosexual women not wanting to be polyamorous. Quit wasting my time old man! I told you how I felt yet you persist on trolling. Please go fuck yourself you monosexual piece of shit.

And anybody else that wants to chime in their opinion. Don't.

[darkeyes]

You are quite correct darkeyes. The word “monosexual” is not derogatory any more than the word “bisexual” is derogatory. They are antonyms. It is simply a fact but it also may be unfamiliar to heterosexuals in particular who are un accustomed to rethinking their sexuality.

It is certainly a word that is and should be used by bisexuals to get monosexuals both heterosexual and homosexual to re think sexuality. It may be seen a s pro bisexuality. Looking at sexuality as either bisexual or monosexual requires a refocusing for monosexuals who have seen their opposite as gay or heterosexual rather than bisexual. They have both ignored the existence of their opposite bisexuals.

Bisexuals activists should try to get first bisexuals to shed their monosexual upbringing. If heterosexual monosexuals are offended by this word, we need to ask them why? This takes us to the heart of this thread. If heterosexual monosexuals do not use the more appropriate word for bisexuals and continue to use the binary gay/ straight rather than the more pro bisexual terms monosexuals/bisexuals, we have a lot of work to do for our equality in society.

Perhaps heterosexuals see monosexual as derogatory because heterosexual monosexuals have not had to alter their belief structure. We are not the third sexuality as much as the opposite of both monosexual groups. This may require a shift in thinking for many bisexuals as well. We are constantly exposed to monosexual belief structures...gay and heterosexuals.
Of course bisexuals who have not yet done so should shed that part of their upbringing which has constrained who and what they are and given them a guilt complex and made to feel shame.. they should be made to feel more free and as with any other human being irrespective of their sexuality be allowed to love or simply have sex or not with whomsoever they please... I am not sure this exactly matches what u say about losing their monosexual upbringing, but it is how I see it... I think in principle we agree.

..and just as u accuse we who are gay or str8 of bisexual erasure, would u do me a favour and accept for once in ur life that not all of us ignore the existence of bisexuals or deny that bisexuality exists... u make far too general a point.

Sometimes people who are gay or str8 take offence at the use of the word "monosexual" because u and others sometimes use it in a manner that can be taken as offensive, dismissive or contemptuous... tho I do not believe u mean it in this manner some bisexual people do... and so we end up with strife.. there are ways of using words that do not cause offence... it only requires a little more sensitivity, thought and care. I know it is not unknown for me to be thoughtless, but I do try... and I do think u should try harder!

..and finally if I may take a different view from u when u claim that Bisexuals are the opposite of heterosexuals or homosexuals.. it is a view.. but not one I share.. more I think that bisexuals are an amalgam of both gay and str8 to a greater or lesser degree.. I am not sure this allows u to claim opposite although I do accept that u do not care to be considered part gay/ part str8... we differ in our view.. once again.. that's life, hey?:love87:

[tenni]

aGood points dark eyes.

Just a bit of fine tuning .Bisexuals are the opposite of both heterosexual and homosexual...not or. The binary for bisexuals to take is that monosexuals compared to bisexuals. It might be worth exploring this comparison for bisexuals to separate their thinking and help monosexuals to see that we are not them. A heterosexual who refuses to accept that bisexuals are not gay..not the opposite of heterosexuality might be a huge step forward for them..and bisexuals who get called "my gay friend".

To perceive bisexuality as an amalgam of two monosexualities is better than denying bisexuality and stating that bisexuals are really gay.( i.e. if a man sucks dick he is really gay and pretending to be heterosexual..etc.) It is better than rejecting bisexuality out right. Bisexuals as an amalgam/ hybred of hetero and gay is a concept still based on not identifying bisexuals as different from both.

Amalgams still uses the Kinsey scale of being more or less heterosexual. It still may leave room for a monosexual to tell us to pick one monosexual side and we will be happy. I see the Kinsey scale now as something created by a monosexual to rationalize bisexuals with comparisons that Kinsey could identify. Kinsey and society still places heterosexuals as the dominant ideal to compare ourselves to. I don't think that this improves the image of bisexuality for bisexuals nor monosexuals to accept us as not some blend of them. (therefore pick one)

Humans tend to take binary positions to simplify life. Heterosexuals have a binary of straight (like them) or opposite gay monosexual. Humans tend to not like the grey areas which is bisexuality if you take a monosexual binary. Self esteem of bisexuals might improve vastly to see that bisexuals are not an amalgam. It is a shift in a different direction for bisexuals to take. Out of such a shift in the binary choice (bisexual or monosexual) new perspectives may grow...just a thought.

