Confusion

[Simonjoy9]

So first time I have posted on a site like this, most people would come on here to probably hook up however I'm here just for questioning. I'm a 22 year old male, currently in a long term relationship with a female. I'm finding myself guilty, I have never cheated at all but I'm finding myself responding to my bi urges. She is completely unaware about who I am sexually and at time I am too. I love her and I would do anything for her, but I want a males sexual company as well. How do I contain myself and how do I manage it.

I dont want to broadcast it, as I am still unaware myself. I have experimented before with one guy in a complete purposive-full accident, I enjoyed but felt remorse for my actions.

Help is needed..

[pole_smoker]

Talk to the woman who you are with and tell her you are bisexual.

I am not sure why you are claiming the one time you were with someone of the same sex was an 'accident '? That makes no sense at all.

[tenni]

It is common to experience remorse in the early stages of accepting your bisexuality. Take some time to think through your thoughts before entering in to disclosure with your g/f. Research and reflect on what you really want before having m2m sex again.

This may no longer be a good site to get a lot of advice from. You may want to read posts on shybiguy. Google that site. That site is moderated and this site is not at all anymore.(death of the owner )

[NeilThomas]

You need to speak to your partner first and foremost. Do not live with it or suppress it, you'll forever be unhappy and unsatisfied. You'll resent her and hate yourself.
Speak to her to find out how she feels about being with a bisexual man. Bare in mind at this point, all you'll be doing is making her aware that you like men too. Be sure to remind her that you are faithful and have not and would never cheat on her.
Then you can start to know how she feels. Would she like to experiment with you and try a MMF threesome? The problem you will have is if she wants to end your relationship because you are bisexual. I say a problem, but not really a problem. If she can't accept you for who you are albeit faithful, then she was never right for you. Another upside is that you will be liberated and free to start again. No commitments until you 'find yourself'.

What ever you do, don't supress these feelings. Enjoy yourself and life and cock. Speaking about it and not hiding it will remove the guilt. If she decides she don't want to be with you, any further m2m experiences will be guilt free. If she decides she does wanna stay with you and experiment with other men with you, marry her.

[cuttin2dachase]

There are a couple of differences for me in this regard that are opposite of what you are going though. I never felt any remorse, guilt or shame, but that's because my 1st wife encouraged me to try mm oral sex as part of our swinging activities with other couples and men. I had been completely str8 up until that point, but I felt nothing but excitement and liberation at discovering that I enjoyed closeness and sex with men as another variation to my adventurous sex life with my wife. I explored it further after my wife and I broke up. I was active with men for a couple of years until I remarried. I gave up mm sex and could not come out to my 2nd wife or it would have meant instant divorce. Still I never lost my mm desire and I picked right back up with men when 2nd wife and I split up. At this point in my life, I'd love to have a gf or female significant other for companionship and sex, but I will never ever again give up mm sex or having bfs on the side for a woman. I'll keep looking for an understanding and accepting woman while I continue to have sex with men. If I meet her fine, if I don't, I'll still be having a satisfying sex life with men and couples.

You didn't really say how long term you have been with your gf. I agree that it would be better to come out to your gf now and risk a breakup rather than to deny your bi side in the long term because of one woman who can't or won't support you and accept your sexuality. If you're lucky, she'll understand and even enjoy being shared by you with other men as my 1st wife did.

[tenni]

"I'll keep looking for an understanding and accepting woman while I continue to have sex with men. If I meet her fine, if I don't, I'll still be having a satisfying sex life with men and couples. "

Good for you cutt'n. We rarely discuss the biphobia found in women towards bisexual men. This happens even with bisexual women who are prejudicedly biased against m2m sex. Some bisexual women are accepting while others state that they would not get involved with a bisexual man. It is often hidden as part of monogamy but it really is biphobia.

[itsnormy]

same problem when developing a relationship with the woman I married. We sat and had "confessional," as I knew she was sexually active, since she would bring a 3 month old baby into the marriage....I share my bi feelings with her. and that I had no expectation of stopping visits with a boyfriend. HOWEVER, she was free to have "friends' during the marriage. In otherwords, an open marriage of sorts. I continued my m/m relationship for some 30 years, til he died of alcoholism. She maintained her special ones of her relationships until she was down with cancer, and ultimately died...we were married 53 years. Just saying, IF it is important to you, be open and honest. If she can't handle it, she most likely is not the woman you need to be with...but do not marry and then be caught and destroy her trust.... just sayin'

[elian]

If you genuinely want an experience with a man then as scary and as heartbreaking as it might seem, now while you are relatively young is the time to tell your partner that you have been interested in men as well as women. I know a lot of folks who suppressed those desires until they were much older, had children, etc. and regret not being able to voice their fears and desires. This is the person you are potentially going to rely on, and she in you for maybe a long time..if you can't tell your secret to her, who else can you tell? Assuming she's not very fundamentalist, etc.

[zigzig]

Hello,

I'm bisexual and it did took time for me to fully accept it. In my teens I never understood how people can cheat, be with same sex partners etc., but by the time I got older and started to read about it I accepted it. And I agree with previous posts on this theme that you're still young and it can take time for you to mentally accept it. I wonder about your girlfriend though, because many women don't understand the difference between gay & bisexual men. Its easier for them to accept women liking other women then men having the same feelings. But all I can say you need to be honest with her and see her reaction. If she thinks its wrong then you will never be happy with her. If you wanna marry someone in future and have children it is important to be with a soulmate or partner, who accepts your true nature.

[void()]

... I share my bi feelings with her. and that I had no expectation of stopping visits with a boyfriend. HOWEVER, she was free to have "friends' during the marriage. In other words, an open marriage of sorts. I continued my m/m relationship for some 30 years, til he died of alcoholism. She maintained her special ones of her relationships until she was down with cancer, and ultimately died...we were married 53 years.
...


