Married couples question

[sisboy]

Who in your marriage/relationship wanted to start the bi thing?Are you still together?Did it stop at bi?

[stonebow]

Not sure what you mean by "start the bi thing" but I was up front about my sexuality with my lady from the first few dates....as soon as she disclosed that her last long term relationship had been with a woman. From there it was a sort of mutual exploration....a figuring out what each other's interests/limits were. In the process we discovered we had each had our share of adventures and embarked on some new ones.

[void()]

"Who in your marriage/relationship wanted to start the bi thing?"

Agree "start the bi thing" really seems to be off putting. I too was direct and honest in regards to sexuality with my wife when we started getting involved seriously. Asked her about a year into our marriage if she would consider us being open. She said she would think about. I waited the five years it took her to think about it, glad she chose us being open.

"Are you still together?"

Nearly fifteen years later, married and near seventeen having known one another, yes we are.

"Did it stop at bi?"

Not sure exactly what you mean with this question. Did what sop at bi? Do not say 'it' again to explain, as should be clear, your first 'it' doesn't clearly express what you're asking. Did what stop?

[elmwood7]

I told my wife before we were married. I'm bi and she screws whoever she wants. We've been together for 34 yrs. and nothings changed except were older and maybe a little less active.

[Neonaught]

We are both 52 but I didn't tell her I was bi until 12 years ago. To my surprise and delight she had some bi experiences too and deeply enjoyed them. Still together? Hell yeah! We'll have 29 years next month!

[NakedInSeattle]

I told her before we married. She said, "Interesting!"

[fatboytom]

I was bi-curious as a young man; but never acted on it. I never had any experiences while I was married to my first wife. Soon after My current wife and I were married (23 years ago) she told me about having bi-sexual foursome with her late husband and another couple while they were stationed in Washington DC. We became active with a good friend (male) of ours; and even got his wife involved (that was a big mistake as she turned out to be a selfish bitch). But we have ENJOYED a couple evenings with other bi's since then. I recently came out to a couple of our close friends and my sister. They all fully support my sexuality. :)

[cuttin2dachase]

It was definitely my 1st wife who turned me out as bi. She would do bi things with other wives in 4somes, but she was not truly bi because she did it only to arouse the men, then paid no attention to the other wife the rest of the session. It was 2 men and 2 cocks she was after and she always got his and mine. Often the other wife was pissed off at my hotwife's brazen sluttiness. She had fantasies to see me with other men as part of our swinging with couples and men. I resisted at first not out of homophobia, but because it seemed weird to me and I was afraid of being called gay. But the more she talked about it and repeated her graphic fantasies about watching and helping me and other men do each other, the more excited I became about trying it for her. Needless to say I was hooked on mansex from the get-go when I finally tried it. I have her to thank for discovering my bisexuality. 3somes with bi men became our preferred mode of swinging and group sex. It stopped at mm oral sex in 4somes and 3somes, but I did have secret desires to be with men 1 on 1 without her presence. I didn't act on those desires until we split up.

The split-up occurred in 1998, not because of the swinging or my bisexuality, but because she had developed a dependence on alcohol and party drugs (in addition to smoking 2 packs of cigarettes a day). Her habits were ruining us financially. She wanted to party and swing with everyone who had cocaine and she secretly bought it from them or their connections. I begged her to get help, but she refused and was in denial of her substance abuse. She still is, to the point that or daughter won't leave my our grandkids alone with her. I finally gave up, separated her from my paycheck so she couldn't buy her drugs and I gave her an allowance. That was when she left me. Shortly after that I ventured into seeking men couples and other women for sex and I became quite comfortable with 1 on 1 sex with men ( as I still am) :)

[void()]

It was definitely my 1st wife who turned
me out as bi. She would do bi things with other wives in 4somes, but
she was not truly bi because she did it only to arouse the men, then
paid no attention to the other wife the rest of the session. It was 2
men and 2 cocks she was after and she always got his and mine. Often
the other wife was pissed off at my hotwife's brazen sluttiness. She
had fantasies to see me with other men as part of our swinging with
couples and men. I resisted at first not out of homophobia, but
because it seemed weird to me and I was afraid of being called gay. But
the more she talked about it and repeated her graphic fantasies about
watching and helping me and other men do each other, the more excited
I became about trying it for her. Needless to say I was hooked on
mansex from the get-go when I finally tried it. I have her to thank
for discovering my bisexuality. 3somes with bi men became our preferred
mode of swinging and group sex. It stopped at mm oral sex in 4somes
and 3somes, but I did have secret desires to be with men 1 on 1
without her presence. I didn't act on those desires until we split up.