As far as bi erasure is concerned, my understanding is that it comes from systemic institutions and not individuals. Bisexuality is erased as a factor by the media and supports the monosexual binary of choices. Certainly not all monosexual individuals ignore the existence of bisexuality. Bisexuality is not important to monosexuals and they chose the binary of choices as gay or straight to simplify things...like the hetero monosexual who calls his bisexual friend a gay friend. The hetero can only pick from his two choices..like me or a guy who sucks dick gay. His mind doesn't want to consider a different shift in thinking to a person who is attracted to both genders or a person who is attracted to one gender only.

Not even all media, historical etc. institutions ignore bisexuality but many many do or have. Possibly, many bisexual individuals do not challenge Bi Erasure /Bi Invisibility because we are using the wrong binary... a monosexual binary of choices?

[pole_smoker]

Possibly, many bisexual individuals do not challenge Bi Erasure /Bi Invisibility because we are using the wrong binary... a monosexual binary of choices?

What's your point tenni? This thread is not about "monosexuals", and you are deeply closeted about being gay or bi, and do not challenge bi erasure or biphobia in your personal life. Posting about "monosexuals" and how they're to blame for biphobia/bi-erasure, etc. on the internet ad nauseam with melty trolling rants mostly everyone else ignores does not count.

[elian]

I guess most people in high school knew I was "different" but I didn't advertise my sexuality any more than any other teen. I have made a few life long friends who accept me for who I am, even though they are straight. Best friend put it this way, "If another man asked me out, I might be flattered, but I'm straight - I would still consider him like a very ugly girl." When I went back for my 10 year reunion there was -still- a table full of folks that just wouldn't talk to me. At this point I am enough of an adult to figure that I am moving on from the past and if they don't want to talk, that is their problem, not mine.

There were also a handful of kids who got a big kick of of bullying me, but what I found out later after graduating is that these were the kids who got beat every night when they got home, or their parents drank heavily, or they were putting up with some other sort of heavy-duty problems. Apparently bullying other people was the only way they felt like they had control over anything else in their lives that young.

Also found out later after I graduated a few of the folks from my class who turned out "gay", but of course that never bothered me, because I remember growing up questioning my own self.

I also remember holding hands with two boys under the table in school but it wasn't a sexual thing - just sort of happy to know someone else cared. One of them turned out to be gay, the other one was a good friend who was killed in a target shooting accident a year or two later.


Umm thanks but no I WAS NOT asking for advice. Just if people could share their similiar experiences. My best friend is my good dearest friend who does accept me for who I am even if he doesn't agree with it. I was referring to my so-called friends that I knew from high school or served with in the military. I just quit being their friend because they're not much of a friend.

[JaredT77]

What's your point tenni? This thread is not about "monosexuals", and you are deeply closeted about being gay or bi, and do not challenge bi erasure or biphobia in your personal life. Posting about "monosexuals" and how they're to blame for biphobia/bi-erasure, etc. on the internet ad [/COLOR]nauseam with melty trolling rants mostly everyone else ignores does not count.

Thank you pole_smoker. tenni isn't getting the point or making one either. Thank you for explaining to the closeted monosexual troll that has hijacked my Thread with his pointless point of view.

[JaredT77]

I guess most people in high school knew I was "different" but I didn't advertise my sexuality any more than any other teen. I have made a few life long friends who accept me for who I am, even though they are straight. Best friend put it this way, "If another man asked me out, I might be flattered, but I'm straight - I would still consider him like a very ugly girl." When I went back for my 10 year reunion there was -still- a table full of folks that just wouldn't talk to me. At this point I am enough of an adult to figure that I am moving on from the past and if they don't want to talk, that is their problem, not mine.

There were also a handful of kids who got a big kick of of bullying me, but what I found out later after graduating is that these were the kids who got beat every night when they got home, or their parents drank heavily, or they were putting up with some other sort of heavy-duty problems. Apparently bullying other people was the only way they felt like they had control over anything else in their lives that young.

Also found out later after I graduated a few of the folks from my class who turned out "gay", but of course that never bothered me, because I remember growing up questioning my own self.