Please do not be offended or become egotistical. You are my hero. :)

When I finally do the growing up thing, can I be like you? :) * chuckling *

I think elian would come visit with me quite a bit over 30 years. Me & wife just need to do the whole having our own home thing. And recently we have been venturing forth more so into doing that. I'm just getting so fed up missing elian. And suddenly realizing that as a good portion of my frustration at life in general. There are other frustration issues but it is certainly no help to not be allowed, feel safe in, feel comfortable enough to invite him to visit. No, I do not want to invite him to some sterile motel room either, damn it. I love him and think he's of more value than seeming a cheap fling, or second.

Yes, you're still my hero but darn you for putting this bee in my bonnet. *chuckles* Oh well, truth is bittersweet. :)

[void()]

... If you wanna marry someone in future and have children it is important to be with a soulmate or partner, who accepts your true nature.

I can agree with this. In me and wife's case, well, I'm biologically sterile. I'll never father children. That doesn't exclude me from seeing the wisdom in the quoted advice regarding children, marriage. It is sound and very true advice, imho. If someone cannot accept you for you, then ask why you ought to accept them? No, that isn't selfish either. You can just as easily be concerned for them, as in how it will hurt them to not accept you.

[vetter1098]

Been there. Let's talk.

[charles-smythe]

So first time I have posted on a site like this, most people would come on here to probably hook up however I'm here just for questioning. I'm a 22 year old male, currently in a long term relationship with a female. I'm finding myself guilty, I have never cheated at all but I'm finding myself responding to my bi urges. She is completely unaware about who I am sexually and at time I am too. I love her and I would do anything for her, but I want a males sexual company as well. How do I contain myself and how do I manage it.

I dont want to broadcast it, as I am still unaware myself. I have experimented before with one guy in a complete purposive-full accident, I enjoyed but felt remorse for my actions.

Help is needed.. …don’t contain yourself…find an adult bookstore with video booths with glory-holes…when the urge hits you…drop in…suck a dick & go home…no one the wiser……..i was living with a bisexual girl…but she hated bi/gay guys…I’d stop on the way home from work…suck a dick…the go home & give her a big kiss with cum on my breath…lol…

[darkeyes]

…don’t contain yourself…find an adult bookstore with video booths with glory-holes…when the urge hits you…drop in…suck a dick & go home…no one the wiser……..i was living with a bisexual girl…but she hated bi/gay guys…I’d stop on the way home from work…suck a dick…the go home & give her a big kiss with cum on my breath…lol…

Ho hum.. now are u not just the charmer... ur girl may have been intolerant of gay or bi men, but at least she was honest with u, Chuck.. what a right proper Charlie u were and prob still are..:eek2:

[cumlvr]

I was married for twenty years before my wife walked in and caught me with a cock buried up my ass. That's when I found out she was bi with my sister since before we were married.
We have a great sex life together and with other bi couples. I found out my brother in law is also bi. They are coming over to dinner tonight. It should be fun. I always wanted his cock in me/.....

[Christopher South]

Everyone telling you to talk to her is correct. When I came out to my wife (after a M/M affair) a lot of her anger focused on the fact that I never told her I was bisexual. She's not homophobic (actually very liberal) but something this personal and important in a relationship needs to be addressed when you are getting serious, not years after being married.

[charles-smythe]

Ho hum.. now are u not just the charmer... ur girl may have been intolerant of gay or bi men, but at least she was honest with u, Chuck.. what a right proper Charlie u were and prob still are..:eek2: …she fucked around on me behind my back…that was my way of getting even…she was extremely good at sex…EXTREMELY good…so I figured that there was no point in dumping her…the next girl might not have been as good & would have screwed around too…

[darkeyes]

Eeehhh Chuck.. innit odd how the tale is elaborated upon wen ur accused of being the charmer.. maybe she did, maybe not.. forgive me for having me doubts..

[anewlanguage]

Wow. That is absolutely awesome that it worked out like that. Good stuff.

[charles-smythe]

Eeehhh Chuck.. innit odd how the tale is elaborated upon wen ur accused of being the charmer.. maybe she did, maybe not.. forgive me for having me doubts.. …with all the stuff I’ve confessed to over time…why would I lie…she was a topless dancer & had guy plying her with money & coke nightly…she would not have been human had she not gave in…

[charles-smythe]

…with all the stuff I’ve confessed to over time…why would I lie…she was a topless dancer & had guy plying her with money & coke nightly…she would not have been human had she not gave in…
…it was a real education watching new dancers…they came in with all these high ideal about not being like the older dancers… they were going to keep their heads about them…save a bunch of money & move on…the club was primarily white…once the girl danced for a while a black guy would start respectfully tipping her….he’d bid his time until it was right & he’d give her a little bump of coke…then over a period of time he’d give her a little more & a little more until she was hooked…then no more freebies…first thing you know all her money is going up her nose…the one that bothered me the most was sweet little cherubic Ashley…I say cherubic because she was young (!9) & wasn’t fat but still had a little baby fat…I tried to warn her but she was too naïve to listen…once she was hooked she couldn’t keep up with her habit…then she disappeared…about 6 months later I saw a news show of a police sweep on Cedar Springs (that’s where the street walkers were back then)…I saw her on the news being rounded up with all the other whores & carted off to jail…the black guy had put her on the street turning tricks for her drugs…..but it wasn’t all bad news…I saw her a year or so later & she was clean…her parents saw her on the new too & went down, bailed her out of jail…drug her home…almost bodily & got her in rehab & clean……at first I use to try to warn the girls…but they thought I was just trying to get in their knickers so they ignored me…