The split-up occurred in 1998, not because of the swinging or my
bisexuality, but because she had developed a dependence on alcohol
and party drugs (in addition to smoking 2 packs of cigarettes a day).
Her habits were ruining us financially. She wanted to party and swing
with everyone who had cocaine and she secretly bought it from them or
their connections. I begged her to get help, but she refused and was in
denial of her substance abuse. She still is, to the point that or
daughter won't leave my our grandkids alone with her. I finally gave up,
separated her from my paycheck so she couldn't buy her drugs and I gave
her an allowance. That was when she left me. Shortly after that I
ventured into seeking men couples and other women for sex and I became
quite comfortable with 1 on 1 sex with men ( as I still am)

Wow. I was unaware you faced such adversities in dealing with a
spouse. Good to hear you're doing better on your own.

[by~his~side]

Cuttin, interesting post.
It's a shame she is destroying her life with such reckless behavior.

You mentioned it was two cocks and two men she was after and she always got yours and his at the expense of the other woman's feelings. While that might have been a win/win for the two of you, it was an inconsiderate guise.

Shame on anyone who disrespects the feelings of their partner for the sake of an orgasm.

Assuming the other couple didn't know beforehand it was going to be reduced to a threesome, I can only imagine the friction between them when they were finally by themselves. What type of man is a husband who would allow his wife to be excluded like that? To feel such anger and embarrassment.

I can't even put my thoughts together.....I'm sad that some people would use other people like that.

[pole_smoker]

It was definitely my 1st wife who turned me out as bi. She would do bi things with other wives in 4somes, but she was not truly bi because she did it only to arouse the men, then paid no attention to the other wife the rest of the session. It was 2 men and 2 cocks she was after and she always got his and mine. Often the other wife was pissed off at my hotwife's brazen sluttiness. She had fantasies to see me with other men as part of our swinging with couples and men. I resisted at first not out of homophobia, but because it seemed weird to me and I was afraid of being called gay. But the more she talked about it and repeated her graphic fantasies about watching and helping me and other men do each other, the more excited I became about trying it for her. Needless to say I was hooked on mansex from the get-go when I finally tried it. I have her to thank for discovering my bisexuality. 3somes with bi men became our preferred mode of swinging and group sex. It stopped at mm oral sex in 4somes and 3somes, but I did have secret desires to be with men 1 on 1 without her presence. I didn't act on those desires until we split up.

The split-up occurred in 1998, not because of the swinging or my bisexuality, but because she had developed a dependence on alcohol and party drugs (in addition to smoking 2 packs of cigarettes a day). Her habits were ruining us financially. She wanted to party and swing with everyone who had cocaine and she secretly bought it from them or their connections. I begged her to get help, but she refused and was in denial of her substance abuse. She still is, to the point that or daughter won't leave my our grandkids alone with her. I finally gave up, separated her from my paycheck so she couldn't buy her drugs and I gave her an allowance. That was when she left me. Shortly after that I ventured into seeking men couples and other women for sex and I became quite comfortable with 1 on 1 sex with men ( as I still am) :)
I'm not surprised you were "married" to a trashy whore like that. :rolleyes:

Yes you are a homophobic person but that's obvious. ;)

But now you're living at your mom's house in her spare bedroom and think nobody knows you're bisexual LMAO. :rolleyes:

[pole_smoker]

Cuttin, interesting post.
It's a shame she is destroying her life with such reckless behavior.

You mentioned it was two cocks and two men she was after and she always got yours and his at the expense of the other woman's feelings. While that might have been a win/win for the two of you, it was an inconsiderate guise.

Shame on anyone who disrespects the feelings of their partner for the sake of an orgasm.