I also remember holding hands with two boys under the table in school but it wasn't a sexual thing - just sort of happy to know someone else cared. One of them turned out to be gay, the other one was a good friend who was killed in a target shooting accident a year or two later.

Thank you for sharing and I'm sorry to hear about your friend from back in school.

[JaredT77]

aGood points dark eyes.

Just a bit of fine tuning .Bisexuals are the opposite of both heterosexual and homosexual...not or. The binary for bisexuals to take is that monosexuals compared to bisexuals. It might be worth exploring this comparison for bisexuals to separate their thinking and help monosexuals to see that we are not them. A heterosexual who refuses to accept that bisexuals are not gay..not the opposite of heterosexuality might be a huge step forward for them..and bisexuals who get called "my gay friend".

To perceive bisexuality as an amalgam of two monosexualities is better than denying bisexuality and stating that bisexuals are really gay.( i.e. if a man sucks dick he is really gay and pretending to be heterosexual..etc.) It is better than rejecting bisexuality out right. Bisexuals as an amalgam/ hybred of hetero and gay is a concept still based on not identifying bisexuals as different from both.

Amalgams still uses the Kinsey scale of being more or less heterosexual. It still may leave room for a monosexual to tell us to pick one monosexual side and we will be happy. I see the Kinsey scale now as something created by a monosexual to rationalize bisexuals with comparisons that Kinsey could identify. Kinsey and society still places heterosexuals as the dominant ideal to compare ourselves to. I don't think that this improves the image of bisexuality for bisexuals nor monosexuals to accept us as not some blend of them. (therefore pick one)

Humans tend to take binary positions to simplify life. Heterosexuals have a binary of straight (like them) or opposite gay monosexual. Humans tend to not like the grey areas which is bisexuality if you take a monosexual binary. Self esteem of bisexuals might improve vastly to see that bisexuals are not an amalgam. It is a shift in a different direction for bisexuals to take. Out of such a shift in the binary choice (bisexual or monosexual) new perspectives may grow...just a thought.

As far as bi erasure is concerned, my understanding is that it comes from systemic institutions and not individuals. Bisexuality is erased as a factor by the media and supports the monosexual binary of choices. Certainly not all monosexual individuals ignore the existence of bisexuality. Bisexuality is not important to monosexuals and they chose the binary of choices as gay or straight to simplify things...like the hetero monosexual who calls his bisexual friend a gay friend. The hetero can only pick from his two choices..like me or a guy who sucks dick gay. His mind doesn't want to consider a different shift in thinking to a person who is attracted to both genders or a person who is attracted to one gender only.

Not even all media, historical etc. institutions ignore bisexuality but many many do or have. Possibly, many bisexual individuals do not challenge Bi Erasure /Bi Invisibility because we are using the wrong binary... a monosexual binary of choices?

THIS. IS. NOT. A. LECTURE. ON. YOUR. MONOSEXUAL. VIEWS.

IF. YOU. DON'T. HAVE. ANYTHING. PERSONAL. TO. SHARE. THEN. FUCK. OFF!!!

[elian]

Thank you for sharing and I'm sorry to hear about your friend from back in school.

Well, when I think back on it now, I am not sorry I held his hand anyway - people are people. You never quite know how life will turn out..

Thanks

[Melody Dean]

THIS. IS. NOT. A. LECTURE. ON. YOUR. MONOSEXUAL. VIEWS.

IF. YOU. DON'T. HAVE. ANYTHING. PERSONAL. TO. SHARE. THEN. FUCK. OFF!!!

That's a little mean.

[JaredT77]

That's a little mean.

It may be but tenni and I have done this song and dance before and he needs to change the record. Same old shit from him.

[cuttin2dachase]

I keep my bi side a closely guarded secret from my family and str8 friends. I keep my bi friends completely separate from and unknown to my family and str8 friends. None of the str8 people in my life would ever treat me the same, much less accept me as bi if I came out to them. My heterosexual family and friends definitely are not my enemies. I want and need them in my life because I love them and will not risk jeopardizing my relationships with them. Plus, having a double life I share only with my bi, bi-friendly, gay and lesbian friends and acquaintances is very naughty, erotic and exciting !

[void()]

It's kind of scary, I think I'm starting to understand Void(). :eek:


"I am your father, Luke. Do not deny what you know to be true. Now, join me on the dark side and we shall rule forever!"