Assuming the other couple didn't know beforehand it was going to be reduced to a threesome, I can only imagine the friction between them when they were finally by themselves. What type of man is a husband who would allow his wife to be excluded like that? To feel such anger and embarrassment.

I can't even put my thoughts together.....I'm sad that some people would use other people like that.
:rolleyes: Why are you sad? You and your husband use other men and couples this way. :smilies15

[strghtshootr]

Who in your marriage/relationship wanted to start the bi thing?Are you still together?Did it stop at bi?

I suspect that the writer is concerned that someone in the partnership may not " stop at bi" but may become gay. That's sort of possible. I mean that person may already be gay and would now feel free to explore that path without looking back. You really might want to consider talking this out. If the desire to invite a third into bed is so great that you want to go off on your own and leave your original partner behind, you will have to deal with that.
On the other hand, if you don't explore it at all, can you ever be truly happy?

Best of luck. We've all had to face that question along the way.

[cuttin2dachase]

Cuttin, interesting post.
It's a shame she is destroying her life with such reckless behavior.

You mentioned it was two cocks and two men she was after and she always got yours and his at the expense of the other woman's feelings. While that might have been a win/win for the two of you, it was an inconsiderate guise.

Shame on anyone who disrespects the feelings of their partner for the sake of an orgasm.

Assuming the other couple didn't know beforehand it was going to be reduced to a threesome, I can only imagine the friction between them when they were finally by themselves. What type of man is a husband who would allow his wife to be excluded like that? To feel such anger and embarrassment.

I can't even put my thoughts together.....I'm sad that some people would use other people like that.

It was not a win-win thing for me. No one was more embarrassed at my ex-wife's behavior than I was. Her behavior was another manifestation of her substance abuse. She was blissfully unaware of how she treated others because of the amount of alcohol and available party drugs she ingested or smoked. I think she loved her booze & drugs as much or more than she loved her family, friends and even wild sex. Those swing dates when this behavior occurred weren't exactly "reduced to a 3some". I didn't abandon the other wife. I showed her plenty of attention socially and sexually. Still my wife's behavior was inexcusable. I apologized afterwards to couples when my wife behaved so selfishly and boorishly. When I became bi, it really was for the best. Our focus and mutual excitement turned to 3somes with men. We enjoyed mfm swinging together so much that we rarely met couples again.

@ void() I appreciate your sympathetic words. My split up from her happened over 17 years ago. I got over it very quickly and moved on, perhaps too quickly because on the rebound, I jumped in head first to a new relationship which a year later became a 2nd marriage that was doomed from the start. That's been over 6 years ago and I'm well over all that too :) I tend to blurt out anecdotal personal things in some of my posts as an expression of my life's experience as it relates to my sexuality. I know that many others have been through the same things or worse and I am not trying to elicit sympathy when I express such things. There have been times I wished I'd never met or married either of my wives. But I dismiss such thoughts re my 1st wife because (a) I would not have my precious daughter and grandkids and (b) I may not have discovered my bisexuality LOL With 2nd wife, not so much ! If I could go back to the day of our 1st date, stand her up and never hear from her again, believe me I would !

[Lorraine Bell]

I'm single so I can't answer this question.

[Christopher South]

Who in your marriage/relationship wanted to start the bi thing?Are you still together?Did it stop at bi?

I'm not sure what the question means, but...

When I came out to being bi to my wife (after she discovered my affair with another guy), she told me that she had been told I was gay right after we met. While I was curious back then, and had difficulty with meeting/dating girls, I had never explored my sexuality. My wife accepts that I'm bi but not that I want to have sex with guys (sort of a "don't ask, don't tell" kind of thing).

[jamieknyc]

I've spoken to Cuttin2 at great length. He's a good guy.