Hehehe. Apologies, I could not resist temptation for corniness. In earnest though, you ought to be very scared if you're starting to comprehend my madness. You too will soon meet those in white smocks who bring you the Skittles. ;) See? Insanity is contagious.

MuhahahahaHahamuhmuh!!

[void()]

As for "f*king pants" I think I remember seeing a pair of those on sale in a magazine one time - if I remember right it was a pair of underwear with four leg holes. (grins)

* Goes to Magazines.com to poke around and locate said magazine, must find said advert * Oh oh oh must has my precious! F**cking pants here I cum, erm come!


..and I like the point Void tries to make - to me the ultimate goal of acceptance of same sex relationships is that the acceptance level is so high in most cases that it becomes a non-issue.

Bingo! Glad someone comprehends this point, two folks, you and another here. Yep, I must be going *gasp* sane. Damn. *sighs and storms out of the room wearing his 'kick em in the shins' boots*

[void()]

So tra la la la whatever.

* reaches from behind, raises your right arm, places your left hand on your left hip, tilts you gently to and fro from port to starboard as you say the above * "Tra la la la la indeed, easy there sailor wouldn't want to break it." *chuckles as he fades away*

[jackofbothtrades]

To be honest, I'm not open about my sexuality. I don't just tell anyone "I'm bisexual." Like if I end up with a woman, I'll stick to her I think, likewise with a guy. It's sort of not a shame, but my own. I'm also a little antisocial (mean to fix that this year), so I'm not really skilled on the social world in general, so short answer: Not-Applicable.

Agree 100%. I do exactly the same. I don't see any reason to share my sexual leanings with people who wouldn't understand it.

[jackofbothtrades]

What do you as a bisexual man or woman feel about the heterosexual world and their close minded views of bisexuality? Not all of them are close minded.

A while ago, when I was strictly straight (and politically conservative), I thought the whole concept of bisexuality was a fraud. I used to quote a comedian who once said, There is no bisexual. You either suck dick or or you do not suck dick." (It's embarassing to me now that I thought that).

I assume many, if not most, heterosexuals still think that same way I used to think. Wonder if there have been opinion polls on this subject, they might shed some light.

[JaredT77]

What do you as a bisexual man or woman feel about the heterosexual world and their close minded views of bisexuality? Not all of them are close minded.

A while ago, when I was strictly straight (and politically conservative), I thought the whole concept of bisexuality was a fraud. I used to quote a comedian who once said, There is no bisexual. You either suck dick or or you do not suck dick." (It's embarassing to me now that I thought that).

I assume many, if not most, heterosexuals still think that same way I used to think. Wonder if there have been opinion polls on this subject, they might shed some light.

Yeah my best friend thought the same as most heterosexuals might think, that if a man enjoys sucking dick, then he's not bisexual but just gay. A few years later, I told him that I'm bisexual and he accepts me for who I am. We're still best friends.

[JaredT77]

* reaches from behind, raises your right arm, places your left hand on your left hip, tilts you gently to and fro from port to starboard as you say the above * "Tra la la la la indeed, easy there sailor wouldn't want to break it." *chuckles as he fades away*

Lol! You're a funny disturbed guy, void(). Or a disturbed funny guy. Whichever.

[mas8092]

I told my longest and best friend, 43 years now, that I have been having sexual contact with men. He was totally fine with it. He even admitted to me that he had a guy blow him in college. So, perhaps it comes down to who you trust? Your real friends should continue to be your friends. Is it something you should shout from the nearest mountaintop? Probably not. But your most trusted ones should not have an issue. If they do, they are not worthy of being your most trusted.

[JaredT77]

I told my longest and best friend, 43 years now, that I have been having sexual contact with men. He was totally fine with it. He even admitted to me that he had a guy blow him in college. So, perhaps it comes down to who you trust? Your real friends should continue to be your friends. Is it something you should shout from the nearest mountaintop? Probably not. But your most trusted ones should not have an issue. If they do, they are not worthy of being your most trusted.

Damn good points!

[JaredT77]

It really makes me feel good that other people share their stories similar to mine. I really wasn't asking for someone's "educated" views on "monosexuals." I am looking for more down-to-earth people and their personal stories to share. Please, for anyone that wants to share, please share. And for void (), please share more of your thoughts too. Lol! You're actually a funny guy and yes I understand your hidden message.