[pole_smoker]

I've spoken to Cuttin2 at great length. He's a good guy.
LMAO!!!!!!! As if anyone's supposed to take a troll like you that pretends to be a "lawyer" and "9/11 survivor" seriously or because you can claim to vouch for some other bottom feeder guy you cam/cyber with. :rolleyes:

You don't even know this guy and you met him in a cyber sex chat room where you hook up with men who you cheat on your "wife" with. :rolleyes:

But, you and Cuttin2 are both bottom feeders, and liars that's for sure. ;) :smilies15

[void()]

@ void() I appreciate your sympathetic words. My split up from her happened over 17 years ago. I got over it very quickly and moved on, perhaps too quickly because on the rebound, I jumped in head first to a new relationship which a year later became a 2nd marriage that was doomed from the start. That's been over 6 years ago and I'm well over all that too :) I tend to blurt out anecdotal personal things in some of my posts as an expression of my life's experience as it relates to my sexuality. I know that many others have been through the same things or worse and I am not trying to elicit sympathy when I express such things. There have been times I wished I'd never met or married either of my wives. But I dismiss such thoughts re my 1st wife because (a) I would not have my precious daughter and grandkids and (b) I may not have discovered my bisexuality LOL With 2nd wife, not so much ! If I could go back to the day of our 1st date, stand her up and never hear from her again, believe me I would !

I can understand this and understand not seeking pity, or sympathy. The candidness you used to relate things caught me a little aback. Always not good hearing the not good. Good hearing the good. It sounds like you have found both. Find life that way myself. All we can do is accept it as it unfolds, do our best. That is existenstential in a way. Relate to that up to a point. Then, also relate to "if you want it changed, change it." The wisdom lies in discerning what is changeable and what is not. Often run into frustration over that.

[itsnormy]

had a long, long talk with future wife, prior to marriage, did my bi thing, she had her boyfriend, marriage lasted 53 years during which time a 30 year m/m relationship ended, with my bf's death, and her ultimate death from lung cancer. Now seems I have become somewhat invisible at my age, since chat is about all the action there is...*S*

[FullSpectrum]

Hey, itsnormy, you just never know. I'm 80 too. Never had sex with another man though for many years I've fantasized about it a lot. Here in the SF Bay Area I'm sure it's a lot easier to find than in Salt Lake City. But I continue to work because I have to, and also I'm married to a terrific woman, though our sex life is over. So we geezers truck on. Who know what's around the corner! In the mean time, you must have some terrific memories. Take care, R

[cheil77]

My wife and I had a bunch of ffm threesomes but when I asked her to bring bi guy into it for me she said no a left me a ,cpl months later

[biguy1940]

I'm not surprised you were "married" to a trashy whore like that. :rolleyes:

Yes you are a homophobic person but that's obvious. ;)

But now you're living at your mom's house in her spare bedroom and think nobody knows you're bisexual LMAO. :rolleyes:

WOW...What a troll

[CurEUs_Male]

As I read this, I get the feeling the OP considers bi an act, not an orientation. I came out to my wife when I realized my orientation was other than straight. We had tried swinging, which I loved and she hated, but through that experience, I found a wide open world of sexuality I had never experienced, considered, or even known about.
So I guess I started the discussion of bisexuality. She has no interest in bisexuality, which is fine. It's my orientation, her's is straight.
Are we together, yes, but the ups and downs of our relationship are due to our abilities (or occasional lack of) communication and decision making as a couple. While we have weathered a storm of infidelity (on her side) we are living a successful Mixed Orientation Marriage (MOM) these days, while I continue to search for the balance that will let me explore my sexuality but will not cause her to loose her own identity.

As for stopping at bi? Our relationship did not start with a sexual act, and will not stop due to the growth of knowledge of one of us having any particular sexual orientation or interest. While we have not ventured into other scenarios at this time, it is a journey to discover ourselves and each other.

[aLABiM75 & StrF51]

My wife suggested it, even though I am the Pansexual one.

[darkeyes]

When Kate 1st came to view a room in my flat, me jaw dropped.. the fiance was in tow but he was not moving in... tho the buggers did spend quite a few nights together which I found disturbing if only cos it wos him sharing her bed and not me.. I 'fessed up str8 off that I wos bi (back then I was tho things were changing) and told a wee porky when I promised there wud b no chasing of her by me, but I had gathered from hints in her body language, Kate was bi too.. ne way 2 cut long story short, the bf was chucked on the scrap heap after a while when Kate stopped running.. lickle (well mayb moren a lickle) plonk, low lights, lickle blowing in ear and nuzzling neck, immense flirties an' mood music all generally help at such times:tongue:.. as well as judging the object of one's heart's desire's own state of randiness in response 2 one's person..

Tho I eventually accepted my lesbianism, attraction to our own gender has never really been a secret apart from those very earliest days when she fibbed and tried to tell me she was nice str8 girl.. when we became lovers, and began sharing the same room in the flat, her insistence on monogamy did cause us some real problems culminanating in a longish separation, a pregnancy, a marriage, a separation (and eventual divorce), a joyous reunion, more bloody monogamy, a civil union (and conversion to marriage) but eventually, a couple of summers ago an opening up of our relationship... all thanx 2 a diseased and dying tree in our garden..

So the bi thing has always been known about; never been a problem, serpently since we started sharing a bed as opposed to just that ole flat and having that fucking wall between us .. and her interest in and occasional need for the species minus mortabilus! Well, whatever makes me darlin' Kate happy and keeps her so is always fine with me.. it is in large part who she is...

[void()]

... more bloody monogamy, a civil union (and conversion to marriage) but eventually, a couple of summers ago an opening up of our relationship... all thanx 2 a diseased and dying tree in our garden...

* sits on a log in the glen reading this, envisions the scene a bit although is highly aware he would never do such a scene justice and figures he assuredly does embellish ... still sits reflecting internally and envisioning a scene such as Fran describes *

Sorry luv. Please don't feel unease. Not 'stalking' you. Believe you, by now would know if I were, even if i were in ghost mode. You hear me jots. *points to his noggin, grins* I am only 'people watching' and am hm, a bit fascinated in such a scene. No, it needs not be the exact one belonging to you and Kate. Your description here is just a reference. I'm happy seeing the scene in my jots, and it's a scene in my jots. I know it probably is not what happened. Not meaning it harshly, but I don't care if I have your accurate version. Mine suits me. *chuckles* I care yes in as much as I shall not profane your exact version. We all have sacred memories and it's enough to know that. :) And yes, you're right, there are a good few I don't share here. Figure you too keep hat on some, you knittery old git. *smirking* S'all n well fore to rain on morrow washin way the creek to the sea and there's me. Boggle, now I got a lolly old tune in the jots.

Luvs the ladies fare
luvs with no care
lives to dare
how does 'e fare
o' death neither 'e nor it aware
dancing neath the hollow's scare
round, round the fertile ground
in strips of moon she was bound
in the air the whisp found
an me to take her no sound

Bah, I hear it from something olden. Or may be just me off the rocker yet again.

* void fading out to his void before someone calls pollywogs to fetch his daft self *

[bi4asplay]

Who in your marriage/relationship wanted to start the bi thing?Are you still together?Did it stop at bi?


My late wife got the whole thing started with me. Until she set it up I had ever had thought abut sex with another man. We had a lot of fun with it for 10 years. With me it is still a bi thing. I have been with just a guy a few times since her passing but it is not as fulfilling as it is with a lady I the mix.

[Sundazzled]

Not sure how to answer except to say that I started exploring the bisexual option some 13 years ago, after my wife's bout with cancer effectively curtailed her interest in sex. It sort of made sense. Sex with another woman would feel too much like cheating. Moreover, the chances of finding a willing female partner at 50 years old seemed pretty remote. Sex with other guys, on the other hand, seemed a lot more practical and acceptable. It wouldn't be cheating, just me and a like-minded friend helping one another accomplish something we all do privately.

After playing in a threesome with a younger couple across town, I confided my interest to my wife, who in one of her more open-minded moments, agreed that it would be reasonable to have my needs met through bisexual relationships, provided I promised to abide by certain conditions: (1) Safe sex only; (2) Absolute discretion is a must; (3) Never force her to meet anyone with whom I've been intimate; (4) Never discuss details of my guy-on-guy encounters (5) Never have sex with a man in our bed.

[Sundazzled]

Totally agree about the importance of having a lady in the mix. I played for a time in an MMF threesome with a younger couple across town. It was very sexually and emotionally fulfilling for all of us. But after about four months, the woman, Colleen, took a job transfer to Michigan . . . or was it Minnesota. In any event, the move culminated in her breaking up with her boyfriend, Bruce.

Yes, I think you could safely say what developed transcended bisexuality. For about six months, Bruce and I continued getting together once or twice a month what we euphemistically called "guy time;" Friday dinner, drinks then to his place on Milwaukee's lower east side for guy-on-guy fun. During that period we explored most of the intimacies possible between two guys, but it just wasn't the same without Colleen watching, directing the action. and assisting as required.

[Fzmr9t]

I can understand this and understand not seeking pity, or sympathy. The candidness you used to relate things caught me a little aback. Always not good hearing the not good. Good hearing the good. It sounds like you have found both. Find life that way myself. All we can do is accept it as it unfolds, do our best. That is existenstential in a way. Relate to that up to a point. Then, also relate to "if you want it changed, change it." The wisdom lies in discerning what is changeable and what is not. Often run into frustration over that.

Sounds like you subscribe to the Serenity Prayer void()
“God grant me the serenity to accept the things, I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference”

[hung4you]

After 30 yrs of blissful marriage, stuck in a sexual rut my wife and I are as close as anyone and very open to each other. however the typical human response to bi sexual sex is almost always denied. A couple years ago sitting around talking and drinking with a friend we got on the issue of sex, being the very conservative women she was intriqued by the topic. She didn't know it at the time but my buddy who lives next door has been my go too buddy for man to man fun, lets just say that she admitted she always thought there was something going on between us. That said I have often thought the same thing about her friend that frequents the house when I am away. But back to the issue, through our discussion we were getting very detailed and daring if you will. when she asked if we had ever had sex with a man, I swallowed hard and said what the hell, my buddy and I admitted our guilt and she became very excited and it was odd how excited she got. she laughed and said how awesome is that? Then I asked about her friend Carol, she turned red and said she was a carpet muncher and loved playing with her. By now our dicks were getting hard when she walked over and grabbed me, undone my pants pulled out my cock and told Steve to suck my cock and he went down and swallowed my cock balls deep, as he worked my cock she asked if we all could play, we both nodded and I told her my life long dream was to see another man fucking her, and she got instanly wet and began digging Steves cock out and with in a half hour all 3 of us were naked and she was having the time of her life. That night she witnessed me sucking cock and I witnessed her getting fucked by another man and it was the most awesome thing I had ever seen. Now since then we have an excellent arrangement and it seems to be working really good. Her friend carol is very exciting and watching her and the wife makes me so hard and the pleasure of knowing that after all these yrs our secret is out and we no longer have to hide it from each other.

[Biappeal]

My wife experimented but I am the one who is bisexual.

[hung4you]

We both kept our Bi secret for many years until one night we both came clean. Best thing we ever did, we are having so much fun now that it truly is liberating. best part is I'm getting a lot of pussy and she enjoys the variety of cock. We joined a bi sexual swinger group and it too has been awesome.

[luvu2see]

I wish I could come clean with my wife she's a little prudish sexually she's a great wife and all other aspects but there's just no kink I try and ask her what her fantasies would be like I just got to figure a way to get her to become completely honest and open about it I fantasize about watching her get slowly penetrated by a big cock. But we live in a small town and I'm afraid it will never happen. I'm afraid that if I come clean with her about what I want I'm afraid she'll run

[LoveMyThongs]

The first time we stripped down and found each other’s thongs and tan lines she asked if I was bi and I said yes. She said she was too and we were on her bed groping but discussing our sexual needs and we decided to have no boundaries but be open and honest. It created an amazing level of trust that is never had before

[MAcpl69]

We have been together for 32 years. I told her I was bi 7 years ago, our sex live has changed for the better. I have got her to try new things and she knows I would love to play with a bi guy but it hasn't happened yet. I keep the conversation on, and she has made comments that make me think our sex life will continue to grow.

[bobsmith]

I opened up through conversation during her giving me a hand job, she could tell I was getting turned on the more she added a guy into the picture. Eventually we had a threesome with a guy, he was unable to penetrate her, he could not perform more than all of use sharing oral duties. no penetrations took place the one and only time we had another guy. 32 years later wee are still married and she accepts and understands that my bi side Neds to be satisfied once in a while so she is fine with that.